Chicken On The Streets ( P2 )
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In the private room you sat, open-legged with your back laid on the chair like a corpse's, you were waiting for Jonathan to finish.
" ...... " With a head in the clouds, you glanced at Carol's untouched locker, and in your hand the doll you found, that now you were rolling her head with your thumb in full circle like a wheel.
Life is gone from your face, even if the blue in your eyes shine like lamps to attract flies to die.
Your mind takes you back to a memory of good ol' Carol, you were both alone in a cheap hotel she hid at that day, you led her dizzy figure towards the bed, she cowered on herself, wrapped in a blanket, shaking from more than just fear.
When you stretched a hand to her, she flinched, in the same way someone you knew a long time ago did the same thing, someone that reminded you of her. that just wanted to be alone, something out your control to solve. You let her have this, for what use are you then?
You stopped rolling the head.
No matter how much you tried to persuade her into resting her shoulders from the load, she refused, even screamed at you, but didn't kick you out .. you remember with it the old stroke of guilt.
" You smile, you fucking always smile ... " Was what she once said to you when drunk nearby you, " even when you shouldn't .... and God, it scares me ... " Her voice became weaker, " .. stand unfazed before me, smile not to mock me, hell, what does anyone know?! .... as if your smile is just for me ...... "
You quickly stand from the chair, as if it had a disease, something inside you makes your eyes wrinkle and your smile twist down, the impulse to scratch your chest rises up, butitwasn'tthetime!
You turn to the door to the outside, hope glitter on your eyes, as you rush like someone in need of air, and maybe, for the tightness in your chest, you needed it.
It's just awhile, Jonathan's shift won't be short anyway.
You took Harlequin's pin off your color, and stared at your reflection in that heart-shaped mirror, without looking you threw it away to fall into a nearby trash can.
The wind coolly hits you as you came outside, now being behind the cafe, on the wall you lay your back, and then stare at the blue sky, slightly grey, but never the less good to see, it was as much loss as it was salvation.
You eased up as you put the doll in your pocket, looking up in tired peace, even if for a moment as you look up like a survivor of a massacre, an inspiration, a friend, a survivor, an enemy, a thief.
That claimed officer could be anywhere nearby, but hey, when did you need witnesses?
.... Speaking of a witness, you almost forgot someone.
" My dear? " A concerned, deep-corded whisper flew through your nonexistent ears like a ghost, you don't waste time.
To your left you took a glance, your attention on him.
Pierrot, silent as a pillar Pierrot, alive as a dreamer Pierrot.
Excellent. Just when you thought you lost the chance to get him.
He saved you the struggle.
You were in the middle of a short alley while he appeared in the start of it, standing on the side, careful, almost hesitant, his smile now softer than the one you previously witnessed. Almost ....
" Funny guy, " you chuckled, " how can I hear you approaching when all these bells cover you? "
" .. Still not a good spot for you to speak? " You tilted your head, you extended your arm as you gestured for him to come closer, " come closer, I'm on waiting duty anyways "
That must've made him comfortable, confident even, to move towards you, his shape got loomed over by the faint darkness of the cafe's shadow, darkening the beauty of his attire's colors.
Your smile widen, as the distance became smaller and smaller between you two, you were even excited.
" ... Did something happen? " When closer to you, he asked, his voice hit you like a saccharine wind.
" I thought you were heading to your workplace, but I didn't find you like before... " he explained.
Were the times you sought to see me only under the sunlight? Or simply when my attention was somewhere else?
Next to you he stopped, hand lingering on the wall, then they moved lower, willing to leave the wall, " did he ... "
" No, no, not that " you shook your head, you looked at his softly narrowed eyes as if he was concerned about something ridiculously simple, a sight that felt like a stab for you, one that you weren't sure if it even hurts, " ease that pretty head of yours, he wouldn't leave if he wanted to be a daredevil "
For Pierrot, it would be blissfully nice to believe you, alas he had the miserable awareness of how patient that glutinous snake can be in his malice .... and how limited such patience can be.
