Internet Dating Diaries

Been single for three years and had lots of weird and wonderful dates. Didn't realise how funny some were until I started telling the stories. So here is a collection for you to enjoy.

[datingdiaries123]

Number 15: Saturday night, date night

In the last post I was still recovering from my bunion surgery and in my big boot. Fast forward a few more months and the boot is no more. We’re now in June, the weather is warmer (still wet though), I can wear proper shoes again (not quite ready for heels yet) and I’ve nearly completed a full year in my new job (which I love). Life is good.

A friend had recommended a new dating app that I hadn’t tried before. She’d met some decent men through it, and as I still hadn’t met anyone that nice in real life, I decided to give it a go. Within a few days I matched with a man who in a lot of his pictures looked remarkably like David Beckham. I originally thought he’d be a catfish (far too good looking to be real, surely?), but after reverse image searching his photos, he actually turned out to be a real person. We seemed to have lots in common and we had the same sense of humour, always a good start. He was 38, so a few years older than me, lived about an hour’s drive away, had a good job, an 8 year old daughter who he saw regularly (very important), seemed to have his head screwed on and had morals - lots of tick boxes so far. One of the things I noticed about his info was he’d put he’s looking for someone honest and with integrity. I always put ‘honesty’ somewhere in mine but that’s the first time I’ve actually seen someone put ‘integrity’. He sounded like a decent human being, all good so far.

We chatted for less than 24 hours, he gave me his number and he asked me if I’d like to meet him after work….. Tonight! It was a Thursday so we were both at work. I hate it when men are flakey and you can’t pin them down (clearly not that bothered about meeting up!), so I need to take advantage of someone who’s keen. I bit the bullet and agreed to meet him. I felt sick leading up to the date, not sure why I was so nervous, maybe because it was unplanned and sudden, but also probably due to me not actually having been on a date for a little while. (Yes, you heard that right, I don’t date as much as these blogs would suggest!) We agreed to meet halfway, as he had to drop his daughter off at her mum’s house. This worked out fine for me as it gave me enough time to get ready after work and travel to meet him. We met in a cute little village pub in an area neither of us had been to before. I saw a message appear on my screen as I was driving there to say he’d arrived. That calmed my nerves a bit, at least I wasn’t going to be sitting there on my own. As I pulled into the car park and parked, my heart was beating out of my chest and I felt physically sick. I really hope he’s not a weirdo after I’ve driven over an hour to meet him. This better not be a waste of time. I text him to say I’d arrived and got out of the car and walked towards the entrance. I heard someone call my name and he was parked nearby and had waited in his car for me. That was cute, so we at least went in together. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He smelt so nice - I don’t know what aftershave he was wearing but its one I recognised and it was loooovely. That’s one of the first meet concerns out of the way - how the person will smell. It sounds so insignificant in the grand scheme of things but I have come to realise its SO important. (I’ll tell you a story another time about a really nice/fit/genuinely lovely man who smelt of out of date milk…..!)

In the pub it was really cosy and we got a corner table. He bought the first round which was sweet, so I said I’d get the second. At this point it was 9pm and was getting late for a work night. We got on instantly - he told me all about his childhood and family, his daughter, his work and past career (security guard, now head of security, like a manager of the guards and security team). He sounded so normal and I loved how he was being so honest and telling me all about his life. He asked about me too and we chatted for 2 hours, before we were being kicked out of the pub at 11 o’clock. Time had gone so fast, which is always a good sign when you meet someone for the first time. He said he wasn’t ready to go home yet as we were having such a good night. He suggested a romantic walk round the village, which I liked the sound of, so that’s what we did. It was still warm but just starting to get chilly. We both got our jackets and off we went. He asked me if he could hold my hand which was ever so cute (I’m glad he didn’t just presume I was going to say yes!). We walked round the lovely little village for about 45 minutes, looking at the houses, shops and stopping to stroke random cats that kept crossing our path. Neither of us could remember if the pub car park had a barrier or not - oh dearrrrr, we could end up getting our cars locked in overnight! We walked rather briskly back to the car park and luckily found that there was no barrier. We stood by my car and he asked me if I’d had a good evening. Of course I had and I told him I really enjoyed it. He asked me there and then if I’d like to see him again, which of course I did. He actually wanted to see me the following evening but seeing as I wouldn’t get home tonight until 1am, I decided the weekend would be better. So by the time we’d said goodbye we’d already agreed Saturday night would be our second date - progress! We kissed outside and it was very romantic. Cold around us and I had a red nose, but he wrapped me up in his jacket and it was like something out of a film. Kissing him was good - he was just the right amount of gentle and rough at the same time. He was really tall (6ft 2) and I loved the fact I had to stand on tiptoes to reach up to him. He was a proper manly man. As I drove away I saw a message pop up on my screen - it just said “Best date ever” with love heart eyes. What a cutie! I drove home with a big smile on my face.

We spent the next 24 (and a bit) hours messaging lots, chatting on the phone and talking about how excited we were about our second date. On the Friday night neither of us had plans so he said he’d ring me for a chat. We video chatted for over 2 hours and it was nice. Comfortable, easy to talk to each other and we were constantly having a laugh. Things were looking good. Saturday came and I woke up feeling like a kid on Christmas Day. I looked at my phone and he’d already messaged me that morning saying good morning and he’s looking forward to seeing me later. He was at work during the day so would come to meet me straight afterwards. He had taken a few outfits to work with him, then would get showered and ready at work and drive to Leeds to meet me. I’d booked us a table at a nice Italian in the city centre and he was looking forward to going as he hadn’t been before. During the day he was messaging me, sent me photos of his outfits and asked which would be best for our date (any were fine, he looked smart in trousers and a shirt) and he’d even had his hair cut in his lunch break ready for tonight. We were clearly both looking forward to it and I had that excited feeling in my stomach all day. 

He’d messaged around 5:30pm saying he was getting stressed at work as he’d got to deal with a shoplifter and had to wait for the police to arrive and take over. I responded to say don’t worry, there’s still plenty of time before we’re due to meet and just get there when you can. He knew the reservation time and the address of the restaurant, so I had no worries. The table was booked for 7:30pm which he’d agreed would give him enough time to finish work, get ready and drive over. I spent 2 hours getting ready and glammed up, with the plan to get the bus into town at 7pm, arriving at 7:20. At just before 7 I messaged him to tell him I was setting off and I’d see him there. He read it but didn’t respond. I didn’t think much about it, he was probably on his way in too and couldn’t message. I arrived at the restaurant and made sure the lady on the desk knew I was here, but was waiting for my +1. I got a seat at the bar and ordered a drink. I kept an eye on my phone just in case he got in touch, but I expected him to walk through the door at any moment. At 7:45 I had been waiting for 25 minutes and hadn’t heard from him. Thought I better send him a message and see how far away he is, as they would only hold our table until 8. The message sent but didn’t deliver, which I thought was odd. So I phoned him to see if he was maybe on hands free, still driving. It went straight to voicemail. Strange. So I left him a message just saying hope you’re okay and how far away are you as we’ve only got the table reservation for another 15 minutes. But not to worry if you’re not here in time, we can just go somewhere else. I carried on sipping my drink and waiting. 

It got to 8 o’clock and still no contact. This was weird. He should have finished work by now but then why hadn’t he been in touch to tell me hes running late? The lady came over to find me and told me I could either sit at the table (and keep it, but I’d have to order food), or we’d lose it. I didn’t want to sit there, not knowing how far away he was so decided to lose it. I stayed at the bar and at ten past 8 I messaged my mum asking what I should do. It was a “How long would you wait for someone if you haven’t heard from them and don’t know if they’re coming?”. Mum responded pretty much straight away and said go home, it’s not looking promising. I felt so bad leaving - what if he turned up and I wasn’t there? But to be fair, at this point I’d been waiting for 50 minutes. And I still wasn’t 100% sure if he’d actually set off from work, or whether he was still stuck there waiting for the police to arrive. I walked to the bus stop. It was cold and horrible and I felt like sh*t. The high of leading up to a date then the massive low of having to go home without having even going on the date……. bad times. I was sure there was some explanation as to why he hadn’t arrived/got in touch, but I had an awful feeling in my gut. I waited for 20 minutes for my bus and then it came up on the screen ‘CANCELLED’. I was cold, wet and feeling sorry for myself. I burst into tears sitting at the bus stop and messaged my mum. Luckily for me, they don’t live far away so my dad very kindly came in the car to rescue me. (My hero).

