Dawnologues

It's about life. My life.

[dawnologues]

Focus on you. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary. #focusonyourself #yearofme #noregrets https://www.instagram.com/p/BscL591HYZb/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1itwl0hd2st1i

[dawnologues]

Don’t mistake. #tiptuesday #defyperception #riseabove https://www.instagram.com/p/BsZk5-cnz_U/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2c907x4ilcy5

[dawnologues]

Dear Andrew, on your Eighth Birthday

You just turned eight. EIGHT! 

Not a baby at all anymore...but my baby. My youngest gent. You will always hold that place in my heart.

You are THE most inquisitive, thoughtful, sweet and caring young boy. Each day you impress me with your knowledge about so many different things: animals, insects, global warming, electronics, movies, etc.

Your confidence and your smarts can sometimes get you into trouble. As your Mother, I can say that it is not easy to be upset with you for long. Even harder to punish you. Big eyes, long eyelashes and the ability to cry at the drop of a hat turns Mamma into a puddle.

You are loved by everyone

You are funny You are SUPER cute

You are smart

You are my eight year old

(And I can’t believe it.)

[dawnologues]

Turning Point

I am SO happy to say that I have weaned myself off of anti anxiety medication! I've NEVER felt better!

I needed medication about seven years ago. It worked for me. In recent months, with all the new research about gut health and it's connection to brain health got me thinking...the dots connected for me.

I started working on my gut health three months ago. Incorporating all natural supplements into my daily regimen changed my world. I slowly weaned myself off of the meds and I've never looked back!

Granted, I did a lot of hard work to get here. When I went onto medication, the plan was to build myself up to no longer need medication. Supplements were not in the picture. Gut health was never discussed. The connections were not scientific fact yet.

Here and now: I'm done! Done with prescription medication! (My doctor would approve).

How did I do this? 

A lot of soul searching

A lot of confidence building

A lot of maturing

A lot of loving myself

A lot of loving others

A whole lot of being loved

Being a parent

Taking care of my health

Drugs are not meant to be a part of anyone's life forever. Rather, they are a bridge to help you when you are sick or infected.

I feel happier, healthier and now drug-free thanks to years of hard work, discovering Plexus and a support group of people that I can't say enough about! 

[dawnologues]

Why?

My recent life journey has taken me places I never thought possible. I’ve sunk to the darkest of lows and in time, risen up to the highest of highs. All this in a matter of years. 

I was a single Mom for a few years before meeting the love of my life. My previous life came to an immediate halt that could have thrown me into a tailspin. Why didn’t that happen? It just could not happen. I had too much to do.

Two babies under the age of three and I was facing parenting alone, managing a household, working full time, making new friends and developing new relationships. 

Woven into all of this was medication. Just one, but it worked for me. I was on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication for more than seven years. I realized I needed help just after Andrew was born. Luckily for me, my doctor got it right with the first prescription and it worked for me. 

What wasn’t working was my energy levels. I way ALWAYS tired. Wanting to go to bed before the kiddies, but obviously couldn’t. Wanting a 2 PM nap at work, every single day. When the boys would go to their Father’s house on a weekend, I would take in a hot yoga class, come home and sleep for hours. 

This was my life.

Fast forward to January 2017. I had recently been reconnected with, Sarah, who used to take care of my baby, Jackson. At that time, she was working toward getting her registration in nutrition. One of the many reasons that I liked her was her holistic approach to life. She is a registered nutritionist now. 

I saw some of her posts about gut health and the connections to many ailments such as bloating, weight issues, autoimmune diseases, diabetes, thyroid, anxiety and depression.

It wasn’t just her. In a seemingly fateful alignment of the stars, many reputable resources had researched and started to unveil the links between good gut health and overall health. I was reading a lot about these connections and how to improve them naturally.

The research just gets stronger and stronger. Much like peeling an onion, there is always more under every single layer and the research is quite compelling and becoming much more widely available.

