it hurts so fucking bad omg please someone just shoot me

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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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Xuebing Du
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@deerozeee
it hurts so fucking bad omg please someone just shoot me
i don’t know, im just tired, im just alone. nothing feels lovely. at times yes but recently for awhile, its just an attempt at trying, but trying doesnt help.
all my friends out there having a good time and im just here trying not to kill myself
it always dawns on me how disposable i am. yes i can be useful to people when they want me to be but the truth is nobody truly needs me. what i can give people, which isn’t much to begin with, can be found anywhere from anyone else. i’m not special and i know that. i imagine myself not present in the lives of the people i love and it’s clear they wouldn’t be missing out on much. not to mention how it feels like people only merely entertain me, maybe out of pity than anything else. i’m only as good as people want me to be and when they don’t want me anymore there isn’t anything i can say or do that’ll convince them i’m worthwhile. i am nothing.
being suicidal and living for others is the most drowning feeling ever.
why can’t i find a reason to live for myself?
Yeah I’m chilling out I’m vibing but in a scared way
I cannot eat anymore
I cannot sleep anymore
I cannot speak anymore
I am dying invisibly