the Dead B Scrolls

[deadbscrolls]

Three Examples of the Way We Be (1 Samuel 1-3)

There are many lessons to learn from 1 Samuel, some of which are found in the first few chapters. While studying it to teach the first chapter, and from continuing on past where we left off in home church, I've found some interesting things I can't help but write about.

What's very cool is how much there is to learn from some of the minor characters in this book. We talked about these characters a bit in home church but in case anyone wasn't there I'll repeat some aspects that were already discussed.

What I'd like to talk about is three examples of  relationships with God, told through the lives of Eli, Samuel, and Hannah from the scope of 1 Samuel chapters 1-3.

Old Eli

We are introduced to Eli as a priest. Already pretty old & overweight by the time we meet him. Supposedly a godly man, his life doesn’t match his title, at least what we know of it. He never disciplined his kids, who at this time have been sleeping around with temple prostitutes, cheating and manipulating people (using there title, also priests), as well as never listening to their dad. When it comes down to it, Eli brought this disrespect upon himself by never disciplining his kids. It's no wonder they are so wild when the only thing Eli does at the reports of their behavior his tell them its bad and that they should stop.

So maybe we can attribute such lack of fatherly duties to his old age. That’s all good and well but what about his lack of insight and sheer ignorance when he spotted Hannah praying in the Tabernacle?

1:12 As she was praying to the Lord, Eli watched her. 13 Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. 14 “Must you come here drunk?” he demanded. “Throw away your wine!”

For a priest, this is an embarrassing judgement call. A woman is praying in a place that should have been one of the most common places to find someone praying. Instead of assuming the most obvious of possibilities, Eli jumped to the conclusion that she was drunk.

Either it’s a rare sight to see someone praying in the tabernacle, or Eli was truly losing it by this point. Crazy or stupid, I'm not sure. However I do think its pretty clear that for a priest on duty at the tabernacle, Eli demonstrated a serious lack of godliness.

Old and set in his ways, not much got through to him. He received a letter through a prophet, from God himself. The letter detailed how Eli would soon be losing his entire family from war and natural causes. Instead of taking this letter to heart, repenting (or turning to God knowing what he'd been up to was wrong and expressing his desire to change), or even expressing any sort of emotion on the matter, Eli continues on in his ways. Granted the focus switches right after the letter is over and we don’t know exactly how Eli reacted, we do know if he was repentant, that detail would have been included.

Some time passes and Eli is aware that Samuel recently heard the Lord speak. He is extremely adamant that Samuel leaves no detail out of the message. You must wonder if Eli regrets this later because the message he receives from Samuel is clear - Eli & his family are doomed. Still not much of a reaction from Eli:

3:18 So Samuel told Eli everything; he didn’t hold anything back. “It is the Lord’s will,” Eli replied. “Let him do what he thinks best.”

Basically he says "he's gonna do what he's gonna do". This is not a heart that wants to change, It's a heart that says, "if God doesn’t like what I'm doing with my life, he can kill my whole family, I don’t care". Well, if you read on, the Lord's prophecy all comes true as just as he said it would. Eli eventually dies in a cartoonish way that might make you laugh out loud.

4:18b …Eli fell backward from his seat beside the gate. He broke his neck and died, for he was old and overweight… 

 Young Samuel

 The story starts before Samuel is born. After Hannah puts her faith fully in God, after years without being able to have a child, Samuel is born. Hannah names him Samuel which literally means that she asked God for him. That's a pretty cool name if you ask me. Hannah promised God that she would dedicate Samuel to the Lord. Once he's old enough she follows through and gives Samuel to Eli to aid him in his work, and overall serve the Lord.

Eli was the guy earlier that called Hannah out for being drunk and now she's trusting him with her only son. This supposedly godly priest is now over Samuel to teach him in his ways. Luckily, this is what's so amazing about Samuel, even with how terrible a father Eli was, or how wild his sons were, Samuel remained a godly boy. With all t his corruption surrounding him, it's clear that God is actually at work. You have to imagine that there would be heavy amounts of temptation and peer pressure to join Eli's sons in their tomfoolery.

 2:18a But Samuel, though he was only a boy, served the Lord…

Samuel is young and eager to serve the Lord, yet severely naïve. There's no doubt that Samuel loves God, but his training must not be that in depth. You get this idea when it takes way too many tries for God to get in touch with Samuel. He calls his name a few times, and each time Samuel thinks that its Eli calling him. Eventually Eli tells him to talk back to the voice - even then he doesn't tell him what's going on or that it's God speaking, instead he gives him a script to say to God - what a terrible discipler!

Godly Hannah

Hannah is a biblical superhero. Prior to studying this, I had never heard her story. Here circumstances were less than desirable; her husband barely cared about himself more than her, she shared her husband with another woman, and she was unable to have kids. In those days, if you were unable to have kids you were a loser. Barren women were useless - that was a known fact in their ancient society. All of these things caused Hannah  deep sorrow. She was so sad to the point of not eating. What made things worse is her husbands other wife wouldn't stop making fun of her inability to have kids, and her husband never told her to shut up.

It was a rough life for Hannah in those days. She did what any believer should do in troubled times - she turned to God in prayer and asked for help in this area. She poured her heart out.

When it comes to the interaction between her and Eli, when he thought she was drunk - you must admit, her response was rather impressive. Eli didn't care about whatever she was going through, basically said "be on your way lady", and after all that - she just hoped he wouldn't think that she was a bad lady. She asked for respect. How gracious! Hannah showed no sign of offense at all. That was impressive.

As Hannah walks away, her sadness is gone and God's peace washes over her face. Then she becomes the living embodiment of Philippians 4:6,7 :

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

 Hannah gave everything over to God, stopped worrying about it, and God's peace clearly was being experienced. This is to me, a beautiful picture of that Philippians passage actually taking place in a person's life. Absolutely beautiful.

Later after Samuel is old enough, she hands him off to Eli to serve the Lord. The beginning of chapter 2 is her prayer after giving away her firstborn son. Not only does this reveal her beautiful relationship with the Lord, but that she was also very wise in the ways of God.

Specifically Hannah is aware of God's loving grace:

 2:8

He lifts the poor from the dust

    and the needy from the garbage dump.

He sets them among princes,

    placing them in seats of honor.

 Calling her Godly Hannah is no overstatement. I stole that nickname from some commentary that probably stole it from someone else. It's a very fitting title.

 In Hannah we have the mature Christian lifestyle. In Eli we see the old, boring,  compromised believer. In Samuel (during the time of chapters 1-3) we see the young eager baby Christian mindset. All three can be learned from. Whether you want to be more like Hannah or less like Eli, there's something about Samuel's eager-to-serve-heart we can all benefit from. Personally I think Hannah's life is one to remember no matter who you are. In terms of godliness, it seems as if Hannah is one of the most godly people in the bible, yet the least talked about. Her trust in God is something I only hope I can one day  have myself.

[deadbscrolls]

Why God?

This is more like a digital hand out for the teaching tonight with videos and resources to get to know the real reason behind putting faith in God. I.e. its not blind faith, but faith based on reason.

When reading 1 Peter 3:15, we find Peter calling us out to be able to back up our faith in Christ. How do we do that if our faith is blind? Take some time to check out the resources below - specifically to be aware that the arguments and prophecy below exist. If you feel strong in your faith in God, that’s fine, but people may come to be interested in why you are the way you are (if your life looks like 1 Peter 3:8-9). Being able to at the very least show people the reasoning behind your faith can be very persuasive in convincing them your hope is not based on nothing but fluff.

Animated videos from ReasonableFaith.org for several lines of reasoning proving the existence of a God.