While I am very lucky and don’t suffer from a lot of ailments, I do not want to be on meds for the rest of my life. At this point, I feel like I have what I need to take it from here, med-free. Also, I’m WAY TOO YOUNG to feel tired all the time. Something’s not right. I eat well, sleep well, exercise some and I’m still tired. WTF?

Sarah invited me to her house one afternoon with a few other, fabulous women. I went there to learn from her. That afternoon changed my life. I got to know Sarah better after nearly ten years of no connection at all. I met some amazing women that are SO inspiring. Made new friendships that are blossoming right now. Found new “I’ve got your back(s)” for those tough times in life. 

Why am I doing this? This is helping me to stay me and become even more than I ever thought possible.

[dawnologues]

“How do you do it?”

Still getting this question: “How do you do it?”

Many of my friends know that my life partner is currently overseas on a long term assignment. At conclusion, it will be nearly two years that he has been away. 

I've taken on all responsibility here so that he can grow his career. When I was first presented with this situation, I didn’t hesitate. I said: “Go. This is a great opportunity for you.” 

I’ve never wavered on this. Well...let’s be honest, I’ve been pissed off that he’s away a few times, but he didn’t know. This assignment was NEVER held against him in any shape or form. When I got pissed off, I dealt with it and kept him out of the equation. 

Yes, I’ve taken on a lot. Household, children, dog, family, neighbours, new job, new bosses, new employees, expanding my education, new entrepreneurial business venture, etc.

How do I do it? It’s called love, friends. It’s being supportive of my life partner who wants to follow his dreams and expand his horizons. It’s being the rock at home for my boys, his teen-aged boy and the dog. All of them need care and control all the time. It’s about putting myself first when it’s appropriate to do so. I take advantage of this every single time that I can. I need to stay sane too.

What keeps me going? Every, single day I get a text message from Brent that always starts with “Hello Beautiful.” No comma. He’s not a grammar guy. Every, single day I get a text message when he’s going to bed “I’m off to bed. Love you. Muah!” (That’s a virtual kiss). It’s the little things. These consistent messages make me realize that he might be far away, but he is always cognizant of what I’m dealing with. He KNOWS I’ve got a lot on the go and that I don’t complain. He doesn’t complain either. This IS hard for him too!

I always respond to texts with: “Good afternoon, Love.” Comma. I”m an English major. 

We have managed to make this work and very well. Why? We respect each other, don’t weigh each other down with the small shit and we LOVE each other. This is not about gains/losses. This is about growth.

We have both grown SO much in our experiences with this arrangement. We’ve experienced some pitfalls, but independently and together we climb our way out and succeed.

We are not needy people. Each of us knows how to get things done. How? We SUPPORT each other! 

It’s really quite simple: Love the one you’re with, respect them and you’ll be paid huge dividends. 

[dawnologues]

The Journey

So, I signed up for the Biggest Loser Competition at work this year. I had to declare my goal weight loss. I said 20 lbs. That’s a lot. The contest runs for twelve weeks.  I’m 5′3″ and my Body Mass Index (BMI) is not out of line. I’m a wee bit on the heavy side, but no medical doctor would say that I “need” to lose weight. I just wanted to. 

My Mother said she would start a week after me. Last we talked, she hadn’t lost any weight, but I’m sure she lost inches somewhere. She looks great.

I have three pairs of expensive jeans that I can no longer squeeze into. I have other beautiful clothes that stay on hangers on my rack a.k.a. my closet. I’ve recently bought clothing one-two sizes up.

I started taking supplements in February and I KNOW that they are making a huge difference. I’m not wining the race, but I’m making HUGE gains in my health.

I’m the only female in the competition. The second place runner lost ten pounds the first week. The current first place runner is apparently, a former body builder.

I entered this contest to show up every week, no matter what. I have. No matter the result, I show up.

I entered this contest to connect with fellow co-workers. I have. Some might razz me for my placement in the contest, but we’ve connected.

I entered this contest to be accountable. I have. While I haven’t lost the 20 pounds yet, I’ve lost six inches. SIX! Mostly off my hips, some off my thighs.