You take a moment of silence looking down, he in his own turn, joined your back in laying against the wall.
That gave you comfort, the same one you have with somebody sat with you outside a tavern.
" My ... friend had something happened to them "
His eyes became more focused, listening to you like a radio show he was thrilled to hear, but stayed quiet while respecting the subject matter.
Your hand came out of your pocket with the doll, visible to his sight as he noticed you started rolling its head like a circle, a habit of yours, he figured out, " something tragic, really ... it might be come at us as well with her family not being the best people with heads " you quietly informed, an indulgence you've decided to act upon, spoken as a matter of fact, " Boss says to wait for him so I don't become a free-target, not like the old days so this might be better .. "
You weren't scared, even if that didn't diminish his concern.
You're always tired, and yet you're still moving, still taking lives, still gathering dolls to be soothed.
His chevarlic, burdened hero.
" And it saddens you ... " He continues after you, cutting your thoughts string's off from lost-gazing at the wall before you, your eyes locates him again, taken aback, " right? "
" Say it like this, " you shrugged your shoulders and a halfly raised hand, uncertain, but not that it stopped you from admitting this, your smile stayed, you looked down as some strands fell, you didn't budge, " I must confess that it's hard when someone's gone after so long of staying besides you, even if unsure that they feel the same need for your presence ... "
Carol didn't hate you, that's a strong word, if anything, you can understand that the way you function unsettled her, to an extent at least, and you; as guilty as charged, sometimes toyed with the idea.
She's not going to stick with you that long anyway, that's what you thought.
Though what's missing was the part where she continues her life in your absentia, in your mind, it's better if she had just ran away ...
With the same unfazed expectancy you spoke of it to Pierrot, not seeing the little whisper he admitted coming, " I understand that ... "
" Come again? " You turn to him, questioning him, genuinely confused, focused, strands on your face like a frozen madman's.
" I can aid you whenever you're in distress " Pierrot didn't flinch, didn't increase the distance between you, on the contrary, he leaned closer, his hand sought you, with a flicker of concern for something hidden he noticed in you, moving away yet still watching him, a lively worry that softened his doting gaze.
" You helped me, my angel ... " His long fingers brushed over your strands, gently moving them away to clear the sight of your beautiful face, " it's only fair I return the favor ... whatever way you deem worthy " his fingers slicked back your strands with a slight press, as if careful not to touch what you hide.
But it could be an attempt of naivety towards your secret.
You stilled in your place, astonished, mesmerized, and by all means, for him to be the one to get this side of you, to have this vulnerability safe in his hands like a treasure; for Pierrot to be your witness, that was a poisonous honor he's willing to hold around his neck like a leash.
" ..... " He let you look, let you decide, you saw that vivisection before you, this lurking, beautifully bewildering creature, that promised enamored devotion ... a dangerous trade to do with you.
And he waited, patient for your reciprocation, in a way that in your head was familiar to the way a prince waited for his execution after making the mistake of rewarding a virtuous knight that protected him, unaware he served his enemy.
" Is that so? " You asked, not breaking the steady string of eye-contact between you two, his hand, which settled with its faint touch on your cheek, a porcelain that felt too raw.
" You know, on my way .. " you stated as you fixed up your gloves, looking at him pleased, if a bit with a sinister merriment, " I was looking for you "
Faintly you tilt your head towards his palm, leaning into his touch, something that got his golden pupils to get smaller, taken a back by the way you looked at him; a blue glimmer that was captivating as much as unsettling, but nonetheless a pleasing needle to his heart.
" A soundless butterfly that swiftly passes through the streets unnoticed, too swiftly if I'm being honest ... " you took his hand in yours firmly, raising up, your feet move you to be in front of him, your eyes never left him, and neither did his, " you're a good listener, I cherish that in someone close, I really do, but in truthfulness, Pierrot, what about you? "
" ...... Me? " He processed the intention, taken by surprise, frozen by your spell, unsure how this would go, but didn't fight it.
