Dear AQ @dearaq-blog - Tumblr Blog

How can I tell someone I talk to online that I like them?

Hi anon!

I would talk with your friend about boundaries first and see where they’re at. Sometimes there’s a certain amount of anonymity people like to leave when it comes to online friendships, and talking about romantic feelings might make your friend uncomfortable. That being said- there’s nothing wrong with sharing your feelings and letting you know that you have a crush on them. I think as long as you make a clear effort not to push anything and remain respectful of your friend’s privacy/personal life, everything should be okay. Honesty is the best policy!

How did you get so smart? 😭

Pain. Lots and lots of pain.

I have adhd which makes it really really hard to focus and write something. Any tips?

Hello anon!

To be honest with you, I have similar issues and am unmedicated. So I am well-aquatinted with yout struggle.

Something that helps me focus is chewing cinammon gum. Also, I need to be in a quiet place without much noise- I can’t listen to music with words as a write, it has to be instrumental. Sometimes I set a timer for myself, in 15 minute increments where all I’m allowed to do is type.

I would also suggest saying your dialogue outloud as your write it- it will give you a better sense of your scene.

Hope this helps!

I have no ideas, I hate everything that I write and I abandon things half way through, and I feel like no one cares about my writing because I haven’t posted in a while. Help?!

Hi anon!

Writers block happens, and that’s okay. Trying to force it, in my experience, only makes things worse.

It doesn’t matter if anyone else cares about your writing. YOU have to care about your writing- that’s all we are entitled to, as authors.

Also, no one is going to crucify you for taking a break- we all go through it.

If you want to write and feel like you can’t, I would suggest starting small. Don’t judge yourself or put stipulations on what/how much you need to accomplish- that will only stress you out. Maybe start back up with some drabbles/ficlets, or explore prompt lists or even other fandoms. There’s a lot of stuff out there.

Hope this helps!

Bit of a weird one, how can I come out as bi without my boyfriend getting the wrong idea? (I’m a cis girl btw)

Hello anon, it’s not weird at all.

Part of being in a relationship is being honest and transparent with one another, and it’s important to live your truth as a bisexual person.

I would suggest sitting your partner down and letting him know that your orientation doesn’t compromise your love for him. Be honest about your orientation. Hiding it will only create a void between the two of you, and could possibly lead to resentment.

I think the question to focus on here is what will you do if he doesn’t accept that part of you? If he does, which he should, then it should be smooth sailing- he might need help understanding where you stand on the exclusiveness of your relationship- often times people can mistake a bisexual person for wanting to be something other than monogamous, which isn’t the case. After that’s explained, it should ideally be smooth sailing.

But if there is something holding you back from telling him, I would look at that. Is it because you’re afraid he won’t accept you, or that your relationship will suffer/end? If that’s a fear of yours, this may not be the relationship for you. Being who you are is more important than any relationship you’re in.

I hope this helps!

#anon #dearaq

Hey, just want to say thank you for your service. We're lucky to have you!!! XOXO

Well thank you! And I say the same to you miss!

Hey. I’ve been posting for a little while and I’ve gotten a few nice comments but mostly radio silence. It’s such a bummer because I always say concrit welcome so I wish people would just tell me if there are things that I could do better or whatever. Any input would be so great but is that too much to ask?

The blog goes through periods of high and low activity- we’re on the low side right now. So radio silence is kinda normal for this time.

If you really want concrit, I’d suggest getting a beta reader or joining one of our discord servers!

I was a pretty active writer but I haven't posted in awhile and I genuinely don't think anyone cares. Should I just quit? Seriously I got one ask every three fics. I literally did the math. I have good ideas but should I just go ghost?

So if you’re basing your worth off of the feedback you recieve, you’re never going to be satisfied. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break, but “going ghost” because you didn’t get the feedback you wanted makes it seem like you weren’t really writing for yourself in thr first place.

That being said, not getting love can be discouraging. And this fandom has it’s seasons, sometimes we experience a lull in activity. I would suggest leaving love on other people’s stuff for now, or beta reading to help form relationships with other writers. It will help build a support system.

Hey there! So I’m a relatively new writer, I’ve been writing in this fandom for less than a year, and I haven’t got a million stories to my name already. I recently took a small break from writing because life was pretty busy, but then I got back to it for about a week. But now, I have no motivation to write, even though I have more time. I have so many unfinished works. And I feel super guilty about it. Have I lost my touch? Should I be putting in more effort and stop being lazy?

Okay but why you gotta read me like that?

Kidding, of course! What I mean to say that I completely understand, I’ve been there... I think we’ve all been there.

Listen, life gets BUSY. Life gets lifey! You gotta take care of you first, no matter what. It doesn’t do any good to beat yourself up about not writing, or calling yourself lazy. I get it, but it’s just self-sabotage. Inspiration comes and goes in waves sometimes, and that’s okay.

