Brother, Hunter, Man of Letters

"I'm making this stuff up as I go. Sue me." ((Indie Dean Winchester rp blog. Mun and muse are 20+. Please read rules page before interacting. Set current canon, but will rp at any point in time.))

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((Okay, I’m archiving this blog and turning it into a sideblog of my Mary. It’ll have the same URL so just search for this url and you’ll find it.))

[frozen-delight]

SPN Parallels: Dean + Profile

For the wonderful @hunenka - happy birthday, my dear friend! ❤

[winsync]

Yeah, it hurts like hell.

[dreaming-ravens]

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((It occurs to me that I don't think I have any active Sam blogs...))

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((I have a plot idea. I need a Sam to do it with.))

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Are you Back?

[gracelessxangel-blog]

DEAN:

Dean frowned when he heard Castiel coughing over the phone. He wanted to believe him, more than anything in the world. But he was afraid that if he did, and it turned out not to be Cas, it would break him.

“Of course you were in a pile of ash. We burned you,” he stated harshly. He took a deep breath, letting it out in a rush. “If you’re Cas, tell me something only Cas would know.”

He stood up, starting to pace. He was trying so hard to push down on the hope. He had learned a long time ago that hope did more harm than good. He sat back down, holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder while he pulled on his boots. If this was Cas, Dean should go get him. If it wasn’t Cas, then he had an imposter to gank.

Proof…Dean wanted proof that it was really him. It made sense after all. There were so many different times when they really COULDN’T know that it was one or the other. He sighed and looked up, trying to think of something that would tell Dean it really was him. That it really was the amgel that raised him from hell.

❝ When I came to hell…To raise you up. When you looked at me…You cried. ❞ Cas sighed looked down at the ground and wiping his face with his free hand. ❝ You looked at me, knew what I was there to do. And you cried. You cried because for once…Your prayers had been ANSWERED. ❞

Cas hadn’t spoken about that moment to ANYONE. Hell, he rarely spoke about it to Dean. They kept it their own little secret. Cas coughed once again, his ribs now hurting from the coughing. ❝ Dean I swear…It’s really me. ❞

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Dean did drop the phone at that. He reached down and picked it up, putting it to his ear, hands shaking. “Cas?” he whispered, voice shaking. “H-how? How are you....how are you alive?”

Castiel was alive. He was alive and he was on the phone with him. “Fuck, Cas. Okay. Okay. I’m coming. Hang tight. I’ll be there in a few hours. Just stay inside where you’re safe, okay?”

He stood up and ran to his car in the garage, still on the phone. “Stay on the phone with me, Cas? Please?” Part of him was afraid that as soon as the phone call ended, Cas would disappear. Maybe this was some insane hallucination fueled by too much alcohol and stress. He put the phone on speakerphone, setting it on the seat next to him. “Could...could you talk to me while I drive? I don’t care what you say. I just...I need to keep hearing your voice, Cas.”

[inked-black-books]

[shpixn]

if you start a ship with me i go from 0 to SIGN ME THE FUCK UP in no time flat.

[expendablesidecharacter]

[monstacatz]

God I love Sam Winchester so much

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Alternates

[classicrockcassettes-blog]

daylighthefound:

Dean snorted. “Yeah, right. My life has been peaches and cream. Yeah, I’ve got Sammy. And that’s good. But I’ve spent my entire life as a soldier. Every time I think we’ve finally saved the world, something else comes along. You think angels and demons are bad? We’ve fought worse. We’ve died, and been to Hell, and lost everyone and everything we care about. For thirty years, our home was our dad’s ‘67 chevy Impala. Mom’s life was cake compared to ours. She had both parents. She had Dad. I had a father who was gone more often than he was with us, left us in crappy motels for weeks on end, a mother who died and sentenced Sammy to a life of hell, and a little brother who was as much my son as my brother.”

Sam rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean cut himself off, looking away. In the silence that followed, Castiel walked over, standing beside Sam and Dean.

