@deangirlll - Tumblr Blog

god the way cas says "....because it is" is so heart wrenchingly insane. he's about to tell dean he loves him, he's about to reveal his biggest secret, his deepest truth. and it's the most confident he's ever been but he's terrified. and he's crying and he still has a little a smile, a tiny bittersweet laugh and he knows he's about to die and this time he knows he won't be coming back but he's never felt more free....and dean doesn't even know what's coming.

chocolatecakecas

its not that serious but yes it is. dean was so important to so many of us at a young impressonable age. we literally latched onto him and didn't let go, for years. over a decade for some of us. so many of us so much if ourselves in him. someone who didn't think he deserve to be saved. someone who thought he was worthless. someone who didn't think he could have what he wanted......and to end his arc in such a careless way that didn't even prove him wrong. to say the only way for him to achieve happiness and peace was in death....was truly the sickest thing of all.

#🚬#might kms if i think to much on that #dean winchester

aturnoftheearth

it’s been. it’s been 364 days.

aturnoftheearth

frijolebean

He knows what he's doing.

👔

mourningdovecry

i am run through and through with disaster; i am knifed to the hilt with fate.

jeanne d’arc - antonin mercié / 1.12, faith / joan of arc - leonard cohen / 4.03, in the beginning / joan of arc asleep - george william joy / jeanne d’arc - eugène romain thirion / 14.03, the scar / 15.09, the trap / the passion of joan of arc dir. carl th. dreyer / joan of arc - mary gordon / 3.11, mystery spot / 9.23, do you believe in miracles? / 13.05, advanced thanatology / 15.20, carry on / burial rites - hannah kent

#now this is the dean posting i crave #we are so back #web weaving #love when a post brings me emotional pain #dean winchester #joan of arc

deanwinchesters

Oh, hell no. Panthro is mine.

Dean Winchester | 14x04 - “Mint Condition”

#oh deanie #it’s his month!! he’s currently watching his fav horror movies with cas and eating so much junk food #i love him dearly #dean winchester

zeeimpalaangel

He JUST grieved Cas. He JUST got Cas back! And now he's finding out Cas was held captive for WEEKS without him knowing. The guilt is obvious. He's showing Cas how bad he feels and how sorry he is. But still, Cas has no idea what Dean really means when he says he's sorry.

Cas thinks Dean's sorry is pointless. "Well, [Asmodeus is] a shape-shifter. Besides, I-I was the one who got myself captured."

But Dean's really saying, "I should have known it wasn't you because I know you. I failed you, and I hate myself for it. I just got you back, and I already let you down."

While Cas is focused on, "All I care about is finding Jack and your mother and fulfilling my promise to Kelly and getting you back your family."

And that's how what Ackles said post finale makes sense. Dean didn't think Cas was capable of [romantic] love. A human would understand what Dean is trying to say here, but Cas isn't human. How he feels doesn't matter. It never has and it never will. Only it's always mattered to Dean, Cas just couldn't see it.

So, like, you have Dean standing here (groveling), apologizing to Cas for failing him.

And you have Cas standing here saying it's all his own fault for not being good enough.

And NEITHER of them are truly listening to the other because they're too focused on putting themselves down.

have been feeling sickly and exhausted after work. i’ve been rotting in bed rewatching spn and it’s doing things to my brain

#going back to my roots #idea of using my twt fan acc feels like a nightmare so i might be more active on here instead #i’ll be speaking into the void abt my silly dean thoughts :p

in reference to prev post. just look at him!

#he’s so vulnerable and broken #also so pretty when he’s crying

marshmellowtea

he's beautiful i literally need to put him under extreme psychological stress. i need to put him in extreme physical pain. i need him curling up in someone's arms for the feelings of safety and comfort he hasn't received in ages

#do even need to say it #dean winchester #something about him in deep psychological warfare is just soooo *chefs kiss*#it also brings me physical pain to see him that way but also gives him character

daalcuntynatural

he knows two things for certain. 1. bert and ernie are gay. and he won’t let his best friend die a virgin which is all a separate situation

dean takes severe psychic damage every time someone he saves asks him why he cares so much

#and so do i #i believe dean remembers the name of every single person he has saved as well as everyone he wasn’t able to #he’s a good person!! he has a huge heart!! every case is so important to him #s4e11 #dean #my random thoughts #annual deannatural rewatch

mourningdovecry

these sam lines from 1.11 Scarecrow have always struck me as such a cruel thing to say (and i know dean forgave him immediately because he’s a sweetheart but i was put on this earth to hold dean’s grudges for him and holding this one i am) even though i get they were coming from a place of heightened emotion. it’s just, only two episodes since 1.09, when dean admits to sam for the first time ever that mary’s death haunts him so badly he swore to himself he’d never go back to lawrence again… just feels disproportionately mean.

but on this rewatch it’s the lines before it that hit me:

sam is an obvious john mirror starting as early as 1.01. it’s not particularly subtle, and the show definitely wants you to pick up on it. it’s not just the similarities in their storylines, ie. losing their partners to the same entity; it’s in their natures. their tendencies toward fanaticism, toward obsession. the driving force behind what keeps both of them hunting in s1 is revenge.

the common fanon misconception is that s1 dean is the one who wants to find john the most, that he has an unchallenged and uncritical devotion to his father, that he hunts because he’s trying to emulate john, that he’d do anything john tells him to. and yes, he’s on this hunt in 1.11 because john contacted them for the first time in months and ordered them work this job. but what we’ve been shown for most of the season is dean leading sam on hunts under the weight of john’s total radio silence, helping people because it’s the right thing to do, and not really looking especially hard for john at all after 1.02. in fact, in that very episode, sam wants to abandon the hunt (and the people they’ve started helping) when the trail to john goes cold, and it’s dean who has to convince him to stay and rescue everyone.

it’s like dean says above. what’s most important to him isn’t the revenge quest sam and john are on, even though we’ve been shown and told time and time again in just eleven episodes that he feels mary’s loss so keenly it still actively hurts, still controls actions he does or does not take, is still a pain he carries with him 22 years later. and of course he does want to find justice for her. but what’s most important to him is saving people. he isn’t obsessed with punishing something for her loss, he’s trying to prevent loss like that from happening to other people. that’s a large part of what he took away from mary’s death. of course he knows how sam feels; sam doesn’t know how dean feels.