three 'cons walk into a bar

run by becky, wizard, and roni || requests are welcome! || rules || a specific writer can be requested! we won't hold it against you!

[silentsoundwaves]

you know for someone who has never been kissed i really thought about those kissing vibes huh

-

Optimus Prime kisses like the world is his for the taking. He is all possessiveness and rough nips. He does not know how to kiss like he isn’t conquering. Does not know how to give without too much take.

To Rodimus, the world is about to boil over. He’s passionate but too much so. An uneven match for anyone who dares to try. There’s desperation in the way his lips move against yours. He wants to keep something he thinks he cannot keep.

Krok doesn’t kiss you, cannot. He has no mouth to do it with. Instead, he presses his faceplate to your neck, reveling in the warmth that resides in the perfect nook for him to rest.

Drift kisses like a storm. It’s a calculated-uncalculated dance that you don’t understand, passionate and unwilling to give until you do. He kisses like he is trying to give more than he wants to take, like a storm kisses the shore. You are not sure if he is better at damage control.

Ultra Magnus will always act like it is his first. He’s too polite, asks too many questions despite telling him he doesn’t always have to ask. He handles you like you will break under his servos, like if he is not careful you will shatter.

Fulcrum is awkward at first. He doesn’t know how the steps, how the parts are supposed to fit together. He’s clumsy to the point that it would almost be sad if it weren’t endearing. He doesn’t have much confidence, too full of fear of “what if’s.”

Prowl kisses like he is truly trying to conquer. He hides none of it behind passion or pretty words. It is all cold calculation. He is trying to bring you to your knees before you even notice that you are slipping to them. He kisses like he wants to own you, like you are simply another piece for him to collect.

[deceptidrabblers]

one of my posts from my tf blog as an apology for the silence! I've been working on a speech for graduation and roni has been doing school stuff and becky has work! but after the seventh I'll be a lot more free! - Wizard

[deceptidrabblers]

Can you do headcanons on how mtmte Rodimus, Minimus, Rung, and Megatron would react to and be with their fem human s/o who makes noises when she is distressed please?

sorry for taking so long! i’ve been busy with school so this has been half finished for forever. hopefully this is up to par! - Wizard

Rodimus

rodimus gets it. more often than not he fidgets when he’s distressed so he really does understand.

rodimus is actually decent at reading people so most of the time he’ll try to get you out of the situation before you start making noises, but if he’s busy the noises are a great warning.

he’ll try to get you out of whatever is causing distress as soon as he can.

if he can’t, he’ll try to comfort you to the best of his ability. if he can’t do it, it’s more than likely he’ll tell drift or even ratchet help you however they can.

a lot of rodimus’ methods for comforting are through physical affection. he likes and appreciates it and it’s what he does with drift when he’s distressed.

eventually he’ll learn what comforts you and do what’s in his ability to make if the best damn comfort on the lost light

he’s more than likely to offer himself up to do stupid stuff to make you laugh the second your distress starts

Minimus

he’s… surprised by it at first, but honestly he’s very much the same. verbal stimulation is something he does too.

he’s not the best at predicting things but the moment you start making noises, he’ll try his best to comfort you.

he’ll try to get the best person to help you, even if it’s not him. he understands that he doesn’t get people all that often.

admittedly, he like holding you when you’re distressed, if you’ll allow it, it reminds him that you’re there even if not in the best of states.

if it is within his power, he will try to get you out of the situation or away from the object causing you distress, but if not he’s big enough that if you asked you could probably find a cozy place in his armor.

Rung

rung knows a lot, for one. he’s a therapist, he knows what’s up. he has his things too.

rung will try his best to find the offending part of the situation and get you away from it as soon as possible.

he’ll offer up distractions—whether it be a conversation or just rung reading

he’ll offer up his own comforts to help you, like inviting you to build a ship with him, while also trying to determine what will best ease your distress

if you can’t get out of the situation, he’ll let you tuck yourself wherever you’d like in his armor.

