dating the big d

the life and times of a person trying to date in dallas

[datingthebigd]

DnD Nerds

I guess DnD nerds source their stories from the same playbook because two told me the same plot thread about a witch baby who can grow up to kill everyone and both their groups decide to adopt the baby instead of kill it. I don’t know if this is statistically what happens, or just the type of DnD nerd I attract runs a similar gamut? WHO. KNOWS.

[datingthebigd]

the reason for incest

one of my paramours told me that he had sexual trains with not one but two (!!) of his brothers (two different trains, natch). SO HE’S THE REASON INCEST VIDS ARE A THING?! 

one he said he was in the butt while his bro was in the vag and THAT was kind of weird, their dicks being close. but...nothing else? jesus.

[datingthebigd]

new band name

“sex trash”

in reference to picking up used condoms and wrappers detritus off the bedroom floor.

[datingthebigd]

second coolest first date

getting my hair cut and colored by someone who does hair.

[datingthebigd]

coolest first date

getting a free tattoo by someone who mostly fixes up cars but does tattoos and piercings as a side hobby.

[datingthebigd]

the greatest story never told

i can’t tell my best (worst) dating story here because i’ve told too many people and i don’t want to doxxxxxx myself. but it involves a government organization, spying, and inappropriate and unethical uses of government resources.

[datingthebigd]

reckless

my friend told me, after hearing one of my dating stories, “i’m gonna here [sic] about your body on the news one day....”

she is absolutely right.

[datingthebigd]

DnD

Me next time I find out a dude plays DnD”

[datingthebigd]

gigolo

i basically paid $100+ to have a one night stand with a super hot but super bad lay. $75 for the teledoc visit and $26 for my antibiotics for this UTI. 

[datingthebigd]

DnD

three of the guys i have been on dates on with have mentioned dungeons and dragons. two are the ones that run games (master).

i thought dungeons and dragons was super niche but maybe it’s more popular than we think just because people (rightfully) used to be ashamed to admit they play?

[datingthebigd]

mustaches

i have made out with three dudes so far who let their mustache grow over their top lip and it is disgusting. it gets damp and i keep feeling mustache hairs in my mouth while kissing and if you’re going to have a mustache, keep it trimmed so it doesn’t cover the top lip, gandalf.

[datingthebigd]

UTI

the downside of being a slut: painful UTI that makes everything miserable.

[datingthebigd]

teef

i have an odd attraction to slightly fucked up teeth. not like, missing all of them, but a few crooked teeth here or one missing one--i’m down. i wanna poke my tongue through that tooth hole.

[datingthebigd]

old man

i dated an older man for five months and he sold weed to this former students. he was a high school teacher.

[datingthebigd]

bailed

top choice (hot idiot) bailed on a show so i went out with a [redacted] instead. had fun at the gig and then broke my rule about not fucking on the first date. 

i don’t regret this because he was a bad lay. dude’s finger game was rough, he was pressing way too jack hammer hard on my poor defenseless bits. plus he had this weird rhythm thing were he would thrust really hard, four times, all of a sudden, all throughout the penetration session.

[datingthebigd]

42

been on dates with two different guys who have douglas adams tattoos.

is it me that is attracted to douglas adams-type dudes, or are they attracted to me? or are they just everywhere and i am overthinking it?

[datingthebigd]

top choice

of course: the guy who has a record and two kids and is a little bit flaky is my favorite person that i’m currently dating.

i will point out that as of posting we have been on three dates and we haven’t even kissed so he’s sort of a gentleman, in that respect.