why cant you understand
mom as not been well,i have not been well,i always took you for granted and now your gone, i didn't even wanna come mom forced me to, i dont know why I still talk to you like you can hear me, your dead.it feels weird to say, cancer really got your ass,i cant say i loved you dad, you were a piece of shit but i dont hate u either, i wish you could tell me how if feels to be underground, after all, you gonna be there for eternity till someone forgets and pisses on you.
the pastor is just saying bullshit he probably said 100 times, after all he's probably been to more funerals then weddings, the house still smells of your sigarettes,your boots are untouched, and sometimes if I'm drunk enough I can still hear you cussing out mom, did you ever even love her?, I myself don't know if her tears are real she keeps saying you were a good man while all you even did was beat the shit out of her, really, I dont know if any of those ppl tears are real, you were a horrible fucking person, I won't cry tears for you. I won't cry tears for someone who made me feel small, wrong even. stay underground fuck off.
the ride home was silent other then the radio and the sobbing of my mother, she keeps saying he was a good man, her hand are shaking, honestly all i can think about is the porn video im gonna watch when i get home,and what place in the house is most comfortableto jerk off. cuz thats what you do when your life falls apart. you jerk off.
my mother as never been the type of woman who loves, good god i dont even know if she loves me, its weird seeing her cry for a man who beat her, who forced her into having sex when she did not want to, who took her dignity, for fucks sake mom are you really that pathetic?
we are 3 miles from our driveway and I can already feel the pity stares of our neighbours, my mom got out without saying a word, she did not even take her purse, in my mind maybe its better to jerk off tonight, or maybe I should call Emma, I dont even like to fuck the bitch, she's big and her pussy as been fucked so much that its loose but I would do anything to get away, sometimes I feel like ppl smell the lonely on me, maybe that makes me look even more miserable than i am (should i continue..?? im trynna make a book)