The Right to Remain
outsider-in-wonderland:
The feeling of a hand catching her wrist startled her. Alice hadn’t expected him to go after her. She hadn’t attempted to leave in a passive-aggressive move to get a reaction. She’d just wanted to go before she said something hurtful.
As he began to speak, he surprised her still, causing her to look over her shoulder. L was being more quiet than usual. Fumbling a bit on his words. That was most telling. L very rarely fumbled for words.
It wasn’t really an apology, but it was a quiet plea to let him explain himself. It was enough.
Slowly, Alice’s expression softened. She was still sore from his remark, but deep down, she knew he hadn’t intended it the way she’d taken it. L couldn’t have known she’d had that thrown back into her face before.
Well, he might have, she supposed, with all his digging into her life. But unless he interviewed all her old classmates and her family themselves, it was unlikely.
She sighed, shaking her head, before turning back towards him. Her wrist was pulled from his grip. However, it was replaced a moment later by her hooking her pinky with his. Alice didn’t want L to think she was so angry she’d withdraw all affection.
“…it’s…not all your fault,” she admitted, sitting back down as he’d asked. “I was already upset. It just…I’m not trying to be annoying, or detrimental to your work. I worry because I care about you. Getting that thrown back in your face and told it’s stupid…hurts.”
As she takes her seat L is left standing for a few moments, unsure whether he belongs on the couch beside her or on the single seat across. Normally he wouldn’t take the chance of sitting next to her after what happened. But L wouldn’t normally go after someone upset with him would he? Slowly he makes his way to sit beside her.
Toes curl against the edge of the couch as his legs press against his chest, hands resting on his knees.
His fears of how she’d taken his response had been proven true.
“I didn’t mean for my words to be taken as such...my intentions were not to make you feel invalidated rather to inform you of the body’s natural reaction to an extreme change.” L’s gaze is cast towards his hand “As a child I was pushed to the very limits of mental and physical capabilities...until I broke them. I don’t eat sweets just because I enjoy them or because they keep my mental capabilities at their peak but because I have to. The lack of sleep is replaced with the sugars from the sweets and is converted into energy that is able to keep me awake. It has been this way since I was a child. My lack of sleep is not a choice it’s a requirement. My blackouts are apart of my daily life just as sleep is yours.”
“Asking me to take it easy would be like me asking you to stop worrying” he says with a gentle nudge against her “I know it’s difficult but this is who I am. Nothing more nothing less. I am sorry for making you feel the way you do and I’m not asking you to stop worrying but I know my habits are much different than anything you’ve ever seen in people but I know my own limitations. Comes with years of experience” he said lightly with a small smile “What I do need your help with is making sure I do not get too far ahead of myself in the investigation. I’m trusting you to keep me grounded”
