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Had an interesting sorta sex dream with Reece Shearsmith last night. I can’t really remember all the details but we were maybe staying in a hotel/motel.

Anways. Reece kept changing between being him and being his sister (who was just a very femme version). It was great lol.

My sex dreams with men are usually kinda disturbing and I wake up feeling gross, but that one was nice lol

#reece shearsmith #dreams #sex dreams

This is dedicated to the four people I have slept with. The only people who have really ever seen my body.

First person was my Ex. She help me realise that I am aromantic. I think that the relationship was destined to end quickly anyway, whether or not I was aro. Everything moved too fast and she was a bit overbearing.

The second person was the guy in London. I met him at the cinema, was 2001: a Space Odyssey on 70mm. We got chatting at the intermission and after the movie he asked if I wanted to go for drinks and I ended up at his place. That night could’ve ended badly. I was just visiting London, on my own, and decided to go home with a random from the movies. But it was fine. I got out of this alive.

The last two. I met them at the club on my birthday. I got chatting with one of them about the Cronenberg movie, Crash, and we basically hung out in the smoking area all night chatting. Anyway. I went home with him and his best friend. We made out on the couch, Challengers style. And the Crash guy (he was obsessed) fingered me. Also probably a bad idea to go home to them. Also could’ve ended badly. But they were chill. My friend sees them at his local big tesco a lot, and I think is kinda embarrassed.

Anyway. I am pretty sure I am asexual. I just find sex really interesting. When it’s happening I just can’t help thinking about it in an anthropological sense lol.

I also wonder, especially with men, are they wanting to have sex with me because I’m attractive or is it just a desperation thing or maybe a power thing? Like, “I am so cool guys, I can pull anyway girl I want.”

I have dyed hair, and I dress in a sorta queer way. In my head I look like a lesbian. And so I wonder if that is also something. One of my friends made a joke about me being a manic pixie dream girl. I do get that in a way.

I would like to sit these guys down and ask them. But maybe that would be weird.

#self portrait #kakapo #procreate #my art