Dear Ayden

| ♥ | A teen and her baby | ♥ | As I am writing this (7.8.2013), I am seventeen years old. This is for my daughter, Ayden No matter how young I am, no matter what life may bring us, always remember that I'm your mom, and we're in this together. I love you so much. Due 11.15.13 | Born 11.9.13 ♥ Photography Blog

[dear-ayden]

October / November / December

Dear Ayden,  

I will make a whole post full of pictures and just write the end of the year out for you.

In October you were eleven months old. I had the immense fortune of having you in my life for eleven whole months, and it has been so magical. You get bigger and bigger every day. You've been learning so much and it's so amazing to watch. This month's holiday is Halloween. We went candy-grabbing with your dad and your uncle JJ. You were Batman (batgirl), and your dad was the Joker. I didn't do enough pre-planning to wear a costume. For most of the night, you slept. But that's okay. Next Halloween you will surely be more active. especially since we've only recently introduced you to the pleasure of candy.

November 8th, the day before your birthday, we had your birthday party. Let me tell you, it was definitely one to remember. We didn't rent out any fancy hall or a playroom or anything like that, and I don't have a lot of mom friends, but we invited many of our loved ones to help us celebrate this first year having you earth-side. Dear Ayden, you are so loved. Your uncle Jordan took a lot of pictures for you, and we have them neatly tucked away in your photo album. You God mother Kiana baked you a huge cake, your aunt Alex came over early to help with all of the decorations and balloons. Your aunts Esther and Winter supplied a bunch of tables and chairs for us to use. And there were so many gifts, we STILL haven't found a place for them all!

Ayden, I will do everything I can to make sure your birthdays are special. Even when you get older and you don't think that birthdays are a big deal, I'll do what I can to celebrate every year of your life.

In December, we had your second Christmas and my 19th birthday. My mom's parents came from New York to visit for the week. Our family isn't too big on celebrating Christmas as a holiday, but we do try to make it a point to have the family together. Your wore a beautiful dress the your great grandmother brought , you threw a few tantrums because naps were scarce, but overall I could tell you had a lot of fun, and you enjoyed your gifts very much. 

After I turned about eight years old, my family stopped making such a big deal of the holidays. And even before that we weren't too big on decorating the house or anything like that. And looking back on it, I feel like a really missed out of that part of my childhood. Ayden, I will decorate the house up and down, inside and out, for as long as you want to. Even if you're 14 and you dont care about Christmas but you want the lights and cookies and hot chocolate and all the good stuff, that's exactly what we'll do. Whatever makes you happy.

Dear Ayden, please remember. My life is built around you. I do whatever it is that I do because I want you to grow up happy, and healthy, and taken care of, and full of love. Always.

Love,

Mom

[dear-ayden]

July/August/September

Dear Ayden,

I know that I’m really bad at keeping up with things like this but come January I will try a lot harder. I write all of my entries down in a journal until I can find time to write them out and put them up for you.

July // 8 months old

Here begins the most ruthless month for us Texans. May the universe have mercy on our delicate skin every time we decide to step outside. We’ve both been doing a pretty good job so far of not getting sunburn, and hopefully our luck lasts through the summer because this heat and sunlight combo is not letting up anytime soon. This month was your first independence day! ‘Merica! You spent all day with me and then watched fireworks all night with your dad and his friends.

It’s too hot outside to not swim, so I bought you your very own little pool so we can fill it up and splash around whenever we want! Dear Ayden, it’s always busy during the year, but not matter how hectic it gets, the summer will always be ours.

Right now you’re standing solo and I think you’re about ready to walk. You can do it, baby girl!

  August \ 9 months old

I’ve noticed recently that you crawl around like a little spider, using your feet instead of your knees. Maybe you’ve noticed that you move a lot faster that way, I don’t know, but it’s cute as all heck.  But you know what’s faster than crawling? WALKING! My 9 month old is walking! Ayden, when I saw you take your first steps, so many emotions flowed through me at once and I had to scream. Words can’t describe how very proud I am of you and your strong little legs. You’re so tiny right now that you look like you shouldn’t be walking. You still wear your 3 – 6 month outfits and I’m not sure if it’s because you’re small or because they’re stretchy. But you’re hitting all your milestones and that’s what’s important. This month, you clap when we say “yaaaay!” and it sounds like you try to say “Thank you”. You started putting your arms up when you want to be picked up and you’re also climbing on things (uh-oh).