I entered this contest, not to win the money, but to build relationships and to see what I can do for myself.

Two more weeks to go. Goal: Get out of second last place!

[dawnologues]

Dear Jackson on Your 10th Birthday

How are you ten already? 

It was JUST yesterday that you came into our lives after a long haul. I like to think you didn’t want to come out. It was warm and cozy in there.

But, I had to see you. I pushed and pushed and pushed until they pulled you out. You cried immediately.

I got to see your perfect face after a few minutes. Doctors and nurses were making sure you were OK after a traumatic invite into this world.

You are MORE than OK. You are PERFECT. 

My life has been forever changed with your presence. You are smart, kind, witty, funny and very handsome. You make the perfect man in the making.

We butt heads, a lot, but this is because we are SO very alike. You are a mini-Me and I hope that I can guide you to avoid the obstacles I faced, not care about what other people think and be confident in who you are. You are GREAT!

You have already exhibited so many great characteristics of a fine, young, man:

You love others

You love your family

You are kind

You question everything

You do good things

Jackson, I’m so very proud to be your Mother. At just ten years old, you stun me. I can’t wait to see what the next ten years have for us!

Love you to the moon and back,

Mom

[dawnologues]

Ski Day

After three days of trying, I finally got the boys out onto the “bump” to snowboard/ski. The boys had recently completed snowboard lessons as I stood on the sidelines watching and wishing that could go with them. I had skis, once. I had the whole get up, but those props were somehow lost in the divorce. I haven’t seen my gear since 2005 or so. It was surreal to glide down the hills with my babies, now young men, together. They are quite independent and skilled at their sport.

However, Jackson was a bit concerned that I haven’t skied in more than a decade. He DID NOT want me to go down certain hills until I had some practice. He was my mentor. When he finally agreed that I could go down the bigger hill, he was behind me the whole time, watching out. I was proud that I didn’t fall at all. I was more proud that my eldest son was watching out for his beginner Mamma. 

[dawnologues]

This is a Process, Not an Event

Today was weigh-in day for the Biggest Loser contest at work. I scraped out the $2 I expected to pay from my wallet and rushed down the hall to the first aid room to hop on the only scale I see regularly. 

The digital numbers jumped and jumped and jumped around. One of the men suggested I take off my shoes...um, no thanks. I haven’t had a pedi since last year. 

Finally, Paul made the call...UP! Not by a lot, but in the wrong direction. UP. I was a dollar short in my contribution to the pool. 

Most of us strive to move up, show up, start up, rank up, but when you’re in a competition like this, UP is a bad thing.

What’s more, I am now in second last place. I’m pretty sure the guy in last place hasn’t shown up, so he’s absently towing the line. I’m grateful for this.

It’s only week five of 12. Nearly half way, but not quite. There’s still time to get my game face on, talk some shit and show up the men participating in this contest. 

Weight loss isn’t easy for anyone. It involves complete lifestyle changes and commitment. I admit, I wasn’t committed over the past few days, hence the results.

It’s SO easy to make excuses, but this week’s results are my fault. I admit this.

I walk by the at work gym every day and I see my competitors working their asses off everyday in there. 

I envy them. Putting in the time, sweat and hard work to achieve their goals. I’m not working as hard.

Game plan: get out of second last place. Work harder. Show up.

[dawnologues]

My Love Affair with Food

It’s a cold, snowy day here in Ontario. When I got up this morning, I thought: What could be better than a bowl of homemade chili on a day like today? I was due to pick up my boys in a matter of hours, so I had to get my shit together.

I recently read somewhere that to get the most out of foods, you really shouldn’t eat anything that comes out of a can or a box. Canned foods are worrisome because the linings of those cans used to contain BPA, a highly toxic substance. 

While I’m pretty sure BPA has been banned in Canada, who really knows? It’s easier for me to grab a few cans of beans for chili, but the article said that dried are best. They are more nutritious and beneficial for your body. 

