Many desire a stud muffin. But some crave a blueberry muffin. That’s where I come in. An enthusiastic hypnotist in the PNW. 42 y/o but sometimes it feels like much more. Becoming more aggressively and unapologetically Jewish every day to spite the goyim. 18+ only please. A lot of what I post is SFW but enough isn’t that this space is for adults only. Any pronouns accepted provided you say them respectfully.
Mom's Peanut Butter Waffle Recipe (and how written records do not match practices)
Rather than putting the biographical stuff at the top, let's start with mom's recipe. I promise if you read beyond it, you'll be rewarded.
Ingredients:
3 cups flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 cup peanut butter
2 eggs
1/4 cup vegetable oil
3 1/2 cups milk
Hand knead the flour, baking powder, and peanut butter until you have a grainy, somewhat dry base. (this will keep well in the freezer for at least six months)
When ready to make the batter, add the eggs, oil, and milk to the base. Mix well and pour into the waffle iron in appropriate amounts.
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This was an old family recipe from mom's side of the family, though usually dad would make it. I fondly recall waking up on weekends to the smell of waffles and sausage.
When I went off to college, I decided I wanted to make these on my own (in no small part to woo partners with a lovely breakfast), so I got the recipe from mom, as written above. But no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't get the flavor right. Everyone else loved them, but all I could taste was disappointment. To me, they were bland.
So one day when I was back home visiting my parents, I talked with dad about the waffles to learn what I was doing wrong. "Oh, I just use the recipe," he said. "It's not hard." The following morning, I woke up to waffles exactly as I remembered them, but was no closer to learning the secret.
This happened several more times before I insisted that dad let me observe him making the waffles. Clearly he was doing something I wasn't.
So dad pulls down the flour, baking powder, peanut butter, and sugar.
Me: "Wait, sugar isn't in the recipe."
Dad: "Oh, yeah. You need sugar. Not a lot, just a bit."
And he proceeds to just pour sugar into the mixing bowl. No measurement, just eyeballing it.
Me: "Um...dad? How much sugar did you put in there?"
Dad: "..."
Me: "Okay, do that again, but pour it into this bowl instead."
After getting an approximate measurement, I see him take the one cup measuring cup and gouge into the peanut butter jar, coming up with a heaping mound much larger than the cup itself.
Me: "Dad, do you always put that much into the mix?"
Dad: "Yeah, it's a cup."
Me: "Dad, that's like two cups of peanut butter."
Dad: "Eh."
And then he goes to the pantry and pulls out a bottle of vanilla extract.
Me: "Wait!"
Dad's Peanut Butter Waffles
Ingredients:
3 cups flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
2 cups peanut butter
2 tablespoons sugar
"some" vanilla extract (at least a tablespoon, probably more)
2 eggs
1/4 cup vegetable oil
3 1/2 cups milk
Hand knead the flour, baking powder, peanut butter, sugar, and vanilla extract until you have a grainy, somewhat dry base (this will keep well in the freezer for at least six months).
When ready to make the batter, add the eggs, oil, and milk to the base. Mix well and pour into the waffle iron in appropriate amounts.
So I let my parents know that they’d been seen on Tumblr, and dad has some corrections.
First, it was his family’s recipe, not mom’s. Apparently mom transcribed it which is why the recipe card is in her handwriting.
Second, and I quote, “it doesn’t matter how much flour you put in. More flour just means more waffles.” This man owned and operated a restaurant for ten years.
Third, he puts everything except the milk into the bowl for kneading before the freezing process, so once you have the dry mix the only thing you have to add is milk.
Fourth, it was very important to him that everyone knows he mixes the eggs, oil, sugar, and vanilla extract using an immersion blender prior to adding them to the peanut butter and flour. I have never seen him do this, but apparently it's a new toy he has and is very proud of it.
In honor of Pride Month, I present an identity that I feel appropriate to me, and that I've observed in others:
Vexilloflexible
People are vexilloflexible when they find that a description of one identity fits them really well, but another similar identity that isn't as close to their personal experience has a better flag design.
I've seen this most often with pansexuals and bisexuals who make the choice of which term to use, at least in part, on whether they like purple or yellow more. However, there are plenty of others.
And because I loves me some protocol and flag design, I propose the following flag scheme for vexilloflexible people:
Fly the flag that you find most aesthetically pleasing, but with a canton (top-left rectangle, like the blue field with stars on the American flag) of the flag whose identity you feel closest to.
