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@deartrooper-blog
Dear Trooper,
As I lay on the floor of the living room, I'm able to see under the couch and under the table and I feel like I'm viewing life through your eyes. It's so different down here.. I wonder why I never wondered how you viewed the world or never thought to see from your perspective.. I feel close to you right now while also feeling so far from you at the same time.. Rest easy mt sweet baby.. Every day I fall asleep thinking of you.. I hope you think of me too..
Dear Trooper,
Sorry it's been so long since I've last written.. I thought that if I acted like everything was okay and just "lived life", things would actually become okay.. To be honest, some days are easier than others. There are days when only happy memories of you come to mind. Then there are days where I lie awake in bed for hours and I'm only able to replay your last moments..over and over and over again.. Trooper, I miss you so much.. Though I miss you so much, i have made peace with the fact that you're gone. I saw you suffering and struggling. As a (pet) parent, as your mom, I made the decision to let you go..to let you finally get some rest.. Though it hurts and I feel as if I can't breathe, deep down, I know I made the right decision.. the right decision for you. I know you are no longer suffering. No longer struggling to walk..to drink..to sleep.. My sweet, sweet, baby.. how I wish I could see you be free from your illness..be free to be happy..
I will always love you.. I will always miss you.. I will always wait for you to come visit me in my dreams..
Missing you...
Dear Trooper..
I don't have the words to explain or describe how I'm feeling.. All I can say is that I miss you so much.. Every day, every single moment in my life since you've been gone, I feel empty and hollow. I want to hold you. I want to kiss your head. I want to stroke your soft fur. I want to squish your jelly foot pads. I want to play with your ears. I want to tell you what a good boy you are. I want to tell you how much we love....
Dear Trooper..
I finally tried to clean up the apartment and put some of your things away today.. I got as far as putting your towels and blankets in the wash before feeling overwhelmed. I tried to see if I could still smell you on the fabric but I couldn't.. Everything and everyone around me is telling me you're no longer here and that you won't be coming back and mentally I know.. but I guess I'm just not ready to let you go yet.. In my head I know that letting you go was the best thing we could do for you.. that you would no longer suffer and finally be able to rest. But in my heart and soul it breaks me.. People say that putting your beloved pet to sleep when they are ill is the most compassionate and selfless thing an owner can do.. Maybe I'm a horrible person and I am neither compassionate nor selfless.. I wish you were here.. I wish I could hold you and pet you and tell you what a good boy you are and how much I love you.. When I look at the few recordings I have from the security camera we set up to monitor you, I feel sad and guilty.. Sad because I didn't record enough videos and take enough pictures of you when I had the chance. Guilty because you had to stay home alone for 4 - 8 hours at a time.. how lonely and bored you must have been.. I wish I spent more time with you.. Life is so unfair at times.. and it upsets me how life unfair life was to you.. They say it let's easier with time.. I guess that would make sense if time wasn't standing still.. I miss you so much Trooper... Please come visit me in my dreams..
Dear Trooper.. It's been exactly 1 week since you left our side and got your little angel wings.. Everywhere I go, everything I see reminds me of you and the things I wish we could be doing together. Sometimes, life is unfair and I'm sorry you had to experience that so early. I hope you've made lots of friends up there.. But, being the friendly pup you are, I know that's one thing I don't have to worry about. I miss you so much.. But, knowing you're no longer suffering helps me cope with losing you.. Thanks for being such a good boy.. You will always be missed and we will never forget you. We love you and miss you so much.. #sweetdreams #restinpeace #missyousomuch #puppies #dogs #puppy #dog #puppiesofinstagram #dogsofinstagram #puppylove #terriersofinstagram #instadog #pets #dogoftheday #puppyoftheday #doglover #doglife #puppylife #puppiesofig #lovedogs #petsofinstagram #dogsofinsta #ilovemydog #cutedog #thedogcafela #trooper #buzzfeedanimals #dailyfluff https://www.instagram.com/p/BsXaAQHj67s/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=18jlwxjn2q5wt
Dear Trooper,
It's been so cold here these days.. Actually, I think it started the day you left us.. that was the coldest it's ever gotten this winter season in LA. I'm sorry you had to go when it was so cold.. There are so many little shirts and sweaters we bought for you that you never got a chance to wear.. I wonder if it's cold where you are.. Probably not.. I hope it's all sunshine and rainbows there. I often imagine what you'd be doing there and it makes me happy to think you'd be running (more hopping) around with your silly little tongue out, tail wagging happily.. but it also makes me sad that I can't see you doing those things.. I wish we had more time together.. I wish you got to experience more things.. I wish.. you were here..
