seeing straight men be disgusted by booktok smut recommenders has actually radicalized me to the side of booktok smut recommenders. girls your taste may be atrocious but i will never disparage you for exposing mainstream discourse to the concept of soaking through your underwear. spent my whole life listening to men talk about penises it’s about time they get jumpscared by women talking about pussy in crude detail on social media. go forth and goon my warriors
I work at a bookstore and hearing one of my male coworkers call smutty romantasy "the downfall of society" because it's "literally just porn" radicalized me
Men have an entire industry. Entire industries dedicated to their sexualities. Let women have fantasy sex. there's not even a camera crew involved.
being a jack of all trades master of none is actually so awesome bc i can make the shittest clay sculpture and the ugliest drawing and the sloppiest painting and the worst hand stitches and the wonkiest earrings and it's like. who cares + now im surrounded by lots of different silly things i made with love and care etc
TLDR: Don't ask ADHD kids to perform neurotypically, and for the love of that poor child don't punish them for failing to perform neurotypically. And yes, acting disappointed in them counts as punishment.
Summary that's a bit more in-depth:
Pushing ADHD kids in the same way you push neurotypical kids harms them for life. When Twitter user @/The_Weed [OP] works with ADHD adults in therapy, they start with ADHD-specific childhood traumas, i.e.:
Bright kids called 'lazy' because they literally CAN'T complete tasks the way adults wanted.
Hyperactive kids forced to spend recess staring at maths sheets.
Kids abused for not meeting expectations (because their brain won't let them) creating a feedback loop where fear causes forgetfulness which begets more punishment, so on.
But the worst of it comes from the phrase, "you have SO much potential!"
Where a neurotypical kid often hears this because the kid has done well and an adult believes they will continue to do well, it's often a response to failure for kids with ADHD, and becomes a terrible loop of disappointment on both sides.
The adult sees (real!) potential and assumes that means the kid can reach a goal that a neurotypical kid could. But they're asking a fish to climb a tree; the kid CAN'T achieve that goal, despite the immense effort put in, so the adult is disappointed.
But they're invested, so they tell the kid, "Okay, try again! Don't give up! You can do it!" and the kid tries HARDER, but a fish still can't climb a tree.
So the adult starts providing aids that would certainly help neurotypical kids, giving the kid hope, but a fish can't climb a tree even if they wake up on time.
The adult is frustrated that their "help" isn't helping.
They think success = potential + guidance + effort; they saw potential (high IQ, genuine talent, etc) and gave guidance, so the kid must not be supplying that last ingredient (effort).
The kid is upset that their best is never enough.
Best case scenario, the kid realises they DID supply that effort and that success must have an extra ingredient they just don't have, that the goal was out of reach and it's not their fault. Still likely feels upset that everyone expects the impossible of them though.
More often, the kid assumes that they really ARE lazy, unmotivated, whatever, even though they put in all that effort.
Multiply that by every goal they fail to meet, every school year, every class, and eventually the kid becomes an ADULT with ADHD who believes they really ARE lazy and good for nothing; who's become depressed and hates themself; not realising that they have a real, clinical disability that's stood in their way.
COMPLETE transcript that's been de-Twittered (removed tags and breaks between tweets) + spell checked occasionally (and probably given new typos)… under the cut
A thread by verified account Josh Weed, @/The_Weed, on Twitter.
A message I want to share with adults who work with ADHD kids is: pushing them the way that you push neurotypical kids harms them for life.
Here's what I mean.
When I start working clinically with an adult who has ADHD, one of the first things we do is we start to map out their trauma history.
And I don't mean non-adjacent childhood traumas (which are also relevant, but we get to those later). I mean their ADHD-specific, childhood-based traumas that result from having ADHD while growing up in an ableist society.
As you can imagine, this is really sad stuff. Bright kids who were called lazy because they literally COULD NOT complete tasks the way teachers/parents wanted; hyperactive kids longingly watching their peers run and jump at recess while they sat staring at a maths worksheet;
Worse stuff too - kids ABUSED for not finishing chores or not getting 'A's or forgetting - all while their brain will LITERALLY not let them - which creates this horrific feedback loop: fear causes more forgetting, which brings harsher punishment, causing more fear, and on and on.
