Sorry guys. Take care. I'm out.
I'll be on line app but I'm signing out of this. I should know better.
Hugs X have a great holiday.

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@dcdavechicken
Sorry guys. Take care. I'm out.
I'll be on line app but I'm signing out of this. I should know better.
Hugs X have a great holiday.
You know, I feel Maz Kanata on a deep level. I don't know why I ever expect the world to change. It's not like I can, either.
It's the same cycles, over and over. And I'm too unpleasant a creature to ever be happy in life.
Oh just
No.
Prince of Omens part 34
I saved my favorite ancient Egyptian hairstyle and outfit for Uriel because she deserves it!
Please do not click unless you want to see Star War Spoiler. Okay? NO click. Will also post image under cut. To help no accidental read. NO CLICK. ONLY READ.
Look pretty sky.
Okay. First. Yes. I knew they would do this. I knew. I actually also called Rey, and I called the bond, and a few other things. But I knew they would be assholes and go redemption=death.
Because no one wants the other thing.
No one wants the repentant survivor. We don’t know what to do with someone like that. They should just sacrifice themselves and die. We can’t work out how to work with the concept that someone is different. We can’t like anyone with problematic pasts. (NB am I saying we accept the actions of Kylo, or anyone else? No, we can fucking hate them. But does that mean we think it’s death sentence only? Kill yourself by being good or be executed??? OR live in exile forever???)
ANywaY let’s just not handle the grief and guilt people feel. It’s clearly not something we can live with or process, or it makes bad story, or whatever. You just. You’re acceptable or you’re not.
And that would be - you know - all well and good.
If it wasn’t that it sends such a terrible message to some people.
You’re not acceptable. Your only worth is dying for others. You are not wanted.
They ripped everything from him. Literally. Yes, he killed Han. After decades of abuse and struggling to survive. All three of them, at various times, gave up on him. My son is dead / gone / we lost him / I can’t save him / I didn’t come to save you or apologise. He killed Han. Luke just gave up on living/became one with the Force after confronting him. He noped the fuck out and just told him he’d haunt him. Leia - who knew her training would kill her son, went ahead and symbolically finished her training in Rey, anyway. And then used her energy (okay so we’re having to adapt to a loss of Carrie but still) to distract him long enough to let him get fucking stabbed. Which he then gets healed. But only really to act as a battery pack for Rey, for later.
Rey is literally the only one who connects with him. He has no reconciliation with Chewie, Lando, or anyone alive. Han who comes to him is his own internalised version of him. He wants so desperately to be accepted that he has to do it with his inner voice. (Yes we may have had something different if Carrie had been around but we don’t.)
Oh he’s bad. He did bad things. But he got the chance to do the right thing.
And who will remember. Rey won’t even tell her friends and ‘family’ about herself, how is she ever going to explain Ben/Kylo to anyone? Who would even care?
Palpatine fucking won. He got rid of the Skywalker-Solo line and usurped it with a cuckoo. Not that I hate Rey in any way. But the Skywalker line was taken over by someone with no blood connection. And we all just smile and say yes, good.
She was protected. He wasn’t. She had a chance. Her childhood was safer. But he still chose to do the right thing, in the end, and got rewarded by oblivion.
It is not a good ending. It is not satisfying. He chose his end, sure, but he chose it because he had no other option. That universe, that galaxy, didn’t care a bit. You’re only useful if you’re saving the galaxy. You’re only useful for your power (Force, or otherwise).
You’re one or the other. Good or bad. All the interesting possibility of middle ground is gone. All the possible integration of emotion and power is glossed over. She’s just adopted by the Jedi, where he’s abandoned. She’s given their blessing, despite using her emotion and rage to fuel her. But does anyone ever address the harm the Jedi actually did? Luke, but his version was running away and then everyone told him he was wrong, too.
Basically, just don’t be born with the Force. You aren’t a person any more. You’re gonna have a shitty ass time.
All the hope of a nuanced take on personal responsibility and emotional needs and the effect of expectations and the impact of intergenerational abuse... nah.
If you did a bad thing, you gonna die.
And worse, now all those years of hope... all those years of maybe, maybe, maybe... dashed.