" You're beautiful, that's not something to deny .... " you move closer, Pierrot gasped as his back hit the wall and your hand pressed firmly on his chest, leaving his own hand aimless and frozen in the air as you cornered him.
While your hand kept him in place, close to you, your other hand pressed its covered palm against his side, blocking that one way of escape, your toes touched as you leaned closer, " but what's underneath your skin, " you continued, feeling actually enthusiastic, " the wishes and thoughts that live in your chest ... "
Carefully you let go of his hand, turning your palm towards his chest, your fingers tangle themselves into the golden strings that hid his chest like a web, leniently pulling on them.
His forsaken hand immediately cover yours, grabs into it, keeping it in place, stopping you, by a reason made between two beings of secrecy and attachment that both shared desperation.
" Can I have this from you? " You looked up as you asked, your smile softened down, at first you didn't look up as you moved on him for steadiness's sake; aware of what awaits you in those eyes.
And Pierrot? Oh boy, didn't he prove you right ....
His back crawled down against the cold wall, melting against it as if you're burning him alive, his pallid face flooded with the reminiscent red of your blood-filled bottles, he was blissed out, in a red rather .. surprisingly better to look at, deliciously so.
And his eyes, as wide as holes that grenades could cause, in that dark void for you only, you found those golden, shaking hearts.
At you, you, only you ...
Your actions made you many things, now that you have him like this.
You were a lonesome hunter that held down a surprisingly-captivating intruder that frequently trespassed on your property but for some reason didn't steal anything.
You were a knight making the first move towards his sought maiden, gentle as much as firm with him.
You were an enchanted recluse that put what happened to him under experiment, wondering how far can the Pierrot allow you to go.
He knew what he was doing, what you are, with his absolutely secretive night-visits, he had no reason to aid you from Harlequin, or even come for you when there was no need of him to safe face with you.
It's not like you were going to hurt him ..
Pierrot kept on being frozen as you waited for his reciprocation, little did you know that when it comes to the roles in your mindset, he's gonna fully agree with the knight one, just mix it with the enchantment and an ironic twist.
Because, sweetness, you've got yourself under his skin, dangerously so, the way your fist clutched into his chest with restrained need, as if his body was a door for what you desire in a sanctuary as you looked down at the door that was his chest, then at him, as if there was an obstacle to your dreamed goal.
Something else to do to get inside, something to shred and make entry to have what you desire ...
Just the thought itself in his head made his internal being grin joyous until his own skin was tearing apart, it didn't happen but it felt like it did, a glorious image for his heart.
" I ... " He starts, he almost does it, he almost pours himself in your familiar need to his, as you watch in quiet anticipation and ... hesitation?
Inside, you were prepared for this, a self-inflicted fall from the tower, something small compared to your past trials in life, a simple risk for your succession.
So, why is your hand shaking?
" You misunderstood me .... " He whispered, voice weak for the sake of redoing the restraint after the snatch you made onto his being.
he took a moment of silence for himself as he loomed over you as he got your shoulders, a tide you didn't run from as your hand, previously on the wall, now hovered near the back of his waist.
" I only utter in your presence when I'm far from home, this is no lie, but as much âŚ. " with care, his hands slid up from your shoulders to your neck, which he immediately pulled away from, sparing you the worry, just for his palms to hover on each side of your head, " I will love to hear your voice more than mine "
You must admit, it is tempting, heartfully so, this looming signore, quiet and delicate, driven by his emotions in a way that made him look now harmless to you, so sincere that his tortuous pull attempts to make you forget that he sneaked into your home, that he got no fear of crossing lines if it meant getting what he wantsâeven if to say the untouched state he left you with was a peculiar decisionâ and becoming a danger you indulged in a dance with, his words simple but sincere, too simple to be true, all the reasons to make you lean back into that comfortable fear.