If you find more comfort in someone else, he’ll hand you off but check in on you often

Megatron

megatron is a poet so honestly? he understands the verbalization thing

he’s not The Best at comfort but he’ll try his best

megatron’s first instinct is to cradle you close to his chest tbh

he’ll start to recite poetry in an attempt to ease your distress. he’s been told his voice is soothing and it’s worked in the past.

megatron is big on contact so he’ll stroke your head or your back or wherever you’ll allow if you allow it

if he can’t figure out how to ease your distress he’s most likely to recruit rung or ratchet to help him if he can

[deceptidrabblers]

Could I request a femme seeker having a crush on Starscream and finally having the guts to tell him? In Tfp

school killed me recently and i had this halfway finished in my drafts forever so i finally finished it! hope it’s to your liking! - Wizard

It’s a long time coming, you think. Starscream is the kind of mech that bots just—fall in love with. Or, well, he isn’t, but you’ll swear it was love at first sight. From the first look at those pretty wings and the first sound of that… chafing… voice. Yes, you’ll admit he has some flaws and that he’s nowhere near perfect, but you love him nonetheless.

Still, it takes a long while to corner him in the halls. He’s an elusive one, Starscream is. Mostly because of his own nature and partially because of Megatron.

“What do you want?” Starscream sneers at you when you finally track him down. His wings are hiked up so high you could swear that he was going to fly away.

“Me? Want something? You must be mistaken.” You barely flirt with the concept of coy. You’re good at faking confidence that you don’t have. Always have been.

Starscream scoffs, “If you don’t want something, then I’m leaving.”

It makes you nervous. You spent all that time finding him. You can’t lose him now.

“Wait,” you say.

Starscream pauses. His wings don’t relax. “What?” he snaps at you. “Speak.”

You shuffle nervously—why is it in this you can’t find what to say? You’re good with words. Not as good as Starscream is, of course, but good enough. But you suppose you have to say something to make him listen to you.

“I want to spend time with you,” you say, because that is a neutral option.

Starscream is taller than you, so when he steps closer he towers over you. If you were a lesser bot, you might be afraid, but you’ve spent too much time clawing your way onto the Nemesis and into Megatron’s regard to be wary.

He sneers at you, “Oh? Is that it? The little seeker wants to spend time with me? I know what you’re trying to do.”

You tilt your helm, examine him. No, you don’t think he does know what you want. And you want, desperately. “Oh?” you ask, echoing him. “And what is it that I want, Starscream?”

You wrap your lips around his name, hold the sound for a bit too long. He looks at you and you cannot read him.

“You want to overthrow me,” he says harshly.

You laugh. It makes his wings raise in surprise. “Not at all,” you say, false confidence growing more and more real by the minute.

Starscream looks on the edge of seething, of snapping. He asks, “Then what is it that you want?”

Confidence consumes you like it never has before. You’d almost call it arrogance in any other situation. You smile up at him, “I want you, Starscream.” And this is the part where your confidence waivers, where you are young and not yet battle-hardened again. Where your voice almost fails you but doesn’t because you refuse to fail. “I want to hold your servo and kiss you and listen to all your plans. I want everything you have to offer.”

Starscream looks at you as if you’ve grown a second helm. Maybe that is not the incorrect response.

“You—what?” Starscream even sounds startled as he speaks.

“You heard me,” you say, because you are not sure you can repeat yourself.

Starscream shifts and his wings lower. “I did,” he says.

And that, that is good enough. For now, of course.

[deceptidrabblers]

Giveaway Prize

Author: Wizard

Winner: @ask-the-weird-one

Prompt: Megatron people watching.

Word Count: 1060

Notes: I really like how this turned out, actually!

Swerve’s is the kind of loud that Megatron can appreciate. It reminds him of good days in the mines, in the Decepticons, in the Functionalist universe. All of the kinds of places where everything was falling to pieces but where he enjoyed himself. Once.

