My ghostlight, my afterglow

🏳️‍🌈I am just me. I am 38. I am a gothic Welsh girl, who has NF, I am bi, I love to write poetry, music, tv shows, Paul McGann, Supernatural and a few other are my fandom. Also a fan Destiel.

[imeaglejd]

So get this...

"Misha Collins tells a story that when he found out he was to play Castiel possessed by Lucifer, that he had the good fortune of finding Mark Pellegrino (Supernatural’s original Lucifer) and his wife staying in Vancouver. So, he went right to the original Lucifer source for advice on how to play the feisty fallen angel." Misha says that Mark told him he played Lucifer as if he either wanted to have sex with you or kill you. And while Misha’s version of Lucifer was a little goofier than Mark’s original, he totally played that intention.

And now onto how Casifer looks at Dean:

Yeah, he definitely wants to kill fuck him.

[darknesshayz]

His smile brings so much joy to my heart. He has given me so much over the past year, especially as Castiel. Misha is such a great influence on my soul……

[cottoncandyofterror]

Still in love with this story, months after reading it: Ninety One Whiskey by komodobits.

[darknesshayz]

I’m going to settle down and read this at some point, before the year is over.

This piece of artwork is amazing.

[darknesshayz]

I’ve kept most of this private throughout the year, in June I was diagnosed with a rare cancer called Epithelial-Myoepithelial Carcinoma, can’t spell it or pronounce it.

I had surgery and they thought they got it all, and I thought brilliant, now I can make plans, July scans showed it had gone, September scans showed it came back, and had an operation to remove it again.

Now, we are in December and after 10 months of this shit, I’ve got to go for radiotherapy.

This coming week I have 5 appointments in three days. Two scans (CT and MRI at Velindre Hospital in Cardiff), I have a blood test and oncologist appointment (at Velindre hospital) and finally a CT scan Llandough hospital).

They are hoping to start radiotherapy on Boxing Day, am I scared? I’m terrified, but knowing those friends that have my back means a lot to me. I will fight this with tenacity, positivity, and I know I am strong. I am not going to let cancer get to me, it’s just a thing.

Yet, that thing (samples and two large ones removed), is being used around the UK and in Europe, so it’s teaching students all about this rare cancer, it’s providing for the future medicine. I can’t donate organs, I can’t give blood, and this was the next best thing, I just wanted to feel useful, at something in my lifetime, and if I can help the future of medicine even a little contribution, I know means a lot to those hospitals.

[darknesshayz]

I want 2019 me back please.

[darknesshayz]

I’m still gutted we never got a Casifer Funko Pop….

[darknesshayz]

Fuck yeah, I’m at the Casifer episodes again on my SPN rewatch. I love Casifer so so much

[mishacollins]

I took it as a good sign that Mark Sheppard challenged me to a duel on FaceTime last night. Having scared the hell out of all of us by dying and being brought back to life several times, The King is full of life and back to causing trouble. So happy to see you laughing, Mark, and glad to have you back. Stick with us.

[darknesshayz]

I love these two, and also Supernatural because it brings us a family we felt we never needed, but thankful that a show pulled people together. Made such strong bonds. Each makes the world a better place.

I’m glad Mark is doing well now, we can’t lose our favourite King of Hell with Kindness mixed in.

[bungakusyoujo]

Olli Tukiainen and his magic stuff

[darknesshayz]

Oh to see Olli in person do his magic on guitar is such a wonderful sight to behold. I’ve seen him (and Poets) twice and have always been mesmerised by Olli (with Marko’s voice being hypnotic)

[darknesshayz]

I also have to give this beautiful soul a shout out too.

His support and kindness this year alone, has meant an awful lot to me. He too has become my salvation.

[darknesshayz]

This human really has gotten me through a tough fucking year, I don’t think I’d have gotten through it. He became my salvation, my solitude, my comfort and my escape.

@mishacollins really changed my life and I’ll be forever grateful and thankful. One day I’ll thank him in person.

Trigger Warning

No one knows this, but at one point I wanted to die on my terms, I didn’t want cancer to kill me, so I rewatched Supernatural again, and that show and Cas really gave me the comfort I needed, what I was seeking and I just got lost in the show and within the character. Without both, I think I’d have struggled to have survived.

[darknesshayz]

When you’ve had enough of the billshit, and you at the end of the rope……

I have wee bit of a crush on Richard Speight Jr, if I’m being honest.

[darknesshayz]

There is something about Balthazar that I do like, but I dunno what it is. I wish we go to see more of Balthazar and Cas scenes though. Such a shame when Cas killed him in a moment of let’s say insanity.

[darknesshayz]

This character is my life, my soul, my solitude, my vocation, one that saved me so much this year, and kept my insanity intact.

He’s given me so much more than anything else, that’s been possible.

[lizleeships]

I've been upsettingly busy this month, but here's some Soft Boi Doods (NoHomo) I managed to get done.

--->Don't repost, reblogs are fine!

(Buy me a kofi! | Join muh Patreon)

[guardedbylibrarylions]

Merry Destielmas!!

[howlerbat]

you ever listen to a song 47 times in a row and every time you’re like wow what a good song. I’m gonna play it again.

[imactuallyagiraffe]

and everytime it restarts you’re like OMG I LOVE THIS SONG as if you didn’t put it on repeat

[darknesshayz]

I’ve done it with this song….. ends… one more time won’t hurt….. two hours later……. One more won’t hurt….. cycle repeats itself