You also took your first trip to Austin this month! We went to visit UT and your aunt Nayely and it was so much fun! We drove around a lot and you slept half of the time but you really enjoyed the hotel room that we stayed in and you explored the heck out of Nayely’s dorm room. It was a blast, and you slept the whole ride home, too.

  September // 10 months old

You’re running around like you’ve been using your legs your whole life and it was your friend Aiden’s first birthday this month. The party made me anxious for when you’re going to turn one because I couldn’t throw a party to save my life. Even though you won’t remember it, I’m going to make this the best first birthday you could possibly have. You turn one in a little under two months and I can’t believe how fast time has gone by. I looked at the first picture that I’d ever taken of you and you were so tiny and so new.. Now you’re bigger and learning so many new things.. I can’t believe we’ve already come this far. But I’m probably going to say this on your birthday every year, and every year I’m going to cry about how you won’t be my baby forever, but you will be my baby forever.

Ayden, I’m so looking forward to the rest of my life with you. Not every day will be an adventure, but there will be adventure and new things and I will wake up every single morning loving you more than I did the last (if that’s even possible!).  You are the sun in my sky and the air in my lungs and this life of yours I promise to make as wonderful as I can possibly make it.

I love you so much,

Mom

[dear-ayden]

March/April/May/June

Dear Ayden,

I am very bad a keeping up with things and I have a lot of sticky note reminders that I have to be reminded to read. 

In these pictures, you were about four months old. Now, you're eight months and three days. There are a ton of pictures in between but way too many to dig through right now.

In the bottom picture, we were in Dallas. It was your first time out of the city and it went surprisingly well! We went to this really neat food truck, and we went to the World Aquarium and I swear you looked so bored. I hope you grow to love those kinds of things. At the time, you loved sleeping and you really hadn't had any that day haha.

That was in March // 4 months old

In April, we really didn't do a lot of interesting stuff, but you did have your first Easter! We hung out with your dad in the morning and in the evening we went to your God Mother Kiana's aunt's house to visit her and her family. There, you sat up on your own for the longest time I'd ever seen and you never just randomly tipped over again from then on. So at five months you could officially sit up and play without any help! I was so proud. You even leaned back in my lap and fed yourself with your bottle something you'd been doing since you'd turned four months, but you were usually very stubborn about it.

April \\ 5 months old

In May, it was my first Mother's Day with you on the outside. Sadly, I had to work that day, but I got to spend half of the day with you. We took a nap together, watched tv, went for a little walk. It was a lazy day, but it doesn't matter to me how lazy as long as I got to spend it with my baby girl. 

We didn't do a lot for the rest of May. Honestly, I hardly ever got to see you. I was waking up at 6am to take you to day care at 7:30 and I didn't get to see you until about 11pm because I had school all day and then I went to work right after. It was hard for me, trying to keep up with all of that, but it was all worth it.

This is also the month that you began to crawl. A little slow, but crawling nonetheless. My baby has gone mobile.

May // 6 months old

June began our first Summer together, and holy crap is it hot. You sweat like your father and I feel bad every time I have to put you in your car seat and stick you in the car because every time I take you back out, you're soaked. Even when I dress you in minimal clothing. It's bright and it's hot but you seem to be enjoying yourself most of the time.

This month, you began to crawl like a pro and now sometimes you stand solo. And you went swimming for the first time. You took to the water with complete indifference and splashed around only when splashed at. Mostly you were chewing on the little steering wheel of the float that I bought you. But you looked very content and that's alright by me.

June \\  7 months old

It's currently July and you're handling Summer like a champ. You're standing against my leg banging on the back of my laptop so I apologize for seeming so rushed c:

Dear Ayden, I may be a very forgetful mama, but always know that if you need something, you can count on me to be there for you. I will always do whatever I can to make you happy and make sure that you're well taken care of. 

I love you so much. To the very last star and back.

Love, 

Mom

[dear-ayden]

Graduation, Class of 2014!

Dear Ayden,

It's 10:30pm, I just put you you to sleep, and I thought it was really important that I tell you about graduation.

I graduated high school today, baby girl! I graduated in the top 10% of my class and a National Honor Society member, and I am so very proud of myself. I deserve to be proud of myself. I want to thank you so much, sweetheart. You got me through all of this. When I wanted to give up, all I had to do was think of you and it gave me the strength to carry on.

