The Voice in My Head

If I'm going to write, I will write about things I enjoy.

[davoiceinmyhead]

Do What Makes You Happy? Kylie Jenner and a Problematic Statement

I am not ashamed to say that I watch Keeping up with the Kardashian’s. I’ve tuned in pretty infrequently lately, but when it came time for the youngest of the Kardashian/Jenner clan, Kylie Jenner, to fess up about lip-gate, I tuned in with a bucket of popcorn and a glass of pinot in my hand.

I wondered how the perfectly-imperfect soundbite, publicity juggernauts that the Kardashian’s are would spin justify the reasoning behind a 17-year-old girl getting her lips done. I watched as older sisters Kim and Khloe repeatedly brushed it off telling Kylie and their audience of hundreds of millions of impressionable young girls in TV Land to “do what makes you happy.”

As wholesome as that episode may have been I was a little bit unsettled by the end result. That statement “Do what makes you happy” seemed problematic, a bit out of place in this situation. Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe that an individual has to search for happiness and define happiness for themselves. This is coming from a person who did the Instagram challenge “100 happy days” during a point and time in my life where I was standing on the precipice of depression and self-loathing. I had to fight for my happiness and make my happiness a priority in my life. Essentially I had to do more things that made me happy, whether that was spending a whole weekend in my PJs watching Netflix guilt free, or taking more frequent trips to see my family, or quitting my job without any plan for the future, which I did. Ultimately I had to do what made me happy.

I’m not here to shame or bash anyone from finding their own happiness, but telling a 17-year-old girl, a girl whose family stands on a very high and very  public platform, a girl whose mere act of “doing what made her happy” spawned the #KylieJennerLipChallenge that resulted in young people documenting their attempts to enhance their lips resulting in severe damage and bodily harm; telling this young girl that it was okay to undergo surgery to change how she looks and subsequently how she feels is problematic.

At 17 I was racked with insecurities as most young girls are. I was insecure about my weight and my hair (when I had a perm and could barely put my hair into a pony-tail). I was insecure around guys; I doubted if I was worth anyone’s time or if they found me pretty, sexy, interesting, or funny. This is something that most girls could relate too. Combating those low points in your life, reinforcing yourself, having positive role models to reaffirm the beauty in you is how you overcome those insecurities. It’s how we react to the pressures and obstacles of life that defines who you are.

So who is Kylie Jenner? She’s a girl of privilege. She’s made more money in her young life than I’ve made in my lifetime. She’s just purchased a million dollar home, I have yet to even purchase a car! It seems to me (from the view of my couch) that Kylie Jenner is an insecure 17-year- old just like everyone else, but unlike everyone else she throw money at the problem. Again, it’s how we react to the pressures and obstacles of life that defines who you are.

With all of the coverage that has surrounded Kylie Jenner; the fascination with your style, her hair, and her lips, it’s important to note her position and her privilege in this situation. For girls in more humble situations, yes do what makes you happy but if getting plastic surgery isn't easily accessible do other things that make your happy. Start a blog, get out into nature, join a sports team, talk to a family member/best friend/ or someone you admire when the insecurities get you down. Discover who you are outside of the physical. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful each and every day. Do what makes you happy, but most importantly discover the real you and be content with that.

[gaydemonspawn-blog-deactivated2]

[davoiceinmyhead]

[lasersinger-deactivated20161211]

[davoiceinmyhead]

Congrats to the beautiful, inspiring, and resolute rising actress of our generation, Ms. Lupita Nyong'o. #LupitaNyong'o #Oscars #BlackExcellence #CinderallaStory #FashionKilla #NairobiBlue

[davoiceinmyhead]

Oreo

I’m submitting this next entry to a compilation book of essays exploring black identity called Our Black. The writing process was interesting because I was so excited when I found out about the opportunity to contribute to this book, I found out about this months ago mind you. Now the submission is due tomorrow. I don’t know why I avoided it or why I thought it would be so hard to write, but once I started it, it was effortless. Anyway, I hope I make the cut but either way, here it is.

When I was a kid an Oreo was just a snack, one of my favorite snacks actually. My favorite is the classic Oreo, most people like to twist off the chocolate cookies and lick the cream center, but for me the best thing about the Oreo is not the cream but the entire package, milk included. My favorite way to eat an Oreo is to dunk it in a tall glass of ice-cold milk and hold it there for about 3 seconds until you see little flecks of the black cookie separate and float in the milk. I like it when, after soaking the Oreo, it falls apart in my mouth mixing together cookie & cream. It might seem like I’m making too much of a big deal over an Oreo, but if you think about it having an Oreo is one of those things that invoke feelings of joy and innocence; it’s a shame that the Oreo has been used as a metaphor that serves to separate a racial group.

I don’t remember the first time I was called an Oreo because I was dubbed an Oreo so many times, the first encounter with the metaphor doesn’t seem that special to me but the effect is still the same. In elementary school I had a pretty diverse group of friends and as most elementary students experience, I didn’t see race. This changed in middle school when my black friends and my white friends formed their own clusters and I was left in the middle to choose a side; but I didn’t have a choice really. I was a smart kid and I was placed in the higher classes that had, not surprisingly, majority white students in them. I was always one of two or three black students in my class, so naturally I made friends with the white students. That’s when I’d begun to hear the term Oreo; the black students said that I was black on the outside and white on the inside. I wasn’t truly black because I didn’t live in Carlton or Roodner Court, two of the housing projects found in Norwalk, CT. I wasn’t black because when news broke that the Notorious BIG passed away I had to ask, “who was that?” I wasn’t black because I had never seen Menace To Society or School Daze. I wasn’t black because I didn’t wear Fubu or RocaWear and I never owned a pair of Jordan’s in my life. I wasn’t black because I spoke too well and got good grades in class. When I was called Oreo not only was a remnant from my childhood taken away, but my identity and feeling of belonging was stripped as well.

