I'm actually starting to feel a bit better. Here's what's been helping: - daily walks (at least that's what I'm aiming for) - making stuff (crocheting a hat for baby) - probably just time passing but right now I'm ruminating. My mum wants me to message her more, and right now going on my phone makes me so anxious I completely avoid it, thus cutting me off from communicating with a lot of other people as well. Here's what I'd say to her, because writing it out makes it easier to think "that's already taken care of" "I can't message you every day because when you're sad, or having a bad day, I can see it even if you don't mean to share it with me - and for reasons that aren't your fault I end up taking on those emotions, wondering if it's my fault, and then I have a bad day too, and my time right now is too precious for that. I'm getting better at it, I've done a lot of work around it, and on days when I feel capable I do sometimes message you." But I'm also terrified of upsetting my mum by not messaging her. I don't want confrontation. It feels like a tightrope walk. Not having therapy is really hard. I miss it a lot. I'm trying, and in some way maybe it's good, but those weekly check ins were amazing for me. Blaaah






