thinking about fugio again because imagine that you hate yourself and you hate your anger and the literal manifestation of your very being hates you and is only able to use your anger to hurt. it can only kill, its only use is death, and you hate it as much as you hate yourself, and you go about your life resigned to the idea that youll just have to live with a wretched anger inside of you, and that thats all youll ever be
and then you meet a boy whos new, and hes the opposite of you. hes kind, hes collected, his soul can only bring life, and hes so hopeful you cant help but hate him at first, its all you can feel towards him at first, but then he uses his power to make himself immune to you, and he can withstand everything you hate about yourself, and his sheer adamance makes him press on. how could you not respect him?
eventually, his determination leads him to betray the mafia. you know youll die, you know your friends will die, you know hell die. youre a coward, and you stand at the dock as they leave you.
they die. not all of them, but the ones you knew the longest, the ones you trusted the longest, the one you found half dead and decided to help is dead. youre a traitor, and the boy you cant help but respect is the boss.
he still wants you, he looks at you and sees what you cannot, and he wants you by his side, if not to take two steps, then one, and if not one, then even one half is enough for him. you kiss his hand and swear your loyalty, your body, your heart, your soul, to him.
you cant help but love him
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