Dear Nick

A reflective diary. This is required.

[dear-nick]

12. Νοσταλγία

νοσταλγία < λόγιο ενδογενές δάνειο: γαλλική nostalgie < αρχαία ελληνική νόστος (=επιστροφή) + ἄλγος (=πόνος) 

return + pain => Nostalgia 

The pain of the return. The pain of reminiscing the past.

We shall not cease from exploration
  And the end of all our exploring
 Will be to arrive where we started
 And know the place for the first time. From T.S. Eliot Little Gidding (No.4 of Four Quartets)

Dear Nick, 

The last lecture could be easily named nostalgia. 

I like this word. It is bittersweet. 

Honestly, I am going to miss you. 

It has been a lovely ride. You have been a great teacher. 

Thank you for these weeks. I think the assessment part of this course is kind of nostalgic. You look back and you try to verbalize the whole process reflecting on the past, your past self. 

Probably creativity has a nostalgic nature. When you create something that translates into a material thing, even if this thing is just words written on a paper or in this blog, you unconsciously try to leave a part of your present self, to the future one, or to the future others. 

Creating creatively could be an attempt to fight the inevitable loss that comes with the passing of time, with the passing of life.

In one of my earlier posts (that sounds like self-plagiarism but it is true though), I shared that death is a recurring theme in the background music of my life. Or something pretentious like that. But it is true, death, the end, is the only certainty that us as humans hold. Not only us, animal as well but I am not sure if dogs for example know that their end is coming.

But we know it. It is scary, lonely and as a realisation it grounds you. It is not an easy fall. But when you realise your nonentity, you kinda try to produce stuff that will express you, your thoughts, your ideas, your body even when you are not present. Creativity could be interpreted as an act of care to have a better life, and as a posthumous scream to the ever ending vastness of the galaxy we are just a tiny part of. 

We want to have posthumous fame. And it is human. 

Fuck. The muse just came to me again. 

Even when we are applying care through creativity, we are just trying to make our lives better; sure. But, at the same time when you are trying to better your life you are kinda trying to reduce the wearing the decay and the inevitable death. Electricity, healthcare, clothes anything, apart from the aesthetic ones, are all trying to help you survive. The big engine of life and creativity is death.

Fuck I think I cracked it, and I think that the stupid answer is again death. 

It is weird, when I try to explain anything and I do mean anything death is at the bottom of it. 

The Absurdity of our being. The Absurd of Camus.

ONE MUST IMAGINE SISYPHUS HAPPY. 

I’ll miss you Nick.

I’d like to grab a beer with you sometime.

But then again you seem like a person who does not drink.

 P.S.: That’s a nostalgic album I think you’ll like.

[dear-nick]

11. Muses

Dear Nick,

We have not talked about muses. 

They are cool.

We should. This week you will ask us what we would include in a curriculum on Creativity. 

I would definitely include the muses. 

They can take the form of people, political ideology, aesthetic ideology.

Can they take the form of money? 

Can money and financial income act as muses?

Are they the same as the muse Homer invokes in Odyssey’s proem? 

I still do not know what creativity is. But to connect it with entrepreneurial values just seems bizarre. It is difficult for me to define entrepreneurship as “nothing other than the successful realization of a creative project” (N.W., 2018). 

I feel more at ease with the definition of entrepreneurship “as instrumentalisation of creativity in order to gain value in a capitalist system” (me, right now). 

“ Tell me, O Muse, of the man of many devices, who wandered full many ways after he had sacked the sacred citadel of Troy. Many were the men whose cities he saw and whose mind he learned, aye, and many the woes he suffered in his heart upon the sea, seeking to win his own life and the return of his comrades. Yet even so he saved not his comrades, though he desired it sore, for through their own blind folly they perished—fools, who devoured the kine of Helios Hyperion; but he took from them the day of their returning.”

P.S.1: By the way I made this cartoonish design. Creative, aren’t I?

P.S.2: I am thinking of starting the essay with the proem of Odyssey. 

[dear-nick]

10. Dear Nick

I think I am starting to understand the way you are seeing things. 

You are a romantic. That is... nice? I mean it is interesting to say the least. You seem like a sensitive person. I appreciate this characteristic in people. I think it is at the core of being human. 

I prefer being a cynic. It is easier. 

Nick, I address this post to you and to creativity per se. Because to me, creativity has to do with people. We are not alone. We act and feel in relation to others. I mean I get Lacan says a lot about loneliness and how it is inevitable to everyone. But. I think that creativity is something that is interesting or at least worthy when it is shared. Communicated. Connected in away. 

You are always alone. sure. But the ways in which you can connect with someone through creative thinking, creative conversations make that loneliness fade for a bit. You kept pointing out that I was referring to connecting and being open when I was trying to  explain what I imagine as creative thinking process. One girl pointed out the “action” part of the process. I think thinking creatively is an active thing to do. A really active thing to do. 

We act to much and think too little and connect too little. Capitalism’s effects on us. We have internalised capitalism. I think it must be revolutionary not to act from time to time. Not to commercialise your creativity. It can be something really esoteric and cathartic that gives you an opportunity to understand yourself. To explore what a struggling and hedonistic experience is to be human. 

Music is playing with our subconscious part a lot. In ways we cannot understand and articulate. Is it connected to nostalgia? To something that is not in any way logical, is it another kind of logic? I am not sure that I believe in logic. 

Here is a song you might like. 

and another one,

Thanks Nick, 

Bye for now.  

[dear-nick]

9. Fairy tale

During the Cold War, at the Steppes a young healthy vampire named Sergei used to live. Sergei was not interested in politics, he was not interested in the Space Race he was not even interested in drinking blood.