A modest example is provided here, of someone who privately thinks of themself as bisexual but is vexilloflexible towards pansexuality.
extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine
at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport
Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-
Bert: Bert and I
Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!
Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)
Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.
Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.
for the last time: if there's a sexy naked lady with long flowing hair and MAYBE a diaphanous sheet or flower crown; lots of swirlies and ribbon like curving LUSCIOUS shapes; very lush foliage (acanthus leaves, elegant flowers) and all kinds of fauna — both especially waterside (lily pads, lotuses, reeds, cranes, dragonflies); lots of green; everything is a lot of iron, stone, stained glass, mosaic, and carved wood; the windows or their frames are very Shaped; the lights are soft yellow; or it's a font with lots of line weight variation; feather tips are rounded; everything reminds you of france, vienna, or japan and something vaguely mediterranean; OR it's literally a Parisian metro station
— then it's art nouveau
and if the sexy lady has a bob cut or a hair cap and is wearing a column or flapper dress; there's a lot of geometry like rectangles, arches, rays, and diamonds; angels have super sharp wings and a lot of muscles; everything is steel, concrete, marble, gold, and red velvet seats; everything is VERY angular; and all the foliage is basically papyrus fronds; things feel vaguely Egyptian or Turkish or Mesopotamian; the fonts play with being very skinny or very thick and are sans serif with extra lines; or Gatsby would be found floating dead in that pool
— with lots of lush flora, tiny insects (like dragonflies) or graceful birds, stained glass, iron, warm golden lighting, lots of wood and wood carving (but now it's more wood paneling), a stylistic fondness for Japan, line weight variation in the font, and tile (but this time it's carved or sculpted on, not tiny mosaic)
but you're worried it's art deco
— because the forms (especially foliage) are very symmetrical and slightly more angular or blocky and graphic looking, things are more rectangular than circular or curvy in architecture, the patterns repeat more often, and more of the lamps are pyramids or rectangular, and there are nods to Egyptian or Ottoman style, and they used the color red (probably in an accent chair or carpet rug)
BUT there's no steel, concrete, gold plating or gilding, marble, big muscles, spiky or radiating diamond shapes, angular people, or flappers,
AND the vibes are jacobean, gothic, or spanish mission revival; they love some brick and stone; the wallpaper is an explosion of colorful pattern that could give you arsenic poisoning or help depict a descent into postpartum psychosis in a famous short story; but there are NO people to be seen, not even sexy ladies,
I had a dream that people started using the 🪷 emoji as a reaction and it was universally understood to mean “kill [] and you will be reincarnated as a lotus blossom.” Like someone would talk about going to the White House and people would spam 🪷🪷🪷 in the replies, and everyone just knew without having to be told that that meant “hey you should assassinate the president.”
Dido’s “Thank You” and Del Amitri’s “Roll to Me” are playing in this Red Robin, and I am back in high school lamenting to my best friend my inability to land a date.
In honor of Pride Month, I present an identity that I feel appropriate to me, and that I've observed in others:
Vexilloflexible
People are vexilloflexible when they find that a description of one identity fits them really well, but another similar identity that isn't as close to their personal experience has a better flag design.
I've seen this most often with pansexuals and bisexuals who make the choice of which term to use, at least in part, on whether they like purple or yellow more. However, there are plenty of others.
And because I loves me some protocol and flag design, I propose the following flag scheme for vexilloflexible people:
Fly the flag that you find most aesthetically pleasing, but with a canton (top-left rectangle, like the blue field with stars on the American flag) of the flag whose identity you feel closest to.
A modest example is provided here, of someone who privately thinks of themself as bisexual but is vexilloflexible towards pansexuality.
Gentile person talking about antisemitism: you realize people of [opposite political ideology] aren’t serious about antisemitism and just using it as a wedge issue to make us look bad, right?
Jews:….yeah, but on the other hand they said the same thing about you guys, and neither one of you has demonstrated much interest in combating contemporary antisemitism that you can’t pin on the other side, so we’ve decided not to trust either of you motherfuckers
Jews: You realize they would find it a lot harder to use antisemitism as a wedge issue to make you look bad if you weren't so virulently antisemitic, right?
English needs a word for 'technically this is not true and I can construct scenarios where it is not true but in practice it is true'
Is antizionism always antisemitism? No.
