as long as it lasts

[dark-cities]

do i start drinking at 4pm

[valentina-poem]

[valentina-poem]

[tearsandtheteeth]

[hel7l7]

I don’t want to miss you anymore

[hel7l7]

I’ll act as if it never happened

I’ll pretend that it doesn’t hurt

[c0ffinbunnii]

[fairydrowning]

– Sue Zhao

[TEXT ID: I know what you wanted. You wanted someone to save you. / No, I wanted somebody to love me. / I think it's the same. It's the same. END ID]

[hel7l7]

Some days I’m still afraid too heal

[everybody-wants-me-dead]

[hel7l7]

maybe i’m just afraid to let you go

[ojibwa]

[bpdcrybaby213]

BPD makes me very selfish. I only seem to think about my own needs. If I'm feeling unhappy, bored, discontent, then everyone is gonna know about it. I can't be a quiet borderline. I'm loud and obnoxious. Feelings are too strong and control me. And when I'm triggered, I act out atrociously. I'm never happy. BPD makes me perpetually dissatisfied. I just want to keep buying things to sink more into the endless hole, just to feel micro amounts of joy for short periods of time. And since I don't have much money, I've been a real asshole to be around. If I'm not buying things, eating, or high, I feel dead inside. And I have no idea how to break that. I don't know how to feel happy. I've never truly been happy a day in my life. Why can't I just be happy with what I already have? Why can't I be happy even when life isn't exciting? Why can't I just be happy around my family? I always need more, more, more. And I hate being that way. I am so self centered and I hate it but I can't stop.

[hel7l7]

I keep wondering, keep asking myself what would I do? Would I pick up if you called? 

[hel7l7]

I just want to feel safe

[honeypleasejustkillme]

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]