Sergei was really into his well being. He did Pilates to remain ripped and meditated to tame his thirst. He ate chia seeds every day, an avocado a la steppe for his brunch and a green steppe smoothie.

The years passed; he was ripped. 

He was excluded from other people and vampires. (A self-made decision he was not in gulags.) But, one day he heard the sound of a motorcycle machine cutting the wind in half. He smelled the odour of the fresh blood, it was burning his nostrils. Sergei could not control himself. To hell the yogas, the pilates, the seeds and the self-help books. He ran toward the bike, stopped it with his hands and bit the neck of the soldier driving it. Sergei stood there, silent. He contemplated. He realised that as hard as you try you can not suppress your natural instincts.

The end. 

[dear-nick]

8. An excellent ethnography

[dear-nick]

7. Procrastination

So, I do not follow many creative things I start to engage with. 

I do not follow through with pretty much anything new I start to be honest.

I do not find that bad. 

In regards to the reflective thing we have to do, I was quite proactive in the group formation process. I liked the vibe of someone I approached them and I hope my instinct does not betray my - or let it betray me I don’ t care. 

A lot of people approached me as well. Did not know their names, I am interested as to why they approached me. I want to know what vibe I give off to other people. Do I give a vibe to Chinese people? Because all of the ones who approached me are Chinese. But then again most of them in this programme are. 

I am really interested to see what it will be different when I look at these posts to collect data for the assessment. I am fearful of the future. Not something that happened regularly to me. I believe we are at war. And I also believe that in this time we relive in hybrid digital Middle-Ages. It just that everything moves faster now. Everyone really tries hard to keep up. 

I just want to be a philosopher, drink wine and just talk about shit. How did Socrates got paid? From students probably. But this bitch did not have to create a PowerPoint Presentation or do qual-quat research in order to be a valid professor. He just had to be a man. Andnot a slave. #BringBackSocraticAcademia. Without the sexism and the classism. I would definitely be at Epicurus garden though. 10/10. 

That was the real deal.

In regards to the project though, I felt really comfortable approaching people. Very rarely do I fell shy. And I also enjoy organizing creative things. I like the production of it. 

I am concerned about the ideas that my team workers will have. Someone said that we could do something creative about “cats & dogs”. I will try going into it with an open mind. 

I made a padlet. Aesthetically really pleasing, nice ideas, well organized. The others do not seem that interested. 

I think that thinking concepts is my strength,  one of them. I think creatively. It is not that I am good in any particular artistic act, like acting, painting or anything. My creative thinking, the way I perceive and understand  the world are better than most people. I do believe that. And I also believe that I am a humble person. So, shush. 

But the thing is. How do I find a way to sell my aesthetics? I haven’t cracked this one yet. I will though. After a lot of anxiety and maybe self-doubt. For a bit. Then I will return into my humble yet self assured self.

Bye Nick.

P.S. Future self I hope you are fine. Yesterday one of your favourite teachers past away from COVID. He was a creative.Hope you found the book he gave you with the inscription you moron. 

Also I do not have cigarettes and I really want to smoke.

[dear-nick]

6. Self censhorship

Most of the times it is not some external person/situation that is regulating my creativity. 

I cannot think of an incident that something or someone has denied me permission to be creative.

Most of the times the one regulating my actions is myself. 

I fear the critics, I fear the reception that a piece-text-whatever I have created will have. 

Sometimes, I also think that there is nothing new, that there is no value in what I am thinking or creating. Mediocrity is also something that burdens me. 

I firmly believe that every person can be creative, no matter their background their education, their social-economic-cultural capital. 

But for me this does not apply. 

Sometimes I find creative works of others pretentious. It interests me, I want to explore the limits of what is considered art and what is not. I want to create a persona, an artist persona and produce creative nothings. A white canvas with 3 bullets and to present it as art. 

The fluidity of the limits of what is art and what is creativity can be paradoxically restrictive. A clear concept is not present. Maybe that is why concepts act auxiliary to me.

Everything creative that I have done that got some recognition, poetry, photography, texts etc, have always been part of an organized process. Usually contests with awards. Maybe competitions suit me. 

[dear-nick]

5. 

Youth.

Death. 

The decay of the human body and mind.

Reoccurring themes in the background music of my thoughts.

[dear-nick]

4. concept

I believe that I am more creative than usual when I have a concept in mind. 

It does not matter if the concept is restrictive or if I have complete freedom to do whatever comes in my mind. 

I enjoy it more when I have a clear goal.

[dear-nick]

3. idea

This allowed me to be creative. 

It was required but it also gave me permission to do something creative, under some guidelines.  Societe Anonyme Ξ was created. YU

Elevator pitch for a creative entrepreneurship idea to get into a university.

It got me into the uni, I chose another one.

[dear-nick]

2.

Dear Nick, 

I am not sure if I want you to read this blog. 

If you are though, take a look at this logo. 

I think that is creative. 

I think you might like it.

For some odd reason, antiquity and the classics, mythology, sculpture, Homer will always be a huge influence in my creative journey.

Creative journey sounds really pompous. 

I will always love Medusa.

[dear-nick]

1. Illegal Creativity

The thing is, I am required to reflect on actions I made that are in a way creative. The problem is, that everything that I consider the peak of my creative thinking is borderline illegal and most importantly does not fit in this institution’s ethics.

So same old same old, I will lie. Not about what I have done.

I will not lie about my actions. 

I will lie about the hierarchy of my actions. You will never know my most creative act.

We tend to lie a lot about hierarchies. 

I believe.