Dear Tooper,
It's been raining a lot all day today.. Usually I really enjoy the rain and gloomy weather but today.. it's making me miss you more.. I wish you were here.. I hope someone is cuddling you for me up there...
Dear Trooper,
One would think that after having to answer the "what happened??" question about a thousand times, it would get easier to answer. I am learning that is not the case. Each time I have to answer that question, I relive that day.. that moment.. over and over again.. It feels as if I'm back in that tiny, cold room at the end of the hall.. You laying on your blanket on top of the dull, metal table.. As I cup your small head in my hand and stroke your soft fur telling you what a good boy you are.. you look at me.. tired and frail..i kiss your head and tell you that I love you.. I hope you knew how much we loved you.. and then it happened.. it happened so fast it took me a while to fully understand what had happened.. all of a sudden your tremors stopped and... you were gone.. You're free now. From the disease that was slowly killing you. From the body you could no longer control. From all the medications that weren't even helping you. From your helpless parents that couldn't save you... Trooper.. I miss you so much and it is so hard to wake up and just function every day. I want to feel better knowing that you are no longer suffering..but part of me still wishes you were here knowing how much you'd be suffering if you were.. I guess I'm just selfish that way..
I hope you're having fun up there.. It sure isn't the same without you down here..
Dear Trooper..
When my husband and I decided to rescue a puppy, even through all the excitement in preparing for this new addition to our family, I knew, in the back of my mind that I would one day have to let him go.. I just never knew how soon that day would come and just how hard it would be..
This blog will be my outlet where I document my journey through mourning, grieving, remembering, and healing..
Dear Trooper,
I miss you so much.....
Trooper, Even though the days keep going by and everybody's lives are going on as normal, time seems to have stopped in our home. Everything is still where you left it as if you were just here playing with your toys.. We can still smell you on your blanket and your tiny little clothes.. Not a moment goes by that we don't think of you and the funny things you would be doing if you were here. We hope you're having fun up there running around and eating everything you want. We hope you knew how much you were loved and how much we still love you. We miss you so much.. Until the day we get to hold you again.. Sweet dreams, our sweet baby.. You will forever live in our hearts. #sweetdreams #restinpeace #missyousomuch #puppies #dogs #puppy #dog #puppiesofinstagram #dogsofinstagram #puppylove #terriersofinstagram #instadog #pets #dogoftheday #puppyoftheday #doglover #doglife #puppylife #puppiesofig #lovedogs #petsofinstagram #dogsofinsta #ilovemydog #cutedog #thedogcafela #trooper #buzzfeedanimals #dailyfluff https://www.instagram.com/p/BsL_U6Gj2Eu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1di63xfl1brcu
As everybody celebrates the New Year, I want to not just say goodbye to 2018 but to my baby Trooper. After fighting a long, hard battle, Trooper crossed the rainbow bridge on 12/31/18 at 11:07 PM. 2018 was filled with so many wonderful life events but one of my favorite moments was when we brought home Trooper. Albeit short, the time we spent with him was full of laughter and love. Through him, I have really grown and matured. He brought so much joy to our little family... We will be mourning and missing him for a very long time.. . . . . #notsohappynewyear #restinpeace #missingyoualready https://www.instagram.com/p/BsFfHb8DVSTGgNJEvKSQtZ183Lxn1uCB5Fz9E80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=337mkfn73kzi