DarkVibeStudios @darkvibestudios - Tumblr Blog

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rant number 6:12

i feel so odd because why am i feeling bad for feeling bad about you. The man who drank liquor like water and had no problem feeding his demons. I feel like I have no right to feeling this deep sadness. I would feel so angry every time you would speak, so what right. What right do i have to shed tears for you when I "hated" you so much. I wish I didn't have to spend the rest of my life with out you and i guess that's what my soul felt before you ended up in that bed. That little girl who looked up to you still felt that sadness of not recognizing the man she knew you could be. She was just tired of seeing him destroy himself and it made her feel like the poison was slowly spreading into her as well. I will always miss the time i got to spend with you in 2022-2023 when air entered your lungs and the world seemed so much lighter for you. I will have to live the rest of my life knowing that i was cruel to you for not caring about how you felt because you didn't care about how i felt when you were using. I'm sorry you will not be able to eat your favorite foods or watch your favorite shows and enjoy simple things like fishing and spending time with your family even though We were very withdrawn before the reaper came for you. I wish you got a different end and that it wasn't so lonely for you. 6:12 will forever be etched into my soul, tattooed into my skin. I hope you heard everything i said to you while you couldn't respond. I hope the dr was wrong about the brain or the soul. I hope you knew how much we loved you, how much so many people loved you. You were loved even if The people around you had a hard time showing it because of the circumstances you pushed onto others. I love you dad. I hope i can make you proud and I hope you got the message to Nan for me. I miss you both so much, so much more than you both could ever know. I will never be the same with out either of you. Give her hugs for me since i can no longer do so. Lastly i regret not being able to hug you when you were alive. I am sad that i felt scared to touch you while you lay there with out a thought. I felt the same way with nan 9 years ago as she slept. I thought that I would make you worse which i know doesn't make any sense.

#grief #rip #loveyoudad #griefposting #rant post #drug overdose