You watched me graduate today, and when you look at those pictures in the future, I hope that you can be proud of me. As I stood backstage, getting ready to walk, I kept having short bursts of strong emotion. I thought of you the whole time I sat with my fellow graduates, I thought of you and shed a few tears as I walked across that stage,  and as soon as I saw you after graduation, I gave you the biggest hug. And I wanted to cry because I can't believe I did it.

Everything that I do, I do with you in mind Ayden. I want to be able to give you the world, if you want it. I'll do eveything in my power to give you a beautiful life, and that all starts here.

I'm officially a high school graduate, soon to be a college student.

Baby girl, we're ready to conquer the world together!

Love,

Mom

[dear-ayden]

February

Dear Ayden,

I'm sorry that these entries are always so late. Being a mommy and a full time student the second semester is hard! I hope you never know how it is, though. I've been doing all kinds of paperwork like crazy while organizing my school's diabetes walk and keeping my grades up. Doing homework with you in my lap wanting to grab all my papers and pencils is no easy feat!

February wasn't a super eventful month for us (thank goodness). VASE (an art competition) was this month, and I took you with me because I volunteered to work the concessions and was planning to be there all day. It was so fun! Everyone loved you so much, they all just wanted to hold you and talk to you. By the end of it, you were all tuckered out. When we went home, you fell asleep before your head hit the pillow c:

This month we also had your first Valentine's Day! This holiday doesn't really matter to me, but in the future, it may matter to you, And I want you to know, that if you're ever left without a Valentine, and you're disappointed, don't be, baby girl. This may be lame to you, but I like when my parents are my Valentines! They get me little gifts or a card, and it makes me happy! I had five Valentines this year: your daddy, aunt Esther, my mom and my dad. But my FAVORITE out of all of them was you. Every Valentine's Day, from now until forever, I would love to be your Valentine. You might think it's dumb, but nobody loves you more than I do. To the moon and back forever, Ayden.

Love,

Mom

[dear-ayden]

January

Dear Ayden,

Life has been happening way too fast for me lately, baby girl. My graduation is June 10, I've been applying for scholarships like crazy, orchestra UIL is already at the end of next month, you already got your two month shots, I took your Aunt Alex and Aunt Nayely's senior pictures last Sunday. Where is the time going and why is it in such a rush?

My sweet baby girl, you're growing so quickly. When I present my fingers to you, you grab tight and try to pull yourself up to me. You do little sit ups when you lie against my leg, and when I hold you and walk about the house, you turn your head left and right, searching around, so alert. And when I tell my friends how sad I am that, before I know it, you won't be my tiny baby anymore, they tell me "calm down, she's only two months old." And I laugh. I laugh, dear Ayden, because when they have children of their own, they will understand. They will understand that it feels like it was just yesterday that there were "only two weeks" before my due date. It feels like just moments ago you were "only two seconds old" refusing to cry when you were first born, causing me to hold my breath until I heard those first gentle whines, "only two minutes old", being cleaned off by one of the nurses who helped deliver you, "only two hours old" lying skin-to-skin on my chest, breathing new life into me softly and sweetly, "only two days old" in a pink owl onsie the day before we were to leave the hospital, "only two weeks old" sitting in a little blue bouncy chair looking so small and fragile while attending the SAP school with me.... And now you're "only two months old", turning three months the Sunday after this one coming up, and I can't believe how fast you're growing before my very eyes. I feel so very happy and so very lucky to be watching the miracle that is you.

You are my everything. Always, always remember that. And remember that, even when you're 10, 20, 30, even 100 years old, you'll always be my baby girl, my beautiful darling daughter, an I love you so, so much.

Love,

Mom

[dear-ayden]

Dear Ayden,

I know I'm way late with writing about your very first Christmas, but things have been pretty busy and I finally have a few moments to sit down.

We didn't have an extravagant celebration this year, and we normally don't, but this year we didn't even have a big tree. But that's okay. Your aunt Esther gave me a little tree to decorate just for you. And your God mother Kiana bought a little bunny ornament for your tree that said "Baby's First Christmas", "2013", and "Somebunny new to love." You mostly stared at it and made your cute baby noises. I think you liked it.

Grandpa came over and he was happy to see you. He wouldn't put you down, and you must've been excited to see him too because you wouldn't go to sleep until he left. He brought you some presents, too. You have some new clothes to keep you warm for next winter (he didn't check the age tags and got 12 mo. jackets and pants). Great grandma Rose sent a bunch of money, so as of right now, you have more money than I do!

Overall, I think Christmas was a success. We all had fun and you looked so content all day. In the future, when you can really get into the holiday spirit, I promise to make every Christmas as special as possible. 

