Dear Diary

C AND S PTSD - OCD Here is my diary, trying to become the best version of me, deal with my traumas, trust the universe - french aquarius baby witch. If you have any advice pls come

[dearrecoverydiary]

Psy : You have an obsessional disorder. Let's take an appointment with a doctor so you have meds.

Me : Thank you very much

Doctor : Meds ? But you look strong and fine ! No need !

Me : ....

My thoughts : WILL HE COME BACK YES NO HE DELETED OUR PIC ON INSTAGRAM BUT HE PROMISED HE WOULD GIVE US A TRY AGAIN YOU DONT SAY THAT TO SOMEONE YOU DONT LOVE WHAT IF HE MET SOMEONE ALREADY NO HE CANT HE DOESNT ANSWER BECAUSE HE NEEDS TIME HE SAID IT BUT WHAT IF HE LIED AND WHAT IF

Also me : Please ?

[galaxies-of-apple-trees]

OCD and Dog Toys

While struggling with an intrusive thought (and the compulsion to ruminate) tonight, I got an image in my head.

You know how a dog will bring a toy to you, and when you try to take it they play tug-of-war? And if you drop your end, they'll press you with the toy again to keep the game going?

That's a lot like intrusive thoughts. They nudge and poke, and when you engage in them they start fighting with you, but if you ignore them they keep keep nudging. So what do I do?

I pet the dog. I don't play, but I stay present and give them the attention they need without engaging in the game. Eventually the dog/thought gets the time they need and runs off to do something else.

It's an image that feels good. Intrusive thoughts aren't inherently malicious, they are my internal defenses trying to keep me safe and a symptom of something unaddressed, usually overstimulation or letting my anxiety threshold get too high.

It's safe to pet the dog. That's all it really wants.

[dearrecoverydiary]

J'ai officiellement perdu 10 kilos entiers en 2 mois.

Merci la dépression.

[dearrecoverydiary]

My ex : I would agree to try to built something new with you when we will be individually mentally ill. Something like a love relationship or friendship. But I don't know when it can be, might be soon or in 20 years.

Me : We will build something new !

People : He said that to be nice.

Me : A love relationship !

People : He also said friendship...

Me : Soon !

People : 20 YEARS.

[dearrecoverydiary]

Normal people who breaks up : I'm sorry it's over

My ex : I would agree to try again when we will both be healed.

Me : THIS IS WORSE WHAT IF HE CHANGES HIS MIND, WHAT IF HE SECRETLY HATES ME, WHAT IF HE DOESNT EVEN REMEMBER ABOUT ME AAAAHHHHHHH MY IMAGINATION TORTURES MY BRAIN SO MANY POSSIBILITIES

[horrorandhalloween]

Ledges the cat

[dearrecoverydiary]

Dear Universe,

Why do my antidepressants for forgetting my ex have the same name as my ex?

Waiting for your answer.

Thank you.

[dearrecoverydiary]

Guess who is on Prozac ?

Yes me

[remanence-of-love]

[dearrecoverydiary]

People tell me "HEAL YOURSELF"

... I would like to, but how does it work ? Do I simply wait and see ? I don't get it.

[leafsea]

[dearrecoverydiary]

Je regarde les posts que tu likes sur insta

Et je me demande si ça te fait penser a moi

J'vais même plus sur TikTok

Ya que des vidéos couples trop de pression

Alors même que l'algorithme sait que je suis toc toc

J'ai dis oui aux cookies, yes il sait qu'j'suis en depression

J'ai beau compter chaque jour chaque nuit qui passe sur l'bout de mes doigts

Ça fait déjà 100 fois

Qui veut m'prêter ses mains ?

Je regarde ni a gauche ni a droite

Avant de traverser le rue

Je vais confiance au destin

Même si je sais que c'est la roulette russe

Si je rencontre quelqu'un

Je lui dirai tout de suite que t'es irremplaçable

Il sera juste passable

Et pour l'instant Monsieur Passable jcrois bien bah qu'il existe pas

Tout le monde veut me donner son putain d'avis

D'me dire que c'est de ma faute

D'me dire que je dois guérir

D'me dire que pour 130 balles ils pourront lire mon avenir

J'regarde tes photos, jme souviens d'la texture d'ta peau

Tu me dis d'attendre, j'attends des mois en fixant mon plafond

J'aimerais tellement pouvoir faire genre que t'étais qu'un salaud

Quand je pense à toi jpense qu'à nos rires, jpense qu'à tes bonnes actions

Je suis victime de mes pensées

Victime de mes pensées

Chaque jour que j'passe seule à défiler

Le fil de mon passé

[dearrecoverydiary]

Me : *living of my passion, sharing a flat with my bf, feeling pretty balanced* Yes, everything's going fine.

Past traumas : You think so ? Nice to meet you ! *crushes everything*

[dearrecoverydiary]

Me : I want to be free ! I want to be all by myself and have my own place !

Me : *gets my own place all by myself*

Me : Oh no, I'm so lonely.

[guerrillatech]

[dearrecoverydiary]

And after you're 22 and you must find out by yourself why you can't do this or that AND IT'S HELL

[dearrecoverydiary]

Ok so I totally think I met my twin flame, and that if I heal myself we'll get reunited.

I see many signs around me, and many are very big. Like it can't be my imagination.

Yesterday I was chilling in my bathroom, there was only the light from my little window which is blurry, and suddenly there was like flash a light next to me. Like a ball of light which exploded, that was very fast but enough to see it VERY clearly.

What does it mean ?

[perfumigate]