But the most pernicious phrase that tends to wreck kids, and then seems to ruin things past childhood, past college (if that happens) and into their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond, is: "You have SO much potential!" This phrase can be deadly for ADHD kids and we need to stop.
Here's why.
When the phrase "you have so much potential!" is shared with a neurotypical kid, it is a message of hope. It's an adult seeing a child who has the capacity to do great things if they follow certain steps and make certain choices. It's nurturing. It's lovely!*
But when the phrase "you have so much potential!" is used with a kid with ADHD, whether intended or not, it is most often an ableist, micro-aggressive dig at their disability that tells the child that they should be striving for things that are actually impossible.
And then when the kid with ADHD tries with ALL THEIR MIGHT to bridge the gap (examples below)** to please the adult – to "meet their potential" in other words – they fail. Predictably. Naturally. And tragically. And the adult is disappointed in them.
And the problem is, it doesn't stop there. Because at that point, often the adult is invested, and the adult's ego is also on the line. So they say "okay, try again! Don't give up! You can do it!" And the kid tries harder. And fails again. And again. And again.
And THEN the adult starts providing lots of ideas that help neurotypical folks saying "you can meet your potential if you just use these tools!" (Alarms, planners, apps, schedules, reminders, whatever.) And the kid has hope, and tries AGAIN. And fails AGAIN.
And at this point The adult is exasperated and doesn't understand why their "help" as a teacher or parent or counsellor isn't working. And the kid doesn't understand either. And that's when other horrible messages really take hold. Like "lazy" and "messy" and "unmotivated" and "disobedient."
And the adult actually believes those labels because the adult really could see "potential" (like high IQ, or amazing musical aptitude, or incredible athletic ability) and now really believes the kid must just not want to get to rehearsal on time (or whatever)
And the kid… that poor ADHD kid is SO confused. Because they DO love the sport or skill or interest and the really DO love the adult and want to please them. And they didn't. Over and over.
So they really MUST just be lazy. Or unmotivated. Or careless. Or inconsiderate.
And now take that, and multiply it by every school year, by every class, by every teacher that sees something in them, by every unmet goal or hope or dream, year after year, situation after situation, disappointment after disappointment.
What you get is an adult in despair.
What you get is an adult who actually believes they're lazy and good for nothing.
What you get is an adult who's deeply depressed and unable to like any part of themself, who has no idea the real truth that's been there all along:
They have an ADA-recognised disability.
[Transcript over; below is from me again]
*I find it hard to give mutually-exclusive advice like this for dealing with neurodivergent-vs-neurotypical children. Most people who create these "you have great potential!" cycles of disappointment aren't aware the child is neurodivergent, which is exactly why they think the child can perform neurotypically. As far as I'm concerned, every "neurotypical" child has Schrödinger's ADHD (and a lot of other "Schrödinger conditions").
**I assume said examples were cut out of this screenshot list.
stop making shows about americans in europe… try europeans in america instead. the outrage of not knowing exactly what something costs at a store,, no public transport,, everyone smiling in your face and waiters scaring you by constantly popping up at your table… ice in your water for some reason,, the kind of culture clash i want to see!!
all his neighbours immediately distrust him because he’s russian and they haven’t gotten over the red scare and also no one new has moved in to the town in almost a decade
but then he participates in podunknowheresville’s annual lawnmower race with a monstrosity made from scrap metal and far too much duct tape and he wins second place in a neck-and-neck final round against sam americason, the most anti-russian man in the village
and ivan is scared that he blew his one chance to get accepted by the community but then sam jumps off his lawnmower and pats ivan on the back and says “you did good, brother. i’m sorry i misjudged you. looks like hillbillies are the same no matter what country we come from. you’re just like us, ivan. guess our redneck town has room for a little extra red” and everybody laughs and the credits roll while the ussr national anthem gets played on a banjo and washboard