And I must exist in a world with people happy about the ending. Like. Okay, good for you. But you’ve told a big part of my soul that the stories of the broken, mistaken, ruined, hurt and struggling can only end in the same way. There’s no reconciliation, not really. There’s no way to live in this world after the event.
I just.
I should never trust anyone to make art again.
This is why I don’t read.
This is why I close down.
This is why I don’t trust.
This is why I make my own.
And this is why I will stay inside my own bubble, in my own head, achingly sad, because to hope to be accepted is ridiculous right now. I don’t fit. I don’t belong. I am not wanted.
These stories. This world. It is not where I belong.
i am almost falling asleep and this is Not Good as i am in public
:(
200 Prompts
Not sure if they were deleted completely from this site, but I will be re-uploading all my prompt lists from my old writing blog onto here.
1. “You said that I’d get to have you all weekend. Why can’t you just tell them you can’t go?” - “Because it’s my job, and it’s important.” - “And I’m not?”
2. “You should sleep.” - “I’m not human, therefore, I do not require sleep.”
3. “I will protect you with my life.”
4. “Please don’t let me fall.” - “Never.”
5. “You’ll catch me, right?” - “Always.”
6. “You broke me and now you expect me to follow you out onto the battlefield? No. The answer is no.”
7. “I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”
8. “You take me instead, do you hear me? Give her back and take me instead.”
9. “Wait, something doesn’t feel right.”
10. “Did you hear that?”
11. “I almost just died and now you’re telling me that I’m a prophet of God? Are you sure you have the right person?”
12. “Stay here and don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
13. “Look, I know you’re a hardass, but can you play with my hair? It would really help.”
14. “I don’t deserve you.”
15. “Don’t tell me you’re fine, I can see the blood!”
16. “I’m sorry, but…I don’t remember you.”
17. “I wish I’d never met you.” - “No…you don’t mean that.”
18. “You know I hear you talking, but I still don’t have my coffee.”
19. “Do you want to know the hardest thing about having a soulmate? It’s not the separation in the beginning, not the endless nights lying awake, hoping and praying that someone was made for you. It’s…it’s the love. It’s too strong, and you can’t fight it. I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried…but I’m always going to love you. And I need you to know that.”
20. “You would risk the lives of millions for one person? Why?” - “Because it’s not just one life…it’s yours.”
21. “This might sound selfish, but I don’t care about the world - I only care about you!”
22. “Was I just an easy scapegoat to you? Is that it?”
23. “No! Stay away from me! Stay back!”
24. “You must be mistaken - I don’t know who you are.”
25. “I need to know that you can trust me. Please.”
26. “I have these…powers raging around inside me, and I have no clue how to control them.”
27. “I need your help.”
28. “Take one more step and I snap her pretty little neck.”
29. “This is real. You’re real, I’m real. I need you to come back to reality.”
30. “You’re really starting to scare me.”
31. “I’m here for your protection.” - “I don’t need protecting.”
32. “Can someone please explain to me, in small words, why I’m being assigned to this mission?”
33. “Keep your hands over your ears, do you hear me? Even when the noises stop. Don’t listen.”
34. “Close your eyes and keep them closed.”
35. “You shouldn’t have seen that.”
36. “I don’t want you here.”
37. “Follow me. It’s okay, just hold my hand.”
38. “Whatever you do, don’t make a sound.”
39. “Stop freaking out, I’ll be right back.”
40. “That’s for me to know and for you to…well, you know how the saying goes.”
41. “I know the signs…you can’t hide from me, (Name).”
42. “It’s okay to break.” - “I’m not going to break.”
43. “Do you believe in soulmates?” - “No.” - “Oh, well that’s a shame because I’m it. I’m your soulmate.”
44. “If you’re watching this then that means I’ve been taken.”
45. “You can hold my hand if you want.”
46. “As long as I get to hold your hand.”
47. “I will always choose you.”
48. “I can braid your hair for you…if you’d like.”
49. “Maybe if you actually stop staring at her and talk to her, you might have a chance.”
50. “Are you drunk?” - “Not nearly enough.”
51. “Are you trying to seduce me?” - “Depends. Are you seducible?”
52. “I thought I almost lost you.”
53. “I’ve been calling you. I left voicemails - where were you?”