I heard nothing from my date guy that evening. The sadness of getting all glammed up then coming home and wiping off my makeup, putting on my pyjamas and cuddling up with my dog in front of the TV made it a depressing evening. I should have been out having a nice Italian meal with a lovely man! I expected to wake up the following day to a message saying what had happened and he was so sorry etc etc……. I looked at my phone on Sunday morning and there was nothing. I decided to give it 24 hours so he could at least get in touch and apologise and explain what had happened last night. I thought maybe his battery had died so he couldn’t access my number and ended up going home? In my head I was coming up with all sorts of scenarios of what could have happened and why he didn’t get in touch. Maybe his daughter had been rushed into hospital and he had no time to message me, then had to turn his phone off? Maybe he was still in hospital with her, still with his phone off? I’m a reasonable person and wouldn’t have kicked off if he’d have given me a genuine explanation. Even a rubbish explanation would have been better at this point - just get in touch and give me something! 24 hours came and went and still nothing. I sent him one more message - asking if he’s okay. Not kicking off, not angry, not asking a million questions or making him feel uncomfortable, just checking he’s okay. He never read it (although it did get delivered, so his phone was now turned back on). He then got blocked. Nothing he could say now would make it okay or convince me to meet him again. I felt completely heartbroken. This is rock bottom in the dating world. I hadn’t been here before. How could someone do this to another person, knowing I was sitting there waiting for him, yet he had no intention of turning up or even telling me he wasn’t coming. That’s just cruel and mean, very cruel and very nasty. What a horrible person.

[datingdiaries123]

Number 14: The one with the different lifestyle

So this post is being called ‘Number 14′. Now, these are not in order anymore, which will annoy those of you are slightly OCD about these types of things being chronological. But the reason being, this one is the most recent date, and is most fresh in my mind. I thought writing it now would mean I don’t miss anything out, so here goes….

It’s January, probably my least favourite month of the year when the weather is dark, cold, often wet and windy, and it’s that weird time after Christmas and before spring. This January is different, in fact it’s probably worse, as I have been on crutches for the past month as I’m recovering from a foot operation. So getting out and about has not been easy (relying on others for lifts), I’ve been in pain and it’s not the best time to meet the man of my dreams (well, probably not). I am also sporting the latest in fashion accessories, a big black support boot. So now you see how un-sexy this all sounds, I have been looking after myself and not doing any dating.

In the week that everyone went back to work I went back onto internet dating. I was working from home now and able to walk with the boot, so if I did happen to meet anyone decent, there’s a chance I can at least meet up with them. I got matched with someone local who only lives a few miles away. We chatted for a few days and then he asked if I’d like to meet up. He knew my boot situation and didn’t seem bothered, so I thought ‘why not’ and we set a date for later on in the week. He hadn’t told me that much about him at this point, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, as it gives you more to talk about when you meet them face to face. The day of the date came and he said I could pick where to meet. I opted for a local pub, as I can’t drive yet due to my foot, so it wouldn’t be too far for either of us to travel (and easy for me to get home again if it turned out to be a disaster date!) 

I booked my taxi and ended up arriving at the pub early. This was fine, at least I’ll have none of the ‘Oh god, which one is he?’ moments walking in…. he can spot me and come over to me! I got us a table and sent him a message. It didn’t show as ‘delivered’ so looked like his phone was off. Hmm, this wasn’t a good sign. I waited at the table, getting more and more anxious, hoping that he’d suddenly appear. It was now 12 minutes after the meeting time. At this point I was getting concerned that he had done a runner and wasn’t going to turn up. Then my phone started ringing - it was him! He’d got lost (don’t know how, he had sat nav) and was about 2 miles away, in the wrong direction. I sent him my exact location on my phone and he said he’d be a few minutes. Phew, at least I knew he hadn’t bailed on me! I got the first drinks in and waited at the table. 

Sure enough, a few minutes later he turned up. He looked exactly like his photos (phew) but felt shorter than I expected, probably as I was wearing the big boot which has a platform wedge underneath which makes me rather giant like!! We had plenty in common, he was an electrician and also owned a few properties so loved a bit of DIY (like me - the DIY part, not the properties!). He told me all about his life growing up, travelling and holidays, the usual conversations. He asked me if I had kids and I said I didn’t, just got my dog. Then he said he has 4. I wasn’t expecting that! He hadn’t mentioned the kids before now, not that it’s a deal breaker. Their ages ranged from 2 to 18. He told me about them all and the mums (some were good and some were not so nice). It was an eye opener but still, not a deal breaker. I just don’t know if he’d have much spare time compared to me. The date went well and there were no awkward silences or weird conversations, all good so far. He asked me if I’d eaten, which I hadn’t. We ended up having pub food, which as most of you will know, it is rare I eat on a first date - so this was positive! Things seemed to be going well but sometimes you can’t tell if they like you, like fancy you. He was a really good looking man, the usual type I go for, dark hair (a bit of grey), stubble, nice eyes and teeth, muscular….tick boxes so far! My only negative at this point was he was my height (yes I know that’s mega picky but I do like it when they’re taller as I’m 5ft 10″ and I like to wear heels when I go out) and he had a really strong Yorkshire accent (which I can deal with, but it’s a bit much sometimes).

The date came to an end and we walked out of the pub together. I was going to book my taxi at this point but he offered me a lift home. Okay then, it’s only round the corner and he seemed decent, so I accepted. I got him to drop me off a few doors down and thanked him for the lift. There was no sign of a kiss so I got out and it was all fine. Off he went and I got a text later on saying he really enjoyed the date and would I like him to cook me tea in the next few days. I thought that sounded like a good opportunity to get to know him a bit better so I agreed. He invited me to his but said he was equally happy to cook at mine (as he knows I can’t drive to him). I decided to go to his, as 1. I hadn’t had time to clean/vac the house and 2. Thought it would be good to see where he lives and have a nosy at his pad! (He wasn’t being invited to mine yet!!)

He kindly picked me up on my street and we drove to his. It was literally 4 minutes down the road so not far at all. It was a very nice area and where people with money live. We went in and it was very luxurious - from the carpets, to the wallpaper, to the furniture. I asked him if he’d decorated it and he said he had - he had picked all the colours and furniture etc. (I was wondering if it was an ex, as the lampshades were glass chandeliers with matching lamps in the corners of some rooms. He gave me a little tour as I was interested to see what he’d been doing to it (he moved in a few years ago and has been renovating it and built an extra staircase plus top floor). It all looked really fancy and the layout was good, compared to what it was like when he bought it. I was impressed with his DIY skills but not so much with the velvet walls in his bedroom. Not my taste at all - very Footballer’s Wives! I made a joke about his watch collection, as he had about 10, all lined up on these special display stands. He said I better not mug him….. my response was that one watch is enough…. then he said they’re worth a grand each…..!!! I have no idea about watches and brands so was pretty shocked to hear that. Eeeeeek, around 10 grands’ worth of watches just in one room, very flash. (For reference, my watch cost less than £100 and isn’t flash at all, just practical!).

Anyway, I sat in the kitchen whilst he cooked us tea. He’d done all that himself too and it was a nice looking room - cream gloss cabinets and wooden worktops, looked very smart. I couldn’t help but notice that he had a corner full of vitamin containers. I asked about them and what they were all for. Turns out, he’s into his healthy eating in a major (obsessive?) way. He will only buy certain brands and has a serious thing about pesticides in food. How on earth could we go for a meal or go to someone’s house and it not be weird and awkward?! We went into a deep conversation about the pesticides in foods over dinner (which was lovely, salmon and asparagus, very tasty, for those who were wondering). I was impressed with his cooking skills but asked where the carbs were….! He said he avoids cards where possible and his body is in ketosis, which I now understand a bit better, from him. Basically, its a high-fat, low-carb diet and it sounds really strict. By reducing carbs, it puts your body into a metabolic state called ketosis. One thing I must not forget to mention at this point is our cutlery. He gave me silver cutlery but had wooden cutlery himself. Of course I had to ask why….! Then I opened a whole can of worms - it’s due to him not wanting to put metal into his body - this was healthy eating to the extreme! “It’s not like you’re digesting the metal, its only going in your mouth temporarily whilst you eat….” why I am even explaining this fact?! We had a conversation about this that lasted far too long and went round and round in circles. I see his point but isn’t this a bit ridiculous? And I noticed that he used metal cutlery in the pub the other night…. But apparently that’s due to him not wanting me to think he’s weird. Oh okay then…..! (I just do right now).

After tea we sat down and chatted some more. I couldn’t help but notice how plush the living room was. It had a huge corner settee which could easily seat 8 people, leather look walls, velvety curtains, a shaggy rug with sparkly bits in, chandeliers which I mentioned earlier, mirrors with sparkly frames and picture frames which matched. The carpet was dark grey and the other furnishings were either black or dark grey. I had in the back of my mind that my dog could never visit here - he is white and moults like crazy, it would be a nightmare! It didn’t feel like the sort of living room where I felt comfortable. I mean, yes the settee was comfy, but I wouldn’t have felt right putting my feet up after a busy day, or having a drink and accidentally spilling something. Or having a dog there…..! It felt too ‘perfect’ and not comfy and ‘lived in’, if that makes sense. At mine I have throws in every room, dog beds and blankets, trinkets and personal items out and on display, and no blingy things that I can think of! It was getting late. He offered to give me a lift home which was very kind, so I nipped to the loo before we set off. This whole time he had been a complete gentleman, I can’t fault him there. 

