Losing Time
“Losing time” is a way to describe experiences with dissociative amnesia, a symptom that’s tied to dissociative disorders, PTSD, and cPTSD. Those without a trauma history, with or without mental illness, may experience occasional minor episodes of dissociative amnesia (during splits, panic attacks, during psychotic episodes, etc). Medication issues, as well as seizure activity, brain injury, and other physical conditions can cause what appears to be dissociative amnesia.
Losing time generally happens in one of two ways.
“Blackouts” are when one suddenly comes to, realizing that time has passed without their noticing. One may look at the clock, and it’ll be 2 in the afternoon. Next time they look, perceiving only minutes have passed, it might be 6 in the evening. For those with DID or OSDD-1a, this may mean an alter fronted during this time. For those with DPDR, PTSD, or another related disorder, this time might simply be lost.
More subtle dissociative amnesia presents as “gaps” in memory. These might not be noticed until one is questioned about what happened in these gaps. Having childhood gaps is very common in survivors of childhood trauma, these gaps of dissociative amnesia might be years long. Gaps in memory could be related to traumatic events or for no discernible reason. Memory repression and dissociative amnesia are related, but not the same thing- dissociative amnesia can affect memories regardless of traumatic content.
Some people with dissociative amnesia will “remember” events that were told to them later, but not remember any feelings or sense of self from that event. They might remember “oh, I went to this person’s wedding,” but not recall how they felt, how old they were, what they did, etc.
Dissociative amnesia, or losing time, is not the same as “zoning out.” It’s largely tied to trauma- if you experience this without any trauma history, I highly recommend you try to see a doctor to rule out dangerous physical conditions that might be affecting your memory. Severe dissociation without trauma is uncommon but possible- be sure to rule out other conditions, though!
If you experience issues with losing time, there are things you can do to cope! For those with severe dissociative amnesia, setting a time to go off on intervals and recording events on your phone/in a notebook can help with grounding. Journaling every day can be helpful. Some medications can reduce symptoms, and trauma therapy tends to reduce dissociative symptoms all around.
Remember, having a symptom is not necessarily tied to any diagnosis! Treating the symptom should be your first priority! Be safe, I’m available to answer questions if you have any.