I bought two bags of dried beans today. That meant chili was out of the question for tonight. Dried beans need to be soaked overnight...chili tomorrow.

Eating clean takes time and planning. As I’ve said before, I’m not really a planner. I usually fly by the seat of my pants. It works for me, most of the time. 

I was a crammer in University and did reasonably well. I could pull off an “A” paper the night before. Not something I would suggest, but I could do it.

Planning food for my family isn’t something I do well. I will dream up something to make in the morning and it usually takes me all day, with several trips to the store to pull it off. At the end, I’m usually happy with the results, but my boys have mixed reactions and then there’s that HUGE mess in the kitchen to clean up.

Again, it’s easier to pull something out of a box or out of a can, but it’s not the best option. 

Last weekend, I made bone broth for the first time. It’s chock full of great nutrients and can be used in a number of things. The drawback? It took me three full days to cook. At the end, it was too spicy for my boys to eat, so now I have to make more for them.

What I learned from that process was just that. Preparing, cooking, eating...it’s a process that takes planning and time.

I’m learning all of this as many life changes are in play or taking shape:

I’ve been a single Mom of two young boys for years and my partner is currently overseas and has been for many months

I’m taking care of a household that includes a teen, some of the time and a dog that has been pissing on the floor since July of 2016 

After multiple visits to Emergency Vets, home vets, a major surgery, medications and treatments, the dog still pees on the floor, almost daily

I’m a part of the biggest loser competition at work. There’s a bunch of us that have embarked on a twelve-week program to lose the highest percentage of body weight. The winner gets cash that we’ve all paid into each week. Given that there’s a good size group, the pot is probably going to be a nice chunk of change.

I started a new job in Management in December and am still expected to perform my last full time job in tandem and produce the same results I started my own business on the side. While it’s not taking off yet, it does require some work on my down time to make things happen. It takes commitment and research and learning.

That’s the everyday stuff.

In addition, I’m planning to take a bunch of courses this year to get my designation as a Certified Human Resources Leader. This is not only a part of my performance at work, but also takes months of time, classes and exams to pass.

Whats more, I have a Master’s degree in my view. Still haven’t figured this out, but it’s in the grand plan.

So, with all this going on, why is food planning on the forefront of my brain?

I recently found a new source of energy that keeps me going all day long. I only drink coffee because I like it, not because I “need” it. I no longer yawn all afternoon long after lunch. I’m focused. I have drive and I have the energy to combat each and everyday. I don’t find myself exhausted all the time wishing that I could just call it a day and crawl into my bed.

I’m weaning myself off of my anxiety meds...don’t need them anymore. Yay!

What does all of this get me? Time to plan and execute!

It’s working. Watch me go!

[dawnologues]

Scale, Schmale

Third weigh in was this week. I jumped on the scale the night before to check my progress and I wasn’t happy. Up two pounds. I blamed Jonathan for allowing me to eat the Shepherd’s pie, soup and salad for lunch that day. Should have passed on the pie.

The next morning was the official weigh in. I was rushing into work to make a another scheduled 9 AM meeting, as usual. I hadn’t eaten a thing since the day before. I showed up with my tooney in hand. I figured that I was going to have to pay for going up in weight. 

Much to my surprise, my weight was unchanged. Still had to pay a tooney (you pay $1 for going down and $2 for going up or staying neutral from the week before), but I felt much better knowing that it wasn’t because I went up. Maintenance is OK.

When I started taking supplements, weight loss was only a side effect. Still is. My interest in the supplements was not weight loss. I was more interested in the overall health benefits like optimum gut health, high quality minerals and nutrients and feeling really great each and every single day.

I noticed a change on the first day. No shit. I drank the pink drink in the morning and immediately noticed more energy, no brain fog and no yawning after lunch or craving a nap by 3 PM. 

The taste of the pink drink stays in my water bottle for at least three more refills. That’s 22 ounces per refill. It’s a sweet treat, without the sugar.