“It’s…similar to Dean’s. But it’s…different. Not as bright. Dean’s has…broken, in the past, and has healed brighter and more beautiful. Yours lacks these breaks and cracks. It is…more normal that Dean’s.” Castiel sounded almost disappointed about this.

Dean turned to Castiel. “Dude, how many times have I told you not to get all weird about my soul?” he asked, frowning.

“Well, at least you’ve got something left worth living for.”

The words slipped out of Dean’s lips before he could stop them, and the moment he heard them, he knew that he shouldn’t have said anything. This - it wasn’t their problem, he supposed. It wasn’t anyone’s problem but his own. They weren’t even part of this world, he didn’t want to start pouring his heart out to them, but when they started talking about those things, then… Well, it’d been a long time since he’d last even had the chance to discuss anything like this. Too many things had been bottled up for too long.

But now that he’d said it, he supposed he might as well keep going. “Look, I’m not gonna say that it doesn’t sound like your life sucked, alright? And mine was fine up until… Up until the whole freakin’ world went to Hell. You didn’t lose everything, not really. You’ve still got Sam, and you’ve still got a world you stand a chance at saving from whatever else comes knockin’. I ain’t ever been to Hell, and I’m not gonna pretend like I know what that’s like, but the world the way it is now? It’s pretty damn bad.” Dean shook his head.

A frown formed on his face at what the angel said. Was the fact that his soul hadn’t been broken… Bad? “Uh… Sorry to disappoint, I guess.” What was one supposed to say to that?

Then, he turned his attention back to Sam and Dean. “Does he do that often?”

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Dean glanced at Sam, then looked away, gritting his teeth. "Barely," he breathed out after a moment. He stood and turned away, his shoulders stiff and jaw clenched. Sam wasn't what he was living for. He wasn't sure what he was living for anymore, if he was honest with himself. Mostly it was the idea that he should keep fighting the good fight, keep saving others.

"Yeah well, in our world, I'm the reason for the apocalypse. And the first one led to the second and the third and the fourth and so on. If I hadn't been weak, if I hadn't broken, none of this would have happened. Every death caused by those, every person Lucifer has killed, that's on me. I love my brother, but he's not what's keeping me here."

Sam paled at Dean's words, looking up at him. He had no idea that Dean was carrying all of that guilt. He shifted, wanting to go to Dean but unsure if he wanted comfort at the moment.

Castiel looked between the two Deans, brow furrowed. "Dean," he finally said quietly. "You didn't start the first apocalypse. Alistair and Ruby and Lilith did. As did Uriel and Michael and many of the other angels. You couldn't have stood against them then. You didn't know how."

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Alternates

[classicrockcassettes-blog]

daylighthefound:

Dean sat down on a seat near his counterpart, Sam taking a seat next to him. Dean raised an eyebrow. “Are you about to ask one of us out? ‘Cause I’m not about to let Sammy date another version of me and Cas doesn’t do relationships.”

“That’s not true, Dean,” Castiel protested from a corner of the room, where he was painting another ward on the wall. “I would prefer not to engage in a relationship with someone who’s soul is…” He narrowed his eyes at the other Dean. “Off.”

Dean snorted, looking at the other Dean. “And I’m not relationship material so don’t even look at me.”

Sam gave Dean a look, then focused on the other Dean. “According to the angels, Dean and I were destined to be born. We’re….we were supposed to be vessels for Michael and Lucifer. It would make sense that not having a brother would feel wrong to you, if you were supposed to have one.”

“Dude, I’m not dating someone who’s my brother in another reality, and I sure as hell ain’t dating myself. And saying that something’s wrong with my soul… With that kinda romance, I’m surprised you didn’t kiss me yet, Cas.” Dean joked, rolling his eyes almost playfully

He let out a small sigh. Seeing the other Dean and his brother… He couldn’t help but long for the life that he could’ve had, even if he knew that objectively his childhood had been a lot better than his counterpart’s. Sure, that would mean giving up on a lot, but would growing up with a brother by his side finally make him feel like he was on the right track? Like this was his life, this was what things were supposed to be like? Would it be less lonely?