Fine Tuning Argument:

Kalam Cosmological Argument:

The Moral Argument:

The Leibniz’ Contingency Argument

The Otological Argument:

Dr. William Lane Craig explains why there must be a Personal Cause of the Universe:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-4QMf1Truw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO3mryntXwo

Overall, go check out Dr. William Lane Craig and Co.’s website:

http://www.reasonablefaith.org

Biblical Prophecy:

A teaching on Daniel 9, 1000 year old prophecy of the coming of the Messiah

http://www.xenos.org/teachings/?teaching=1564

Website “100 Prophecies” has an organized list of prophecy for you to dive in to:

http://www.100prophecies.org/

Lastly a few book suggestions:

Two books written by authors who were atheists then started to believe in a God because of the findings in science and so on:

https://www.amazon.com/God-Evidence-Reconciliation-Reason-Postsecular/dp/0761519645

https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Darwins-God-Scientists-Evolution/dp/0061233501

The Death of Truth: What's Wrong With Multiculturalism, the Rejection of Reason and the New Postmodern Diversity - a book by Dennis McCallum, the subtitle there explains the purpose of this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Death-Truth-Multiculturalism-Rejection-Postmodern/dp/1556617240

Other books to read with non christian friends and family with some of the above evidence and arguments:

Discovering God by Dennis McCallum(free on kindle at the moment):

https://www.amazon.com/Discovering-God-Exploring-Possibilities-Faith-ebook/dp/B006B0CGTQ/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis:

https://www.amazon.com/Mere-Christianity-Lewis-Signature-Classics-ebook/dp/B002BD2UR0/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491909626&sr=1-1&keywords=mere+christianity

The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel:

https://www.amazon.com/Case-Christ-Journalists-Personal-Investigation-ebook/dp/B01863JLK2/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491909673&sr=1-1&keywords=the+case+for+christ

The movie about the above book is in theaters now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhe8KhSxWGo

And for a Christian movie, surprisingly its sitting at 75% on rotten tomatoes, which is rare for Christian flicks to score that well.

[deadbscrolls]

Coffee with God

Check out the ten-minute video above. Bill Hybels lays out a very simple rap on regular time with God and the effects it can have on us.

Personally I've seen how a model like what he explains has worked out in my life, and I know it can do the same for you if you go to God daily with the attitude of wanting to draw near to him.

I've read the verse "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." many times (James 4:8). But this is a way in which it is actually done that prior to the last few months I never really took to heart. I knew the bible said that, but never really believed it. I did everything I was supposed to be doing so why did it not feel like God was getting closer to me? Simply, it has nothing to do with what we are "supposed" to be doing, but whether or not we want to. If you want to get closer to God and actually take steps daily to do so, you will see the effects play out in your life.

[deadbscrolls]

[poem] Missing One Piece

I wrote the following poem this morning in tears as I thought over the joys our brother will miss out on. How useful he could have been. I was so excited because his personality would have meshed so well with everyone in the new place. It only makes sense we refer to our God-given community as the Body of Christ. It truly is like a surgery gone wrong. An unforeseen amputation. 

Missing one piece

From a six piece puzzle

You could have had peace

But that peace was muzzled

A necessary role

That’s now an open position

I wish you took your pain

To the Holy Physician

Like trading the star pitcher

That could pitch a no-hit-game 

Our team is now handicap

Our defect makes us lame

Like a platoon who loses their medic

There’s no-one to help if a man gets sick 

Thankfully the Lord provides

We must take this loss in strides

Holy Father please fill our gap

Comfort us like a like a loving father as we sit on your lap

“Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.”

-Hebrews 12:3-4

[deadbscrolls]

Wake Up (why we MUST be in our word)

The sadness that comes with the death of a loved one is deep. Whether sadness, confusion, or anger, the emotions are real and they are heavier than usual. Being that this death was suicide, brought on by depression, you can imagine that the evil one was whispering into our dead brother’s, then alive, thoughts. The evil one won, our brother was defenseless, as well as offenseless. 

I've written before on death, specifically in reference to the death of my Dad. It's weird, it's ugly, it's terrible, and it is so very confusing. Why does it feel so weird? Why is it so unusual, and why the hell is it so hard to deal with?

It's because death is unnatural. God didn't intend for us to build relationships with each other only for them to be wiped off the earth forever. Luckily we can have eternal life with God if we accept Christ, and be with all others who did the same.

That being said, death is not quite the topic of this blog.

___

Matthew 4:1-11

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’”

Then the devil took Him into the holy city and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written,

      ‘He will command His angels concerning You’;

and

      ‘On their hands they will bear You up,

      So that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus said to him, “On the other hand, it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory; and he said to Him, “All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.’” Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him.

 ___

Jesus was in the wilderness and he was all alone. He was hungry, and I'm sure he was tired. He had not yet made any friends except for John the Baptist. I'm sure he did have a few other guys he was cool with, but right now he's alone (and when you think about it, in only a few years he is crucified and there are not a lot of friends there to see that - and you better believe they would have known, but I digress). Lonely Jesus Christ, wandering in the wilderness for forty days and forty nights. The hot wilderness. The Judean desert. Check out some pictures of the Judean Desert below:

After Jesus' trek through the desert, Satan shows up to tempt him. Every attempt of Satan, Jesus answers with scripture.

Stop for a second and think about this. Would you be able to respond to temptations such as these or otherwise, with scripture? When the promise of something amazing is right in your face, could you think of God's word? In this back and forth with Satan, Jesus won by simply knowing the word of God. When he was victorious angels came to minister to him. That had to be so cool and relieving. No doubt this was hard for Jesus, but he didn't give up (just as we know he never gives up, not when he was on Earth, and never does he give up on us).

___

Do you think that Jesus was this wise automatically? Jesus did not know all scripture by magic, even he had to study and be in daily communication with the Father to get to this point. Ellen G. White, in her book Education, states:

In childhood, youth, and manhood, Jesus studied the Scriptures. As a little child He was daily at His mother’s knee taught from the scrolls of the prophets. In His youth the early morning and the evening twilight often found Him alone on the mountainside or among the trees of the forest, spending a quiet hour in prayer and the study of God’s word. During His ministry His intimate acquaintance with the Scriptures testifies to His diligence in their study. And since He gained knowledge as we may gain it, His wonderful power, both mental and spiritual, is a testimony to the value of the Bible as a means of education. (p. 185)

(and this quote was anecdotal FYI, who knows where kid Jesus studied, maybe Ellen White had a vision of it, but I do not know, however the point still stands - think of 12 year old Jesus trumping the other scholars in the temple - Luke 2)

Even Jesus, a perfect man, had to study his word regularly. That is how he was able to defeat temptation, big and small. That is how he was able to feel so close to the Father, to do His will, even after being beat half to death and hung on the cross. That is how he willingly did all that but even more intense - he felt all of our pain and suffering, sin and sadness, all at once as he died peacefully on the cross.

If Jesus had to study the word, even though he was God's son, even though he was perfect, don't you think that means that we should study all the more? The scriptures are how God talks to us, we talk back through prayer. This is the relationship we refer to all the time. The relationship we come in to joyously when we admit that we are sinners and ask God to let his son's death count for our sins. 

Stop for a second and think about this. What other relationship did you excitedly begin, that still is strong, yet you never talked to each other. How about  a relationship that started off awesome but the other person never listened to you talk, but made sure to tell you everything on their mind, how's that relationship going now? If you befriended someone and never talked about anything real, but instead asked them for stuff every time you talked, do you think your relationship would last very long?

Praise God that he is so forgiving. We'll never have another friend like God who forgives us no matter what. We'll never have a friend who continues to be our friend forever, no matter how long we live, even if we don’t talk to them for years. It won't happen. At least not as cool as it does with God. You can go years without talking to God, yet the second you do he greets you with open arms and tells you he loves you no matter what. Wow.

 ___

I cannot say that I'm perfect in this regard. But I can say for the past few months I've fallen more and more in love with God. This wasn't by chance of course, I was broken unexpectedly, and I was shown my need for God once again. I lost this need and desire for quite some time. I have been a Christian since I was 12, but I haven't been in my word regularly since probably age 15 or 16. Simply starting to read with the desire to get closer to God once again, relit a fire that has been out for too long. Again - I'm not perfect, I haven't reached some ultimate Godly point in my life, but I do know I'm closer to God now than I have been in a long time. Most of that is due to turning to the word and praying in order to build my relationship with God, making it stronger daily.

