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man i JUST came to terms with being aro

#demiromantic #possibly??#idk thought i didnt do romantic attraction right #and then this fucker comes around with his nerdy hobbies and enthusiasm and handsome face #RUDE!!!!!#IM MOVING!!!!!#THIS IS NOT A HALLMARK ROMCOM!!!!!

father of the year randomly dropping "yeah they wanted us to institutionalize you/give you up to the state. so really the special needs school we sent you to was the better option" midconversation when i have to finish my manuscript today

#AND ON HOMESTUCK DAY #mans always said how 'good that school was for [me]' and how 'it was the best place for [me]'#and myself knowing the various panic reactions that got baked into me at the school #would call bs #like....dude they nearly sufficated me on the reg #didnt even bother explaining what autism was to me WHILE yelling at me for doing autistic shit #(no 'eye contact' or using 'bad tones' or 'disobeying unspoken rules')#BUT HEY!#TURNS OUT IT GENUINELY COULDVE BEEN WORSE #love when i google “[childrens psych ward name] news” the first page is covered in cases of young girls being assaulted there #AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN GIVE ME UP TO THE STATE??? IS THAT A REQUIREMENT FOR INSTITUTIONALIZING UR 8 YEAR OLD????#all this and he still says i have asd not autism and that means im higher functioning aka basically not autistic #sir. dude. father.#lemme pick a struggle at least

i deserve sainthood but i dont go to church so im getting fast food instead

#academic hell #academia

i deserve sainthood for that shit

#academic hell #academia #ill figure out a sorting tag l8r

this is the curse my PI placed on me for taking so long to send him my manuscript

#making me do a group summary project #paired up with the guy i need to keep explaining academic dishonesty to #CITE!! YOUR SOURCES #NO WE CANT INCLUDE THE PICTURE JUST BECAUSE ITS “COOL”#WE NEED TO INCLUDE THE PICTURES THAT ACTUALLY /EXPLAIN THE RESEARCH/ WHILE /BEING CLEAR TO A BROADER STEM AUDIENCE/

i have suddenly realized i can never leave academia or my emotional support spreadsheets will be euthanized

#academia #my graphs #my calculations #my deranged ramblings and color coded variables #all held hostage.... and by who you may ask??#excel

i desperately want to be alive.

but im so scared to.

god please dont make me have to learn french

#french canadian but still #am i praying am i begging #the answer is yes

the delicate balance between wanting to prove yourself as a legitimate researcher vs the awareness of the $12/hour undergraduate pay

#probably couldve talked my way into getting paid over the max next semester #IF IT WASNT FOR /SOMEONE/#/JEOPARDIZING ACADEMIC RESEARCH FUNDING/

favorite method of finding new media obsessions: read weird porn with zero context thats at least 75% removed from the source material and become juuusssttt intrigued enough from the remaining 25% plausibly canon bits to go Hunting

#works every time

roommate come home at fuck o clock pm with her bf and make an ATTEMPT at being quiet challenge: Level [IMPOSSIBLE]

me, being productive and studying: :)

the post-it note poetry from 9 hour shifts in a dead ass mall:

me, now experiencing emotions: :(

dearsupersecretdiary

please dont be scamming me

dearsupersecretdiary

FUCK

please dont be scamming me

the difference between quiet contemplation and spiraling really is just sunshine huh

oh wow were yearning

#damn maybe i am aro #the loneliness consumes us

aw man there's the shoe dropping

#knew that bitch was dangling somewhere #somehow recognizing it like this makes it that littlest bit easier

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