" Very well then, " you grab both of his hands, fitting them into each other under your firm grasp, taking a step away , you feel a twitch in one of his hands; surely he got the inner will to assure himself that you'll not vanish, he should be, " please do forgive me for coming on too strong, " you let go of him, one hand of yours reaches to your chest, grabbing into your blouse, looking at your aiming touch, " I was merely âŚ. " then you look up at him, " questioning something, must have overthought the whole ordeal ... "
" Don't be, I wasn't troubled "
You continued, " It will be unreasonable to force you into bareness, and I'll hate to make a soulless statue out of you ⌠caged and oppressed " your eyes let a careful softness into them, although mildly a twisted one, " but if the chance was in the air, I'd love to hear you
" âŚ.. " For a good while that didn't scare you, his eyes gazed at you in silence, a thoughtful one, the yellow in his eyes steady with uncertain confusion reminiscent of yours, which subconsciously eased you, besides the calm relief he had in them, small but alive " ⌠Will I see you at my show tonight, my dear? "
" Of course! " you nodded as your smile widened, even more at the sight of his lightened gaze upon your acceptance, " I wonder what awaits me "
" Then I shall go and be prepared, " he smiles as he gives a graceful bow to you, " but beforehand, let me know âŚ. do you find it difficult to go in the night? knowing your state of being, some people cam find it an easy way to target âŚ. "
" Oh worry not, I know a road that my neighbors gather at, I won't be alone for long "
His concern was a good pillow, a one that might've been excellent to lay your head on, but just looking at it was just fine for the time being, and to the side a good plan to locate him.
You two exchange goodbyes as his eyes linger at you as he turns away to leave, savouring your image, from what you assume, while you, in your turn, don't stop looking, steady in your place staring at his vanishing figure.
It took a few minutes for a familiar hollowness to take place in a place between your chest and stomach, as you saw him completely be out of the alleyway, you follow him, partially by running.
You were now out of the alleyway as well, to your left he was walking with a good distance between you two, getting smaller and smaller.
" âŚ.. " You kept on staring, behind you a couple of upset mutterers were nearby, you didn't spare them a glance.
" Just throw something at him " one of them said, a bottle was thrown, meant for Pierrot, you caught it without breaking your focus, as you ignored their taken-by-surprise gasps, as something in your mind was recognized:
You watched Pierrot go as if he was a siren that bewitched you, the sailor who knew better than to consider it goodbye.
Now you gotta go backâ.........
And speaking of a shift that's meant to end short, Jonathan certainly took his time.
Your head immediately goes to the told fact of Carol having a policeman in the family looking for her.
You rushed yourself inside they alley again, and threw the bottle against the wall hard enough for it to break into pieces.
You forced the door wide open, just to be met with Jonathan in your face who was about to grab the knocknob before you beat him to it.
Taken aback by surprise, he stared at your confronting face, that its concern eased up at the sight of him, and he laughed, " God, you had me worried for a second "
" .. You took longer than expected "
" Blame the argumentative man, " he sighed, annoyed, " Mr. Collins digged me like a planned well, and he found me as good as an empty paper " he stepped back, giving you space to get inside, " your chair still inside? "
" Saying it now, you don't shake when you walk, do you? "
" Everything is fine, at least for now, I guess I better get to it "
" Very well ..... " he closed the door, probably meaning to tell you something, a conversion you'd rather avoid, " meet me in the entrance after you get ready, call if you need help "
And feeling good, you did.
âââââââââââââââââââ
Later on, you stayed sat in your chair as the wheels rolled over and over, with Jonathan's help behind you, it felt like being in a carriage, just more bare before everyone to see you, but you didn't say anything; he won't understand, even if he was genuine in being good to you.
Some people glared at you for being known as more trouble than what claimed someone in your place should be, you can deal with that.
Some people gawked at your mask and your barely shown skin, you're glad they're away from.
Some people silently pitied, you can benefit from that, you already did.
You; poor and petite Ozzy, how can someone be cruel enough to hold a grudge over you surviving getting scammed, and result in violence to get back at you for this, the story of your murder will certainly be good for the ones to seek validation of looking good-hearted.
Certainly it was one of the times that you had the alibi of self-defense in case the doubtful ones caught you.