Almost overnight as I started to fall back in love with God I could tell things were different. I could feel his influence in my life. I've been convicted regularly about Godly things. Chapters, passages, or verses I've read have come up in conversation, maybe to make a good point with someone, or to help them, or just to show them how COOL God really is.

___

Reading the word is not just important, it's essential to the Christian walk.

Hebrews 4:12 - "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” 

Romans 12:2 - "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

 ___

Your best friend won't be your best friend for long if you never hang out. Your wife won't be your wife for long if you don't talk about anything real and only tell her what to do. You'll never get closer to your dad if you never try and invest in his life and listen to stories of his life, and tell him about your life! It's just how relationships work. Our relationship with God is similar. And your relationship with him can look good to others if you fake it, just like how most middle school relationships look. Everyone is fake at that age, just trying to fit in and look cool. If that is what your relationship with God is like - your relationship with God sucks.

I've been there, I know. Most likely I will fall into that again at some point. But I see now, in my adult life, how real and important what I'm talking about is for our walk with God.

____

This is a spiritual war. God gave us his word to fight, among other pieces of armor to protect us. In a physical war, if you go out without any armor or weapons you'll quickly die. If you go out even fully armored, yet without a weapon, you'll still die. If you go out with your armor on and your weapon in hand, but you really just don't care about the battle - you'll die. If you go out without strategy, thinking the enemy is no big deal and that you'll magically win without trying, you'll die.

In this spiritual war that we ARE apart of at this very moment, we must get equipped. Get your armor on, get your sword in hand, and go fight this war. It's more important then everything else. Get your relationship with God going strong! Fall in love with Him, I beg you, fall in love.

God is good.

[deadbscrolls]

In a conversation with a good friend recently, I mentioned how beautiful the skies have been this summer. She quickly responded, “or maybe you’re in a better place (spiritually) and you’re able to appreciate it more”. 

I thought that was a really insightful thought. To me it makes a ton of sense. One of the first things I noticed when I first accepted Christ was the beauty of the sky. Whether it be a colorful sunset or sunrise, or an oncoming storm, I find the sky one of God’s most beautiful creations. 

The photos that I posted above are all from this summer. This summer has been a wild ride. From being broken to falling in love with God once again. 

God is good.

[deadbscrolls]

Family?

I'm taking a break from writing about Peter to write about something else I found during my study of Peter's life. This seems to be yet another passage I've read probably many times before, yet it seems so much more significant to me now. 

The passage is Matthew 12:46-49, and it is as follows:

46 While He was still speaking to the crowds, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. 47 Someone said to Him, “Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You.”48 But Jesus answered the one who was telling Him and said, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” 49 And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, “Behold My mother and My brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.”

I'm trying to visualize this situation as it happened. First of all I'm curious what Jesus' birth-mother thought when she overheard Jesus saying this. Maybe she didn't hear it, seeing as how it says they were outside while Jesus was preaching. However I'm pretty sure this entire situation was outdoors so I truly believe his family would have heard him.

Would his mother have been hurt, or is it possible she already knew this to be the way Jesus spoke on this subject? We know that Jesus' siblings didn't quite respect him as they should or see his claims of being God as truth. His brother James believed he was the Messiah, but not until after he rose from the dead. For the rest of the family, I'm not totally sure exactly what happened or how they felt.

This is a side-point but I never thought of it before now, so maybe you haven't either. Where the hell did Joseph go? Why do we never hear of Jesus' dad except for in the stories of Jesus' birth? After some quick research it seems most believe Joseph died sometime before Jesus began his adult ministry. Some reasons why this makes sense are, one,  how late Jesus began his ministry, waiting possibly for his siblings to grow up to take care of Mary. Two, when Jesus is about to die he gives the responsibility of taking care of Mary to John. If Joseph were alive it would not make sense for John to have that responsibility, in fact Joseph would have had a word to say about that since Mary was his wife.

Back to the point. When Jesus is told his family is there to see him, instead of stopping what he was doing to go and greet them, he basically says, "Family? Look around, my family is all around me". This is such a cool way to look at the Body of Christ. As Christians, we have a large group of people who care for us. You mother and brothers may also be Christians, but that does not mean they are your only mother and brothers (or any other family member).

For a long time it was a struggle for me to see things this way. I had a mother and father who birthed and raised me. I had a blood-brother. So what's the deal with everyone calling me brother? Dar McCallum would introduce me to people as her son, or estranged son, or adopted son. Every time she would do so, I would meet whomever she was introducing me to with a smile on my face, but on the inside I was snarling. "I HAVE A REAL MOM PLEASE STOP", I would scream in my heart. Why did this bother me so much?

It took me a very long time to see the Body of Christ the way Jesus explains it above. The care, patience, and love that Dar showed me very much was like that of a mother. Today I can say that yes she is my mom. My birth-mother is also my mother, and there are many other mother-figures the Lord has put in my life I see the same way.

This same paradigm works for siblings as well. Brothers, sisters, etc.. You may know from simply knowing me, or reading my other blogs, that my family wasn't the greatest growing up. I'm thankful for everything I went through and how I was raised, because although it may not have been the best, I learned a lot. That being said I still have a very small family, of which only a couple are walking Christians. I could easily be saddened by this fact, or I could look at the truth. The truth is I have a HUGE family, the Body of Christ. Many people working together, loving the Lord, and looking out for each other. If it's hard for you to see things this way, pray that God can help you embrace the new family He gave you!

The coolest part is that although we are all here for each other, the "each-other" isn't the most important thing in our lives. In fact, more importantly is "the other", or those who do not know the Lord (Heb. 13:2). I hope if anyone is in a bad spot or is in situations that I have been in and are searching for some hope and peace, that they eventually find the Lord.

God is so damn good, and no matter how terrible this world has been to you, or how unloved you were by your birth-family, God can provide. He can provide truth, peace, hope, joy, and most importantly true love. He knows how important family is. He knows how miserable life can be when you are alone. That is why he provided for us his Son. Jesus died on the cross for our sins so that we can have a relationship with him. All who accept that gift through prayer receive the Holy Spirit in their hearts, giving them a direct line to God. How cool it is to be able to talk directly to the Creator of the universe. It is only Him that makes true love possible, for he is love (1 Jn 4:7-8).

[deadbscrolls]

Don’t Follow In My Footsteps Because I Might Have Stepped In Something

[thats me in the middle way back]

My life has had many ups and downs. I've spent a large amount of it in the dark. It's taken me far too long to recognize my sin issues. Luckily now that I have, it didn't even take a day to realize I had to take care of them. Recognizing them was only the beginning. Coming to understand where they started and how they have affected me for so long was the next step. In a previous blog I wrote about my issue with intimacy. I can't recall but I may have mentioned that I have a trust issue,  on top of that I have a serious issue with patience.

Let me explain what I've found so far, and what I've been doing to tackle these issues. 

EARLY ON

When I was young life was great. At least as far back as I can remember I was always close with my mother, and father  was a fun, hard-working man. During the day dad would be at work, my brother would be at school, and at home my mother and I would hang out. I had plenty friends in the neighborhood, in fact they all lived on my street and were in walking distance even for a little five-year-old me. My parents and my friends parents were friends, and from what I can remember we had a real tight community.

Every other weekend or so our parents would let us stay with our grandparents. They were so fun to be with, and cared about us a lot. My grandparents would take us to church on Sundays, and although I couldn't comprehend a thing that was going on, at least they had the best in mind for us. 