The bathroom was something else!!! The floor had glittery bits in the tiles, the loo seat had diamantes set into it (think mega blingy, almost chavvy) and the mirrors were the same style as the living room - big and blingy edging. Even the soap dispenser and toothbrush holder had diamantes on, it was diamante overload!! I commented on the loo seat when I went back in and he found it funny. He said he picked it all himself and likes ‘a bit of bling’. Well yes, that was certainly true! As we were leaving I noticed a photo of him on a huge yacht - turns out, he only owns it! I’m talking one that you could have a party on board, with like 20+ people!! I should add at this point that he also owns multiple properties, both in the UK and abroad. His life is SO different to mine. His is so luxurious and mine just isn’t!! I am easily pleased by the little things like walking my dog, crafting activities and things that’s aren’t ‘look at me’ blingy activities. And our houses are nothing like each other. Ultimately, I couldn’t see him ever living with me, or me living with him. So after that second date we parted company. Funnily enough, he also agreed we weren’t compatible. He was looking for a ‘princess’ type girl and that will never be me! So here I am, back at square one, my old friend. The comfort of being alone and not having to deal with someone else, but the loneliness of being on my own at this time of year. And so the search continues….

[datingdiaries123]

Number 13: The best time (and the best one)

I started writing this post last week but found it a lot harder than I expected. It isn't like the usual funny or embarrassing stories of dates I've been on. They're a lot easier to write. This one was different. I've gone through a few different emotions writing this. Most of all feeling happy but also sad. So I'll begin by telling you how we first met. (Of course it involved a dating site....!) From what I remember, I sent him a message first. His photo will have popped up on my screen and I liked what I saw. A lot of the time, I have to admit I will message someone purely from looking at their photos, shallow I know. But I'm sure they'll do it to me too. I do read the profile but sometimes I'll message first, just cos they look nice! I remember this guy's profile photo had a photo of a girl with him in it. Which I thought was either stupid or brave. Lots of women will presume it's an ex. Or get insanely jealous that they have female friends. Of course I wasn't particularly bothered who it was, she looked perfectly normal to me. If it was an ex, at least he had standards! I remember he had amazing eyes - green eyes. He was 37, looked after himself, looked like he had a good body and seemed really lovely from what I read. He was a family man which I loved. He had 2 boys and it was obvious he was a caring dad. So far, a lot of my boxes were being ticked. Stubble, nice teeth, nice eyes, nice hair, dressed well. He was my height, which to begin with I was a bit unsure of. I do love wearing heels when I go out and don't want to look like a giant next to someone! But apart from that (and the fact he lives a good 90 minute drive away), things were looking positive. I can't remember exactly what I said in my first message. But it was good enough to get a response. We chatted for a few days before we swapped numbers. The more I found out about him, the more I liked him. We swapped photos and stories. He told me a bit about his kids and I liked everything I heard. After about a week I think we realised we both liked each other and had quite a bit in common. Oh, and he loved house music - this just got better. We talked about meeting up but he was due to go on holiday in a few days so we agreed to meet up when he returned. The week he was away felt like an eternity. We'd got to that point of being involved in each other's lives, messaging every day. I had an awful feeling that he'd meet someone else whilst he was away or he'd change his mind. That's happened to me before so it was in the back of my mind. But I can't judge him on others' actions. Stay positive - this one seems decent. Whilst he was away he messaged pretty much every day, which was so lovely. He was obviously thinking about me and wanted to keep in touch. Maybe he thought I'd change my mind or meet someone else? He sent me photos of his trip which I loved. He was a lot like me. The day came when he arrived back in the UK. I felt like an excited kid on Christmas morning. And I wasn't due to see him for a few days. We spent these few days constantly messaging and it was great. I was super happy and we hadn't even met yet. But I just knew I liked him already. He wasn't like a lot of the others - no dirty photos involved and no weird messages. And didn't seem to only want one thing. This was all positive. The day of the first date came and I felt physically sick from the moment I woke up. I struggled through the morning and only managed to eat a banana. I was conscious that I didn't want to eat nothing and end up like I did in blog number 6! I got glammed up and we met in a wine bar. I remember when I saw him, he actually looked better than his photos. He was completely gorgeous. Date 1 included various wine and cocktail bars, lots of laughing and getting to know each other. I wasn't really sure if he liked me as much as I liked him. But I gave him the opportunity not to carry on hitting the bars, but he seemed more than happy to! We went all over the city centre and it was a great first date. As the evening progressed, I didn't notice any body language that confirmed he liked me, so I didn't get overly friendly or sit too close to him. He had to get the last train home so it wasn't a late night. We walked back to the train station together. We linked arms which was nice, but I did wonder if it was just like a mate thing. We said our goodbyes and I was going to cross the road and join the taxi queue. As I was about to walk away, he grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him and kissed me. I couldn't believe it was happening, I was clearly clueless to reading the signs that night. We kissed for a while which we laughed about afterwards, as I have a thing about snogging in public (not a good thing!) I'm sure he did it in a busy street on purpose! I didn't freak though, I enjoyed it. It was like something out of a romantic film - like time stood still. He was a really good kisser, for the record. Date 2 was less than a week later. We'd messaged and chatted on the phone lots in this time. Once again, the days seemed to last forever in between meets for me. He was looking forward to seeing me again so it was all good. The next date was going out for tapas. He picked me up and we drove to the tapas bar. We had a lovely meal and I can honestly say it was the best first and second dates I've ever had. A hot man, food (my favourite, cheese!) and lots of laughs. He spoke about his kids lots and I adored how he talked about them. He sounded like a really great dad. That was very important to me - I wouldn't want to date a man who hardly saw his kids or didn't care for them. He was just great. We just had that connection and I felt it constantly when we were together. We fancied the pants off each other and it was hard to keep our hands off each other by the end of the date. As we left, we thought it would be nice to go for an evening walk. We kissed for about 2 minutes in the street, walked up the road holding hands and chatted constantly. I love all that stuff. Just the normal things with someone. But with the right 'someone'. I felt like a teenager again when he pulled me in to kiss me. It was cold outside but I didn't care cos I was all warm and happy on the inside. We might have been in a dark alleyway at that point, which sounds really dodgy but was actually pretty romantic! That night he dropped me off at home and we kissed for about 20 minutes in the car. We couldn't say goodbye and knew it would be a week before we saw each other again. That's what it's all about - the excited feeling and smiling like a cat that got the cream. That night I was one of those smug happy people. I went to sleep feeling amazing and super excited about everything. Dates 3, 4 and 5 involved food, drinks and more having a laugh together. Things were going really well. The only down side I noticed was the distance and I was very conscious that he was doing all the driving (through choice). I was more than happy to go to his but with his shifts and in between having the kids, it was the easiest way for him I think. In between each meet I'd miss him like crazy and be dead excited about seeing him next. He gave me the warm fuzzy happy feeling that I'd been trying to find for the last 3 years. I got to that point (in my head) where I would have done pretty much anything to be with him. I had thoughts of moving to be near him. I've always said I'd move for the right person. To me, it's worth it. I want to make a life with someone who is that important to me. And he really was. I would have moved if we'd have had that conversation. At that point, it was me discussing how I felt with the girls. He knew I liked him, but probably didn't know quite how amazing I thought he was. I would still move even now, months later. Just to give it a go and see what could happen. After a few dates we had sleepovers. It was so nice to fall asleep next to him and then wake up with him the next morning. I love having a strong arm round me and he fitted that criteria too. He had a hot body (another tick) and everything was just right. We fancied each other, we had a connection and it felt like we were on the same level. We laughed at the same stuff and it was just great. I adored the time we spent together and looked forward to seeing him again. I can't remember how many dates or weeks in we were, but I saw that the band Bastille were touring nearby. I knew we both liked them so mentioned it to him, expecting him to say no. Incredibly he said yes and we booked tickets! They were rather expensive but we discussed it and we both really wanted to go. I got us in the standing zone so we were right near the front. We were both so excited on the night of the gig. We got ready and headed into the city centre. We'd planned to have a night out afterwards and meet some of my work friends. This was going to be a great night. Bastille were amazing and I loved every second. I got covered in beer (and my own wine!) due to so much dancing, but it was the best date ever. I will never forget that night. Everything seemed to be moving in the right direction and I was really happy with things. I missed him when we were apart and enjoyed every minute we were together. This is what I had been waiting for. A few days after the gig I was out with a friend after work and had a missed call from him. When I got home I called him back, expecting it to be a 'hi, how was your day' kind of call. His tone wasn't normal and I remember him saying he needed to talk to me about something. The rest of the conversation was a bit of a blur to be honest. I remember tears rolling down my cheeks as I sat on the floor with my back against the radiator. The bottom line was he felt like the distance coupled with his work shifts were not fair on me and he thought we should end it. I was so upset. Even now, writing this makes me feel really sad and it's 5 months later. We keep in touch every now and again which I really like. I still feel sad about it all as he was like no-one else I'd ever met. Every man I've been on a date with since him gets compared to him. Five months later, no-one has come near and I still think about him when Bastille come on my playlist. He knows that last bit but I still don't think he understands what an impact he made and how I felt. For a very long time, I think this one will be the 'one that got away'. And in case you wondered, the profile photo was his sister :-)