Swerve’s voice flows across the bar top. It’s an even and steady hum that makes it easy to sit and drink. His servos move fast, mixing together drinks and passing them to Bluestreak just as fast. The blue mech trapezes all around the bar to serve them and get orders. Swerve doesn’t stop chattering even when no one is listening. Part of Megatron wonders if he’s talking to a ghost. Skids lingers over him like a shroud that Megatron knows will never go away.

At his side, Fulcrum returns from his break. His yellow optics are bright with joy. Grimlock lingers at his elbow, carrying a tray of ingredients that Megatron doesn’t recognize. There’s a scruff of bright pink paint on his frame that means that Misfire hugged him a bit too hard and another scrap of blue that lets him know that Crankcase was dragged into it.

And Megatron knows that the Scavengers are happier like this, on this ship, than they ever were in the Decepticon ranks. It makes part of him ache but there’s joy in watching them fulfill their passion. Even more so in watching them care for one another like Megatron once did others.

First Aid leans over the bar and his bright red paint calls Megatron’s attention. He lets his gaze wander. Watching has never required him to focus on one thing. Riptide pokes First Aid’s shoulder. Megatron can’t see First Aid’s face but he can tell by the glow of his visor that he’s made a comment that would offend any other mech. Riptide merely laughs. His teeth glint in the low light of the bar, making him look more fierce than he could ever be. His servo catches snug on First Aid’s shoulder this time and he snatches First Aid’s drink from in front of him. A move First Aid clearly allowed, if the lack of reaction were any indication. It makes Megatron sorely aware of what he himself has lost.

On First Aid’s other side, Ratchet sits, servos interlinked with Drift’s. There’s forgiveness between them that would be unexpected between two less stubborn mechs. It’s in every line of their frames, in the way Ratchet smiles—dare Megatron call it dreamily—at Drift. It’s something that Megatron nor any mech who knew of Deadlock would have expected. Save Rodimus. Rodimus had always been oddly aware when he was not biased. Though perhaps his biases helped him see the kind of mech Drift could be.

Drift’s free servo passes Ratchet a drink. A low grade, if the dull pink glow said anything. Supposedly, it was supposed to be better for Ratchet’s health, ordered by the ever courteous First Aid. Ratchet shoots the younger medic a harsh look. First Aid stares back. Riptide’s arms move as he makes an exaggerated comment that makes Ratchet shut his mouth before it opens. It makes Drift’s optics dim. Riptide’s expression becomes even more clueless but also apologetic.

Megatron finally lets his gaze wonder from the bar. There’s something missing here, he knows, but he cannot place it. His optics settle in corners and shadows and he finds nothing to see. It does not make the feeling of missing-gone-pleasecomeback go away. He takes another swig of high-grade to drown it out and lets his optics settle on Cyclonus and Tailgate.

They both are sturdy mechs, able to hold their own in a fight, but in this, in romance, they stumble like the newly forged. Tailgate practically is, but Cyclonus should have a couple millennia experience. Cyclonus still fumbles his way through it. His optics tell the tale of a mech who thinks that Tailgate is too good for him. Megatron does not know how to tell him to appreciate what he has without sounding intrusive. He does not know how to make him see that doubt will leave him hurting in the long run. Perhaps he will pass the message to Whirl if the Wrecker will listen. Cyclonus always had an audial open for Whirl’s advice.

There is nothing much to see of Cyclonus and Tailgate. Their servos are intertwined, Tailgate’s mask is removed, and together they use straws to sip at their high-grade. They are the kind of lovers that Megatron used to see in places like Maccadam’s. The kind that Megatron longed to be with someone long ago.

He lets his gaze wander again, hoping to find someone else to see. Roller sits next to Nickel and Rodimus, Thunderclash across from him. None of them are quiet except for Nickel. Thunderclash is very clearly drunk and Roller’s optics are filled with amusement, his lips quirked into a smirk. Rodimus is laughing at Thunderclash. It’s less mean than good-natured these days. Thunderclash’s servo sits on his shoulder in a comfortably friendly manner, a testament to the ways that all of them have grown and filled each other out. His drunken smile is soft and full of kindness. Clearly, he thinks Rodimus is a mech worth following. Megatron can’t find it in himself to disagree. Rodimus is a good mech and an even better captain.