I remember times when dad would come home and wrestle with us. Every single day my mom prepared dinner, and boy was it delicious. She had the very best recipe for pork chops. Afterwards typically dad would be so tired from work he would fall asleep for a little bit. Later in the evening my parents, my brother and I, would sit around the television and watch shows like Friends, Roseanne, and every now and then we would catch an SNL rerun. During which dad would have me play "foot-doctor", which consisted of pretending to work on my dads feet with toy doctor's tools.

With our neighbor-friends we would take regular day-trips to Geauga Lake. My brother and I, as well as our other friends, did not like rollercoasters much then so we would stay in the arcade all day. In between rides our parents would come check on us and make sure we have enough money to keep playing.

We were a typical middle class family, and for awhile it seemed like we had it all together. 

A few year passed and I started to notice my parents arguing a bit more. Bills would pile up on the dinner table, and dinner was less prepared and more microwaved. Our neighbor-friends moved and instead of having parties at home my parents would go out to the bars and have my brother watch me. The frequency early on was similar to the amount they would take us to our grandparents house. We didn't go there much anymore and instead were told to stay at home.

Over time the amount they would go out increased and it started to hurt quite a bit. I would cry for them to stay, but they left anyways, every now and then they would give me some money to make up for having to stay at home with my brother. Other days we would still go to Geauga Lake, except it was just my brother and I and them. They would still give us money for the arcade, but by the end of the night they would drunk. The drive home was always scary. My father would swerve around like a mad man or fall asleep at the wheel. Luckily we never got in an accident. It wasn't too long after that that we stopped going altogether.

All the neighbors that were friendly had moved and although there was a couple guys on the street my age, we never were really all that close.

Eventually my parents would go out every single day. Once in awhile the cable or electric would be off, or we would have no food and have to call them at the bar to order us a pizza.

Before you knew it, we barely had parents anymore. I rarely saw my father except for late at night when they would get home and he would be so drunk he would fall asleep standing.   During this time my mother had to get a job and worked as a lunch aid for awhile at an elementary school. I can't recall how long that lasted, but eventually she left there to work as a bartender. My father would go straight from work to whatever bar my mom was working at, and they would stay out after she got off. Every morning my mother would complain to my on the way to school about how she wishes dad didn't always come straight to her job because she needed her "me" time. Yet the cycle continued.

I had a best friend at school, he was probably the most popular kid in my grade. He could do backflips, and he was good-looking so all the girls liked him. We remained friends throughout a couple of grades, but eventually he moved a few cities over. For a time we would still hang out every now and then, but it was hard to keep up with the distance.

FRIENDS

As I edged closer to being a teenager I started skateboarding. With skateboarding came a large group of new friends. It all started one day at the skate park when I met a guy with my same middle name and same exact birthday. He hit it off quick and it wasn't long before we were best friends. We got pretty close for a couple years, skateboarding and hanging out just about every single day.

Later I would tell him some of the dark struggles I had with my family and he would listen. Yet every day at school everyone at lunch would know about it and I would get made fun of ruthlessly. I took the hits without a flinch because my best friend was so cool, I had to submit. I couldn't write him off because then I would be left once again without friends. I bottled this all up for quite some time.

Eventually the depression hit me. For a long time I just lived with the pain of everything in my life, but at this point I could actually feel deep sadness. Not one person knew how sad I was. There were times when I was seriously considering killing myself. I would sit at our dinner table with a knife, sweating, crying. I just wanted it all to end.

 GOD

I stopped hanging out with this group of people for a bit and started instead to hang out with a kid who lived further down the street. We were never friends but every now and then we would see each other, whether at the rec center or at school. He was kind of crazy but it was always a fun time. Every day for awhile we would play The Game of Life in his basement. One of those nights his mother came down and told him to get ready for a bible study. I was the furthest thing from interested in a bible study. In fact he knew that and told me not to come. At the time I was drawing pictures of Satan, and the Grim Reaper, and considered myself an atheist.

I decided to go anyways, even though he told me not to. I had nothing else to do, and nobody else to hang out with.

I was greeted rudely to my first ever bible study. There were three guys at the dinner table that I knew from the skate park. They were the best skateboarders in the city. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was blown away by how mean they were, but to say to my old skateboard friends that I was hanging out with them seemed like an awesome gift. So I did just that, and they didn’t believe me. 

Even though they were mean I kept going back. One of the bible study leaders was nice, and he seemed so cool that the other guys being mean didn’t even phase me. I went for a couple of months and eventually learned about Jesus Christ and how he died on the cross for my sins. They told me I could have true hope, joy, and love. They told me I could have all that, and all I needed to do was make a simple prayer to God. It seemed pretty amazing and something I wanted, but I did not accept him right then and there.

A couple weeks passed and I was feeling very lonely. It was three in the morning and my parents were still out, so I was scared. I tried to ask my brother if he thinks they are okay or not, but he slammed his door. I was alone. I was crying for a bit but then remembered the conversation about Jesus I had with the guys. I closed my eyes and prayed to God to accept the gift of His Son. Immediately after I was done I was calmed by the Lord and able to fall asleep. 

In the morning I noticed all sorts of things in nature, how beautiful was the sky that day. The trees, the bushes, even our un-kept lawn with all the dandelions. Beautiful. The sadness I had that was so deep was turned into joy overnight.

 IN LOVE WITH THE LORD

I spent the next few years telling everyone I knew about God, trying to get them to come to my bible study and receive the same gift I did. During this time our little men's bible study shrunk. Most of the people that were there when I started to go were gone except one. Even though he was mean at the beginning we actually became good friends. We spent a hell of a lot of time together whenever we could. I also spent a lot of time with the bible study leader. I had friends that I knew really cared about me. Finally people I could trust were in my life. What a relief.

It was so different and I loved it. We got kicked out of our house and had to move into an apartment, yet I wasn't even phased. I would think back to wanting to kill myself and laugh and pray to God in thankfulness. I read the bible all the time and prayed to God all day. He truly had saved my life!

For about three solid years this is how my relationship with God was. He would show me things in my life that I needed to change, and would push me to exercise my spiritual gifts. I was young, but I wanted nothing but to spend time with other Christians, and make it to any event where I could build more relationships.

At some point the other remaining guy from bible study decided to walk away too. He got a girlfriend who took up all his time and I rarely saw him. By this point I was used to people I was close to leaving my life, so I wasn’t all that phased by it. I had other friends, so it wasn’t as extreme of a loss as before. It was sad, but not that sad.

However once again I was fully alone. It was just me and God in Bedford. The rest of my friends lived close to an hour away. I spent my free time with the Lord. Praying and reading, and learning about God.

 SOMETHING CHANGED 

The joy from a new walk with God started to fade. My thankfulness turned to pride. I still had success in my walk with God. I was able to reach people for God, but my heart started getting darker.

As I got closer to graduating high school I started to rely again on the Lord to help me with that and to get into college. For a moment I was extremely thankful, but I got distracted by a girl. The next seven years I wrote about here .

 NOW

I have seen my sin full now. It's gross. Yet, the Lord has given me comfort knowing I will successfully deal with it in time. You can see from my life why I have issues with trust and intimacy. My problem with patience is not as related, but it is still a problem. I can't say for sure where it came from, it may be genetic, who knows.

From my parents checking out, to my friends leaving me over and over again, it’s a miracle I ever trusted the Lord. But ever since I wrote the blog I linked above I've been trying hard to get closer to God. No longer is my relationship strictly based on what I must do, but now its something I want to do. My time with God now is much like my early days as a Christian. I'm excited and joyous, and in love with God. 

I've been studying Peter for a bit now too. I wrote the blog right before this one that talks about how I was going to start doing this. At the time I believed the Lord was showing me I should study him simply because I felt I'm like him. And I do believe it's partly true. I believe the Lord has a serious plan for me and Him, and has had his hands on me this entire time. I believe my future with him includes some big things and like Peter, whom was ignorant for awhile but became a pillar of Christianity, I think I have something in store from God as well.