54. “You and me against the world, remember?”
55. “I’ll come back for you.”
56. “Do you remember this? It’s the music box you got me when we were twelve.”
57. “Never trust a man that can dance.”
58. “We’re not alone.”
59. “There’s someone in the house.”
60. “Pay attention to me.”
61. “Were you drawing me?”
62. “It’s basic human instinct.”
63. “I’d rather be spitting blood.”
64. “You can sleep now. I’ll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you.”
65. “I didn’t tell you that I love you because I wanted to hear it back. I told you because I needed you to know.”
66. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”
67. “You can’t have her and it’s killing you inside.”
68. “Let’s carve our initials into the tree.”
69. “When you touch me I feel a little less broken.”
70. “You look so much like her…”
71. “Let me help you.”
72. “Come on. Let’s get you into the bath.”
73. “How many did you take? Open your mouth, I need to see.”
74. “You need medicine.”
75. “I need you to keep pressure on the wound, okay?”
76. “You have to promise me that you won’t fall in love with me.”
77. “You smell nice.”
78. “I could hear you screaming. Are you okay?”
79. “Shh. I heard something.”
80. “Stop staring at me like that.”
81. “I can never forget that taste.”
82. “I was made to destroy. Not to fix, but to break.”
83. “If you want me, come and get me, motherfuckers.”
84. “I see the spark in you. It’s amazing. Whatever you choose to do with it, you’ll be great.”
85. “If you need an emergency extraction just text SOS and I’ll send armed backup.”
86. “Just a few…more…lines…” - “You’ve been at it all night. Take a break.”
87. “Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.”
88. “I know how this goes. First you buy me a drink, then you tell me how pretty I look, and then, at the end of the night, you ask for my number.”
89. “It’s been a while. You’re not coming back, are you?”
90. “He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.”
91. “I only ever thought there were two kinds of love: The kind you would kill for, and the kind you would die for…but you, my darling, you were the kind of love I would live for.”
92. “Breathe with me, yeah? Come on. Breathe. You got it - there you go.”
93. “Losing you was the most unbearable pain I’ve ever felt.”
94. “I want you. All of you, and not just half-heartedly, wholly. And maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t care.”
95. “Loving you has never been so easy.”
96. “There are shooting stars in your eyes, and every time I look at you, I make a wish to be able to kiss you one last time.”
97. “I’m drunk and I hate everything. Everything except you.”
98. “Can you just…hold me? Just for tonight.”
99. “You have yourself wrapped in thorns, and then you hate everyone who tries to touch you.”
100. “Put the knife down…I’m not going to hurt you.”
101. “(Name), please…you’re scaring me.”
102. “You don’t have to do this.”
103. “At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.”
104. “You loved her…that’s not a weakness, that’s a virtue.”
105. “Love is never kind; love is confusion and pain and abandonment. It’s every single nightmare your mind has been plagued by. And, yes, it can unmake you in ways you never thought were possible, but love - it will remind you what it’s like to be human.”
106. “I’m right here. I’ve been here all along, but you still can’t see me.”
107. “The way he watches you…like he’s ready to take a bullet for you.” - “Is that a bad thing?”
108. “And I love, I love, I love you.”
109. “I don’t think I ever want to be parted from you. I don’t think my heart could take it.”
110. “You’re such a needy baby.”
111. “You have bewitched me; body and soul.”
112. “I worship you.”
113. “I am begging on my knees. Please, don’t do this.”
114. “I don’t think you know how to love.”
115. “It’s torture, being human. Sometimes I wish I could just turn it off. Turn it all off.”
116. “You don’t have to carry the weight of the world all by yourself, you know?”
117. “I’m all yours.” - “Really?”
118. “I know I can be pretty dense, but you’re giving me some…pretty big signals here, and I don’t know if I’m reading them right but…I hope I’m somewhere along the right track.”
119. “Just one moment…” - “What are you doing?” - “Well, I suppose I’m going to kiss you. I hope that’s alright.”
120. “You’re a woman, that alone makes you magic.”
121. “What if we’re the only ones left?”
122. “Sorry, I didn’t hear a word you just said.”
123. “You have my word. You have all my words.”
124. “Be nice.” - “Always.”