My suggestion? If you’re having trouble writing, try beta reading for a while! It’s a great way to hone in on your skills and polish your style, while helping others and forming connections with other writers.

Don’t sweat it!

dear aq, i haven't been very active recently and i hate it but i'm scared people don't care about me anymore because i'm not posting so continuously. any advice? much love, anon.

Hi anon!

I’ve definitely been there. It’s completely normally to be more active some time than others. But I’m here to report that people definitely still care about you, and even notes and asks won’t always reflect that. But that’s okay— that’s not really why we write anyway, right? We write because we want to. And if you don’t feel inspiration currently, never fear! It will come back to you!

In the meantime, if you want to put something out there, I’d suggest starting off with a oneshot. Sometimes starting a big fic can stress me out and cause me anxiety regarding timeframes and updates. But a oneshot is often like a nice surprise, a breath of fresh air. You could also try a drabble, or a poem!

Hugs!

I HAVE WRITERSSSS BLOOOOOOOOOOCK thank u for coming to my ted talk

Hi anon!

It sucks to be blocked, it really does- but such is the life of a tormented artist. The good news is that this too shall pass!

Things that help me— answering character questions! Sprint writing! Segwaying for a bit and starting a different project, even if it goes nowhere! READING. Read read read! Read your ass off.

Also, try talking about your WIP with others! Discussing and brainstorming are two of the best ways to get me back on track.

Hope this helps!

it’s silly but none of my fics being rec’d for a masterpost hurt my confidence really badly i feel like my writing isn’t as good as it used to be and readers don’t like it anymore but even my older fics didn’t get rec’d so now i’ve been feeling like they were never actually liked for anything more than being about a popular ship

Hello anon!

I can say with confidence that you are not alone in feeling this way. There are times that my fics didn’t get as much love as I’d hoped for, especially those fics that were so important to me, the ones that I really poured my heart and soul into.

It can be hurtful. But at the end of the day, if I’m writing pieces that I love, the rest falls by the wayside. The life of a writer is such- we write, not a whole lot of people read our stuff, we feel crappy, but we move onto the next one. The motivation for writing must be intrinsic, it has to come from within. If I’m writing for other people’s reactions, my motives are actually coming from a place of ego. That’s a hard pill for me to swallow at times, but if I’m honest with myself, taking action to improve my situation comes a lot easier.

If I’m already feeling self-concious about my work and comparing my works to others, the amount of praise I recieve can affect me intensely. But if I treat all of my work as a learning process, as pieces of a puzzle working toward a marvelous end result, I’m able to appreciate my work a lot more.

At the end of the day it’s all words on the page, love. That’s what a wonderful beta reader used to tell me when I’d beat myself up about my work. “Words on the page, words on the page” she’d say. It annoyed the shit out of me. But now I get it.

Is some of my recent work subpar to my older works, in my opinion? Sure. But progress isn’t linear. We go through rough patches, through dry spells. That’s okay. Just don’t ever give up. Even if you stop writing for a bit, or for a long time, just know that you can pick it back up at any time. The ability to create story is already in you. That isn’t something that goes away!

Also yes, popular ships do have an advantage in this fandom. And all ships have their season. I would advise you not to take the opinions of others too seriously. It’s not like we have an undercover Stephen King or George R.R. in our midst. And even if we did, fuck ‘em. Outside opinions don’t matter when it comes to art.

I hope you never stop writing, anon. Just the fact that you’re able to put your work out there for others to see is huge. This is YOUR process. No matter where you are right now, you’re right where you need to be.

so I have 21 and I found out I'm a lesbian. I don't know how to deal with this information and how I feel. I didn't tell to anyone and I feel so embarrassed... how can you don't know your sexual orientation for 21 years??? my family is probably gonna hate me if I tell them.... I don't have anybody to talk to.... I feel alone.

Thank you for sharing this, anon.

So the thing about sexual orientation is that there’s no real linear formula. There are people that don’t realize they’re gay until after they’re in a heterosexual relationship, married, have children, etc.

I wouldn’t worry about coming out just yet— I would focus mainly on you yourself coming to terms with your sexuality, for now. Coming out to yourself is an important first step. Don’t feel like you need to have all the answers right now. It’s okay!

Also, you don’t have to anything right now. You come out when YOU’RE ready. You may feel the pressure to come out sooner than you’re comfortable with but at the end of the day, you are 100% in charge of your coming out process. If you don’t feel safe coming out to your family yet, wait a while. I’d suggest telling just one person, if you can, one person that you can trust. Getting a sense of one’s acceptance before telling them is also a good idea.

