gonna whine for a quick minute. scroll on
this entire month just solidifies the feeling iβve had my entire damn life that iβm disposable. I'm not a permanent fixture in anyone's life and never have been. people use me when they need me then when they're done, or if i no longer serve them, or they find something better, they dump me without a word - let alone even a brief look back. get bored of me? fair, understood, i'm too much for myself most days. no longer providing you the entertainment or free services you thought you liked me for? ghost ghost ghost.
congratulations on your engagement. iβm so happy for you, really, truly, completely thrilled for you. but why, when you were literally in the other room, did i have to find out through a fucking facebook life event post? you couldn't tell me directly after you had me uproot my entire goddamn life - pulled me by the neck from where we were raised, where i was happy because you needed help. i did it because you're my sister, and i love you, and your daughter - but now you go and pull this shit with no warning? come on.
now, i wake up this morning after your decided to announce and dip out of state (loving the fact you just assumed i'd look after your animals for you with no word of how long you'll be gone and low food stores for the dog. i will, because they don't deserve abandonment for your cheap thrills) to the news that you've now started the process of selling the house we live in so you can move two counties away to live with him?
ass, meet curb. curb, meet ass.
iβve lived my entire fucking life coming to everyone elseβs rescue and helping other people: dropped out of high school to take care of my sisters after my mom died when i was 16. got them through school then was kicked out of the house when my dad decided to remarry so her daughter (who's older than me, and also was my bully in high school, but who's keeping track) could move in instead. put off college to take care of my grandmother when she got sick after she took me in after being thrown out at 17 (was happy to do that, she was an angel that came to my rescue more than once.)
so when you announced your engagement on fucking facebook before telling me directly that felt intentional. you want to be passive? bet i can match that energy. you announced, i went to lowes and stocked up on moving boxes. got half my shit packed in about three hours last night. the benefit of working where i do is that the second i clock in i can get paid for doing my own ltl freight quotes for a move out of state.
i hope things work out for you, i really do. but your timing is shit (you were there when we lost apollo a week ago so this is just the icing on the fucking cake) and your communication skills need work, especially since you know I'm stuck in this hell state until at least the new year because of work obligations and now all but homeless.