On your way you see an old woman sat on the dorty ground of an alley's front, caped from head to toe filthy, arms crossed and legs hugged, obviously troubled in silence with a battered face and an old hat besides her used as a mercy-holder to proof righteousness.
She was far enough to go unnoticed, Jonathan didn't say anything either.
And back to him, while thinking he actually can get you both home smoothly, to his right he luckily found Collins with a bunch of men, safely away and out of uniform, but still noticable enough with space to make the goal of reaching a piece of cake.
He casted you two with a knowing look, vaguely pointed at a direction that was certainly yours.
But the specifics didn't matter as Jonathan firmly led your wheelchair to the left before the men had the time to look for you both.
And now you were in closer proximity with the woman, without your head getting turned, she glanced at your sight as you silently let coins and few dollars slip from your hand to the hat.
" Thank you ... " she muttered behind you after hesitation.
" ......... " as he walked passed her, he glanced at her then at you, who didn't even bother to ask him to stop for the purely good-natured desire to help who's as well in need, but he knew that wasn't a good point to make, and maybe you just understood that you need to hurry when you can, maybe you noticed them too.
That's one of his found excuses in moments of doubt.
" I believe things now will be rough in the neighborhood with those men ... " he started, at the passed by ground your softly-narrowed gaze fell, " you still got my number, right? "
" Your front door got a lock? "
" Precisely " you noted to him with an insistent tone that was borderline sharp.
" .. I'm fine, Jonathan, really " you reassured him, now turning to him with a raised hand to emphasize on your point, voice and face now softer, he didn't seem offended in return, " it's not like we have the chance in a paradise
âat least not in this lifeâ people like us just gotta get by, stay when comfortable, not the best thing but it's livable and easy to breath in "
" I understand, trust me " he argued, calm as ever, driving the wheels forward as also a way to smooth the conversation over, a simple talk during a walk, aneasy way to deflect his hesitation in honesty, " I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, it's true that we need to make the best of any situation, but denying ourselves help when freely presented does more harm than good "
When he hired you, taught you some recipes -not that they were that many- and saw that you were a fast-learner, and so a good fella to help in the cafe, and who knows? A great friend along the way in shared job.
Jonathan wasn't a suffering man by any means, people have it worse, if anything a small-business owner who, along the way, opens a way to money for those in need and to hismelf as much, everybody wins.
Though he was aware, that he shall not help every laid person in the dark that crosses his path, or a one that he crosses, maybe they're in this conditions for a reason, hell, they could even be feigning struggle to take the upper hand with him.
A simple fact, and a thin ice to walk on.
The same rule goes with you, a recluse he's walking home, relaxed and dulcet ( at least in the way that mattered, if to exclude your teasing tango with Carol and your explosive arguments that were sometimes literal for some reason ).
He was ready for any moment you'd stab him in the back, everyday waiting for the consequences of his naive sense of guilt, but that day never came, maybe it was too soon to guess?
And maybe in your eyes, he didn't earn the right to have the true version of yourself, where you don't find the need to keep it down until you collapsed on the ground when you didn't see your pain reaching its climax, or when you pretended you were on the ground looking for something that fell from your grasp so you can sneak your way to your chair so you won't have to ask them for some reason.
It was ridiculous to him, and as much concerning.
" It's good to value ourselves, it's a great feeling indeed, when you're able to support yourself while alone "
" Brilliant trait indeed .... " you answered, tone lightened up in the way that made him feel you were engaged with the conversation, which was a yes and no type of situation.
" But you do also support yourself by seeking others, because in all honesty, who's benefiting the most: me or them? "
" Me, myself and I " you pointed at the ground to random spots in 3 directions, emphasizing your answer with a grin, relaxed in a rigid manner.
" Something similiar to this " he noted with a nod, and as much efficiency as a theatre assistant for a play they weren't responsible to lock in but had the general idea of its purpose, just not enough details.
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Somewhere else far way from you both, Pierrot ran.
