do you think dazai was always like that or do you think he grew into his twisted personality? we don't get much on his backstory but id love to hear your personal hcs on that! thinking about him as a more earnest kid when he was younger makes me sad hahahha. . .
“I have always been 100% handsome ever since I was born.”
“Dazai-san, they’re not asking about that. And it’s impossible for anybody to look anything other than a squashed pumpkin when they’re born.”
“……Atsushi-kun, sometimes you casually say very painful things…”
Okay, serious face on now. Hmm, like you said, we don’t get any glimpse of him before he joined the mafia, so this is pure speculation and headcanon territory, but…
“Odasaku,” Dazai quietly said, “forgive this odd way I’m speaking. Butdon’t go. Depend on something else. Anticipate that something good will happenafter this. There must be something good……hey, Odasaku. Do you know why Ijoined the mafia?”
I looked at Dazai. We’ve known each other for a long time, but Dazai neversaid a word about that.
“I joined the mafia, because I was hoping for something. If I were nearpeople who frankly lived with their instincts and desires, violence and death,I would be able to see the true nature of human beings from up close. And if soI would – ”
There Dazai stopped. Then he said –
“If so I would be able to find some reason for living, I thought.”
Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era, ChapterFour, 185
This snippet from the second light novel, when Dazai is honest with Odasaku, is the only clue we get about what he was like before joining the mafia. It’s clear that Dazai joined the mafia in order to “find some reason for living”, and he had the idea that living in a place close to instincts, desires, violence, and death would lead him to his answer. This implies that wherever he had been before, it had been void of these elements he was seeking in the mafia.
However, even though he might have had very little contact with violence and death before joining the mafia, at that point he was already aware of the lack of meaning in his life. We know Dazai witnessed Mori killing the previous boss when he was fourteen, though he might have been in the mafia since even before, if he knew about Kouyou running away with the man she loved (Kouyou had been Kyouka’s age, which makes her fourteen then, which makes Dazai ten then). Assuming Dazai had been in the mafia since the age of ten, with the idea that joining the mafia would give him a reason for living, this shows a tragic awareness he had since young of how meaningless his life is.
This all leads me to imagine that as a young child:
1. Dazai likely led an ordinary life, if he had not had much contact with the underbelly of society.
2. However, given the amount of awareness Dazai had of life (his, and the concept in general), I feel like he must have been alone for a long time…whether because his parents died, or they abandoned him, or any other reason in between. At least, he must have been alone for a long enough time to think so much of life and his place in it.
3. Dazai must have been incredibly intelligent and observant since young, to be able to mull over difficult, abstract ideas. He likely read a lot, or was already drawn towards books.
4. Every child’s nature is different, and while there’s still an endless discussion on the effect nature and nurture have in shaping a child, I believe nature does have a significant part to play in how Dazai was like as a child. I think Dazai was the sort of child who was naturally on the quieter side, who watched and observed adults when they didn’t think he was noticing, and who might not have found much joy or meaning in children’s games.
5. Even so, taking into account the mentions of the great war (which likely happened during many of the characters’ youth), Dazai likely grew up in a society that was coming to terms with change and turmoil, and he would have been affected by the way people were reacting to changes in the society, whether the changes were improvements or mere chaos. Even if he hadn’t been aware of what was happening around him when he was too young, by the time he’s three or four and more or less able to express his thoughts, Yokohama must have already been undergoing tremendous change.
6. Thus, while it’ll still take many years before Dazai becomes the character we know in canon, I believe the combination of his nature and the changes occurring in society meant he has always been a too-intelligent, too-aware child, who did not have the emotional capacity and support to deal with his observations in a healthy manner.
I hope this makes a little bit of sense…! Please feel free to share your thoughts as well :)