However recently, through studying Peter, I found out it was actually a direct answer to prayer. Maybe I'm like Peter in that way, but what God was trying to show me as I prayed for help dealing with my intimacy issues, I found Peter to be one of Jesus' best, most intimate friends on earth. Although some (Zak) seem to disagree, I believe he was in fact Jesus' best friend out of anyone else, even John. How beautiful it was to find this out and see how God treats his best friends (and really anyone who wants to be close to Him).

Not much time has passed, yet I'm more in love with God than I have been for the past seven years. I was in darkness the entire time and had to suffer many things I could have avoided. Don't do what I did, please I beg of you, turn to God because you want to. Don’t read the bible because you're supposed to. Don’t pray because you're supposed to. Go to God out of desire, not duty. A sign my old house read “Don’t Follow In My Footsteps Because I Might Have Stepped In Something”, I always found that funny.

 _______

Lastly, keep checking over on lifeofpeter.xyz for more articles on the life of Peter. I'll be posting more soon!

[deadbscrolls]

The Life of Peter

For the last few weeks I have been studying the life of Peter. The amount of resources available on Peter are nowhere near as available as just about any other major character in the bible. However, his life is one of the most fascinating, in my opinion, out of all the other biblical characters.

Why then have so few went on the path of studying his life? I wonder if it’s the fact that the Catholics scare everyone away from talking about the real Peter (not the pope Peter, or “Saint Peter” the oneth in which the Catholics prayeth to in order to have more deep faith in Mary). Maybe it’s that at quick glance Peter seems like a big let-down because he’s always quick to speak, (usually saying something silly according to Jesus) seemingly lacking in faith and also in knowledge. Well I cannot say for sure. I can say that none of these things are true of Peter, also known as Simon or Simon Peter.

As you progress through scripture chronologically (at least in books where he is mentioned) you watch Peter grow up from being a faithless teenager to a wise godly-loving-husband who is murdered for Christ’s sake. As you really dig in to the lessons that Christ taught the disciples before he died you notice Peter, although sometimes maybe too quick to speak, does so in a way that shows that he is a trusted spokesperson for the rest of the disciples. On many occasions he is the guy answering Jesus’ tough questions and the rest of the disciples stand by his responses. Not once does even one of them say “well actually Peter I don’t know about that”. These were early signs of Peter’s gift of leadership.

Christ had many disciples, and many other people following him to try and catch him slipping up. He chose twelve specifically out of the large group he had around. The first name he said, and later would always say distinctively, was Peter. Peter was basically Jesus’ best friend. He was the only disciple to ever say ‘no’ to Jesus. He was rebuked the most harshly by Jesus. When Jesus first met Peter he quickly gave him a nickname, “The Rock” (which translated to our modern English names is where we get ‘Peter’ from). In fact, that was their whole first conversation. Jesus was introduced to Simon from his brother Andrew and Jesus only said “hey, you’re Peter now”, and goes on to do whatever else Jesus did that day.

Honestly there is so many amazing things that happened in Peter’s life that I cannot stop studying him. Even the things I have already mentioned briefly are far more significant and are deserving of much more content. So, I have decided to make a separate website just for that purpose. It’s currently under construction, but soon it will be live and ready where I will be publishing probably 1-2 articles a week in a mostly chronological breakdown of Peter’s life and why every event we know of his life is significant.

For now the website is lifeofpeter.xyz. Feel free to visit it now and throw it in your favorites folder. I’ll send a few messages out when the first article goes live.

[deadbscrolls]

College: My Life After High School

I have finally finished college. It took me just above the average amount of time to do it. Seven years of higher education. It was not easy, specifically this last semester. I worked full-time during my last two semesters, which is something I would never recommend to anyone. If you care about someone, and they say they are going to do that, at the very least warn them as extremely as you possibly can that it is not going to be easy.

I worked very hard in 2009 to be able to get the test scores necessary to go to college. It was the first time I ever had to study for anything. When I got accepted to Kent State I was overjoyed. The day after I graduated from Bedford High School I moved out of my parent's apartment to live with my best friend's family in Stow. Shortly thereafter I was offered a job at the Kent State Financial Aid office. That was amazingly convenient and timely. I could start working mid-summer which meant I wouldn't have to drive to Bedford everyday from Stow and back to work my previous job (I worked for the Bedford Court my senior year of High School).

But then it hit me, college is not going to be cheap. But, to my surprise I was blessed with a status known as "independent student". This meant that my FAFSA (the Free Application for Financial Student Aid, a form you fill out to see how much your family should supposedly be able to contribute to your schooling, and what is needed after that to be made up by the Federal Government) results would only be based on my own income. Being a recent high school graduate, my personal income was very low and so the government was going to cover pretty much all of my balance. This situation seemingly couldn't get any better.

It didn't take long to get distracted from all of these good things. I got a girlfriend. My first girlfriend since Junior High School. Since I could remember, having a girlfriend was always a desire of mine. The unending feeling that I just needed to have a sense of intimacy. This void I felt was (and still is) most likely caused by the lack thereof when I was younger. I love my parents to death, but they were struggling with many things when I was young, and they too were seemingly distracted from the task at hand - loving their kids. They did their best in the circumstances they were faced with (from bankruptcy to being evicted from our house and many other things) but because the pressure of everything else was so intense, my brother and I were neglected the TLC two young boys require. To this day I still struggle in this area.

Anyways, because I got distracted, all of the sudden school was not that high of a priority. More so was my relationship. My list of priories at the time went something like girlfriend, ministry, and lastly, school. The distribution of care on concern was heavily unbalanced, with girlfriend probably taking up about 80% of my thought life, and really, time.

My grades reflected my distraction, and so did my life. I maintained my relationships otherwise as best as I could (much like my parents) but my life was my business, and I decided to lock it all up inside me. I tried my hardest to make sure my girlfriend would reflect this attitude as well, so our secrets remained within only our hearts.

While I was ignoring the things that mattered most and spending all my time and effort with my girlfriend, my father fell down outside a bar and hurt his hip pretty bad. He had already been in and out of the hospital on many occasions where they told him to stop drinking or his health would continue to decline. He never really listened and now, what I believe, is that the pain meds given to him for his hip actually sped the decay of his liver. It wasn't long after that where he was back in the hospital, basically brain-dead. He could every now and then speak, and sometimes understand words. But for the most part he was gone and was only a shell of himself. He died when I was 20 years old. It was sad, but I had to stay tough as to help my family through it. Not to mention my heart was getting so cold that my ability to really feel what happened was missing. I cried hard a few times around then, but soon I was back to my selfish ways.

A few years of school had passed, somewhere around three I believe, and my desire for intimacy was seemingly back. As if I woke up one morning and no longer cared about my girlfriend. I decided to move on and be single for a bit. But with breaking up, the chamber of secrets was opened, and people were introduced to the real me. My shame threw me into a deep depression. I started to have some of the wildest thoughts. From thinking about running away and leaving all my friends and family behind (the destination in my mind was California), or maybe even killing myself. Facing my sin was the last thing I wanted to do, and so I ran. However I stayed in the same place. Only in my heart did I dessert my people.

During my run, my desire for intimacy pushed me to do things I never imagined I'd do. "I'm not like all those dirty people out there", I felt. Yet, I found myself in situations I'd regularly speak out against. I was ashamed regularly of what I was doing, but because I was so far removed from any of my real friends, I had to keep this all inside. The pressure of this got so intense that I decided to make a pact with myself. I'd never think about the things I did during this time ever again, and nobody will ever need to know. My secret is safe with me and God, I imagined.

So time moved forward and I was on the journey of getting back on my feet. I decided to attempt to rekindle all my relationships and get my relationship with the Lord back to where it should be. This was my goal, and I made it very far. However my desire for intimacy was still there, and affecting me with my next girlfriend, and my concern for school was once again at an all time low. I continued to squeak by passing courses by a small margin, but my cumulative GPA continued to drop. The Federal Government had made some changes somewhere near my third year of school, and the amount that I received in Grants to pay for school was significantly lessened. I started piling up debt pretty quick.

