Smad Boi Aesthetic

a little hole for me to yell in when I feel like hell

[horrrifiction]

even when i’m really trying to do the right thing i fuck everything up

[guitarplayermrs]

[mizworldofrandom]

[dead-venom]

No but it's something and it's pretty important apparently

[autumnsredglaze]

[dead-venom]

September 12th, 2018

I am so tired. Every ounce of me is just exhausted. My soul my heart my eyes my arms everything. I just want to be loved. I want someone to lie with at night and wake up with in the morning. I need to be held right now. I need to be loved. I want peace in my head a bounce in my step and a companion that can heal my aching bones. I feel like a complete fuck up. I've been writing a lot lately. Some rap, some metal. Smoking a ridiculous amount of weed. I just want to be loved and the nice thing about weed is it allows me to venture through my negative thoughts without feeling bad. I would do anything for love. Change who I am, what I DO, what I like. I mean let's face it, nobody is gonna like me for me so I'm better off changing into something girls like. According to rap music they like lots of money and fancy toys and parties so I guess that's who I need to be if I want to feel important again. God I hate that. Like in my head I know everything I'm feeling is fucked up. I know I have more value than that but it doesn't feel like it at all. I feel so ugly and unwanted. Getting dangerously close to self loathing again

[danger]

[psycho0killer]

Metallica - The Unnamed Feeling

[naturalist-disaster]

Someone just used the phrase “balls deep in a panic attack” aka my new catch phrase

[dead-venom]

I'm having a huge panic attack on my last day at work because I have to go home for 8 months to an empty house. I miss my kids so much. Now I know how my dad felt all the time when we was away from us. I've never wanted to die this bad in my life. I love those boys so much I'll do whatever it takes to get them back. Alexi and Ben, daddy loves you. Never forget that.

[dead-venom]

Iiiiiiiiiiii wanna die

[impetuousss]

I’m very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very sad

[thesassycat]

You can only reblog this today.

[closedforgoodbyelol]

[dead-venom]

Im such a piece of shit. My wife is on an IV and oxygen in the hospital because ahe might have the baby early and all I can think about is how shitty i feel. I don't want to be alive but I'm obligated to do so.

[dead-venom]

I don't want to hurt anymore

[dead-venom]

My problems arent visible. You can't hook me up to a monitor to see what's wrong with me. All my issues are my stupid brain being upset about nothing. Everyone else's problems are more important

[dead-venom]

I am so tired