[datingdiaries123]

Number 12: The Nine Hour Date

It was a summer day and my only plans were a dog walk and visiting my parents' for a catch up. I checked my messages online that afternoon and had the usual rubbish, then saw one from an okay looking guy. As you'll probably know by now, the okay looking guys are rare. There are lots of hot guys but most of them are fake profiles where someone's using yet another photo of Nick Bateman (male model) or some minor celeb with an Instagram account. By now I'm pretty good at spotting the fakes after a bit of reverse image searching. So yes, back to this okay looking guy. He was 37, taller than me, blue eyes, brown hair, muscular, lived about 15 miles away...... All good so far. I opened the message, half expecting the usual 'hi' or something worse....! It was actually a really nice message. Told me a bit about himself, asked about me..... And at the end he asked me if I fancied a drink this weekend. Well, this was rare! I get so bored of chatting forever with men who turn out to have no intention of ever meeting. Usually I'd prefer to chat for a few days to make sure we have enough in common. In this case, we messaged for a few hours, then I agreed to meet him. My idea of fun on a Saturday night is not staying in alone on a regular basis so I thought, hey why not, may as well go out and have a few drinks..... With a complete stranger! Oh god. I was pretty nervous when we met. Considering I didn't know that much about him. But I suppose that's the point of a date, meeting up and getting to know each other. This was brave even for the serial dater that I'd become. We met in the city centre so I felt safe and knew my surroundings. As I walked through the door of the bar I had a slight 'oh god, which one is he?' moment, when about 10 men looked the same. Then he stood up and came over to me. The first thing I remember is his very blue eyes and how nice he smelled. Very important smelling good - refer to 'Mr Italiano' blog for evidence of this....! Anyway, we had quite a lot in common. We chatted for a good 2 hours before we discussed moving to another bar. Conversation was easy, he had a great sense of humour and we just clicked. I liked how we could take the p*ss out of each other and it was just like being out with a mate. He hadn't been to many of the new bars in the centre so we thought it was a good idea to do a bar crawl. I should maybe rephrase that - a cocktail bar crawl! Fast forward a few more hours and things were going really well. I told him I was taking him to the sky lounge - a great bar with amazing views over the city. He'd never been before. We got our cocktails and went out onto the balcony. It must have been around midnight by this point. I remember it being late as it was chilly outside. I shut the glass doors behind me for this reason..... We had our first kiss on the balcony, whilst sipping our cocktails. It sounds dead romantic but I didn't feel much at that point. But I thought I'd give it a chance, these things can change. And he was a nice man. But aren't they supposed to get better with more booze? Or isn't he supposed to get better looking with booze?! It was getting a bit cold so we decided to go back inside. Only problem was I'd shut the door and the handle on the outside was broken!! Kind of good at this point I wasn't trying to impress him, as we had to knock really loudly on the windows and wave, for someone to let us back in. Cool, super cool..... As the night progressed we kissed a few more times (he instigated it) which got better but I wasn't that into him. He was nice enough and we got on etc but to me it felt more like mates. We had such a laugh that we ended up staying out all night. We drank lots of cocktails, danced and chatted for hours. My feet were killing from all the dancing and walking from bar to bar, and my throat was sore from trying to talk over the music all night. But it was a really good date. When we went to the last bar I'm sure it was after 3am. We sat down and we were both pretty wrecked. He started telling me that he wants to see me again but needs to tell me something..... I already knew he had 2 kids and was divorced, what more was there that made him feel like he needed to get it out? Well, turns out his brother was in prison for robberies and conspiracy to murder. What the .......!!!!! I was pretty shocked, as you can imagine. I can't judge him on his brother's actions. But to make matters worse, he was defending him. I remember him saying "he wasn't actually going to kill her" when telling me about a robbery. This is NOT a good way to end the date. Needless to say, we did not keep in touch after that.

[datingdiaries123]

Number 11: The one who became a boyfriend

It was December 2015. I hadn’t been on any dates for a good few months, as there was no-one worth meeting. Maybe it was a lull in the winter months and people weren’t really making an effort. I know I’d given up for a bit - it was coming up to Christmas and I had far more important things going on in my life. One evening I logged on and checked my emails. As usual, there were plenty of no effort whatsoever (“hi”) messages. They don’t get a response. The ever annoying weird messages and of course the dirty ones…… Delete, delete, delete. But one stood out - he lived nearby and his profile sounded genuine. His photos looked nice too, so I responded to this one. We got chatting and got on well. He was training to be a paramedic, sounded ambitious, loved dogs, family was important to him and physically, he fitted the ‘criteria’. We chatted online for a few days and we had lots in common. We swapped numbers and arranged our first date.

I was pretty nervous as it had been a few months since I’d had a first date and this man sounded really nice, so I obviously wanted it to go well. We arranged to meet in a local pub. I was running late as my dog had decided it was a good idea to spew all over my living room carpet. Great. After cleaning that up and thoroughly checking I had none on me, I was on my way. He had told me he was already there and where he was sitting, so at least I wasn’t the first one there, I think that’s sometimes worse. I stepped through the door and spotted him straight away. Relief - he looked exactly like his photos and he was the height he’d said. Phew. In fact, he actually looked better than his photos. We sat down and had that connection instantly. We chatted comfortably for 2 hours before we realised neither of us had eaten. I don’t normally eat on a first date, mostly as I’m too nervous, but also due to potential disasters - getting food stuck in your teeth, spilling food all down yourself, choking etc…… It’s all too much for a first date! But this was different, I felt completely at ease in his presence and was more than happy to eat together. This was progress.

The date was great. We had loads in common, laughed at the same things, had the same values and both seemed to like each other. At last. This is what I was waiting for. This was pretty exciting. Dates 2, 3, 4 and 5 soon came and things were going really well. After a few months we had the 'relationship’ talk, we established neither of us were dating other people and he asked me to be his girlfriend. This was amazing - I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I was so happy to have met someone similar to me who didn’t want to sleep around or play games. This is exactly what it should be like. It was so long since I’d been in a proper relationship, I’d almost forgotten what it felt like. Months passed and we were both really happy. We met each other’s families and had weekends away at his parents’ house in Saltburn. His family were lovely and really welcomed me into their home. I got on well with everyone and they seemed to like me too. They had dogs as well - the perfect set up.

When we had sleepovers we would stay up late chatting about everything and nothing. Perfect. On icy mornings before work, he used to get up before me and de-ice my car. He sometimes made me breakfast and cooked dinner. It was so lovely to have all these little things - things that I would normally do on my own. I was genuinely happy and he seemed to be too. We said the L word and it was like everything was falling into place. We wanted the same things and it couldn’t have been better. On my birthday we spent the weekend at a spa hotel and it was perfect. He made a real effort and it was so good spending quality time together. The only down side of our relationship was his job and the hours he worked. He often worked really early or really late. I would sometimes be getting up for work as he was getting in from a night shift. This obviously wasn’t ideal, but I was more than willing to make it work for the right person (him). And he seemed willing too.

After a few months we talked about moving in together. I was surprised but happy - we clearly wanted the same things and were going in the same direction. I was still doing building work on my house so I thought it would be better to live together after that. I couldn’t see it working well if he was on night shifts and I had the builders in! We agreed that he could move some belongings in, then we could discuss living arrangements further after my DIY was done. He seemed more than happy with this and a week or so later, told me he’d handed his notice into his landlord and was now on a monthly rolling contract. It was pretty exciting - finally, someone who wanted the same as me and didn’t want to mess about.

Fast forward 5 months. Things were going great. We hadn’t moved in together yet, but a lot of his things had made their way to mine, so that was positive. He had been working quite a bit of overtime and had the idea of helping me complete a few more rooms, then when he moved in, the house would be in a more finished state. I really wasn’t expecting that! I didn’t agree, but we said we’d discuss it another time. I was obviously grateful for the offer of help, but at the same time, it didn’t feel right having him put money into the house if he wasn’t actually living in it at that point. Anyway, apart from us living apart and missing each other like crazy, the relationship honestly couldn’t have been any better. We agreed on most important points, had the same morals and were actually both very similar.