A table away, Rewind and Chromedome are huddled together, Rewind practically sitting on Chromedome’s lap. Never two to be apart, now they are almost inseparable. They don’t stop touching, always in contact. The miner in Megatron knows the pain of loss intimately. He cannot fault Rewind for pressing close. He cannot fault him for clinging to the mech who almost lost himself to a pointless sacrifice. Rewind might as well believe he has centuries to make up for. Megatron isn’t sure he is wrong.

It’s only when they stand and other mechs start leaving the bar that Megatron realizes the late time. His internal chronometer reads the early hours of the morning. He has less than six joors to slip into recharge and then to relieve Ultra Magnus of his post. As much as watching the crew may soothe him, he cannot abandon his duties, not today at the very least. He has not for over eight hundred years, almost a full millennia. He will not stop now.

[deceptidrabblers]

Alright! Because we’re doing a fic giveaway (of 1000 words per person with a pick of the author), the three are:

1. @thirteen0013 (to be messaged personally as it won’t allow me to tag them)

2. @bootyshakerkegrimm

3. @four-flames

The first place winner gets first choice! You can message me @tasteful-robot-loving or @silentsoundwaves to take your pick! If I don’t receive a message within 24 hours, I’m sorry to inform that your place with be handed down!

[deceptidrabblers]

because i didn’t get a reply from the first place winner when i messaged them @ask-the-weird-one gets third place and everyone else bumped up!

[deceptidrabblers]

Alright! Because we’re doing a fic giveaway (of 1000 words per person with a pick of the author), the three are:

1. @thirteen0013 (to be messaged personally as it won’t allow me to tag them)

2. @bootyshakerkegrimm

3. @four-flames

The first place winner gets first choice! You can message me @tasteful-robot-loving or @silentsoundwaves to take your pick! If I don’t receive a message within 24 hours, I’m sorry to inform that your place with be handed down!

[deceptidrabblers]

Hello! I’m happy to announce that we’re doing a fic giveaway now that we’ve hit 100 followers! As it goes, we’ll be announcing the winners in two weeks, on the 25th of September!

The prizes are all 1000+ word fics. The first place winner gets first pick from our three writers, the second out of the remaining two, and the third gets the last writer!

What will be written varies on writer’s personal preference, in all honesty, so when you get announced as a winner we’ll ask what you want before you pick a writer so we can be sure that you get someone who likes the character and the continuity! It’d be unfortunate if you didn’t get something you like and we’d like to avoid that!

To enter, please be following this blog and reblog this post so we can keep a running score!

If you have an questions, message me @tasteful-robot-loving or @silentsoundwaves. I’ll try to get back to you in a timely manner! -Wizard

[deceptidrabblers]

1 more day!

[deceptidrabblers]

art thou basterd

ay, i may be, dear brethren. unless thy speaketh of my birth, then nay. i hast never been a bastard. and thou? migheth you also be? -Wizard

[deceptidrabblers]

Can I request an hc where tfp Megatron starscream and shockwave have to deal with an angry drunk s/o?

i tried my best! -Wizard

Megatron

Megatron is a sad drunk so he can’t relate but when he’s sober he’s Full of Rage so he approves tbh

Will probably laugh at you if you stumble and get in a huff

Will nod along to your rants

Depending on what’s said he might slaughter someone for you? if he’s in the mood for some bloodshed of course.

He honestly won’t stop you from drinking or getting angrier.

Even if you assault him he’ll just laugh at you unless you’re a Very Strong Bot.

Then he might just fight you himself.

Starscream

Mildly amused but also intrigued???