Everything started to finally feel as if it was getting back to normal. I wasn't being quite as dumb or selfish with this girlfriend but I definitely wasn't perfect at it either. I was even starting to be fruitful again for God (meaning I was successfully reaching my friends for God). Still, for some reason, my priority list was all whacked out and school continued to be at the very end.

One summer when I was attending the Xenos Christian Fellowship Summer Institute in Columbus (a 3 day conference where you can really dig into some amazing truths about God), I was punched in the teeth with a surprise I never saw coming. The lady speaking at the session I was at started to talk about some of the things I was into post-first-girlfriend-breakup. For a moment I was just agreeing, nodding and thinking "yeah she's right that stuff will mess you up". Then it all came back to me in that instant. All the dirty things I once successfully stuffed so deep inside my heart started running through my head. It was surprising. I hated what I did so much that I had not thought of it again until that moment. Maybe I was just good at distracting myself from reality, but this caught me off guard. Immediately I'm begin fighting with myself and with God. "No, absolutely I will not tell anyone about this stuff, quit trying to get me to talk!". I spent the entire drive home (somewhere around 2 hours) struggling and talking with God in my head while the other people in my car slept. Near the last third of the drive I was convinced I'd open up, but that was also a scary thought. I was so clear with people lately, what will they think of me? I felt that I was doing so well that being honest about this stuff would tarnish my reputation.

When I poured out everything that had been holding me back I felt so refreshed. All my friends forgave me for keeping this from them, when I seemingly told them everything else. It was a breath of fresh air. Now my heart could start to heal, and heal it did.

Then I made a mistake which only further delayed finishing college. I began working full-time. I had many dreams that I wanted to accomplish, and they all required money. School then being pushed even further back on my priorities (although it was already last on the list, more was added to the list, making the gap from first to last much larger). I was now going to school part-time.

It was either Father's Day or my Father's birthday, I was 23 at the time, and the deep sorrow and pain I missed out on when he died hit me like a wrench. I was feeling the death of my father then more than ever. Luckily I had good people around me who let me just talk and get it off my chest. I continue to feel it more and more even to this day.

My journey as a full-time worker and part-time school-er lasted for two semesters (my sixth year of school). Following that I got a new job, much closer to campus and so I decided I wanted to finish up quicker since I could make the drive back and forth. So began the busiest year of my life, my seventh year in college, twentieth year of school total if you count Kindergarten. I fixed my priority list, with God & ministry first, and school was number two. I wondered how I would actually be able to pull it off, and I was worried (up until about  4 months ago) that I wouldn't.

The first semester went okay, but I didn't get the grade I needed in one of my courses, which meant that the following semester would be even busier with a heavier course-load. I thought I'd be pretty busy, and boy was I right. Interestingly enough however, with being so busy, I almost felt as if I had more time. With probably the most time constraints I have ever had to deal with, I learned how to properly deal with free time and how to fit the right people in when it matters most.

The second semester came along and I was very scared. I mapped out every possible grade distribution I needed this semester in order to graduate. Being that my GPA was so low, I was right on the line of the required GPA to graduate from the Kent State College of Business Administration. First I mapped it all out on paper, checking with my advisor to make sure the math was right. GPA is based on "quality points". Every grade letter received is backed by a specific amount of quality points. For example and A will yield 4 quality points per credit hour. Typical classes are worth three credit hours and I had 12 total credit hours, or four courses. In order to graduate I would need to receive 31.7 quality points this semester.

I worked it all out in a very detailed excel spreadsheet. All of my classes on separate sheets, with all my estimated grades culminating on the main sheet. This page will take whatever estimated grades are on the other sheets and add up the quality points. The first half of the semester I probably put a good weeks work into this spreadsheet.

Halfway through the semester I was formally diagnosed with ADHD from my psychiatrist. My diagnosis claimed that I was at the highest severity of this disorder. Although I wish I knew this earlier in my life (because maybe I wouldn't have got so distracted all these years from what matters), this diagnosis came at a very crucial time in my career.

Once medicated, my ability to focus in school was insane. Something I hadn't felt since the end of fifth grade. I believe it was puberty that set my brain off. Prior to that time I had good grades and was regularly in the paper for honor roll. I remember this clearly because my grandfather (probably the last person on earth to read a newspaper) would call me every time congratulating me.

My grades immediately skyrocketed, and studying became fun. How well I was on track to graduate became less of a worry when I began receiving full credit on my homework assignments and higher grades on tests than ever before in college. I had hope once again, and I gained a good amount of confidence.

Quick side-point, I don't know where I stand on medication for ADHD totally. I think for adults  it makes sense to get checked out by a psychiatrist if you are having trouble focusing. I do think that too many kids are medicated at a very young age, and their medications aren't regulated in a way that helps them not be completely dependent on the meds. I think this is a mistake and we are only now seeing how it has affected our generation, being that in the very beginning of the nineties, the amount of children diagnosed with ADD or ADHD grew exponentially. Word of mouth spread to other parents about how their kids were crazy and they were diagnosed with ADD and now they are great little boys and girls. The amount of medications on the market also grew, because the demand grew so drastically. Point being, parents please be careful before getting your child hooked on meds for ADHD. In rare cases it makes sense for them to be on it long-term, but they aren't cheap and when they fall off of your health insurance, they are going to run into trouble.

Anyways, thank God for my medication, especially at the time it came. This blog is already long enough, but I must say I left out tons of details to try and make it as succinct as possible. If you run in to me and you're curious about a certain part of this story, please ask, I'm an open book.

To conclude my life-after-college story, I should take some time to quickly talk about who I am now and what's next. First of all I still struggle with my desire of intimacy. I may never be fully cured of that, because although intimacy is healthy and right, the type my heart desires is skewed and unhealthy. My goal now is to try and tackle this issue as much as possible, now that it has been so clearly defined for me. I very recently had a situation that made this so clear. On top of that I also have an issue with trying to keep my reputation as clean as possible even if it means lying to the people that care about me most. I hate my sin, it really has held me back for so long. But I have hope that God will take care of me and help me through this and whatever else comes my way. Now that I am done with school I hope to work hard dealing with my character issues, and studying the Word of God.

Thanks to all my friends and family. Thanks to my psychiatrist. Thanks to all the companies that hired me over the years. Thanks to Kent State for giving me the opportunity to go to school. Thanks to the people who write the ACT and OGT preparation books. Lastly, thanks be to God for "the first shall be last", and oh has God been good to me.

I'm walking at my graduation ceremony this coming weekend. This is something I felt I must do, since I'm the only person in my immediate family to graduate from college. I do wish my father could be there to see me walk.

_______

P.S. - a few things that helped me get by this last semester.

The playlist I listened to the most during the semester:

48 best of 2015. The Spotify link is below.

https://open.spotify.com/user/bryanbassett/playlist/70vCj9UUkhwZh4fkApCatW

The television show I watched in between long work days and study times to help clear my head and switch gears:

Comedy Bang Bang. Do yourself a favor and watch a few episodes.

https://www.netflix.com/title/70269429

Otherwise, when I had downtime out of nowhere I watched Bates Motel, Better Call Saul, and Workaholics. It’s amazing the free time you get the more busy you become.

[deadbscrolls]

The Hot and the Cold (@churchplanting conference, Part 1) #exponential

I flew in to sunny Orlando, Florida today to attend the Exponential East 2016 Church Planting Conference. The point of the conference according the marketing materials is “How to Become Level 5 Churches”.

“Five” is the level you reach after you church was really terrible, decided to evangelize, of course then becoming a church that multiplies. Level one is known as subtraction or, a church that subtracts. Also known as a church on the decline soon to be phased out.