The vast majority of the time, is antizionism very closely associated with antisemitism? Hell yes.
Have multiple (2009) peer-reviewed (2006) studies (see study 2; 2022) shown (2015) that (2007) antisemitism (2012) and (2020) anti-Israelism/antizionism ["In fact, anti-Israel attitudes are the strongest sole determinant of antisemitism when compared with political preferences, religion, place of birth, age, education and violent tendencies."; 2020] (which are not the same thing) are (2024) closely (2016) associated (2012)? Also yes.
Did Daniel Allington and David Hirsh write that "So many experimental and survey-based studies have found a correlation between negative attitudes towards Jews and negative attitudes towards Israel that this may be considered one of the most solidly established facts of political psychology" (The AzAs (Antizionist Antisemitism) Scale: Measuring Antisemitism as Expressed in Relation to Israel and Its Supporters, 2019)? Yes. Did I not cite that in my links above? Yeah.
Do we not have the fucking time to carefully distinguish and it's easier to just treat it like the red flag that it is and even if twelve different surveys didn't confirm that fact, not counting some others I didn't list because I couldn't access them to confirm, we'd be justified because 'fuck it, I'm getting antisemitic vibes from this a lot of the time' is a valid reason to be wary because we fucking get to define antisemitism? Also yes.
ID: A tiktok of a person saying "What's a word you pronounced incorrectly one time and it still haunts you to this day?" Justin Timberlake stitched the video and replied "Umm, me."
What will one day destroy each of the 50 US States
Alabama - Absorbed by Wyoming
Alaska - Absorbed by Wyoming
Arizona - Absorbed by Wyoming
Arkansas - Absorbed by Wyoming
California - Attempts to contain the spread of Wyoming by rigging itself with nuclear bombs
Colorado - Absorbed by Wyoming
Connecticut - Absorbed by Wyoming
Delaware - Absorbed by Wyoming
Florida - Missing, presumed absorbed by Wyoming
Georgia - Absorbed by Wyoming
Hawaii - Absorbed by Wyoming after the state survived California's suicide attack and continued to grow
Idaho - Absorbed by Wyoming
Illinois - Sacrifices itself trying to give Kentucky enough time to find the lost sword
Indiana - Absorbed by Wyoming
Iowa - Absorbed by Wyoming
Kansas - Absorbed by Wyoming
Kentucky - Attempts to wield the Wyoming Slayer alone and is not strong enough
Louisiana - Absorbed by Wyoming
Maine - Absorbed by Wyoming
Maryland - Absorbed by Wyoming
Massachusetts - Attempts to wield the Wyoming Slayer alone, and is not strong enough
Michigan - Absorbed by Wyoming
Minnesota - Absorbed by Wyoming
Mississippi - Absorbed by Utah
Missouri - Begs Utah not to go down this path, and is cut down
Montana - Absorbed by Wyoming
Nebraska - Absorbed by Utah
Nevada - Tries to offer itself as a servant to Wyoming, telling it that together they could rule the world, but is absorbed
New Hampshire - Absorbed by Utah
New Jersey - Absorbed by Utah
New Mexico - Gives its energy to Utah in the hopes that it will be able to stop Wyoming
New York - Absorbed by Wyoming
North Carolina - Attempts to wield the Wyoming Slayer alone, and is not strong enough
North Dakota - Absorbed by Utah
Ohio - Absorbed by Wyoming
Oklahoma - Absorbed by Wyoming seconds after it finishes deciphering the runes on the handle of the Wyoming Slayer, managing only to croak out the word, "Too"
Oregon - Absorbed by Wyoming
Pennsylvania - Absorbed by Wyoming
Rhode Island - Absorbed by Utah
South Carolina - Sacrifices itself in order to get the Wyoming Slayer to Utah
South Dakota - Absorbed by Utah
Tennessee - Absorbed by Utah
Texas - Absorbed by Utah
Utah - Attempts to wield the Wyoming slayer and is burnt by its protective magics
Vermont- Absorbed by Wyoming
Virginia - Plunges itself into the gullet of the ever growing Wyoming to recover the sword which it ate
Washington - Absorbed by Wyoming
West Virginia - Absorbed by Wyoming
Wisconsin - Cries, "I know what Oklahoma meant!" as it readies itself for its last stand. "Not 'too'! Together! It must be used together!" then reaches its arms into the monster's mouth, and takes hold of the sword with Virginia and with all the other states that have been eaten and lends its strength to all of them for one final attack, even as Wyoming's claws dig into its farmlands
Wyoming - Stands startled for a few seconds, before beginning to crumble
TIME TO FIND YOUR REPRESENTATIVES AND MAKE A VERY SIMPLE SCRIPT CALL
To your House Representative:
"Hello, I am (Name) of (state/district being represented), and I am calling to demand you vote Yes on resolution H.Res.1155: Impeaching Donald J Trump for High Crimes and Misdemeanors.