“I’m just trying to say… Yeah, my life was pretty great, and from what Mary said your life would’ve been pretty sucky, but something was always missing, and you had it all along, so maybe - maybe you didn’t have it that bad.” Dean shrugged slightly, his eyes falling on Sam for a moment before moving away.

Eventually, they landed Castiel, and Dean frowned, remembering his earlier words. “Hey, what do you mean something’s off with my soul?”

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Dean snorted. "Yeah, right. My life has been peaches and cream. Yeah, I've got Sammy. And that's good. But I've spent my entire life as a soldier. Every time I think we've finally saved the world, something else comes along. You think angels and demons are bad? We've fought worse. We've died, and been to Hell, and lost everyone and everything we care about. For thirty years, our home was our dad's '67 chevy Impala. Mom's life was cake compared to ours. She had both parents. She had Dad. I had a father who was gone more often than he was with us, left us in crappy motels for weeks on end, a mother who died and sentenced Sammy to a life of hell, and a little brother who was as much my son as my brother."

Sam rested a hand on Dean's shoulder, and Dean cut himself off, looking away. In the silence that followed, Castiel walked over, standing beside Sam and Dean.

"It's...similar to Dean's. But it's...different. Not as bright. Dean's has...broken, in the past, and has healed brighter and more beautiful. Yours lacks these breaks and cracks. It is...more normal that Dean's." Castiel sounded almost disappointed about this.

Dean turned to Castiel. "Dude, how many times have I told you not to get all weird about my soul?" he asked, frowning.

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What she says: I'm fine.

What she means: Crowley finally figured out what he wanted and where he belonged. He had way more fun with the boys than in Hell, he was going to close it off, he was going to visit regularly, he was probably going to go on hunts with them. He knew all of that and made plans for the future and yet he made the heroic choice to sacrifice his own life and turned around and said goodbye to his family and nothing will ever be alright again.

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Alternates

[classicrockcassettes-blog]

daylighthefound:

“It’s literally the child of Lucifer,” Dean stated. “If any baby in existence could be evil, it’s that one. Especially considering how hard Lucifer’s been working to get his hands on him.”

But Dean couldn’t get over the idea that this Dean had been adopted and grown up as an only child in a healthy home. Part of him…longed for that. He loved Sammy, wouldn’t give him up for the world, but at the same time…Dean knew that taking care of Sammy was part of what had robbed him of a childhood. He had been a parent to Sam since he was four years old.

He glanced at his brother, biting his lip before looking at Dean. “Having a baby brother is nice but…it sounds like at least you got to be a kid. You got to live in one place and have parents who loved you and let you be…you. It’s not exactly a fair trade, and I would never give up Sammy for that, but…I dunno. You got to be happy.”

He shrugged, looking away. Sam glanced at him, then swallowed and looked away. Dean always struggled when confronted with people who’d had normal childhoods. He was clearly struggling even more with the fact that that person was him.

“But if I could have that life for Sammy, let him live a normal life and have a normal childhood, I would give myself up for that in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s a good point.” Dean nodded, shrugging slightly. Truth to be told, he wasn’t completely convinced that any baby could be evil - they were still learning about the world, they were still becoming who they’d be when they were older. Someone couldn’t be inherently evil, right? Well, not unless they were a demon, and this child wouldn’t be a demon, but rather an angel - or half-angel, at very least. And while Dean was far from a fan of angels, he’d long since learned that some of them… Well, some of them weren’t half bad when they weren’t overlooking the fact that there people in their battlefield that were getting killed.

There was denying the fact that Dean had grown up with parents who loved him, and he’d had a very nice house, he’d had friends he’d known since kindergarten, he’d had… Well, everything he could possibly want, he supposed. But he hadn’t been happy. Something was always missing, something that he felt should complete him, somehow. He’d never quite figured out what that was, though, not until now.