125. “(Name)?” - “Yeah?” - “I’m gonna kiss you now.” - “Okay.”
126. “Just stay. We can figure everything else out later. Right now, just stay.”
127. “My hands are not clean, and maybe they never will be, but they can still carry you home when you’re ready to sleep.”
128. “We’re a mess, you and I.”
129. “Stop looking at me with pity in your eyes. Stop it. Stop fucking looking at me like that.”
130. “It won’t be easy, you know…trying to love me.”
131. “You took advantage of me when all I did was help you.”
132. “What good will come from killing them? Revenge and vengeance are very different things, you need to understand that.”
133. “Take my gun, I don’t want to hurt you.” - “You won’t hurt me.” - “Please. Just take it.”
134. “Bah-Humbug.”
135. “You want to run away? On the night of our wedding?”
136. “You’re upset.” - “I’m not.” - “I know that face. That’s your I’m-upset-with-you face. And your eyebrows - they get really expressive when you’re mad.”
137. “Truth is, I just wanted an excuse to hold your hand.”
138. “Do you love me? If you do, then you need to do this for me.”
139. “Stop staring.” - “I’m not.” - “Oh, sure you aren’t.”
140. “I have a hole…in my side.” - “I’m sorry, what?” - “I was shot.”
141. “I didn’t want you to panic and now you’re panicking which is making me panic and-”
142. “You should talk to her.” - “And have her hear me? No thank you.”
143. “You really don’t know how to talk to women, do you?”
144. “You already know how this one will end.”
145. “I trust you completely.”
146. “I prefer the view from up there.”
147. “I’m not sure how many coffees it takes to be happy, but so far, it’s not twelve.”
148. “I’m so proud of you.”
149. “Away you three inch fool.”
150. “You will be the end of me.”
151. “I will give you the sun.”
152. “You are safe. I won’t let them hurt you.”
153. “I want you to go upstairs and lock the door, okay? Don’t come out until I tell you to.”
154. “I’m a fallen angel.”
155. “I just fell out of an airplane without a parachute and I have no idea how I survived.”
156. “He stares at you every time you look away.”
157. “Shut the hell your mouth.”
158. “Well butter my buns and call me betty crocker.”
159. “Meeting you was the best coincidence life ever gave me.”
160. “You make my heart happy.”
161. “Tell me a lie.” - “I love you.”
162. “They told me you died. And I screamed. I screamed until my lungs hurt too much to continue.”
163. “I’m not sure what peace is supposed to feel like, but I think it may feel a lot like you.”
164. “To keep you safe, I would do anything.”
165. “I deserved a better goodbye.”
166. “I’ll take care of you.” - “It’s rotten work.” - “Not to me. Not if it’s you.”
167. “You’ve suffered through enough.”
168. “Don’t get too close to that one, she’ll singe your fingertips and have you on your knees.”
169. “He was my almost.”
170. “Go ahead. Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.”
171. “Did you have another blackout?”
172. “I think we’d make this a fair fight if we each had a gun. Don’t you agree, boys?”
173. “You think you gave me some sort of gift? You took a messed up girl and turned her into a broken woman.”
174. “I don’t owe you a damn thing.”
175. “Star gazing. That’s your thing? Seriously?”
176. “You don’t know when to stop, do you?”
177. “You’re a coward, (Name)! You hide away this entirely different part to yourself all because you’re afraid that someone might get close to you! You’re afraid that someone might just care about you more than you think you deserve. That - that isn’t fair.”
178. “Don’t do it. If you attack now, then I won’t be able to keep you safe.”
179. “I can’t believe you’re alive!”
180. “Heaven just couldn’t wait for you…”
181. “Higher, further, faster, baby.”
182. “It’s my fault.”
183. “You got a minute to live, fill it with words.”
184. “We’ll lose.” - “Then we’ll do that together too.”
185. “I don’t want to hurt you.” - “I’d like to see you try.”
186. “I’m eating because I’m very uncomfortable.”
187. “I know I kissed you before, but I didn’t do it right. Can I try again?”
188. “I would die before I let anything happen to you.”
189. “You have my heart. I don’t think I could get it back even if I wanted to.”
190. “I think I may be slightly more drunk than I thought.”
191. “You are love in its best form.”