Unlikely to research anything but likely to laugh at you

Honestly might just rant with you

The most likely to also get drunk with you also actually

If you get angry with him, it’s not likely to go well. He’ll probably lock you out or get huffy with you. The latter option ends with one of you getting maimed. It’s unlikely to be Starscream in this situation.

If his voice grates on your poor drunk ears he will pout and then you’ll have to make it up to him when you’re sober thanks

Shockwave

If you’re a human Shockwave wants to know the science behind being an angry drunk to be completely honest

He uses google for research papers about it because he’s busy

If you’re Cybertronian he already knows the science behind it but just doesn’t care.

Mildly amused??? Like as long as you don’t interrupt his work you can go ham

Probably sics you on Predaking if you do get rowdy

It’s not that he doesn’t care because that’s arguable but he has a job to do. He really can’t deal with drunken anger, he’s the only competent Decepticon besides Soundwave and Soundwave certainly isn’t a scientist.

He’ll listen to your angry ranting though if you don’t get rowdy. Just don’t count on him making conversation back.

Now, if you get too angry at him you get to sit in the corner.

It is not fun.

[deceptidrabblers]

Hello! I’m happy to announce that we’re doing a fic giveaway now that we’ve hit 100 followers! As it goes, we’ll be announcing the winners in two weeks, on the 25th of September!

The prizes are all 1000+ word fics. The first place winner gets first pick from our three writers, the second out of the remaining two, and the third gets the last writer!

What will be written varies on writer’s personal preference, in all honesty, so when you get announced as a winner we’ll ask what you want before you pick a writer so we can be sure that you get someone who likes the character and the continuity! It’d be unfortunate if you didn’t get something you like and we’d like to avoid that!

To enter, please be following this blog and reblog this post so we can keep a running score!

If you have an questions, message me @tasteful-robot-loving or @silentsoundwaves. I’ll try to get back to you in a timely manner! -Wizard

[deceptidrabblers]

4 more days!

[deceptidrabblers]

Hello! I’m happy to announce that we’re doing a fic giveaway now that we’ve hit 100 followers! As it goes, we’ll be announcing the winners in two weeks, on the 25th of September!

The prizes are all 1000+ word fics. The first place winner gets first pick from our three writers, the second out of the remaining two, and the third gets the last writer!

What will be written varies on writer’s personal preference, in all honesty, so when you get announced as a winner we’ll ask what you want before you pick a writer so we can be sure that you get someone who likes the character and the continuity! It’d be unfortunate if you didn’t get something you like and we’d like to avoid that!

To enter, please be following this blog and reblog this post so we can keep a running score!

If you have an questions, message me @tasteful-robot-loving or @silentsoundwaves. I’ll try to get back to you in a timely manner! -Wizard

[deceptidrabblers]

PLEASE WRITE ULTRA MAGNUS INTERACTING WITH A ROOMBA BECAUSE I CANT GET THE MENTAL IMAGE OF HIM BEING LIKE "your drive to do your task is commendable, but you've ran into the same wall five times"

i hate how long it took me to write this but also i couldn’t brain much for this so it ended up being short so i’m sorry jin but also here’s magnus and his emotional support roomba. if anything happened to it he’d punish everyone on the lost light and then himself. -Wizard

-

In all honesty, Ultra Magnus doesn’t understand the crew’s fascination with the roomba.

No, that’s not correct. He understands that the roomba is a delightful tool to use in helping to keep the Lost Light clean. That is enough to delight anybody. He does not understand why the crew insist on cooing at it and telling it that it did a good job.

Still, when the roomba beeps up to him one day, he does not get the appeal. Not until it runs into his pede without regard then beeps as a pulls back, clicking and whirling as well. A feature that Brainstorm added to make it more appealing to the general crew. It reminds Magnus of a glitchmouse.

The little machine beeps incessantly at him. Magnus has places to be and captains—a captain—to reprimand, but the digital display reads into Cybertronian glyphs, “Dusty! Please clean me!”

The glyphs are accompanied by the sweet beep and chirrs. It really, really reminds him of a glitchmouse now. It cannot hurt to wipe off the screen.

