I just wanted to include this in what I’m about to say, because I feel like the creator of the video couldn’t have captured the person Chester was in those few minutes any better. I’m torn apart. The last time I felt this low, I was younger and listening to Linkin Park to keep my mind at ease. It’s like a huge fucking part of me was ripped out and taken with Chester, and I’ve seen the posts from other people -- I’m not the only one. Sometimes I can barely sleep, my eyes are blood shot, there is a constant weight on my chest. I didn’t know him personally, but he somehow managed to become like a best friend to me. It was like he was there all those times I felt completely alone in what I was going through -- his songs, his voice, they helped me to understand the pain he, too, carried with him. It helped me to understand I wasn’t actually alone. And that was the beginning of my recovery. You could tell he poured his fucking everything into his songs, into helping people. I’m truly fucking exhausted and I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to overcome what’s happened. I can’t recover that missing piece that left with Chester. As much as I want to say that I wish I could have done something, that someone could have done something, I know changing the outcome wouldn’t be so simple. Like Chester once said, people can’t fix your pain for you, only you can do that. Chester absolutely loved his family, his band, his fans, and that much was obvious -- it’s not that you/we all weren’t enough, it’s that Chester was plagued from (seemingly) childhood with these relentless demons people call depression. It’s not something you can just make go away, and I know a lot of people’s eyes have been opened to this now that Chester is gone. But he fought fucking hard all these years and I know we can all see it. Chester didn’t just up and quit when things got tough, because things have been tough all his life. I know he must have fought so fucking hard for himself, for everyone. So no, to those who deem him a coward for taking his life, fighting until you absolutely cannot anymore isn’t cowardly and I don’t understand how you can think that. Chester was fucking /strong/ and we all know that if he could, he would have kept pushing and kept fighting. I want him back so much. I've found myself thinking, almost saying “Chester, what do I do?” so many times these past few days, and I’m always led right back to Linkin Park and their music. I’ll never be who I was before you left us because we can never have you back. But if I still hold one thing with me, it’s the fact and /living/ proof that you changed a life for the better. I swear, absolutely swear, you will never be forgotten. My thoughts, my love, my everything is with @linkinpark and Chester’s family. I can’t begin to imagine what you must be feeling. I love you guys. We all do. Linkin Park and Chester have forever held a very fucking special place in my life that no other band or musician has, and it’ll always be that way. Chester and you all are irreplaceable. I miss you so much, Chester. But rest easy now, you deserve it.
Until we meet again.
