writing conflict competence in novel ways @deborah-sword - Tumblr Blog

Conflict Owner's Manual podcast: "what you see depends on where you stand"

It may be tempting to be aggressive in conflict. Perhaps with hopes that getting in an adversary’s face will achieve your preferred conflict outcome. In the Wednesday podcast, I suggest another approach, one that’s more likely to get the result you want. The appeal of this approach is that it’s simple, fast, effective, fun, and everyone learns a conflict competency from it. While a disagreement…

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#conflict #conflict analysis #Conflict Competence #conflict management #conflict resolution #conflict style #conflict tips #perspective taking #relationships #resilience

Does this conflict problem sound familiar?

People who attend courses about managing conflicts report that they love the interactive experience, are excited about the skills they learn, give glowing testimonials to the instructors, see value in the material, and … and then what? The follow up isn’t encouraging. A common question and comment that people have People tell me their conflict stories, and almost everybody has one or two or…

#conflict #conflict analysis #Conflict Competence #conflict management

Walk or Talk: which to do when an opinion offends ?

My grade six yearbook had a column for each of us pre-teens to name our future dream job. Unlike many classmates, I didn’t aspire to a glamorous career. My dream was to ride a horse across the prairies. If I had a do-over, I’d say my ambition is to be good at a job I love. Achieving my dream is the sum of three parts: 1. having a job, 2. loving it, 3. being good at it. Have you achieved all three…

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#communication #feedback #polarization #questions #reframe #shame #writing

Policies, Publics, and Protests

On 31 October 2007, the Calgary Herald published my opinion that protests of public policy contribute to knowledge, democracy, and good policymaking. As Albertans await the report on #environmental NGO funding of protest activities, I dusted off the op-ed of good things that come from public protests. On 28 July, 2021, with slightly updated wording, I’m publishing it as a blog post. The Alberta…

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#Alberta #conflict #conflict analysis #conflict management #Gary Mason #policy #policy protest #public protest

Exercises for teaching conflict competence to Generation COVID-19

A bored and lonely looking child picked berries one-by-one from my front hedge and mechanically ground each into the pile of snow I’d just swept from the public walk. In a ‘normal’ year, I might have given a short lesson about birds depending on berries in winter, or asked the child to not crush berry-stained snow into the sidewalk. One year into the pandemic, I let the small member of Generation…

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#Conflict Competence #Conflict in fiction and popular culture

Are judges losing the art of being persuaded?

A job ad that I don’t want to see

If you heard a pitch for a reality TV game show called Who is the Next Top Judge, would you watch? The pitch might be something like: self-serving, partisan, power-hungry politicians fight over which lower court judge will get a top job based on how the candidate has stated he/she/they will decide future, highly-contentious cases according to a defined ideology.

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#conflict analysis #decision making #impartiality #judicial activism

Conflict Mental Maps

Alternative to resolutions

Could you summarize in a sentence what you’ve learned from your life’s work, or a relationship, special interest or hobby? I decided to try that instead of pretending to make New Year’s resolutions. I also want to read your sentences, so please share yours. And, happy 2020 writing about what life taught you.

What I learned from life distilled to one sentence:

Thinking…

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#Conflict Competence #conflict mental maps #mental maps

What color is loneliness?

Loneliness is a modern epidemic

Standing in line at a grocery store, I overheard a customer tell the clerk ringing through her order, “I never use the self-service option because I live alone.” That simple statement carried the freight of her isolation. Like her and almost every other human on the planet, I’ve been lonely.

Loneliness isn’t Black, White, Italian, Gay, Gendered, Professional, Blue…

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The convictions of one's courage

The convictions of one’s courage

Fictional guest list for a fake dinner

Imagine your ideal dinner party guests, whether living, dead, invented, or mythical. Mine range and change, currently Marie Curie, Superman, Julie Payette, John Legend, and Oprah. Only one guest remains constant over decades: David, the shepherd who allegedly defeated giant Goliath and became king.

I admire David, whose Bible stories describe a brave,…

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#change #conflict #conflict analysis #Conflict Competence #conflict management #Dialogue #Dr. John Rex #Interests #King David #monument #values

Complete list of posts

Welcome to my posts about various aspects of conflict and the skills of being conflict competent. Navigate to topics of interest using this list of titles.

The categories of post topics are on the sidebar to your right.

Let me know if there’s a topic you’d like added. Or, use the contact page to ask The Conflict Doctor your question.

Role of power in apologies …

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#index #lists

An Improbable Tale Of Alien Romance

This short story was my 2005 birthday gift to a friend. In 2008, mediate.com made an exception to its nonfiction content rules to publish it. In 2013, I added it to my first website, conflictcompetence.com, which became this URL in 2017. Somehow, that 2013 post got lost, so I’m reposting it now.

Chapter One, Looking

There was once a lovely planet with a magenta sky and cinnamon flavored water.…

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#conflict analysis #Conflict Competence #Conflict in fiction and popular culture #conflict management #conflict resolution #fiction #mindset #relationships

Hashtag expiry dates on important issues

Just because we were unaware before and forgot after, doesn’t mean a problem no longer exists. Collective attention focuses on an important and immediate problem until social media hashtags hit their expiry date. A shame that mass outrage about #incel never addressed the bigger lurking problem, ignored, not getting even three weeks of attention.

It isn’t too late to expand the conversation. In 2…

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#change #conflict analysis #Conflict Competence #conflict management #hashtags #incel #relationships #social media

11th reason to thank the Trolls

My top 10 – now 11 – list of lessons I learn from Trolls

One week after I posted my 10 reasons to thank the Trolls, I read news of the #aftermetoo fund, which adds an 11th lesson I learned from those who flame, cast shade, insult and blah blah on social media.

This excerpt from Marsha Lederman‘s Globe and Mail story lays the groundwork for my 11th lesson.

… behind the scenes, women on opposite…

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#aftermetoo fund #collaboration #Margaret Atwood #Marsha Lederman

10 reasons to thank the Trolls

A woman I admire receives threats on her social media feeds. Her offence is that she’s dedicated the past three decades of her life to keeping the planet habitable for the rest of us,

original art from Gargoyle Meditations by Eileen Goodey

Here is my response, listing the 10 lessons I learn from those who post those threats:

(more…)

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#adaptation #change #Eileen Goodey #gargoyles #life lessons #lifelong learning #listen #resilience #social media #Trolls

A tip to manage your reactions

Question posed: Say more about how to manage myself and my reactions. It sounds easy and simple, but I find it hard and complicated. You’re able to do it. Me, not so much. When someone’s in my face, I fight back. What’s your secret?

Answer: Yes, it’s easy to tell someone to manage reactions. No, it’s not a secret. And hard isn’t impossible. My tip is revealed in, of all places, television…

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#Big Bang Theory #conflict coaching #Conflict in fiction and popular culture #conflict management #conflict resolution #Jim Parsons #Kaley Cutco #Mayim Bialik #Reba

metaphor for Positions and Interests?

Wouldn’t you assume that using words was a skill transferrable from one career to another? Yet, the switch from Conflict Management to writer of managing conflict changed my brain and words. After all, words are a Conflict Manager’s main tool. If I can talk I can manage conflict. Words are words, right? Yes and no.

As a Conflict Manager, I think fast, strip down flowery language, and integrate…

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#career change #conflict #Conflict Competence #conflict management #conflict resolution #fiction #metaphor #positions to interests #writing

This is a placeholder until I’m ready to be active on more social media sites. Until then, follow my blog, deborahsword.com and twitter @deborahsword.

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writing conflict competence in novel ways