The first guy that got up to speak was Erwin McManus. Erwin was lead to Christ by his mother in this church (First Baptist Orlando, a church the size of something only dreams are made of). Now Erwin is the pastor at Mosaic Church in Los Angeles. I later spoke with Ed Stetzer  and he was clear that he did not agree with what Erwin had to say but was thankful that at least he does know the Lord.

Below is a fancy photo of a quote he said that I stole from Twitter.

McNamus’ speech was cringe-worthy at best. His main point was that we must bring humanity back to humans through faith. We must have faith and then we will be human once again. The church can make the future of the earth a better earth, as long as we have faith.

I was mainly disgusted and being that this was the first speaker, I became worried this entire trip was a big waste of time. I thought I might be spending the next two days listening to goof balls talk about BS that makes me want to throw up.

Luckily my worries were useless, because after Erwin said something fancy and made the crowd go wild, he stepped down, and in his place was the legend himself, Ed Stetzer.

Ed Stetzer seems to be actually basing his material on what the conference is supposed to be about. If you know anything about Ed, you know that he is well-versed in this church-multiplication discussion. He has written several books about it and is currently selling his brand new updated version of “Planting Missional Churches”. He claims that it is 50% new content, so if you are interested, give that a listen. Below is also a picture that I stole from Twitter, this time of Ed Stetzer.

Ed hammered home what must be said, apparently, to churches today. “If we want to reach the lost, we must be intentional”. You would think this thought would be obvious, but apparently not. He listed stat after stat basically all showing the same thing, churches that try to evangelize, grow.

That is why I named this blog what I did. Ed was hot, Erwin was cold. Ed’s talk was full of quality doctrine, based clearly on scripture. Erwin, obviously the cold one, had material based on some odd interpretations, making a brand new Great Commission, instead of making disciples of the entire world, he’d rather make disciples that make the world a better place. He might as well rewrite the bible while he’s at it.

[deadbscrolls]

To Screen or Not To Screen

Is That Even Up For Debate?

It comes at no surprise that everyone's talking about how everyone else is addicted to their screens (smart phones, laptops, televisions, etc.). So what's the big deal? Is the smartphone age affecting our brains the same way illegal drugs do? What about getting drunk - do we really feel like we NEED to check our cell phone every five minutes?

It's cool to interact with our friends all day everyday, but what are we missing out on?

Apparently there is a new term known as phubbing or "partner phone snubbing", which defined is when "people use or are distracted by their cellphones while in the company of their relationship partners." The linked study and a few others from Medical News Today also claim that too much smart phone time causes depression, is addictive, and can cause high levels of anxiety.

The Real World

I promise this is not an edgy blog to talk about how I wish the world was the way it used to be. I love technology. I love my computers and I love my iPhone. But seriously we gotta put them down more often.

If you plan to hang out with a friend at a certain time, and you do, yet you still flip out your cell phone and text mid-conversation, what the hell is wrong with you? You have a real friend in front of you.

Here are some times you should put your phone down:

Your friend says "hey check this out", and starts showing you something that interests them.

While you are watching a movie, especially in a theater.

In a meeting at work.

Literally mid-conversation with a human being, in real life.

So, sure some of those are my own biased pet-peeves. However, some of them are things that other people will notice you doing and will feel less cared for. Especially if you planned on hanging out, please put down the phone.

Nothing is [probably] as important as you think, when it comes to our phones. Because realistically there was a time where we didn't have them, and everything was okay. So put it down.

An article that quickly adds to my thoughts on this, that also quotes some studies can be found here.

More than just the relationship aspect, this study aimed to "investigate daytime screen use and use of electronic devices before bedtime in relation to sleep". The study found "a negative relation between use of technology and sleep", basically the more screen time you have may cause a drastic drop in quality of sleep, and the actual amount of sleep you get.

We must put the phone down! Close the lid of your laptop! This will positively affect your mental state, help you sleep better, increase the quality of your relationships, and more!

[deadbscrolls]

A Review of J.D. Greear's Gaining by Losing, Why the Future Belongs to Churches That Send

My Opinion

I read this book faster than I read most books I'm interested in. I believe that has something to do with how good it was. I only ever put the book down because I had to be responsible and do things like actually work at my job. But while I read I wanted nothing else but to read further. J.D. Greear has a great sense of humor of which I learned by reading this book. He uses funny analogies and metaphors that made me actually laugh out loud.

But here is the thing, his purpose of writing the book is never lost. He doesn’t take you on any useless tangents, and only continues to build his case chapter by chapter.

Synopsis

If your heart is already set on sending useful leaders to go and start new churches elsewhere, then you don't need much convincing to follow what J.D. talks about in this book. But not only will he convince you of that, he will also show you why it matters and what happens with the church the leaders left.

Most of the church planting effort in the world is trial and error. You can feel called somewhere, but if there isn't actual godly people calling you, how do you know it's actually a God-led conviction? Just like you don't know where God has gifted you spiritually until you try certain things, you won't know if it's a totally God-led effort until you give it a shot. It takes a bold, courageous, faithful soul to embark on such a journey.

Seemingly a huge part of the sending effort is to be led by people who can lead well where they are. These people are fruitful Christ-followers that have a heart for spreading the gospel somewhere other than where they are at. Your church is ready to send when, if you were to send some solid leaders elsewhere, there are more to take their place.

Another big point is, it's about making disciples and not just converts. We can get converts all day but if they don't take their walk seriously and start trying to spread the Gospel themselves, then you haven’t actually won. The point is not to get a huge mega-church that is full of people who love God, but to create an atmosphere where people who get saved want to go get others saved, and eventually be able to be a part of starting another church like the one that helped them meet the Lord. If while we reach people, we eventually become a super-large church, it's not a bad thing, it's just not the point, and it’s not the mission.

Jesus gave us a mission, and we know we ought to work our hardest to accomplish it. Making disciples in the entire world is what we say we shoot for, but do we actually take steps at accomplishing that goal?

The following is an excerpt from the Introduction:

"We live by losing. We gain by giving away. What we achieve by building our personal platform will never be as great as what God achieves through what we give away in faith.

It's one thing to know these things, to believe they are true. It's another to implement them. That is what this book is about. What does it look like to live sent - in your personal life, in your ministry, or in the church that you lead?

I will warn you: It's relatively easy to nod our heads at this point and say, "Yes, like Jesus, we live by dying." But to go to the next step - to invest some of your most cherished resources, or say goodbye to those whom you love as they go to begin something new - that is hard, and it never gets easier. Yet it's how God's kingdom grows.

We gain by losing."

 Conclusion

All in all, I loved this book. I think it's a good read especially if you want to gain a goal or vision that is more long-term than your current goals or vision.

Buy the book now on Amazon by clicking here!

Tweet at J.D. Greear by clicking here!

Listen to J.D. teach by clicking here!

[deadbscrolls]

One Boy Went to a Bible Study, You Won’t BELIEVE What Happened Next!

 Mega Church Buzz

 First off let me say, I don’t like BuzzFeed. Which is why I decided to title this article much like a BuzzFeed article. My distaste for BuzzFeed is not unlike my distaste for mega churches. Like BuzzFeed, mega churches draw in new attendees with catchy slogans, ear-tickling stories, and upbeat content most people come across, because someone else was tricked into checking them out. With titles like “You won’t BELIEVE what one man did after he ATE A SANDWICH”, BuzzFeed raises your curiosity and you can’t help but click their links. Typically the links lead you somewhere that has something to do with the title, but isn’t really what you hoped for. You will be shown an image of a cat jumping, and the title will be something like “This cat has a few tricks up its sleeve, you won’t BELIEVE what it does next!” After clicking the link you watch a video you may have already seen about a cat who first jumps over a bench, and then slaps a tennis ball across a room. Wow, bet you can’t believe what you just watched, right? That’s how I feel at a mega church. There’s a big show and a lot of hype, but it just doesn’t deliver like the headline would lead you to believe.

