I googled "who gives a shit"...

...but my name wasn't in the results.

[death-from-ab0ve]

I have a few jokes about unemployed people...

But it doesn’t matter none of them work.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Tall, dark and handsome. A strong, silent type. Women are looking for trees.

[death-from-ab0ve]

New and Improved Names for Boring Everyday Things

• Couch = People Shelf • Books = Film Manuals • Bracelets = Clockless Watches • Air Horn = Scream Spray • Bottled Water = Snowman Blood • Feather = Bird Leaf

[death-from-ab0ve]

Why couldn't the skeleton share the bad news?

He didn't have the heart.

[death-from-ab0ve]

..savage.

[death-from-ab0ve]

[death-from-ab0ve]

How much does a hipster weigh?

An Instagram.

[death-from-ab0ve]

When Peter Pan punches they Neverland…

[death-from-ab0ve]

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

[death-from-ab0ve]

Same.

[death-from-ab0ve]

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

[death-from-ab0ve]

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

[death-from-ab0ve]

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?

Claustrophobic.

[death-from-ab0ve]

true story

[death-from-ab0ve]

[death-from-ab0ve]

Bitch I'm fab

[death-from-ab0ve]