DAYC1

[silverhawk]

my cat: [gets claw stuck on bed sheet]

me: oh! let me help you-

my cat as soon as i touch her paw:

[todaysbird]

If any documentary I watch includes any kind of albatross, there is a 100% chance I will cry over these pure, good, large friends and their love

albatross are so amazing and there’s so much variety in different species!

x

[meawbin]

[meanplastic]

Idk why I’m hurt but I am.

[wombat-annihilator-deactivated2]

[mint-corset]

I already knew most of these. It’s like an actual career. Like for cereal? They sometimes just glue that shit down to make it pretty. Milk is usually paint to get that nice solid color and pouring swirl. The list goes on.

[communistbakery-deactivated2017]

i sent the bee movie script over imessage to my friend who lives overseas but it didn’t send as an imessage and sent as 315 text messages instead and i’m gonna be charged for international texting for all of them

[fourofthem]

#karma is real and god always protects the good

[animehorsegirl69]

when equipment screens don’t actually pause the game

[spoony-irish-bard-deactivated20]

I WAITED 10 SECONDS FOR THE GIF TO LOAD AND I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED

[iverbz]

i sleep nude because if someone ever breaks into my house they gotta fight me while im naked and i dare you to try and swing on a nigga when his dick is out

[dipsetflag-deactivated20141026]

You are grade A guarenteed to get yourself hurt with this mindset? You think I’m afraid to grab a dick and yank it, bruh? You think I won’t get my hands dirty on your dick in order to end you? You got the wrong one, man—and your ass better hope I don’t have a knife.

[iverbz]

[theseancequeen]

Okay weirdly this exact situation has happened to me. It was summer so I was sleeping naked, but then I heard the lock on the front door being opened. I thought someone was breaking into my house and I had enough time to either grab my sword or my nightgown, not both.

Two things I learned.

One, sometimes apartment complexes will flat out forget to tell you they’re sending someone over from the fire department to check your fire extinguishers.

Two, no matter how bad ass a person thinks they are, a naked person swinging a sword at them will knock them off balance both physically and mentally.

However, the fireman was very nice about it and accepted my apology.

[stephrc79]

didn’t think it could get any better, yet here we are

[johnemulaney]

AND NOW IVE THROWN HIM OFF HIS RHYTHM

[atissi]

museum gift shop: its that vase you saw

me:

museum gift shop: but really small

me: holy shit

[albinwonderland]

I really try to challenge Canadian stereotypes at every opportunity but today I was walking down Young St. in Toronto and a firetruck honked very loudly and I clutched my chest and said “MY WORD” and as it drove past, a fireman leaned out of the window and apologized to me  so I just don’t know

[meta-xylene]

[lame-and-corny-blog]

[shencomix]

My little secret.

image | twitter | facebook

[toffeecape]

Chaotic good.

[oldthe-nothing-maker]

your name is john. you like to play games sometimes.

[sweetiepie08]

How to get ready in the morning

Step 1: Stay in bed as long as you possibly can. 

Step 2: Speed run. 

[vorchagirl]

I feel called out.

[digitalfaerie]

if you roll off the bottom of your bed at just the right angle you can clip through the floor straight into the shower saving precious time

[meanplastic]

i was today years old when I first seen a fly pee

[starsandaspirations]

this december, i will focus. this december, i will do better. this december, i will study harder. this december, i believe in myself.

[ruinedchildhood]

[sweetsoftheartbeat-deactivated2]

Yooo, Throw the whole holiday away😂😭