 Welcome to Bible Study

 Anyways, let me quickly tell you my story. I grew up in a household that wasn’t dedicated to following the Lord. My father grew up a “Christian” but after becoming an adult, like many 18-year-old’s today, decided he wanted to do his own thing, and walked away from the church. My mother never had anything to do with church, and she is quite alright with that. I have an older brother too who, under the leading of my parents, also didn’t care much. At age 12, neither did I. I did not care until I was invited to go to a bible study by the mother of a friend, a friend whom I had no idea even cared about God. I decided I had nothing better to do, so I attended the study. I was shocked to see who else was there. A few skaters I knew from the nearby skate park and a college-aged guy I had never met. Regardless of what was said or how I was treated, I decided I wanted to keep going simply because I thought the skaters were cool guys and I figured that I could impress my other friends at school by saying I was hanging out with them. I needed friends. Not a performance. After a few months of going to these bible studies, I was introduced to the concept of God’s grace, and how to accept Him, and have the Holy Spirit enter my heart. It was only a few weeks later, when I was afraid my parents might never come home (they were regularly out at the bar, but much later than usual this particular night), that I decided to accept Christ.

 A New Beginning

 From age 13 to 18 I had the opportunity to grow in knowledge of God, and I stayed dedicated to doing so, only sliding back a few steps along the way. Whether it was my old lying habits coming out here and there or my occasional lusts, either way I was still able to repent and keep moving forward. Once I got to college however, I got to a really dark place. I began to lie left and right to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Basically daily. I struggled to keep my stories straight while I tried to cover my tracks. I lived a double-life for years until I could no longer hide, and finally told all. The grace they showed me was beautiful and unforgettable. I was forgiven not only by God but also by my friends who also knew the Lord. I needed grace; lots of grace, repeatedly. Grace from God and also people who actually knew what I was doing with my life.

 Plants vs. Institutions

 The bible studies I had attended were a part of a church plant here in Northeast Ohio. We focus mostly on teaching straight from the bible, and we cut out all the typical church rituals. No singing, no dressing up. Come as you are, and leave as you are. Nobody expects you to change overnight or be suddenly pious. No one is shocked by blatant sin, and it’s made clear that ultimately the way you live your life is an issue to be taken up with the Lord. We also focus on discipleship, and the experience of having a one-on-one spiritual mentor has been extremely important in my life.

 Now the reason I have such an issue with mega churches is because a lot of this type of in-depth interaction and grace-focus is missing. Typically their main meetings are massive, sometimes in multiple places. I’m sure you have heard of multi-site churches by now, and they are becoming all the more prevalent. The rock concert thing they are doing now is regular and lengthy, and the teachings are typically similar to the BuzzFeed approach, ear-tickling good vibes only. To me it appears that they use their most-attended meetings to make the Christians feel good about themselves. Singalong, clap along, and then move on with your day. In a church that size you get lost in the thick crowd of attendees, and you just become another number.

 Remember; I needed friends. That was the start. I needed grace, which I only felt when I received it from people who knew me deeply, flaws and all. As I grew, I finally needed to serve. Whereas a mega-church is satisfied with attendance (and tithing!), in a church plant, you most likely will find a role where you can serve and you can be sure it will further the kingdom. Now I teach and disciple other men as part of a ministry team. Me-the liar, can serve. The most important thing we have to do as Christians is get people saved, not get people in the seats of the sing-fest. If your church is made up of people who left other churches to find a more fun one, maybe a younger one, then you are doing something wrong.

 If BuzzFeed was the only place on the internet to read interesting articles and watch funny videos, I would use the internet a whole lot less. I feel exactly the same way about mega churches. If they were my only option, I sincerely believe I would have never accepted Christ. I went to my grandma’s church as a child a few times. I learned nothing and nobody was concerned about my well-being. Now, I know not every church is the same, and you can have your own opinion on what works or doesn’t work. But if we are talking about Jesus Christ, he wants us to make disciples of all the nations, and if we don’t continue to plant we will fail that mission. Many mega churches are doing nothing in that regard, but they are full of Christians with the potential to do so. Don’t waste your time filling yourself up weekly, go do something useful.

[deadbscrolls]

Dear Xenos Columbus

Hey guys, I can’t speak for our whole church but I just wanted to introduce you to us, so i can let you know about the beautiful things we have going on in northeast Ohio. I felt the need to write this because I’ve spent a significant amount of time with some Columbus Xenoids lately, and have found that there may be some misconceptions. The relationship between our churches is important enough to clear them up.

One common misconception is that we are basically one big college home church. The truth is we have three college home churches, that are all close to splitting. We also have three younger groups, which includes three high school groups, a junior high group, and groups for the younger children. On top of these we have the post-college home church and of course several adult groups.

We are so inspired by the ways God has used your church down there in Columbus. Obviously you are a much larger church with tremendous resources which you have been gracious enough to let us enjoy. This is been very valuable to us because we don’t even have a building to meet in. Having your resources at our disposal has been a blessing.

Though our church is different in size, there is a lot we have in common. We believe the same things, teach the same things and have McCallum elders. We have cell groups, home churches, prayer meetings, and we disciple each other just as you do. We get along when we hang out. We come to the Summer Institute and fit right in, you barely even notice our presence because it feels like we are in the same church.

I love you guys, and I think we should do everything we can to be unified. Though distance separates us, we have the same goal in mind and the same heart for the lost. We can learn from each other.

If you are interested in seeing what we have going on, please come check it out for yourself.

Our meeting location changes week to week, so follow us on twitter at twitter.com/neoxenos. Our central teaching is Saturdays at 6 p.m.

[deadbscrolls]

SOUTH DAKOTA AFTERMATH

I am having such a difficult time switching gears.

I'm home now, I have been for about a day. It's hard to think through everything I need to do. It's pretty hard to relate. I had such an eye-opening trip that I kind of need to close eyes a bit.

The struggle now is to maintain the convictions that poured through me this past week. I see now the hand of God, how we works, the potential, and really just how amazing he is. Pictured above is the team of amateaur missionariesand one girl we sung happy birthday to. To a varying degree wwe all didnt know each other that well.

Of course it depends on who we are talking about, because I knew the people from Kent, and I knew one or two of the people from Columbus. But by the end of the trip I was a total wreck, I could barely stop crying and I know I am already going to miss these people. The holy spirit hand picked each and every one of our skills to work well together on the trip. Cigarette smoking was even used to bring closer a few of us, since we regularly smoked and chatted together.

Another way to look at this is by seeing it as a picture of the Body of Christ, utilized correctly. We all did what we could and we did a good job together. We were unified, and you could tell. We were together for a week, but realistically it only took a day or two to start building relationships. By the end of the trip the smoke squad knew just about everything about each other and it was hard to say goodbye.

I hope I get to see these people again soon.

If not, and if by some weird circumstance I never get to see them again, it's okay. Heaven, I believe, will be like this. Working together with people you love, accoplishing things, loving others, and feelings of significance abound.

By th end I really didnt want to leave. My life story helps me relate with the people there, and I made some friends.

The hard part now is actually working on the present. I know I wanna go somewhere someday and and do somehting for the Lord with my entire life, but for now there is work to do. Lord help me please worry about today instead of "tomorrow".

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

[deadbscrolls]

SOUTH DAKOTA DAY... I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE

I’m still blown away by the beauty of it all. This place is probably the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to.

However it’s still a heartbreaking place to be. 

We got a lot of work done these last two days and today Zak and I had the chance of teaching the main church meeting. We taught over Ephesians 5:3-21. It’s a pretty awesome passage if you have some time to look it up.

I mainly gave some stats and my testimony. Afterwards I was able to talk to a local about it and we related about a lot of the teachings points. He was very easy to talk to and seems like a natural leader. He believes in both Christianity and his native religion. Hopefully I get to talk to him again soon. 

The night as usual, ended with some basketball and awesome conversation. I feel very united with the team we have here, it’s going to be very hard going our separate ways.