this is not the end, ‘cause we were built on dreams of gold ┊ chahee.
* ☪ › ˚ -— she’s not daft, she knows she broke his heart. it was her intention to. break his heart for him to resent her and to question why he ever loved someone like her. anything she touches breaks and blows up in her face. she doesn’t want to be responsible for ruining his life later. he shouldn’t be with someone so destructible. as confident and as strong she appears, she hates herself and honestly, if it weren’t for her daughter she wouldn’t be making an effort to appear okay.
the only thing that matters is yeonhee. protecting her, providing for her. there’s no room in her heart left for rokhyun ( or so she thinks ). she let him go and she wants to assume he’s done the same, but judging from his expression and how he’s staring at her, she recognizes he’s still hurt. still healing from the wounds she created. and seeing her again, like this, with a child he probably thinks is not his, adds to his collection of scars.
she nods, unsure what to say, unsure where to look. he’s the one to end the conversation and she’s relieved it didn’t last for long. she smiles, “ have a good christmas, ” turning on her heels to go back inside. her heart drops and so does her smile. slow strides toward her parents doorstep, taking her time before going back, composing herself, forcing her eyes open to dissolve any sight of potential tears. her daughter can’t see her like this. she can’t know something is wrong. and before she has the chance to step back inside he’s standing a few feet away from her.
eyes looking up at him, wide from surprise. " rokhyun — “ tone confused.
please don’t make this harder for yourself. please turn around and let me go.
” i— “ before she has the chance to respond, the front door opens. yeonhee staring up at her mom with two cookies in her hand.
‘ mommy! look at what i made with grandma! ’ smiling brightly as she raises the two cookies in her hands. ’ i brought one for mommy! and grandma said to come inside because dinner is almost ready! ’ before she could usher her daughter back into the house yeonhee turns around to face rokhyun, ’ mommy, who’s that? ’
” just an old friend, go back inside, yeonhee— “
’ hi mommy’s friend, you can have this cookie! ’ her arms outstretched as far as possible, holding out the cookie in front of his face. ’ merry christmas! ’
yeonhee goes back inside and you can hear voice in the background ’ granny! i gave mommy’s friend a cookie! it’s impossible for santa to give me coal now because i’m so nice! mommy’s friend is really cute! ’
” have to go back inside, sorry, “ sorry for not being brave enough, sorry for everything. sorry for appearing in front of you like this with her. sorry for not telling you about your daughter. and i’m sorry for not loving you the way you deserved. ” have a good christmas, rokhyun, take care. “
⁺ 𝐑 › like old times, he lays himself bare all over again.
for this is one thing rokhyun cannot change. his unwavering heart, nor the way it is strung along his sleeve, all the more exposed -- vulnerable to the world, more than he wishes it to. more than he control.
for a moment, he is transported back -- he doesn’t know what gives him such confidence to spring such an invitation upon her -- but all that is pompous air, made to hide the fear he stands in front of. its doubts drawing close around his courageous heart.
yet, much like all those others times -- this isn’t much different.
chahee had always been a hard one to catch.
but he had never left room for much afterthought -- not for her, not for situations like this. hadn’t he always been one to jump in head first ? maybe that’s what makes him stand rooted before her ; still as ever as he stares at a face unknown to him.
unknown and yet, oddly familiar.
“ uh --- ” he breathes in surprise, reaching out to take the cookie from her tiny hands. “ sure, thank you. ” and before he can even ask her name, she’s running back into the house, away from his eyes and the burning inquiries swarming them as he looks from the girl then to chahee.
some part of him should feel crestfallen at the reality of the situation. much like he had thought, she had moved on -- his mind reveling at the fact that she had a daughter, that she had gotten married and pregnant away from his eyes. the girl who had fiercely had never been able to be tied down was now utterly out of his reach.
so why did that still not make his heart waver ?
he’s still standing in the same spot when chahee’s voice brings him back -- his eyes draw from the door to the woman beside him. her words bring a smile to his face despite the circumstance ; a small, surprised laugh beaming from spread lips. “ ah, shit. she’s a cutie. ” he says, finally stepping back from the door. “ just like her mother. ”
rokhyun sighs, eyes going from the cookie to chahee’s face. her repeated greetings were starting to sound hollow in his ears despite the smile on his face. was it regret or was it something else ? what had begun to fester to make him feel this way ?
“ maybe another time then. ” he finally says in reference to his offer from moments ago. his smile stills as he nods, taking another step back, eyes still on chahee’s. “ have a merry christmas, chahee. ”