Careless to his surroundings, like a motorcycle going past lamp-lights left and right, eyes were definitely on him but didn't bother to get at him as he got out of their sights with the same rapid silence he came with.
And honestly? He preferred it tbat way, better than having to deal with those who looked at him like a fallen monarch during the French revolution.
He ran, as wind kept on hitting him harmlessly, inner shivers ran up to his scarred neck.
He ran until the amount of humans around him ceased to exist , from a few ones to none to be around.
His claws went up as they interlocked fingers and covered his mask's smile, shaking.
That was a close one ......
And youâGod you .... you did not hesitate!
He knew you had a way to pull on his stringsâin both literal and metaphorical sensesâbut to be this bold....!
You almost had him stumble into the wrong words .... to think that in a heated moment
he almost confessed his truth.
" Can I have this from you? " your invitation echoed in his mind, his hands went through his face and settled on behid his neck, as he looked up to the darkening sky like a thrilled explorer that just got out of the enchanted lake, grinning joyously.
At first, he knew what to do, the pieces in himself that he has to hide to have you close, hidden things of mind and body, anything that's deemed ugly so you won't leave, and therefore he can only focus on you as he forgets himself and how the world sees him.
He couldn't care less for the last part, for humans didn't do the same anyway, just watched, gasped as uf they were the bodues of innocent angels as they see an animal gets beaten, and sometimes he belived it was the truth ..
But now, he has you, and this is all that matters.
As tempting as it was to not refuse you, the frightening uncertainty couldn't be trusted even if desirable.
But, if it's you, and a chase on stage is what a disgraced beauty like you wants, it'll be hus pleasure to perform, to see that hungry glimmer in your eyes as you get thrilled with the idea of devouring him whole, inseparable from himâ
Brutally, he was ripped out of his daydreams by a condescending chuckle.
Without wasting a minute, Pierrot whipped his head around to Harlequin's direction, to find him back-rested against a lamplight, arms-crossed, with a sharp-toothed grin laced with enjoyment that only concerned his own.
Where it flew eagerly to the sight of a swooned Pierrot, the longer he beams, the more delicious it is to witness his pained wailings.
" Truly impressive, it's not everyday that a hassler pins you and decides to be a gentleman about it "
A shadow of disdain fell on Pierrot's face, as Harlequin moved himself off the lamplight, meaning to approach him ( because of course he is ), he didn't hesitate to turn his head and walk away.
" That's cute ... " Harlequin tsked.
Insulting Pierrot himself won't earn you much, it's nothing new to be affective, unless the provocations drove him to his pathetic martyrdom's limit.
But uf you desire his hatred? Dear one, this is his place alone, and he's always hungry ....
When Pierrot thought he could saviour himself some little peace, at least until they get back to the circus and don't have to be side by side all the way, he stopped, but not by his own will.
Frozen by a poisonous claw on his chest, playfully tugging on his loosened strings.
" Strange .... " A chin, rested on his shoulder moved as the curious tone was on set, refused to be belived by Pierrot, " you mean to tell me that you had here right where you wanted her and still refused? And I thought you were interestedâ "
Harlequin couldn't continue with what he desired, for a veined fist has connected with his cheek, and swayed his head, sending him to stumble backwards, but he stayed balanced, and looked him in the eye.
Slid out his tongue and licked the reddening mark, " Am I wrong? Because this waiting attitude is exactly why you lost to me "
Now, Pierrot only saw red as he lunged forward, furiously, while Harlequin's manic laughter echoed throughout the abandoned streets.
" Go ahead ..... " Between their tearing and scratching of each other, while beneath Pierrot and his neck was tightly grabbed on, he challenged him, " it's not as if I'll be seeing her even there .... "
" ......... " Pierrot's eye twitched, his lips twisted down, speechless.
At long last with a frustrated growl, his claws went down to his collar, pulled him closer a bit, then let go with a violent push, moving himself off of Harlequin.
Now standing, he wrapped his arms around himself, leaving.
Jester was furious with them when he saw their states, he tried to think past this, what awaits him to have tonight.