Due to his work shifts, we hadn’t seen each other for 2 weeks. This felt too long and we missed each other loads. We were regularly messaging and chatted on the phone when we could. He had a weekend off work so we arranged to spend the whole weekend together. He left it to me to make plans, so I did! Home cooked meal (his favourite) on the Friday night, then up to Otley Chevin on the Saturday with my dog. Possibly a pub lunch, a film night and of course more food. Then do whatever we want on Sunday before he goes home. I was so excited to see him. This was the longest we’d been apart. The night before we saw each other he sent me a lovely message saying how he’s worn out from work but I’m keeping him going, as he’s looking forward to a weekend together and he missed me loads. I of course agreed and went to bed that night feeling like a kid on Christmas Eve.

On the Friday I finished work and headed straight home to get ready. I’d bought him steak for dinner and it would be prepared for when he finished work. I was just waiting for a text or call to say he was on his way, then I’d start tea. I had got changed and dressed up. Two whole weeks….. It felt like forever. It was about 8pm I hadn’t heard anything. I sent him a message and asked if he knew what time he’d be finishing work, so I knew when to start cooking. No response an hour later….. This wasn’t normal. He’d read my message. Hmmm. Maybe he was still at work and wasn’t able to respond yet. Sometime after 9pm I went online and noticed it said 'typing’. Phew, he’s sending a response - time for the oven to go on. What happened next was the last thing I expected from him.

The message that popped up on my phone screen said 'I’m so sorry but I can’t do this…..’ I burst into tears before I’d even opened the message fully. The next hour or so was a blur but he had sent me a really long message saying he wasn’t coming over, he didn’t want to see me anymore and he was sorry. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I was crying and shaking, I was in shock. I read it again and then responded. All I put to begin with was 'WTF just happened’. He then sent me another long message saying he doesn’t feel that he can cope and he doesn’t want to be with anyone as his job is too consuming. He said I’d been the perfect girlfriend, had done nothing wrong, been nothing but good to him and used the awful phrase “it’s me, not you”. I couldn’t understand it. We exchanged a few more messages and I asked him to come round so we could at least talk face to face. He refused, told me not to ring him as he won’t answer, and not to go to his house as he also won’t answer the door. I was so upset at this point. I honestly didn’t understand what had happened and why he wouldn’t talk to me. And of course I was terribly upset but mostly angry (fuming, in fact!) that he did all this over a message - was that all I deserved after over 5 months together? What a cowardly way out. No-one has ever split up with me over a message. I lost a lot of respect for him after that. And then to shut me out and refuse to explain or talk about it. That’s not what a real man does.

I think I had about 3-4 hours sleep that night. My head was all over the place and I couldn’t understand why he’d treated me like that or why he’d ended a perfectly good relationship without even discussing it beforehand. This had never happened to me before. I’d cried so much that my eyes were all puffy. This was heartbreak all over again. I had NOT seen this coming. The next day he messaged me, apologising more but not giving me any real explanation. I demanded that he came over to pick up his stuff and also explain himself. Reluctantly, he did. I obviously was a mess but I didn’t even care. I had to get closure and find out what on earth had happened. When he arrived he wouldn’t look me in the eye to begin with. We sat down and had a cup of tea. I cried pretty much the whole time but managed to speak. I was so angry and disappointed in his behaviour. Talk about being 'hoodwinked’. I felt like he’d lulled me into a false sense of security and then whipped the rug from under my feet. He had lied, saying he’d missed me and was looking forward to a weekend together…… That was only 24 hours before he then split up with me over a message! And I will never understand why he was so keen to move in, yet knowing he was going to end it. This was a horrible feeling. Someone I was so close to and we were so involved in each other’s lives. It hurt that he’d done this to me. I trusted him and really did not expect this. In my opinion, he should have spoken face to face, raised any issues etc. But I communicate well - he took the coward’s way out. As I’m typing this, I still feel really angry at how he treated me. It was pretty disgusting and I don’t think I deserved that. I was honest throughout our relationship and I didn’t feel like I was getting this in return. He didn’t explain much whilst we drank our tea. I wanted answers and an explanation but I didn’t get much from him. He kept saying he struggles in relationships and 'can’t cope’ but it’s nothing I’ve done. Looking back, I think he is honestly one of those people who will never settle. He had many jobs in his life and lived in many places - he would admit he gets bored and wants a new challenge. And I honestly think he’s the same when it comes to relationships. I nearly named this blog 'The one who will never settle’. Even though I was probably really good for him (well, we were good for each other), it’s like he panicked and ended it. I find that sort of behaviour bizarre, but I now know it definitely wasn’t me - it actually was him.

On the Sunday I noticed he’d blocked me on WhatsApp. Then I’d also been blocked on Facebook and Instagram. This made me even more upset and angry with him - something fishy was going on. I hadn’t been in contact with him (since the day before) so I saw no reason for me to get blocked. I was upset for months after all this. I was really hurt and still angry. It took me a long time to get over it and move on. A few months later I found out he was with someone new. From his work, what a surprise. And he was in a relationship - well, I’ve seen this pattern before. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the reason he split up with me then blocked me on everything. It was all very odd behaviour. I like to learn from each breakup, but I couldn’t really say what this has taught me. I was well and truly screwed over at the end and didn’t see any of it coming.

[datingdiaries123]

Number 10: The one who moved abroad

About this time last year I joined a social group, after a recommendation from my friend. The purpose of this was to meet other people like me who maybe have free time and want to go out and do activities. This was purely to meet new friends, not to meet men. Of course I have a great circle of friends - friends from school, new work, old work, neighbours my age and friends of friends..... But like I've said before, lots of my local friends are loved up and I felt like I needed more single friends. So I joined this group. We did all sorts of things - bowling, food, drinks, dancing, table tennis. It was fun and I met some great people. This particular night was a table tennis night. I knew a few people there already and took one of my friends with me. As always, I got chatting to people. We got our drinks and started playing table tennis. There was this one particular man who caught my eye. Nice eyes, nice teeth and a friendly looking face. After a few games we sat down and got chatting. He was one of those people you instantly warm to. A really lovely genuine person. We had stuff in common and chatted in between matches. It turns out he lived a few minutes up the road from me. And he was due to move to Sydney within a few months as he'd just been offered a new job. The night continued and we all went out for drinks. I was driving this particular night (it was a work night) so it was non alcoholic cocktails for me. After a few hours everyone was deciding how to get home. I offered my new friend a lift home, seeing as I was driving and he lived nearby. He accepted. We walked back to my car and we chatted the whole way home. I wouldn't normally give a complete stranger a lift home, but he was a member of the group and some of the others knew him, so I felt okay about it. I dropped him off outside his house then went on to mine. I didn't think much more about it until the following day. We started messaging each other and I think I realised I actually quite liked him. He seemed kind and genuine, made me laugh and we got on well. This was going against everything I joined the group for - NOT to meet a man! Argh, should I carry on messaging him? Is he just being friendly or is there more to it? Am I overthinking it?! We carried on messaging the following day and one of us suggested meeting up (I honestly can't remember who). Anyway, he invited me to his and said he'd cook us dinner, so that evening I went round and we had a lovely home cooked meal. I don't think anything happened that night, but I do remember every time he got close I could smell his aftershave - very nice, whatever it was. I remember it being a late one as I think we watched a film. Then for the next 6 weeks or so, we did much of the same. Either at mine or his. Good food, good company and watching films or box sets. Of course over this time we got closer and these movie nights would involve snuggling up together. It was really nice though, and good to have someone to hang out with when everyone else seemed loved up and unavailable. I was very aware that he'd only split up with a long term girlfriend a matter of months before and it sounded like he was still getting over that. I, on the other hand, had been single quite a while and I knew I wasn't going to hurt him. If anything, it was going to be the other way round. We spent time together over the next 2 months or so, getting to know each other. We mostly did stuff that involved food and films but sometimes went out for walks with my dog. We got to that comfortable point where we could cuddle and kiss, yet we still got on like mates. It was great. I could feel myself liking this man more and more, the more time I spent with him. I tried not to think about the fact he was moving to Australia which was becoming imminent. A few weeks before he was due to fly away to the other side of the world, we met up one last time (but I didn't know it then). We had a really nice evening together but when he said goodbye it was different to normal. This was a final goodbye and I knew it. I got really upset, as I didn't want to think that was the last time I would ever see him. We hugged for ages and it felt like my heart hurt when I left him. This was someone who I'd become really close to and had spent quite a lot of time with. I drove home crying my eyes out. Then when I got home I cried some more until I finally fell asleep. The next few days and weeks felt empty and sad. It didn't help that it was winter. I knew the exact date he was due to fly so I sent him a good luck message and wished him well in his new life. I still think about him every now and again. I occasionally go past his old house and it makes me smile.