Writing helped me a lot during this vulnerable time. I’d suggest writing a letter to a family member, and writing a letter to yourself. You don’t need to give the letters to anyone— you can toss them or keep them, whichever you wish. But for me, writing my thoughts out in this way got me out of my head and onto paper. I was able to see how I was feeling on paper instead of drowning in the craziness of it between my ears. It really made a difference. It helped me come to terms with the changes happening inside.

It’s okay to feel embarrassed like you said, it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. Feelings aren’t directions, though. You don’t have to act on them. And you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

It will become abundantly clear to you, when it’s time to share your truth. I am here for you and I fully support you on this journey. My DMs are always open <3

How to comment when you love a fic but you don’t know what to say? Sometimes I type out a comment but then I get embarrassed and never send.

Hello anon!

I will admit, I have definitely been guilty of going a bit crazy in the asks over a fic that I love. However, is that such a bad thing? AO3 replies get turnt, why can’t we?

However if we are strictly talking about AQ, something I might suggest would be to leave a little love in an ask on AQ and then if you’d like to get more detailed, send an ask to author’s blog! You could also comment through reblogging the fic.

As far as what to say? Well, what did you like about the fic? If you liked everything, what were some of your favorite parts? Did you have a favorite line, or two? Were there some bits of prose that gave you life? Was there some angsty angst that fucked you right up? The more specific, the better. Even if it’s just ONE specific little reference in your comment, that writer will smile when they read it.

And a secret? When writers get comments that specify and reference the reader’s favorite parts? Writers read those comments over and over. They don’t forget those comments. When they’re blocked or they feel doubtful or they’re just having a bad day, writers go back and search for those comments and re-read them.

You have no idea the difference you can make, anon!

I wrote a fic like 2 years ago and now when I read it, omg I cringe so fucking hard, man. But I kind of want to write again but can I use a different pen name because I really don’t want people to associate me with that other one.

Hi anon!

I can definitely relate. I think it’s always a great idea to re-vamp an old fic if that’s what’s on your heart.

The only thing I would suggest is if you use a different pen name, I would suggest taking precaution so no one thinks you’re plagiarizing or stealing ideas. For example, I’d put something in my author note along the lines of “this is an old idea that I’ve recently decided to revisit”, or maybe even just message the admins beforehand letting them know the drill, if the platform allows.

I sometimes don't feel like writing anything because there haven't been any asks about my works in ages. I check the page after each fic I post to see how people liked it, but I guess I'll never know how people feel about my fics because no one ever says anything.

There’s a lot of vulnerability in putting our work out there for everyone to see. And when we don’t receive feedback? It can make us feel unworthy and doubtful of ourselves, or just plain frustrated. I’ve had issues with this too, and when I would talk about it to others, I’d get the same old “you have to write for YoUrSelF” shpeel. And? Well? As much as I hate to admit it... it’s true.

But for me, if I post something and I’m going in with the expectation of how I think people should respond or how many notes/asks I should get or any at all, I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Expectations are premeditated resentments— toward others AND myself.

Something that has helped me over time has been to have a few close friends that I share my docs with. Support within the writing community is vital to improvement, so when I’m receiving feedback from even just a few people, it makes all the difference in the world. I didn’t have a lot of chums at first so I asked someone to beta for me, and then my little circle grew from there. I have found that group chats and servers are helpful as well.

Another thing that helps is leaving feedback for other writers! It helps form connections with other writers who will be interested in reading your stuff, since you actually took the time to comment on their stuff after reading. The cool thing about writers is that once we receive a little love, we’re often eager to return the favor.

I hope this helps, anon!

i know it doesn't make sense, but i constantly compare myself to other authors and it makes me really insecure, and then when i try to write, nothing happens. what do i doooo lol😩

Hello anon! You are not alone, believe me. I struggle with this as well. Sometimes, I’ll read a fic and think, “Wow, this is so great. How did this author get so great? I’ll never be this great. I should probably stop trying. No one will want to buy a book that isn’t this great. No one will even want to read a fic that isn’t this great.”

But that’s my silly little brain. See, there are two parts of my brain. One that manufactures bullshit, and the other that feeds into it. This is a perfect example that a lot of the time, I don’t use my mind-- my mind uses me.

At the end of the day, those “great authors” that I compare myself to-- well, they weren’t always that great. People improve by continuing to read and write. See writing isn’t a natural talent-- it’s a craft that is polished over time, and it can be polished in many different ways depending on your style of writing. The only natural talent a writer actually DOES have is the ability to take an idea and run with it-- the stories that form in one’s mind. That’s what makes the writer, the rest is practice.

So I would say, keep writing anon. If you look around, no one’s most recent fic is anything near similar to their first fic. No matter what you write, it’s all important and it’s all art and it’s all uniquely YOURS.

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