192. “I don’t regret every second with you, I treasure them”
193. “My universe is you.”
194. “Here, let me hold that for you.”
195. “I read once that holding your breath can stop a panic attack so…when I kissed you…you held your breath.”
196. “Let. Her. Go.”
197. “Did you just call me your boyfriend/girlfriend?”
198. “We were meant for each other.”
199. “Why not be angry? Anger is better than tears, better than grief, better than the guilt.”
200. “He loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it.”
Do not give me that look.
(And for @shadowweaver06 who wanted floof, and for @singasongrightnow who is a masochist who just loves me to tag them...)
“Do not give me that look.”
Crowley could feel the eyes on him.
“What?”
“You know what.” He knew the angel did, and he wasn’t happy, and he was going to make sure the angel knew he was not happy. Because it was important.
“It’s simply--”
“See,” he snapped, accusingly. “You do know.”
“I am conjecturing based on your complete inability to communicate as a normal, sensible, rational creature, Crowley!”
Making him cross and cranky was good. It deflected things. It shifted the focus. It made the topic move to how insufferable he was, instead of things he could not and would not hear spoken aloud.
It also made the small child currently curled up between his crossed legs stir uncomfortably. The - most likely girl - who had wandered in from the street and then burst into tears had refused to calm down until Crowley had scolded the ridiculous angel and taken her to one side and given her a spare pair of the sunglasses she had been enchanted by. She had been happily playing about with his snakeskin boots, and she stopped to wobble her lips at the raised voices.
“Have you got in touch with the police, then?” Crowley asked, jogging one knee to make her giggle.
“Yes. They will send someone any moment now. There were no reports of a missing child, but the caregiver may not have thought to call them yet.”
Kids did misbehave, and wander, and drive you mad, Crowley knew. But how could you lose one and not notice, or care? Fine, if you were Her, you had so many that it was like some high-yield brood. You over-produced to counter natural wastage. But when you had one or two at a time (statistically speaking), you’d think you’d pay more attention.
The girl put her head on his knee, clearly tired. Crowley narrowed his eyes at the angel. “Milk and cookies?” he mouthed, silently.
“What?”
“I said: Milk and cookies!”
That wasn’t silent, and the girl bounced upright, clapping her hands. “Coogie!”
“She really does like you,” Aziraphale said, rolling his eyes and going to fetch things.
“Well. I know how she feels. I mean... you know.” Damn. Why did he say that. “Being talked to like an idiot by an angel, when you just want a drink.” Better. Better than ‘being alone in the world all of a sudden’.
But the angel knew. And Crowley knew that he knew. And the little girl made sticky fingerprints and crumbs mar his black jeans until the terrified mother turned up with the pram holding the girl’s sibling.
At least she came back for her, Crowley thought, as he cursed her with not forgetting her daughter again. He nodded to the kid as she was handed back, and made a point of memorising her.
You know.
Just in case it happened again, and he needed to intervene.
“Oh, shut up,” he said, feeling Aziraphale’s delight pour off him in waves.
You just didn’t do that to kids.
#Black Books #the dream of anyone who works in retail (via @verecunda)
Prompt: Aziraphale's inner monologue as he's getting dressed.
He could, of course, just snap and bend the world and wrap this body of his back in his accustomed clothes. (But were they? Were they his? This body, remade by the Antichrist himself. He couldn’t claim that he’d kept them pristine for decades, now.) He could swaddle away pale and vulnerable skin, conform (only just) to common sensibilities and be done with it.
But it seemed wrong. Seemed wrong to ignore the ritual physicality of it, now.
This body had been gone, and was born again. Then he’d left of his own volition, and seen that face move around another’s thoughts and moods. More sombre than he felt he normally looked - but did he? What did he look like, to everyone else? Not the false expressions in mirrors, but the glanced views of an unprepared, unschooled face?
What did the layers of fabric and the unspoken communication in the choice of his shoes say to everyone else? Neat. Crisp. Bright.
Unchanging.
He hadn’t always been so static. Hadn’t always been locked into the same patterns and cuts. But the faster Crowley’s fashions changed, the harder he’d slammed on his own brakes. The more he’d huddled, turtle-like, into his shell.
