“I think I only loved you out of loneliness. I was so lonely that when you entered my life and showed the smallest signs of interest, I convinced myself that you were everything that I ever wanted. But that wasn’t true.. you were never a blessing and you never loved me, I just kept convincing myself you did. and I think I did it because I needed to have some one love me. I needed to feel the presence of another person. I needed someone to want to be here with me. God, being alone use to scare the fuck out of me, sometimes it still does.. but now I’m more scared of love, or fake love, or whatever the fuck we had, if it was even anything at all. the truth is, you were never the person I saw. You were never actually good enough for me and I realize that now. I mean, I looked at you as if you could move mountains, I really thought you were like the entire universe wrapped up into a person. But you were never like that. I made up things in my head, the way you looked at me was never real, the way you talked about me was never genuine. It was as if I didn’t even exist to you… Thats not love. You leave me out for days then come back when I’m finally over it just to remind me that your still here. And I told myself that was okay. I told myself we loved each other. I just kept making excuses for you when you never asked me to, when you never even cared to apologize. And i see it all now. I see how stupid I was to think that any of that meant that you cared. But I just wanted to love you. I wanted you to love me. I wanted to feel something. i wanted to have someone, because any one is better than no one. and in the end, I can’t even blame you. you never pretended to love me, I only convinced myself you did. everything was in my head. It was all out of loneliness. I broke my own heart loving you. I saw who you were from the beginning, I just wanted to love someone so badly and you were here. It wasn’t always pleasant, but you were here.”
andulkaphoto
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
