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[dd-randomscrawlings]

All I feel like doing is lay here, on the floor and stare out of my window,

and watch the clouds float by,

watch the way colors change in the sky,

and forget about this pain that hammers down the walls of my heart

all day and all night long, just forget everything for a while,

forget the hypocrisies of the world, and how they wronged me, again,

Just forget, forget away my pain…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

You promised me a life together,

But you left me in cold,

No apology,

Not even a goodbye…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

My hands are shaking again,

My whole body is shaking,

I bring my knees to my chest and hug myself,

I rock myself back and forth, I wipe my tears,

I tell myself it’ll be okay real soon,

That I’ll stop missing you like I do now, all day every day,

My heart is empty but heavy,

Dread creeps in time and again,

But I tell myself everything will be okay,

It has to…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

Dear You,

I got my result yesterday, scored pretty good,

You always had faith on me on doing great,

And I missed you,

I got the seats too, although not the one I wanted nor in the place I wanted,

But life has taught me over and over again, you can’t always have what you wanted,

But eventually things still work out,

But I still feel empty,

Seeing the life we dreamed together slipping away with every step we take away from each other,

I’d still leave all of this with the drop of a hat for you,

And it hurts that you wouldn’t for me,

I know the impossible choice you have to make, but I think I’d have chosen you without a doubt had I been in your shoes,

And I thought you loved me more,

It breaks my heart all over again to realize that love is not enough in this world,

The world filled with hypocrites, willing to give up their child’s happiness for their pride,

But did they divide us , or were we not strong at the first place?

The question haunts me every day.

And it’s not this world I am angry at, of course they are going to try to break us,

But it’s you, the man I loved and trusted blindly,

Who betrayed my trust, sent dagger through my heart, left me out in cold,

It’s you, and the way it ended that hurts the most…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

You feel like you cannot cry anymore,

Then you cry some more…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

I know right now you feel like this pain is only ever expanding,

like this hurt you carry with you is going to crush you once again,

like this darkness will swallow you whole,

like you will never be able to love again, never be able to trust again,

But you have gone through storms and darkness before,

You’ve cried 1000s of nights, lying awake, nursing your bleeding heart before

And I know you don’t know why this is happening again, why you’ve to go through this again,

But everything happens for a reason,

One day this too shall be a dull ache from a distant past,

And you’ll see why this had to happen,

You’ll be okay, hold on tight for now…

Love,

You from the future

[dd-randomscrawlings]

It was not something I was not aware of, living however long I have lived on this earth, seeing the way people function. So, I know that most people only want you around when you are a sunshine, basking in your warmth and light. And when it comes to that torrential rain, they run and hide, for nobody wants to drown on someone else’s pain and misery. But I thought you were not Most people. How wrong I was…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

Today was another day I wanted to curl up in a ball and just stay there for whole day and night, nursing my over feeling , broken , jarred heart. But life needs to be lived, and you need to tread through even when you feel like dying inside. So, I forced myself to get out of my bed, and study. But all I wanted to do was cry and carve this aching heart out of my chest and toss it as far as I can…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

How am I supposed to trust anyone ever again?

If You… you, who said I am your soulmate, The love of your life, can do this to me,

Then who I am ever going to trust?

How am I ever going to trust?

[dd-randomscrawlings]

It fluctuates from day to day, hour to hour, sometimes minute to minute,

From feeling completely hollow and empty to feeling like I am being crushed by 1000s of feet under water pressure,

I am not sure which one is killing me,

Am I being slowly swallowed by this vortex of hollow and dark,

Or slowly being crushed by this heaviness in my heart,

They seem to be taking turns,

Playing with me like a cat plays with a mouse before it devours it…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

It’s been a month, and I miss you so much…

Drifting in and out of sleep with you on my mind,

Waking up at the unruly hours of night, drenched in cold sweat,

Wanting to curl up in a ball hoping it will keep this heart from breaking further,

Laying paralyzed, fretting too much not knowing what to do, where to go,

For the only person I want to go to is no longer there for me,

Checking the green dot in the place you don’t talk to me anymore,

Don’t you miss me?

[dd-randomscrawlings]

Did you really forget me?

Your sunshine, Your soulmate

Or are you just pretending, just like me?

This pretense is killing me slowly,

I hope you are fairing better…

[dd-randomscrawlings]

Every time I want to give up,

I ask my heart, “what would he have done, had I done this to him?”,

I try to remember the man who loved me

so much and so well for however long it lasted,

And I want to keep on fighting for that man, for Us,

But then again, the heart, tired and weary from holding too long, whispers back to me,

“But, you’d have never done this to him, would you? Not even in worst of your days…”

And that is all the answer I need to hear.

[madrewrites]

don’t judge a book by its cover.

judge it by whether or not it uses the blurb to actually summarise the book, or if it uses it to say that the New Yorker called it a ‘subversive masterpiece’

[peptodismaltruck]

was thinking about why the lack of female characters in lotr and the hobbit dosen’t feel like exclusion and it’s because they’re just dudes being friends, like they are all just a gang of besties wandering about and the three female characters basically go “right we’re doing this now” and they all just go “alright we’re doing this now :)”

[nothingiswrongwithyourarmrests]

The women are treated as people, who are important, but happen not to be the current main characters. The men aren’t men because they are better than women at swinging swords, they just happen to be male. They go off to war/ the quest because it happens to fall into their hands. None of them particularly want to. They all want to go back to their life at home where they left the women and families.

Mrs Maggot is kind and sensible. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins is jealous and petty but in the end principled and stout. Arwen is beautiful and kind and learned. Galadriel is powerful and ancient and wise, but is tempted by terrible power. The Ents have lost their womenfolk and miss them, because without women there is a loss greater than not reproducing. Ioreth of the houses of healing talks too much and is a little annoying but is knowledgeable and capable. Eowyn believed her work looking after her uncle to be less important than going to war, but she realizes she was wrong. It may be noble to lay down your life, but it’s possible to keep on living and building and healing and that is more important than any battle, and much better than making a home in your despair. Rosie Cotton is faithful and patient and does not take bullshit and keeps the hearth warm in times of crisis.

The women aren’t excluded. They have other important things to do.

[peptodismaltruck]

wait reblog this this is what i meant but better

[dd-randomscrawlings]

Every time I want to give up,

I ask my heart, “what would he’d done, had I done this to him?”,

I try to remember the man who loved me

so much and so well for however long it lasted,

And I want to keep on fighting for that man, for Us,

But then again, the heart, tired and weary from holding too long, whispers back to me,

“But, you’d have never done this to him, would you? Not even in worst of your days…”

And that is all the answer I need to hear.

[dd-randomscrawlings]

Everything will be okay,

All is well,

A self note…