[datingdiaries123]

9: Mr 'Italiano'

Now I was back to chatting to men I actually found attractive, things improved. I went on dates with some absolutely gorgeous men, most of whom I had stuff in common with, but for whatever reason we didn't have the spark. Some men looked like models but were missing a few brain cells, some were semi-pro sportsmen (more boxes ticked) but were so busy they had no time for dating. All would have been decent arm candy but that's no good long term. One particular man caught my eye - and he had messaged first, which is often a good sign. He was 6ft 2 (quite a bit taller than me), had black hair, green eyes and mentioned in his profile that he's Italian. We chatted for a few days then he asked me on a date. (Another good sign, him making the effort). We arranged to meet in a wine bar (yes, I know there's a patten emerging). It was a Wednesday night as that was the only night we were both free. But I think that first dates are always best on a work night, then you can stay for as long as you like, but leaving earlier than planned and using work as an excuse is also valid! He had arrived before me and told me he'd got us a table. When I arrived I looked around to see where he was, hoping he looked like his photos or I'd have no chance of recognising him. I saw him. I walked over and he recognised me. And yes, he did look like his photos. He stood up to greet me, but wait a minute, wasn't he supposed to be 6ft 2? I was wearing heels and I know I'm 6ft 1 in this particular pair, so why is he considerably shorter than me? I'll ask him about that when I sit down. The second thing, after his height, I couldn't help but noticing was not very nice - he was smelly. Like he'd just been for a sweaty workout then come straight here. Not a great start. I now have another point to add to my criteria - must smell nice! Surely that's a standard requirement on a first date? I always make sure I smell good. Anyway, I sat down and he'd already bought me a drink, very kind of him. We got chatting and he had an amazing accent, exactly like I imagined. At least that's one thing he was honest about. He told me about growing up in Italy, coming to study in the UK then deciding to settle in Leeds as he loved the city so much. He'd done a lot more travelling than me, but I enjoyed listening to all his stories. His face lit up when he spoke and his accent was lovely to listen to. The only problem with him doing a lot of the talking was that I noticed another habit. Or should I say, I felt it. He spat quite a bit when he talked. Was it a wonky or missing tooth? Who knows, but I certainly couldn't see anything. So now I had to sit here, relatively close to this man who I didn't fancy whilst we finished our drinks. He was a really lovely person, but just wasn't for me. Oh, and I did mention the height issue. His response - "oh everyone lies about their height"...... Erm not everyone, I don't lie on my profile! He asked me if I'd like another drink but I politely declined. One was enough and I needed to leave. There was no point dragging it out and giving him false hope. We said goodbye and went our separate ways. I thought that would be the last I heard of him, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He then spent the next few days trying to persuade me that we'd be a perfect couple and we'd have good looking babies. He got blocked soon after that. Oh well, onto the next date.....!

[datingdiaries123]

8: Mr 'Mundane'

It was around this time when I realised how picky I'd become (surely it's good to know what you want) but also how a lot of the good looking men were idiots. I always try to see the best in people, but I was losing hope. I mean am I really asking for that much? Someone honest and genuine. Someone with morals and a back bone. Someone I could be really good mates with and find physically attractive. Someone who's intelligent. Someone who's confident but not arrogant. Someone who takes care of their appearance but isn't obsessed with their own reflection. Someone who makes me laugh. Someone who likes me as much as I like them. Someone I can introduce to my family and friends. And someone who's not 'vanilla' in the bedroom. Yeah, the list of 'criteria' was getting longer with every first date. I certainly know what I want (and don't want), but is this a good thing? Or have I become one of those ridiculously picky women who will never meet a nice man as most average men don't tick enough of her unrealistic expectations? I've realised over time that I have most of these relationship expectations due to the two constant men in my life - my dad and my brother. They are both genuine, decent men. They have morals, their own opinions and are intelligent. They're into their fitness and look after themselves. And very importantly, they treat women well. My relationship goals have suddenly become my parents (happily married and still in love after over 30 years together) and my younger brother (in an 8 year relationship and still very much in love with his girlfriend). So why the hell cant I manage to find a decent man? I know what I'm looking for in a long term partner, but can't even find anyone half decent to date! After having the same conversation with a few of the girls, I tried a different approach. Some friends say I'm putting too much emphasis on the spark. I know what they mean, but why would I go on a date with someone I didn't find physically attractive? (And I would hope that a man wouldn't go on a date if he didn't like the look of me). So I agreed to go on a date with a guy I didn't fancy looks wise, but we did seem to get on as friends. Some people will tell you that love can grow. Which I'm sure is true in some relationships. But I don't want to be stuck dating a 'mate' for the next year or 2, waiting for the day I see him as a hottie. The way I've done things so far is only go on dates with someone I fancy the photos of. Then meet and see if you like each other in real life. This mostly works until you meet and they look nothing like their photos. More on that another time. So, back to the date. He was a teacher, intelligent, nice eyes, tall....... Now for the negatives! He had wispy hair that looked like it needed a style, not very nice teeth and didn't seem very confident when chatting online. But I'd said to the girls that I'd give it a go, so off I went. To be honest I didn't make a huge effort getting ready 'cos I had no reason to look amazing as I wasn't trying to get him to fancy me. We'd arranged to go bowling and have a few drinks. On a work night - perfect for me as it was a good reason not to stay out late (especially if you don't end up having a good date). We met up and he seemed nice enough. Unfortunately he did look exactly like his photos so I still didn't fancy him. But I had to give him a chance, he could be a really lovely guy. The date was okay but nothing special. He was rather dull and not as half as funny as he had been previously, chatting with me online. The only common ground we had was that we both loved dogs, but that wasn't enough. He spent a good 30 minutes telling me stories about his parents' beagle. Of course I love my beagle, but I don't want to spend a date talking about him and not getting to know someone. I think we were running out of conversation topics and common ground. He seemed a lot more intelligent than me which doesn't phase me. I remember him talking about chemistry and other subjects I had no knowledge of. Wake me up when it's over. It wasn't even interesting. At least we were doing an activity. The bowling was at least fun! I think we both enjoyed that. He was heavily into his high fives and not in a cool way. He was tactile towards me which I don't like if I'm not attracted to them. I tried to be more matey with him and didn't want to lead him on. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I fancied him. I remember him moving up next to sit near to me and me sliding along the bench in the opposite direction. Awkward. He kindly paid for our bowling and we put our normal footwear back on. I felt bad that I hadn't paid for anything apart from one drink of my own. So I offered to get the next round. We left the bowling place and started heading to the pub. I had in my head that I'd stay for one drink (me paying) and then I'd go home. That's the best I could do considering I don't fancy him. As we got towards the pub he stopped. "Do you mind if we call it a night?" he asked. I was shocked. What? YOU'RE ending the date before I got the chance to? How did he get in there before me? I felt a wave of relief come over me. Of course I was fine with that and agreed. I was just disappointed that I hadn't said it before him! He offered to walk me back to my car. I declined as I'd had enough awkwardness for one evening. We said bye and went in our separate directions. Lesson learned - no more dates with men I don't fancy.

[datingdiaries123]

7: Mr 'Manners'

I’d been chatting to this guy online for a few days and he seemed nice and normal. He lived in Manchester and worked in finance, we had quite a lot in common and got on well. He suggested meeting up so I thought why not. You can easily spend weeks or months chatting to people but then until you meet them in person, you never really know if you’re attracted to them. Time is wasted if you don’t meet up with them early enough (you can then rule them out when you realised they’re an idiot in real life!)

So date day arrived. He was getting the train over to Leeds to meet me and we were going to go for cocktails. It was a really warm and sunny day so I decided to meet him in a nice wine bar that had an outdoor seating area. I was pretty nervous as I waited, sipping on my rosé, trying to calm the nerves but conscious not to glug it and get drunk. I’d previously asked what he’d like to drink so I’d bought him one and it was waiting on the table for his arrival. I saw him heading in my direction - phew, he looked exactly like his pictures - first hurdle jumped. Then came the face to face meeting. Now normally when I greet someone for the first time I’ll do a single kiss on the cheek kind of thing. I think that’s standard for most gentlemen (but yes, I don’t always date gentlemen!)

He got to my table so I stood up and greeted him. He sat straight down on the chair (hmm well that wasn’t what I expected). We spent the first hour chatting and it was fun. Then we decided to move onto a cocktail bar. This is where I realised he wasn’t like me. He walked into the bar in front of me, opened the door and went straight in. No attempt to hold the door open or turn round and check I was right behind him. I’m not like that - anyone that knows me knows I’ll hold open doors regardless of gender and whether I know you or not (I do it for strangers when out and about). To me, it’s polite. So I wasn’t used to this, especially on a first date when you’re trying to make a good first impression. Anyway, I let it slide. Then after a few more cocktail bars and zero effort to hold a door for me, it was getting on my nerves.

