Take the time to meet yourself
Thereâs a major part of self-care that no one talks about in "level-up" communities. There is so much discourse on how to curate yourself to be in the perfect relationship with the perfect man in a high-end environment, but the part most people missâeven when listening to creators like SheraSevenâis how to figure out how to actually meet yourself.
Did you know that thereâs a such thing as a rich bum? YES. You can find a man with a bum mentality in a penthouse just as easily as on a street corner or in a trashy club. Weâre literally witnessing sugar baby influencers being exposed for lying about having perfect marriages. This is because a "bum mentality" is a character trait, not a tax bracket. What they wonât tell you is, theyâre running from the same "bums" you are, just in higher-end zip codes.
A lot of women in this community are searching for a missing piece of their soul that they think they can find in a manâs body. You think youâve attracted low-income or low-effort men because of your hair or your clothes, but the reality is far more internal:
You can only meet people as far as youâve met yourself
âš My personal fuck up: The Desirability Complex
When I looked at my past relationships, I had to ask: Why am I so sad this is over when I gained nothing from it? That question made me realize I wasn't mourning a man, I was mourning a source of feeling seen as good enough for two seconds. I was looking for external validation for a wound Iâve carried since childhood: âIâm not enough.â
The thing is, when you feel incomplete, you will reach for whatever makes you feel "full," even if itâs poison. This is why some women stay in abusive or low-effort situations. Itâs not just a "trauma bond", itâs that they are holding onto the potential of their own void being filled.
I used to think that if I looked good enough, Iâd be treated how I deserved. Then I started watching My 600-lb Life and realized that almost none of those women were single and MOST of them had partners who took incredible care of them.
I realized that my physical appearance had nothing to do with it. You canât hack your way into a better life by changing your hair or your tax bracket if youâre still looking for a "missing piece" of your life in a manâs body.
The world is your mirror. If you feel or view yourself as incomplete, you run into idiots like your exes: inconsistent, incomplete, insecure, unstable, etc etc.
The reason you keep running into "incomplete" men:
is because you are esentially viewing yourself as an incomplete puzzle. If youâre starving for validation, donât look for it in a boyfriend, look for it in a skill. I started dance classes because I needed to be praised for my growth. If you feel lonely, get a job that forces you to network. Stop looking for a man to be your "missing piece" and start filling your own gaps.
Ask yourself: What am I missing that I can give myself right now? Don't wait for a man of means to provide a feeling you can cultivate through a hobby, a career, or a community.
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