I was an Oreo all through middle school and high school, up until college where I found and made friends with Oreos just like me. In college I discovered that race and more specifically, black identity is not a homogeneous concept, in fact I still don’t know how I would define my blackness or if I should even attempt to place my identity in convenient and conventional box. I know now not to let people define my blackness for me…and Oreos are just a snack I enjoy dipped in a tall glass of ice-cold milk.

[emotional-algebra]

You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

Paulo Coelho (via creatingaquietmind)

[davoiceinmyhead]

What We Can All Learn From Beyonce

So I've never been a huge Beyonce fan. Don't get me wrong I love Beyonce, loved her since she was one quarter of Destiny's Child; but I was never in love with her...not until this new album dropped! This album Dear Lawd! This album proves why we all need to Bow Down! 

On a serious note, Its funny how two albums before her current album, Beyonce released Sasha Fierce. She described Sasha Fierce as her alter ego, the person you see in the videos or on the stage. It seemed fitting for Beyonce to release a self-titled album as she has shattered her old facade and revealed so much of herself, her insecurities, and her fantasies. By listening to this album I began to view Beyonce not as the megastar and pop culture icon that she is, but as a human, a woman, a mother and wife. I looked at her and more aptly looked at myself and thought there is a lot that I can learn from this woman and here are my 5 reasons why. 

1. Courage-Beyonce has proven to be fearless in debuting this new album, not only in how she executed an innovative release, but in the contents of the album as well. Beyonce shocked the world when she debuted the orignal "Bow Down/I Been On" track last spring. When I first heard it I thought to myself, "who does this chick think she is?!" I'm sure the rest of the world as well as her so-called competitors (I'm talking to you Keyshia Cole) were asking themselves the same question. "Bow Down/I Been On" was just a drop in the bucket of Beyonce's complete transformation. It took tremendous courage for Beyonce to go against the grain of her carefully polished good girl image to debut a boastful, raw, honest, and slightly narcissistic true self. Beyonce had the gaul to claim her throne and throw humility to the wind and she had every right to do so. 

2.Sexuality-Beyonce's been a freak ya'll just got put on! From "Speechless" on her solo debut Dangerously In Love to "Partition", Beyonce never shied away from expressing her sexuality; but with her current release Beyonce, put it all on the table. This move was met with equal backlash and praise, but I say more power to her! Can we as an audience really expect our childhood stars to not grow and explore,an albeit guarded, but a very real aspect of our everyday lives?  Beyonce has shown that women are sexual, that they can be in charge of their sexuality, and that having a love life while being a wife and mother can exist. I think Beyonce said it best "I'm a Grown Woman," so everyone else needs to grow up too. 

3.Feminisim-If you haven't read the many articles proclaiming Beyonce a feminist (including this from global grind) than you need to get your life together! I can't claim to be fully knowledgeable on the topic of feminism but I've learned that feminism is not only an ideology but a movement to chatter gender roles and create equal opportunities and rights for women. The stereotypical feminist is depicted to be a bra burning, man hating, asexual female and there are plenty of women who buy into this archetype. These are the same women who cried foul when Beyonce named her world tour Mrs. Carter. How can a woman who subscribes to feminism name her multi-billion dollar image after her husband? In response I ask why not? Beyonce has ushered in the era of the "modern feminist" where woman are given the opportunity to embrace their femininity  on their own terms. The modern feminist can care for her husband, can aspire to have a family, and can care about her looks while still being a successful at her job and demand equal pay. The modern feminist doesn't have to sacrifice her looks or act more like a man in order to get ahead. The modern feminist does not have to choose between career or family, we can have our cake and eat it too! The modern feminist is Beyonce and every woman just like her. 

4. Love-I instinctively put love down on my list but it took me awhile to come up with a justification. Can I give Beyonce credit for teaching me how to love? The answer is no of course, she's great but she's not that great. But when I do look at Beyonce I see a woman who follows her heart in all that she does and lives a life filled with love. Love deserves to be on this list because without love the other parts of this list would not exist. How can you be courageous in what you do if you if you don't have love to fuel your courage? How can we define sexuality without having true self-love? How can we be woman and thus feminist without exuding the love for fellow woman, our partners, and our families? What we can all learn from Beyonce in terms of love is to lead with love in our every day lives. 

5. My last lesson is not a lesson at all. She's just fierce, need I say more!

[davoiceinmyhead]

I'm writing a post about lessons we can all learn from Beyonce. Get excited!

[tinytruant]

Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it. And by doing it, they’re proven right. Because, I think there’s something inside of you—and inside of all of us—when we see something and we think, “I think I can do it, I think I can do it. But I’m afraid to.” Bridging that gap, doing what you’re afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that—THAT is what life is. And I think you might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that’s special. And if you’re not good, who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself. Now you know. A mystery is solved. So, I think you should just give it a try. Just inch yourself out of that back line. Step into life. Courage. Risks. Yes. Go. Now.

Amy Poehler (x)

Amazing