Flittering Firmament

I'm Erik, and these are things I create. Also, on occasion the handiwork of a friend. <3

[dartingsky]

F L I T T E R I N G F I R M A M E N T

I have set up a blog on my website to document my thru-hike on the PCT this summer! It has the same name as this blog, which is a little confusing, but I will do all my updating and writing over there.

[dartingsky]

I stopped using tumblr because there was no more adventure or whimsy involved. It became like a job, re-blogging and liking, following and messaging; there was so much of which to stay aware that I often lost track of the world.  Additionally I find I associate tumblr not with my recovery, but with my suicide attempts, my depression, and my self loathing.  All of this combined with the fact that many people I know began to follow me here, meant that I eventually distanced myself from tumblr. Tonight I find myself stressed out because I'm trying to write a very important letter to a very dear friend of mine, and I have no where to ramble on about my difficulties. Ugg. Anyway, I don't know if I'll start posting here again or if I might just delete my account. I also may let my blogs sit here neglected forever, I still haven't made up my mind.

[dartingsky]

A few folks have wanted to see more of what I listen to, so here you go! This is every song in my library all in one public playlist. I'll try and keep it updated as I save songs.

[dartingsky]

Click here to support Concerning a Long Walk (PCT 2015) by Erik Baily

Hii all! So, I've been gone for a while for many reasons; the short of it is that I've had a lot of changes in my life and have lived in multiple cities, and multiple hospitals, during the past year or so.

I am planning on going on an adventure of sorts this summer, I am going to hike the Pacific Crest Trail! It's been a bit of a dream of mine, and it's finally looking like a reality. I am going to post more updates here, or maybe start a new hiking blog, not sure. Either way, if you are feeling like the most wonderful person on the planet, you can follow the link above to help me go on this fantastic trip! Only if you actually can afford to do so; if you're strugling to make rent or need to feed your children, I don't want your money good sir.

[dartingsky]

Apples, by Erik Alan Baily

In case you weren't aware from my initial post several months ago, among all the craziness in my life this past year I managed to write some music and put it together in an collection of sorts. It wasn't recorded with the best equipment, but I'm proud of it all the same. If you like it, and you have enough money for a coffee, than it's yours c:

[dartingsky]

Spanish Eyes, by Erik Alan Baily

I also made these songs, I hope you like them.

[dartingsky]

Today's been a lot of me going "I see you there depression, I don't have time for you today." and depression going "Well, here I'll just settle down in the back of your mind quietly making you feel awful about normal situations."

[lil-pothead]

i’m not myself at all anymore. i’m just a hard crusty husk of what i used to be. but hopefully soon i will compost and grow something else.

[dartingsky]

this is so oddly accurate in regard to myself.

[dartingsky]

My roommates and I adopted two grey-blue kittens today! The spunky one in the first photo is Bebop, and the sleepy one taking a nap in the sink is Gloria c:

[dartingsky]

I have a conversation with myself on the street at night because death will not be long in waiting.

     “Why are you out walking so late in the night? Came his all too difficult query, “So into the gloom that to recall even the gloam is to think back past the hour?”      “If one is anything due only to his conviction, and I have no conviction of myself as anything, then am I nothing?” A question for his seemed appropriate.      “This is why you walk?”      “I walk because I cannot sleep and stepping is better than brooding, but I hoped you would be looking for the root cause.”      After a moment, “No, you are yourself regardless; you were brought here a whole person”      “Then I am walking because God meant for me to walk”

[workingwithprogress-blog]

The view from my new apartment c:

[workingwithprogress-blog]

From inside the reading room of the Seattle public library. My dear friend Zoe took the picture. intothegatheringblue

[dartingsky]

I've been reading this anthology of letters from renowned visual artists for a while now, and I cannot stop thinking of Van Gogh . His final letters from what would be his place of dying, at which he had just arrived, were so hopeful and full of relief. Less than a month later he had killed himself. I think of all the times I have felt hopeful and relieved. I think of how every time this happens I want to kill myself within a month or two.  I know this will continue to occur. I will feel a hollow kind of hope, and I will want to die as I know in my heart I am already gone. It's all an act you see, all a pretense and a play. We don't want to face the reality of our insignificance. If you are truly satisfied and happy with your lot in life, you are either an idiot, lying, or you have somehow found the love which evades the rest of us.

[dartingsky]

I feel bad for people who don't get ASMR.

[dartingsky]

An Entire Generation Realizes They are Individually and Collectively Worthless in the Eyes of Their Predecessors, and Meaningless in the Face of a God They do not Believe to Exist

I wish I believed in God

Our death is a daily one Me, my kindred of age and maturity, find ourselves under the earthly weight of expectation; to be gods and billionaires Our lives are a promise of rest ever postponed by the rock which must be brought to the top of the hill

Call me generation Sisyphus Atlas

We all wish we knew God

Meaning is what we want If I die I will at least stand for love and for romance, yet even in this I no longer believe We won’t be gods We will not be billionaires We won’t even be executives

Call me generation wake me up; please God wake me up

I wish I believed in God

[dartingsky]

You were so reckless with me; you treated me as inconsequential, like I was just anyone. 

[dartingsky]