Soft fabrics. Hard barriers.
His fingers slid the socks up his ankles, feeling the tendons as if it was the first time he’d been ever in this body, all over again. Familiar, but entirely other, now. Like the ticking clock you could not unhear. Like the way you’d see a face in a paisley swirl on the wall, and it would always be there.
This body was alien, now. Or - no - changed.
Different.
Everything was changed, even if it looked - to a casual observer - the same. He was ‘free’. Free from the constraints he’d felt, the eyes on him. He was free from the expectations. He was... he was his own self.
Pulled apart by Heaven, put together by what should have been Hell, but was something else. A child created to end everything, and a demon who absolutely refused to. They’d made him this, protected it from harm, and...
And then something utterly fabulous, which shouldn’t have been so wonderful, but had been, all the same. Fingers laced with his. Kisses over skin. Hisses in his ear. Bodies moving to find pleasure, but a pleasure that Aziraphale knew was merely a reflection of a deeper need, deeper love. Crowley had loved him without their consummation, and would have continued to love him.
Aziraphale would, too. But it hadn’t hurt at all to tumble into his arms and lips. To put his hands on a body he’d been inside of, and watch the way his touches to familiar-but-not made the light inside crackle and call out. They’d ignored all the rules, and made up their own, and shared something that maybe humans knew, but angels didn’t. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
He could feel, below the places where shirt touched shoulder, the memory of fingernails and the sting of sweat and the tense-release of their lovemaking. He tugged his bowtie tighter, and didn’t do it to hide any mark that might be there, but to press the ghost-lips more firmly to his skin. A bare echo of the real thing, but a reminder.
This body was his, and Crowley’s, too. Just as his demon had given him the same. The shadows of their touches weren’t for others to witness, and he coiled the clothes around himself jealously. He didn’t want anyone else to pry into that, into the voice that bounced down his spine and reminded him of how Crowley would yield and demand and offer and share. Tight belt around his middle, an attempt to ground himself on the floorboards, and not on the bed.
It was not that he didn’t want anyone to know about them. It was just that the details - the secret of their feelings - those were for others to only guess at, and never know.
Lanky limbs tugged a pillow in, behind him, as Crowley whined in his sleep. Missing him. Wanting him. Just... wanting to hold and be held. Naked and unashamed, he spread over the bed like a re-echoing memory, and Aziraphale brushed hair back from his face and kissed his shoulder.
“I’m not going anywhere, my dearest heart,” he whispered. “You can rest easy.”
Hearing, on some level, the serpent uncoiled and arched towards his warmth. Aziraphale pushed fingers through his russet locks, and hummed a soft lullaby to ease him back to sleep.
Only Crowley would see him dress, and undress. It was something for him alone.
@singasongrightnow
your headcanon that Aziraphale reads in bed all night while Crowley sleeps is blessed, thank you. I'm now imagining Aziraphale periodically lowering his book to just gaze adoringly at the demon curled up by his side
Right?? It’s perfect for the both of them
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I'm crying because it's never enough swords.
imagine how many times Crowley must have seen him nervously adjust his bowtie and jacket to be able to replicate it perfectly
Imagine Crowley touching Aziraphale’s jacket and bowtie (things Crowley didn’t make from firmament, things which are real, things which Aziraphale has lovingly cared for over years and years) as an act of comfort in this terrifying circumstance, to keep himself brave and centered, to remind himself why he’s doing this and why must do this well. Imagine the mimicry is subconscious, because Aziraphale has adjusted these same articles the same way over and over again in Crowley’s presence, trying to remind himself why he must be brave and strong and follow the rules and not say what he wants to say to the demon before him, even though he’s never wanted anything more. Aziraphale fiddling with his jacket and bowtie to give himself time to think of something to say that isn’t “I’ve loved you since before I understood the feeling” and Crowley fiddling with the same jacket and bowtie the same way to give himself time to think of something to say that isn’t “fuck you, Gabriel, I took his place because I love him.”
Yeah smut is nice but have you ever read a fanfic about an asexual relationship where the characters are loved and respected for their preferences and boundaries?
... Yes and I write it, too....
Guys not to be dramatic but *falls into sofa with a hand on my forehead* it's been a week~
and you survived. you're amazing :)