Love,

Mom

[dear-ayden]

Dear Ayden,

Yesterday (Monday, 12.16.13), you, your tia Alex, and I, all went downtown to see the lights in the city. Your first trip downtown! It didn't feel like Christmas was coming until we went. Downtown in this city isn't very exciting during the day, but I have to say, it was beautiful. I hope you saw some of it. You slept most of the trip.

Usually, going downtown isn't much of an experience for me, but yesterday was nice. Alex and I were struggling to carry your stroller up and down stairs all night and there were some really nice strangers that were willing to help out! There is good in the world. There are people who are willing to perform small acts of kindness and expect nothing in return. I did thank those people who helped carry your stroller, but I know they don't realize how much I truly appreciated the gestures. And on top of the help, they all stopped to admire you for a moment and tell me how beautiful they thought you are.

You are beautiful. Don't ever forget that. 

We're going to go downtown again next week. Maybe you'll be more awake next time to enjoy the trip with us. I'm thinking of making trips downtown to see the lights a tradition. For now, you get to ride around in the stroller and sleep. When you get older, we can hold hands and walk together beside the water. Maybe we can do other tourist-y things too. 

I hope, as you get older, you enjoy and appreciate the things that I think to make tradition for our family. I want your childhood memories to be wonderful.

-Mom

[dear-ayden]

Dear Ayden,

I turned eighteen last Saturday, December 14th. My mom gave me a bunch of money and a wonderful card.  You, your father, and I went went on our first family walk to your titi Winter's house where she and I made inappropriate gingerbread cookies while you slept in your stroller. My dad bought me the camera that I took this picture with (Nikon D5100) and took your uncle Shim and I to the Cheesecake Factory while you spent the rest of the night with my mom. The waiters sang 'Happy Birthday' at our table, and it was then that I realized that eighteen years passed too quickly.

I remember being in pre-K, getting in trouble for not coloring butterflies that I thought looked better black and white. I remember making my first best friend. I remember playing my viola for the first time in fifth grade, moving on to middle school, getting my first boyfriend in the summer after eighth grade, being afraid of starting high school, making varisty orchestra and meeting your father sophomore year, joining NHS junior year, having you in November as a senior. I'm a senior now, and January 6th is the start of my last semester of high school. I've applied for colleges and scholarships and jobs. I'm growing up. It's terrifying and exciting, but I sometimes wish the clock would tick slower and I'd have a few more moments to be this young. I will never again be this young. And neither will you.

I cherish every moment that I can pick you up and hold your body close to my heart because some day I probably won't be able to pick you up at all. I can't wait to watch you, my baby girl, grow up and learn and find your passion in life. Remember to take moments every now and then to appreciate the good things in life. Find things and people to love. Be kind. Be ambitious. I will be there to love and support you every step of the way.

But please, don't rush to grow up.

-Mom

[dear-ayden]

Dear Ayden,

You were born on a Saturday night. My water broke at 10:24am on November 9, 2013 (also auntie Winter's birthday). As soon as I felt it, I got the strangest feeling in my chest. At first, I thought it was fear, but the whole way to the hospital, I realized it was excitement. I had been looking forward to meeting you all year. I thought that I would be terrified to be in that delivery room waiting for you, but all I could think about was how it was  the day that I would finally meet my baby girl.

I was in labor for about 13 hours. It was painful, I threw up. Goodness, I didn't even care. When I heard your little cries when you came out at 11:16pm, when they told me that you weighed 7lbs. 1oz. and were 19 1/2 inches long, when they put you in my arms for the very first time I felt like my whole life was complete.

Ayden, I want you to know now, everything that I do, I do for you. I feel like my life has direction now. You are my inspiration and my motivation to do better and be to better. I hope you enjoy your life with me as much as I will enjoy my life with you. I love you so much.

- Mom

[dear-ayden]

Good News!

Dear Ayden,

Today I FINALLY found out that you're really going to be a girl! (The doctor checked three times c:) I had the feeling, but I wanted to be sure before I started this for you. I feel like the luckiest person in the world, and I can't wait to see you and hold you in my arms. I didn't even wait to finish the ultrasound before I started telling people! :D

As of today, I am 21 weeks and 4 days pregnant with you. 18 weeks and 3 days to go!

I made this account about a month ago, and I want to start early on this so you have a lot to read when the time comes. 

I love you, my little sweet bun.

-Mom