An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Lance/Shiro (Voltron)
Characters: Shiro (Voltron), Lance (Voltron)
Additional Tags: Masturbation, Masochism, Self-Harm, But in a sex way, The Relationship is there but not the point, Scars, One-Sided Relationship
Summary:
Shiro has learned, since he fell into life with the other Paladins, that he’s a pretty good actor. But as far as he’s concerned that’s good, because not even Lance, who he shares a bed with whenever he’s wanted, has any idea of just how warped he really is. Like the fact that the only thing that gets him off anymore is his scattered memories of the arena, and pain.
It’s like a service to the team, is how Shiro rationalizes it. Lance wants this, and it is good, he’s sure of that much even if he’s not sure he wants it in quite the same way. Lance is more invested than he is, but he’s good at acting, good at smiling and giving people what they want without them knowing that he isn’t really interested. That could be complicated later, but it’s better this way. He’s not fit for a real relationship, even though the rest of the Paladins haven’t figured that out yet.
He knows, deep in his bones, that he’s damaged beyond any kind of repair. The rest of the team can see the cracks, but they don’t know how deep it goes, or how much the innermost bits of him are still in shattered pieces, dark and warped in ways they probably couldn’t understand. He’s still trying to figure out what he is just by himself; how could anyone else understand what he’s become when he isn’t even sure yet?
What he does know, is there are reactions programmed into his body that weren’t before there. He knows that he can smile at Lance and not mean it, but get a blush and an awed look anyways. He knows his hands are precise and practiced at stripping clothing from willing skin, though the Garrison never left him enough time to actually pick up skills like that. He knows that despite how good Lance looks — lean and flushed and begging with words and body both under his touch — he never feels more than a low ache of desire in his gut, and he knows that despite that lack of desire he still rises quickly to attention, and stays that way.