Not until he got to see his other self and his brother.

“Y’know…” Dean moved to take a seat at the stairs, pulling out his angel blade to clean it. “I had a pretty good life when I was a kid. Maybe I wasn’t the best student, I didn’t like sitting down at a desk and listening to my teacher, but I had friends, friends I spent basically my whole day with. My parents had a pretty good house, a playground in the backyard for me, a freakin’ pool, and Dad worked part-time so he was always home when I got back from school and we were close - it was all pretty damn great. But something… Something was always missing. I felt like - hell, I don’t even know how to describe it. And I spent years trying to figure out what the hell that was. I never did, not until a few minutes ago.”

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Dean sat down on a seat near his counterpart, Sam taking a seat next to him. Dean raised an eyebrow. "Are you about to ask one of us out? 'Cause I'm not about to let Sammy date another version of me and Cas doesn't do relationships."

"That's not true, Dean," Castiel protested from a corner of the room, where he was painting another ward on the wall. "I would prefer not to engage in a relationship with someone who's soul is..." He narrowed his eyes at the other Dean. "Off."

Dean snorted, looking at the other Dean. "And I'm not relationship material so don't even look at me."

Sam gave Dean a look, then focused on the other Dean. "According to the angels, Dean and I were destined to be born. We're....we were supposed to be vessels for Michael and Lucifer. It would make sense that not having a brother would feel wrong to you, if you were supposed to have one."

[dustofsleep]

I’d choose you. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.

(via sebastiantigermoran)

[couleurmars]

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Are you Back?

[gracelessxangel-blog]

Dean:

Dean was more than a little surprised when his phone rang. But he picked it up. He figured it was probably Jody checking in on him. Dean knew that Sam had given her a quick update on what had happened, and truth be told he had half-expected her to call before this. Or to knock down their front door demanding that he talk to her.

“Hello?” he asked, voice rough with alcohol and disuse.

He nearly dropped his phone when he heard the voice in the other end. It was Cas. Or it sounded like Cas. But that was impossible. Cas was dead. His wings had been burned into the ground around him. Dean had seen them. So whoever this was on the phone, it couldn’t be Cas. Maybe Dean’s mind was playing tricks on him. Wouldn’t be the first time he had seen or heard Cas since his death.

“Who is this?” he demanded harshly. “How did you get this number?”

The only people who had his personal cell number were Sam, Jody, Claire, his mom, and Cas. Or…at this point it was just Sam, Jody, and Claire. And Dean knew none of them would give his number to anyone. He made a mental note to call them to make sure they were all okay.

It wasn’t a surprise that Dean didn’t think it was Cas. Cad did die after all. He became panicked. HOW was he supposed to convince him he was indeed Cas. He sighed, shaking his head. This was ALL wrong. ❝ Dean, it’s me. It’s REALLY me. ❞

The angel paused for a moment, looking around him. He was at the lake house still. Everything looking like the night everything happened. He wondered where Lucifer’s child was. Where LUCIFER was. His heart started racing, he needed to find him. Before he could say another word, a TERRIBLE coughing fit hit him. He doubled over, catching himself on the side of the truck.

❝ I’m at the lake house. I woke up and there was nothing, I was laying in what looked like a pile of ash. ❞ His voice was rough, his throat hurting. This was so strange. ❝ Dean. Are you safe? ❞

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Dean frowned when he heard Castiel coughing over the phone. He wanted to believe him, more than anything in the world. But he was afraid that if he did, and it turned out not to be Cas, it would break him.

"Of course you were in a pile of ash. We burned you," he stated harshly. He took a deep breath, letting it out in a rush. "If you're Cas, tell me something only Cas would know."

He stood up, starting to pace. He was trying so hard to push down on the hope. He had learned a long time ago that hope did more harm than good. He sat back down, holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder while he pulled on his boots. If this was Cas, Dean should go get him. If it wasn't Cas, then he had an imposter to gank.