You are worth saving. That my friends is the moral value of the story Im about to tell you. Is it weird that the moral is stated at the beginning ? Well that’s the most important part of life is it not ? The beginning and the ending. The middle part is just the journey. My name is Sorrow Green and this my story.
Sorrow. Has a nice ring to it does it not ? My name has a dark history. I was born in a small village in Nigeria to a family that had nothing but were my everything one cold and dark stormy night. I was not conceived by love but rape. The soldiers that terrorized our village on a daily basis dragged my mother while she was working in the fields one afternoon and forced themselves upon her. Story goes that her screams could be heard from miles away but no one dared to help her. My father was beaten nearly to death as he tried to save her from them. The night of my birth, the storm was one of the worst in history. Our small wooden huts shaked and many flew away in the strong wind. My mother was screaming as the contractions got more and more powerful and the midwife had no place to perform the birth so I was born in the grass of the fields. My cries were not welcomed by warm arms like many of you. I was pulled out of my mother like a huge burden and placed in rags instead of swaddling clothes. My father stared at me in disgust. My face reminded him of the soldiers who terrorized our land and to me I was not his daughter just a burden. For most of my childhood I was led to believe that I was the cause of sorrow for my family because from my birth onwards, things just kept getting worst and worst. My two brothers died of malaria leaving behind my four sisters and myself. My father began searching for potential husbands for them hoping that this would ease the hardship that was looming over my family. Not me. I was never loved. Never shown an ounce of kindness especially from my parents. My mother saw the soldier that raped her in my face and my father disowned me and never acknowledged my presence. Not once. My sisters were my life. They were my strength and my support on days when I felt like I was nothing, they were always there for me rain or shine. I was content because I had them.
But my name is Sorrow and I attracted nothing but sorrow. One day, a terrible fire in the fields was started by the enemy of the state and it took my sisters from me. Now my father was convinced I was bad luck. He grabbed me by my arms after my sisters’ funerals and threw me into the streets cursing me and telling me to leave and never return. My spirit was broken. I grabbed the locket my sisters had given me and with just the clothes on my back I walked into the sunset, never to return again. This is the beginning. This is the most important part of my story. The moment when I walked away was one step towards something better.
I walked and walked and walked until there were blisters on my feet which scrapped against the road but I still walked. I was tired, hungry and thirsty but I knew that if I stopped now I would be killed by the freezing winds of the night, a wild animal of the dessert or by a soldier. I walked for what seemed like forever and then everything went black. I didn’t know exactly what happened but I was teleported to a safe place. My mind. I dreamt of myself in a beautiful white dress with flowers in my hair smiling and laughing happily. Suddenly my safe place started losing focus and my eyes fluttered open slowly and I was greeted by the sounds of the fan blades spinning fast above me. I tried to move but my body was too stiff with exhaustion. My mind started becoming alert and I started panicking. I thought I was at the soldiers camp. I started reciting prayers and screaming for help helpless trying to break through the restraints they had me in. Suddenly I felt warm hands against my skin. His liquid blue eyes looked straight into my soul and I felt a wave of calm surge over me. I realized he had injected something into my skin but I whatever it was, I liked it. I felt warmth spread all over my body. I started to feel drowsy and his smiling face looked down at me and reassuringly said “Don’t worry. You’re safe now”. I believed that calm voice and allowed myself to drift off into a deep, deep, slumber.
When I awoke days later, he was there again this time placing a warm cloth onto my forehead and then feeding me soup. I was too afraid to speak. I wanted nothing more than to say thank you and at least get the name of this beautiful stranger but I was so used to keeping silent that I didn’t even remember what it was like to start a conversation with someone. He was the one doing all the talking. He was telling me about his adventures in the strange lands with the tall buildings they call “New York”. I know this place because one day the soldiers were watching a program on the television about the food there and I was peeping in through the window. He had such an enchanting way of telling stories that you could not help but listen to him. And till this day this stranger enchants me all day. Yes, that’s right. We got married. That dream of myself in a white dress laughing happily came true. That was one of the best moments of my life. I realized that dreams can come true if they are meant to come true. And as I was standing at the alter I thought of my sisters and my parents. I missed them so much and I wanted them to be with me on my special day but I knew that I did not belong there because there was no love there. People say, your name affects your life. For a long time I thought that sorrow and I would never be apart but now I don’t even remember what sadness even feels like anymore. He saved me and I owed him my life. I was passed out on the side of the road and he was in Nigeria at the time on a tour. He was the only one from his tour bus that ran to my side and tried to breathe life into me. No one else even bothered to give me a second look. I was just a piece of black filth at the side of the road not even worth saving to them. But God loved me and sent me an angel to save my life.
He said he fell in love with my spirit, my fighting spirit. He told me when he saw me he just knew he had to run to me and Im so glad that he did. It took me three months after he found me to finally one day put my hand against his hand and force my mouth to say “Thank you”. He showed me that I was NOT sorrow, I was happiness. From that point on things started getting better. I put myself in school. I wanted to learn and to be taught beautiful things. I worked so hard and pushed every day until I made it to my graduation day. I was valedictorian of my class and I have never been more proud of myself than that moment. I sent some of my scholarship money back to Nigeria to my parents only to get a reply that they were gone. Then I knew, my past my gone and I had to look to the future.
I went to New York. He surprised me with a trip there. I had never seen a more beautiful city in my life and I knew that this would be my home for the rest of my life. As I am sitting now on my couch in my cosy apartment writing this for you I want to tell you this is not the ending, this is again another beginning. Beginnings can happen everyday but only if you want to begin. In my speech to my graduation class I told them my story and Im sharing it with you now with this very important message, your life is your own, you choose what happens and how it turns out. Life can be cruel, it will knock you down to your lowest, to the point where you feel broken but always remember, you are joy, you bring joy and you are worth saving. Someday, an angel will come and tell you that you are amazing and till that day comes, I will tell you. You are worth saving. You are not sorrow. I am Sorrow, but I am happy because I didn’t let my name overpower my life.
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