My coffee consumption has decreased by half. I don’t “need” it to get through my morning. I drink green tea in the afternoon. Loose leaf with honey. It’s not because I need a boost, but because I know it’s good for me and I enjoy it.

I’ve also been taking a couple of other supplements to help increase gut health. Recent studies have shown that gut health is the foundation for optimal health. It makes a whole lot of sense, but isn’t something that the average Jane, like me, can understand or correct with diet alone. Many healthy people suffer from chronic issues, such as candida, that needs some extra attention.

Two weeks in, I’ve never felt better. I haven’t changed THAT much about my lifestyle and I’m seeing results. Increased energy, less bloating after some meals, less cravings for empty carbs or sugars and restful sleep each night and much to my surprise, a bit of weight loss!

Can’t wait to share the rest.

[dawnologues]

A New Beginning

It’s been quite a while since I last blogged. Family, love, life, work, ...all of it took precedent. But, then I asked: what about me?

The blog that I started many years ago was a cathartic path to vent and grow and get over some hurdles that were present in my life. I shared a lot of stuff. Many of my friends followed me in that journey to a happier place. All of those friends were very supportive and I am grateful for the experience.

I pissed some people off. I’m OK with that.

I’m in that happier place now. Have been for some time. My boys are growing up and not entirely dependent on me for most things. Recently, it occurred to me that I would like to share in my recent and growing experiences toward a new and improved me.

This year, I decided to put myself first in health, wellness and work/life balance. I had a conversation with my partner, Brent, before he returned to an overseas project. I laid out my goals...GOALS! I don’t set goals, but I have now and I’ve shared them with the person that knows me best. I will deliver. I never would have done this if I didn’t think I could deliver. He WILL hold me accountable. This is one of the things I love most about him. If you say you’re going to do something, you better do it. If you don’t, he’ll come knocking.

Brent has always been a goal setter. It’s a personal journey that he embarks on each and every year. What’s more, he achieves those goals. I admire him for this and it got me thinking. Can I set and achieve my own goals?

I’m always a Mom first. I support my partner in his ambitions, no matter how far away that may take him. I’m a “Step-Mom” to Brent’s son. I’m a friend, a co-worker and neighbour. I take care of a dog that has been pissing on the floor since last July. I let him kiss me when I *think* he’s probably eaten poo sometime today.

It started at the end of last year when I was surprised by a promotion at work to a leadership role. I was shocked, scared and wondered “Am I ready?”

It took me a couple of days to put my fears aside: I’ve got this. I’ve always had THIS, now I’m being given an opportunity to show what I can do. To show what I’m made of. 

Opportunity. Strong word. For some it falls in their lap. For others, it’s something that they see and they grasp it and hold on tight. Ride the ebbs and flows, but keep an eye on the goal.

In tandem with these goals came my friend, Sarah. I’ve known Sarah for nearly ten years. She took care of my son, Jackson, as a wee lad. She is very down to earth, has a smile that can kill any bad mood, and has a very holistic approach to life. 

As Sarah took care of Jackson, and many other children, she was studying to be a registered nutritionist in Canada. She achieved her goal and has been practicing ever since.

It’s a perfect fit for Sarah. She has always been very cautious about what goes into the bodies of her family and, at the time, the children she cared for. She became a wealth of knowledge about nutrition, the chemistry and biology behind it and the pathways to optimal health.

At the same time, her marriage fell apart for similar reasons as mine. We connected a few times on this, but mostly it was a very personal battle.

In time, Sarah found a great job, met the love of her life, combined their families under one roof and got engaged! She’s getting married in FRANCE this summer! She’s the happiest I’ve EVER seen her!

Recently, I became aware of Sarah’s new passion for optimal health. She was posting on Facebook about high quality supplements that she discovered and was SO passionate about. Her education coupled with her passion for a holistic lifestyle resonated with me. I trust her and always have. 

I HAD to learn more.

After nearly ten years, I found myself on Sarah’s doorstep to a VERY emphatic “HI! I’M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU!” greeting. 

That was just the beginning.

[dawnologues]