06.08.23🕊️

in loving memory of my brother Cash <3

[dearmysweetbrother]

on august 6 2023 my best friend, my little brother, was taken from me. every day i want so badly to talk to him, so this is my place to do that. talk to him, talk about him, and process my emotions about the loss and the legal case that will follow. i miss that kid so incredibly much.

[star-struck09]

I grieve the little things I did not get to say to you and the things I never will.

[inkpressedpetals]

[bl00dfroma-fairy]

grief is saying ‘I want to go home’ whilst sitting in my living room

[opossum-handz]

[dearmysweetbrother]

I miss you so much. i’m so tired.

[putaind3merde]

[nixscriptum]

[callmelost]

i sit with my grief at the dining table. she follows me to the couch after a long day and cups my cheeks in her cold hands. she nestles behind me, almost invisible, as a friend is near, and yet like a shy cat, reappears once they’re gone. my constant shadow, my tear-stained cloak. i never made you that cornflower blue vest.

[im2silly]

I would have hugged you longer if I knew that’d be the last time we’d hug.

[bluefox3]

I've never been angry at the spring before, always overjoyed by its gentle arrival, by its promise of life

But this year there is no promise of life, and my heart remains bitterly cold, because it's the season where the dead come back to life, and you are nowhere to be found.

[dearmysweetbrother]

our justice system makes me irrationally angry. i am exhausted. it has been 573 days of incessantly fighting for you and nothing has happened. it took a year and a half for charges to be pressed. there’s been multiple hearings where nothing has happened. i am screaming your name from the roof tops and no one is listening. why isn’t anyone listening??

[dearmysweetbrother]

i miss you

[iankaikkinenvitutus]

I hope that eternity is kinder to you than time.

[messedupandsearching]

dreaming about the ones you’ve lost has got to be one of the most brutal / painful parts of losing a sibling, yet it’s also the only reprieve

[dearmysweetbrother]

i saw him yesterday, in court, dressed in slacks and a button up shirt as if he didn’t kill you. i stared at him and i didn’t stop no matter how badly i could feel the acid burning my throat, i took that moment as a chance to reclaim your power. he wouldn’t look at me, like he was scared if he saw my face all he would see is you.

he tried to represent himself, in the supreme court, i almost caught myself feeling badly for him when the judge ate him alive. he tried to appeal the blood alcohol test, and say he wasn’t properly notified of proceedings.. turns out he blocked the cops phone number. the judge talked to him like he was a child and he looked astonished that he didn’t get his way. she told him to immediately seek legal advice.

mom did a good job holding herself together, i was just angry and jay looked like he was gonna strangle him at any given second.

we meet with crown counsel next week, i want them to know that i will fight for you and they will never get rid of me.

i want the driver to know that he will forever remember my face, he will see me at every proceeding, he will go to court knowing i will be there.

[dearmysweetbrother]

there’s a warrant out for his arrest. it took 1 year 4 months and 12 days but finally i can talk about what he did to you. i swear i will never stop fighting for you.