In about the third cocktail bar I realised that he hadn’t offered to buy me a drink. Now this isn’t a deal breaker, I’m not one of those girls that expects the man to pay for everything on a first date (or ever, for that matter). I have a job and my own money so I like stuff to be equal. But the fact he hadn’t even offered or asked me if I’d like anything, I noticed that. So I thought I’d see how long it takes for him to ask. On purpose, I sat with an empty glass whilst we chatted away. We were getting along well and having a laugh, but how long would it take for him to notice I don’t have a drink and for him to ask if I’d like one. The answer was an hour and 20 minutes to be precise! Which I was rather disappointed with. He went to the bar twice in that time and didn’t ask if I’d like anything. I would never leave someone I was out with (mate or date) with an empty glass without offering to buy them one. Especially if I was going to the bar myself! I found that to be rude.

As the date progressed I realised I was less and less attracted to him. The final straw was when I went to the loo and returned to find him chatting to 3 girls at the bar (probably buying himself a drink and nothing for me. Maybe he was even buying them drinks!) Now I know when you’re out, this kind of thing can’t always be avoided as they might have approached him, seeing as he was on his own. He saw me come back to the table so knew I was there. I then waited for a whole 15 minutes whilst he chatted away with these girls. As you can imagine, I was not impressed one bit. He should have made his excuses, wrapped up the conversation and come back to the table, in my opinion. If it was the other way round, as soon as I had my drink in my hand, I’d be heading back to the date. That’s just having manners to me. And I also wouldn’t want my date to think I was flirting with other men whilst mid date!

Anyway, I don’t know why I didn’t get up and walk out after about 5 minutes of that. It’s not like I had a drink left there that would have been wasted. I politely waited for him to return to our table and made some sarcastic comment about it. I remember that he told me about what we’re talking about, although I hadn’t asked. Oh great, discussing sex stuff with all 4 of them…. Like I needed to know that. By this point I had lost all respect for him as his actions were not how a gentleman would behave. I ended the date as it was time to go home, said goodbye (no kisses or hugs) and got out of there. He went to the loo so I did wonder if he’d stayed and continued his conversation with his 3 new mates. It was still quite early (and still sunny) so I went for a spot of retail therapy and bought myself a new necklace. The day wasn’t a complete waste of time.

[datingdiaries123]

6: Mr 'Perfect Gentleman'

After the rejection of the last one, I had a break from dating. Of course this didn’t last longer than a few months, as I soon got bored of being single again.

There was a period last summer when I became a serial dater. Some weeks I had one or two dates and it got difficult to remember who was who, what job they did, where they lived, and what was their name again…..? This wasn’t because I loved dating, this was trying to find someone to date - and get to a second and third date with. When one date went badly, it was onto the next one. I mean, why sit around if I had an unlimited amount of nice looking men asking me on dates?! This is exactly what I meant when I said you need Plans B and C. It got tiring though, having to get dressed up and looking half decent for each first date, having the same conversations over and over again, trying to find out about someone and if you have enough in common.

Throughout this period, I dated lots of Mr ‘Looks Nothing Like Their Photos’, Mr ‘Non Committals’, Mr 'Just Wants Sex’ and Mr 'Still In Love With His Ex’. Most of these were just first dates as I can usually tell pretty early on whether I’m attracted to someone and know whether I’m seeing them again. Before I knew it, I’d been on way too many first dates - suddenly I was starring in my own romantic comedy but this is more like Fifty First Dates (not what I had envisioned!) Now every time a date asks me how many dates I’ve been on, the only answer that doesn’t make me sound like a total nutter at this point is “probably about 5 or 6” ……(I don’t like lying but I also can’t say I’ve been on so many I’ve actually lost count!)

After a few months of being a serial dater, I decided to change tack. Everyone was talking about Tinder and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I was well aware that it’s known to be a 'hook up’ app, but I thought what’s the worst that can happen? At least with it being linked to Facebook accounts, there would hopefully be a lot less fake accounts than on actual websites. So I signed myself up and got swiping. It wasn’t long before I started getting matches and there were some gorgeous men on Tinder - definitely an upgrade to the last lot! I got chatting to this particular man that caught my attention from day one. Tall, muscular, dark hair, brown eyes, stubble, nice teeth (plenty of boxes ticked). He was a doctor and he played rugby too (Wow, I like this man already). We had stuff in common and the same sense of humour. I think we chatted for about a week before we arranged our first date. The chatting included video chats so we could check each other out (and of course so I could check his voice was manly enough!)

It was a Thursday night and we planned to go out for drinks in Leeds - easy and stress free (so I thought). By Thursday lunchtime I was a nervous wreck. I think this was mostly due to me not really caring about previous dates and not investing much time to get to know someone before we met in person. This man had only been in my life for a week but I had the first date excitement which I hadn’t felt for a while. We must have spent hours chatting up to this point and I already felt like I knew him (and liked him). Due to nerves I didn’t eat much that day. I got home after work and got glammed up - best dress on, high heels ready, hair curled and make up done like I learnt from my modelling days (this was an important first date so I needed to look my best). From the moment I saw him in person, I thought he was gorgeous. He was even better looking in real life and I remember he smelt really nice. We stayed out for hours chatting, getting to know each other, drinking and stopping at different bars along the way. Remember I said I hadn’t eaten much that day due to nerves? Well this is when I wish I had eaten more……

We were in a bar, it was dark and the music was loud when suddenly I started to feel spinny. The room felt like it was moving and I thought I was going to be sick. I dashed to the toilets and sat there feeling really quite drunk. I was sure it’d pass, but after a good 20 minutes or so, I felt no better. He came looking for me - maybe I was a lot longer than 20 minutes! I told him how I was feeling and I wanted to go home, then the doctor in him came out. Before I knew it, we were out of the bar and into a taxi. The fresh air made me feel better but the speed of the taxi did not. Luckily my date was still with me and he held my hand and made sure I was okay. We got about halfway home and I had to ask the taxi driver to pull over. It was at this point I was practically being sick over a wall. Oh great, and hot rugby playing doctor was watching it all as he was patting my back! (Oh, the shame!)

The taxi pulled up to my house and I felt terrible. I just wanted to curl up and get into bed. My date didn’t want to leave me so I let him come in with me. He made me drink lots of water, put a bucket by the side of my bed and tucked me in. What a lovely guy. I fell asleep while he stroked my hair. Nothing happened, but he stayed with me all night and made sure I was okay. This must be what it’s like to date a doctor - someone who will always look after you. I’d convinced myself that I would never hear from him again after last night’s antics. I had ruined a great first date and there was no way he’d want to see me again. Amazingly, I was wrong.

We kept in touch and met up a few more times. Dates 2 and 3 were a lot better and less dramatic (on my part). After getting to know him and spending more time with him, I really started to like this man. He was another one who I felt completely comfortable with - wearing no make up, no clothes, and looking rough first thing in the morning. That was such a nice feeling, just being yourself in front of someone and knowing they’re doing the same. Comfortable and happy is what that was.

This is where this story ends, as he got a job in London and was due to leave in a matter of weeks. Gutted didn’t cover it. I still don’t really know what direction we were going in and exactly what he wanted, but looking back, this man was the most compatible for me and was a complete gentleman. No ulterior motive, nothing weird, just a really genuine and honest person. And that is exactly what I’m looking for.

[datingdiaries123]

5: Mr 'Don't Want A Relationship'

I felt quite sad after Mr ‘Right Guy, Wrong Time’. Sad about his dad, sad that things were going well but ended, and sad that we both liked each other but it wasn’t to be. After a few weeks of feeling sorry for myself I logged back on. I had a load of messages to trawl through. Some were boring, most were men I didn’t find attractive and some were just weird, very weird. This particular man looked very nice from his photos - the usual tall, dark and handsome. Very green eyes, the kind you can get lost in. And stubble, I like that. I had a good read through his profile before I read his message. Yep, seemed nice and he played rugby too - perfect. We exchanged a few messages online and after a few days, swapped numbers. Then the weird stuff started….. What’s the hottest thing I can do for you? Do I want to know? What did he just say?! Poo on him. That’s what he said….. And he wasn’t joking. He got blocked shortly after that revelation. He will forever be known to my friends as ‘poo guy’. Now this is what I had heard the real side of online dating is like! Oh dear.

Soon I got talking to this new man. He was into his fitness, took pride in his appearance and fitted the criteria (good body, right height, nice teeth, has a personality and of course ticked the dark hair, dark eyes and stubble boxes!) After a few days of chatting online (and me checking he wasn’t turned on by poo), we swapped numbers. Date 1 was a night out in Leeds. I was pretty nervous about this one. We got on really well, had loads in common and I fancied him. He ticked a lot of boxes. The date went well and we stayed out until we got kicked out at 3am closing. He loved dancing (another box ticked) and we spent most of the night on the dance floor. Our first kiss was exactly as I had imagined it would be. Was this too good to be true?