He’s lucky to have a microfiber wipe on him, the best for cleaning screens. The roomba chirps at him as the warning goes away and the screen returns to being spotless.

It zooms off, crashing into a wall.

Ultra Magnus chuckles, lets out an uncharacteristic, “Your drive is admirable, little glitchmouse,” and maybe he gets it, just a little bit.

[deceptidrabblers]

Can you do headcanons on how mtmte Rodimus, Minimus, Rung, and Megatron would react to their fem human s/o who is a very deep sleeper and clings to them in her sleep?

i hope this are satisfactory! the human wasn’t specifically female but it didn’t matter to the scenario so they’re gender neutral more than anything. -Wizard

Minimus

unfortunately for you mims is ByThe Book

fortunately for you there’s norule against pda

if mims has a meeting there’s a90% chance he will wake you up or get you to stop clinging though, becauserodimus is a beast of his own and the teasing would be too embarrassing for him

if he doesn’t, he will find out away to tow you around. he will not skip his duties you. his drive to do work isthat strong and nothing will stop him short of death.

if it’s a day off mims willhappily stay with you but also he’s going to ask megatron for hourly updates.

literally any way you spin mimsplus a deep sleeper there’s a 98% chance he’ll work despite it. it’s just histhing. it’s like asking optimus prime to be less righteous or starscream tostop trying to kill megatron: unlikely to happen in this lifetime but maybe ifyou tried a bit harder…

Rodimus

rodimus takes this as a chance tocancel his meetings.

to be completely honest he’s theone the most likely to requisition brainstorm for a baby carrier so he can toteyou around while you sleep. mims is a close second.

rodi is also, unfortunately, avery wriggly boy. so wriggly that he’s bound to want to leave the room and dosomething stupid. he doesn’t know what to do bc you’re not coherent enough toagree.

rodimus invites drift to dosomething stimulating with this dilemma tbh

your race cars have now multipliedand ratchet is Tired but it’s fine bc rodimus won’t let anything loud or stupidhappen while you cling to him as he loves you deeply.

Megatron

megatron is an artist. a poet, tobe specific. get ready for him to write incredibly sappy poetry about yoursleeping face. oh, you snore? there’s an analogy in there about it soundinglike the dangerous sounds of junkion, the grind of metal against stone, theawakening of a creature beyond comprehension.

in short: megatron’s the sap theywarned you about when you read shakespeare

he can and will pet your head

will cradle you in his hands????he’s honestly in awe of how he got this far tbh

will make a believable excuse toskip a meeting for you or might just straight up admit why he’s not coming tomags. it depends tbh

Rung

rung will absolutely also chillwith you unless he has something pressing to attend to like a patient

he’s the least likely to tote youaround but he will leave you a note if he leaves

he’ll let you cling to him but hemight end up reading a datapad while petting your head.

he loves you a lot and might sneakin a picture or two just for his memory later.

will openly admit what he’s doingto anyone who asks and will do so with pride. he’s in love and very contentwith his lot in that regard.

he will honestly spend a moment toappreciate how soft you are and how lucky he is to have you.

[deceptidrabblers]

What are you rules?

@bootyshakerkegrimm also sent in an ask like this but tumblr ate it so i’ll just tag them here.

I apologize for taking a hot minute to answer but we recently added a rules page here. I’m not sure how well the link will work on mobile but it essentially boils down to: nothing abhorrent (pedophilia, incest, etc.) and nothing nsfw. almost anything else goes based on each writer’s personal preference. -Wizard

[deceptidrabblers]

Do you guys do TFP as well?

Becky and I do! Roni prefers not to, though.

-Wizard

[deceptidrabblers]

Are your requests open?

Yep! Open as can be!

- Mod Becky

[deceptidrabblers]

You are very good 😘😘😘😘😘😘😁😁😁😁😁😁😁❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

i’m delighted an honored that you think we’re good, anon! roni leaves some “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and becky says “thank you ❤️” -Wizard