Richie 100% has the vibe of someone who thought they wouldnt make it past their 20s, and then needs to figure out how to live after they do.
Riche grows up in a shitty, conservative little town in the middle of the AIDs epidemic, where one of his best friends (read love of his life) is terrified of all types of germs and sickness and spouts statistics left right and centre about everything, including AIDs.
It's all over the news, known as 'the gay disease' and he's 14. They don't have proper sex ed at Derry high.
He's aware he's gay, and he feels like he's unlovable and disgusting and inherently bad because of it. And he's alone.
For all he knows, it's inevitable.
Eventually he moves away from Derry and learns that it's not as clear cut as that, but life still isn't great.
He could get hate-crimed.
Richie’s smart but his brain doesn't work the way other people's do and that was fine in high school but not-so-great in university and he's flunking out.
He's trying out comedy, but the early days are rough and he's in a tiny apartment with 4 other people.
He's also kinda reckless, and impulsive, and doesn't like sitting in his own head, so when offered?
Especially when Richie thinks he might die anyways. After all, its 1995 and AIDS is the leading cause of death for men in America; he's got no prospects, no friends, and no self-worth, so does it really matter?
There'd be a long, slow descent into depression, no one that knows him really notices, and Richie might think, 'hmm, that's probably not the healthiest mindset to have'about certain things, but he doesn't think he has depression.
He's not crying all the time or actively suicidal, so, he's fine, right?
Like sure, he hates himself, but that's most people.
And nobody really wants to get out of bed in the morning.
Richie'll just mess around and 'have fun' and if it kills him, well, he's just one of those people destined to die tragically young.
Ofc eventually his career gets going and it actually matters somewhat whether he lives or dies, and somehow he's turning 28, 29, 30, passing by the 27 club, and life's not great but he's still going so....he can't really complain, even though somethings missing....
Richie only really feels like he's living again when comes back to Derry and sees the Losers, and realizes that actually, no. Maybe he shouldn't be feeling kinda blank half the time. Cus rn he's seeing Eddie Kaspbrak and his heart is fuckin exploding and this ooey-gooeiness that's been dormant inside him is threatening to come out and he's outta practice with this, he hasn't been that close to anyone, hasn't wanted to be that close to anyone for years and years,didn't know he was capable of it, even, and now he's forced to reckon with Eddie Kaspbrak s huge brown eyes and stupid frowny face and fuck richie's miss - miss - missed him, and wow, he loves him so much.
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