Fast forward a few more months and a lot more dates. We had got to that point where we were comfortable walking around the house in our loungewear and me not feeling the need to wear make up to impress him. Weekends consisted of breakfast in bed, films in bed, lunch in bed and dinner - often in bed. We were comfy and enjoying each other’s company. We had great sex and we connected emotionally. He got me. We laughed a lot and giggled until we cried. We had the same silly sense of humour and it was great. We stayed in a lot but also did our fair share of partying. No recent exes of mine were happy staying up dancing until 3am. Nor were they lovers of house music. This man ticked a lot of boxes. Maybe this was one of the positives to dating a younger man - he still wanted to go out partying but was also just as happy snuggled up having a night in.

The day of my 30th birthday was getting near. He asked if he could take me out the night before my birthday. Then he’d stay over and we could celebrate at midnight. Sounded good to me! We went out for a meal, had a few drinks then went back to mine. He gave me a card and a bottle of Champagne. I wasn’t expecting anything, after all, we were keeping it casual and only 'seeing’ each other. At midnight we cracked open the Champagne and watched music channels. It was pretty perfect. Then the next morning he made me a birthday breakfast in bed and sat with me whilst I opened my cards and presents.

I think the last time I saw him was around Easter 2015. We did the usual weekend in bed with a bit of going out and things were fine. A few days later he told me he doesn’t want a relationship (yes, we’ve already had this conversation and I’m cool with that). But he wanted to end it. The reason being that feelings were getting involved and he didn’t want that. I kind of agreed, but it was going well and we were having fun, so why end it? A few months later I found out he’d started seeing someone new. Who then became his girlfriend…. Hmm interesting. I still miss that man.

[datingdiaries123]

4: Mr 'Right Guy, Wrong Time'

Now that I’d got over the initial fear of meeting a stranger, it was time to get chatting to others as I knew I wasn’t going to see the last one again. For those of you who have never had the joy of internet dating, the best way to do things I have found, is chat to whoever catches your eye. Do not talk to one person at a time, as this only leads to disappointment - they get easily distracted as they’re most probably chatting to at least 6 other women…. So you get forgotten about, then you have no-one. So make sure you have Plan B, C, and D! Anyway, one evening I got talking to someone a few years younger than me. He seemed nice and normal, we had lots in common, he made me laugh, seemed mature for his age and bonus - he was tall. Very tall! 6ft 5" to be precise. Which means I can wear my highest heels and he’ll still be taller than me! This looked promising.

I think we chatted for a few weeks before we actually met. He was one of those people who I’d look forward to hearing from. That little bit of excitement you get when his name popped up on my phone. He’d message daily and was really good at keeping in contact. He was sensible but not boring. He was sensitive but not an emotional wreck. And he was just a really lovely guy. For our first date we went to my local pub. Kept it nice and relaxed, in familiar surroundings and not too far from home in case he did turn out to be a weirdo. From the moment I saw him, I thought he was lovely. Lovely in every sense - he was a genuine person, had a great personality and was just one of those really nice people. Needless to say, we got on well and date 1 was a success. We kept in touch and a few days later we talked about meeting up again. I think we had 2 or 3 further dates over the coming weeks. Then something changed. He wasn’t responding like he used to and he felt distant. I asked what was wrong (it’s better to be honest with these things, then at least you know). That’s when he told me his dad had cancer. So he was moving back to his parents’ in Nottingham. That was the last time I saw him for a while, although we did keep in touch. He then re-appeared about a year later (to be continued).

[datingdiaries123]

3: Mr 'First Internet Date'

My inbox was suddenly full of messages. I got the usual ‘hi’ (please, say something more than that), lots of nice chatty messages but from men I didn’t find attractive and of course the type I’d been warned about - dirty messages. I got chatting to someone within a few hours of being online. He seemed nice and normal, we had enough stuff in common and he was good looking. Let me paint the picture, tall, brown hair, blue eyes, ex-army (buff!), tattoos on one arm, was into his fitness, made me laugh and his mum had dogs. This ticked enough boxes for me to justify meeting up. (I had a lot less criteria back then, as you’ll find out).

We arranged a dog walk for our first date. He would borrow one of his mum’s dogs and we’d meet at the abbey. At the time, this seemed like a nice sensible first date, nothing too crazy, keep it cheap (well, free!) and keep it relaxed. I now know that this wasn’t the best idea as I should have met in a busier public place - not 7pm on a Sunday evening! (Luckily he wasn’t a weirdo and I was safe).

About half an hour before the date I was a nervous wreck. It suddenly dawned on me that I was meeting a complete stranger. Would he look like his photos? Would he even be the person in the photos? Would we get on? Luckily I had my beagle lad to look after me and calm my nerves. As we walked into the abbey grounds, I could only see two people with dogs. As I got closer I saw him. What a relief - he looked like his pictures! First hurdle jumped. Nerves not as bad now. As we got closer to greet each other, I heard his voice. This is when my dreamy ex-army hottie became a squeaky, non fanciable date.

“Maddieeeeeeee” he shrieked, calling the dog from across the field. My toes curled. But at least my nerves had gone. I did not fancy this man so it was just going to be like mates taking their dogs for a walk, right? Wrong!

We spent the majority of our one hour dog walk with me keeping the lead in my hand next to him (so he couldn’t attempt to hold my hand), him walking far too close to me and getting in my personal space, him telling me how much he missed being in a relationship (needy and desperate vibes), how he thinks we’d be a good couple, how he’d love me to meet his daughter….. And the whole time with me thinking “shut up, your voice is annoying me”. The date ended and I walked him back to his car. He asked if he could kiss me. Oh heck, how do I handle this? I told him I don’t kiss on a first date (that’s a lie), so he hugged me and we said goodbye. As I walked home I felt a huge sense of relief. The first ever internet date was over and I’d got through it. I also felt accomplishment - I had met up with a complete stranger and it had gone okay. (Well, he wasn’t a weirdo and I didn’t get kidnapped). Right, so if I’ve done this once, I can do it again. But next time, make sure I hear their voice before we meet, just incase. Cos you never know, they might be squeakier than me.

[datingdiaries123]

2: Mr 'Mother Knows Best'

So how should I write this? Should I go into as much detail as I tell my close friends? Should I water it down a bit in case my mum reads it? Bear with me on this, I’ll write from the heart, keep it honest and hopefully won’t offend too many people!

As I mentioned, the last serious relationship. I say ‘serious’, it was only 2 years, but for a year of that we lived together. Like all relationships, you have the honeymoon period and the missing you every second you’re apart moments. It seemed like we were both going in the same direction, there was lots of talk of the future and things were going great. So a year in, I packed up my belongings and moved in. This is where I made my first mistake. I won’t go into loads of detail as I’m sure I will have mutual friends of my ex reading this. But after many battles of what I was ‘allowed’ to unpack (not very much, most of my boxes were unopened), how often I was to use the washing machine (yes, there were rules), how I always cut the veg the wrong way and who had a key to the house, the final straw was to do with his mum having yet another say in our relationship. I had had enough. A perfectly happy, fun relationship had been ruined by us moving in together and me realising the fact that this man would always side with his mum, regardless of who was in the wrong. I couldn’t cope any longer. I felt trapped, unable to leave as I had nowhere to go. I felt tricked, not knowing the situation I had moved into. But most of all I felt let down, massively. By a man I thought I loved, who didn’t treat me the way I wanted. On the day the realisation hit me like a tonne of bricks, I packed the few things I had, took my dog and went to my parents. I felt like a failure - yet another break up and me moving out again. When will I meet someone I can stay with? Why is everyone else coupled up and I’m not? Am I the problem? And why do I date the wrong men? It took me months to get over that break up. But once my heart was healed, I got back out there. This is when I signed up to a dating website and how Dating Diaries started.

[datingdiaries123]

1: The first post

I’ve kissed my fair share of frogs in my years of dating. I like to think with every failed relationship, that I’ve learnt something and moved forward. Yes, most of the time that is true, but in recent years I’ve found myself in a trap, dating the same type of men over and over again. All this has done has reinforced what I’m NOT looking for…. And made me protect my heart more. I'm at 'that age' where all my close friends are settling down, getting engaged, some are married and some have kids. Now normally this type of thing doesn't bother me - I'm used to attending events on my own, doing my own thing and not having anyone else to think about. In fact, being single does have its perks and I do enjoy it, but it would also be nice to find someone to date, have a +1 to take to events and snuggle up with after a hard day at work. So where was my Mr Right? Would he bump into me at the supermarket? (our eyes met across the cream cakes aisle).... Would he be one of the gym hotties I occasionally catch the eye of? (You look hot, and sweaty)..... My favourite scenario would be like a scene from a romantic comedy and our dogs would meet at the park? (maybe he would have a beagle so my lad would have a sibling)...... I mean, I have grown up watching Disney films - filled with romance, dashing princes and unrealistic ideas of falling in love. We can all dream! After my last serious relationship (which I will tell you about shortly), I decided it was time to take the plunge and jump into the unknown world of internet dating. And this is how my blog began.