[Select and make a bullet list of his crimes since 2024 that you personally take offense to. Include His part in Epstien's sex trafficking Empire, Include his recent genocidal war crime tweets on his TruthSocial over Easter, include His illegal war declaration against Iran, include every promise he has broken or remains unfulfilled on the campaign trail.]
Any single crime of these nature would result in legal punishment for the common man. Hold our president to the same standard. For no Man is above the law. Not even a president.
For these reasons and likely more: I urge you to Vote Yes on Impeaching Trump. Thank you for your time and service."
*Hang up.
To your Senate Representative:
"Hello, I am (Name) of (state/district being represented), and I am calling to demand you vote Yes on resolution 1155: Impeaching Donald J Trump for High Crimes and Misdemeanors. When it comes to the Senate floor. And I urge you to remove him immediately from government positions, bar him from every holding ANY government office, and sentence him to Prison where he can do no more harm to the world.
[Same list as your house of representative's bullet list, just copy/paste to save yourself time doing any more research.]
For these reasons: I urge you to Vote Yes on Punishing Trump for his crimes against the United States, and demand his immediate removal from Office. Thank you for your time and service."
*Hang Up.
NOTES:
REPUBLICANS AND GOP ESPECIALLY NEED TO HEAR US, Doesn't matter if they "Wont Listen" BOMBARD THEM WITH INEXCUSABLE EVIDENCE OF WHAT WE THE PEOPLE WANT.
PROTEST OUTSIDE THEIR OFFICES, THEIR RESTAURANTS VISITS, THEIR HOMES. MAKE THEIR LIVES UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NOISE AND PEACEFUL DEMONSTRATIONS UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY DO THEIR JOB! "IMPEACH DONALD TRUMP" Is the only chant they need to hear now.
Do Not Tailor Your Bullet Points Anymore. They need ALL the evidence against Trump if they are going to be swayed. Do not hold back, do not let them shoot you down about ANY subject they pretend did not happen or try to spin it into a positive light.
They Do Not Control You, They Will Not Control The Narrative!
Talk of Dementia will be an iffy subject to bring up so if you do: Be sure to read up on Signs of Dementia, and What professional Memory Care doctors have been seeing in what few public speeches we have seen of Trump in recent days. But I would leave those type of discussions to people within the medical field who have topical training. Because having Dementia is not a crime, but it can help explain a desperate need to remove him from office.
CALL EVERY DAY. 5 minutes, you don't even need to change the script (unless you want to for any new shit he does in the next 24 hours between calls). Call after hours if you're nervous. Leave a message.
EMAIL EVERY DAY. 5 minutes. Copy/paste. every 24 hours. change it up as you feel it's appropriate to.
FAX THEM EVERY DAY, WASTE THEIR PAPER.
KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT, IF YOU HAVE GOP RELATIVES WHO ARE COMPLAINING TELL THEM TO CALL THEIR REPRESENTATIVES TOO!!!! REMIND THEM OF THEIR RIGHT TO COMPLAIN TO THEIR REPRESENTATIVES FOR NOT CURB STOMPING TRUMP INTO BEHAVING!
Every Republican coming around now after everything, I speak directly to you now: You fucked up ignoring all the warnings signs, and the disgrace Trump left the Presidency in the first term.
YOU have the responsibility now: To swallow whatever pride lead you to vote for Donald Trump twice, and join the call campaigns to impeach Trump.
You No Longer have the RIGHT to Claim both sides were bad. You Have No RIGHT to bitch about the state of the World. Shove Your Ego Down off the Horse You Rode In On, and WORK WITH US NOW TO GET HIM OUT.
MAKE YOUR PHONE CALLS, Demand Impeachment With Us. YOUR VOICE HOLDS THE STRONGEST SWAY NOW AMONG THE GOP, So shout with us about it!!!!
YOU VOTED US INTO THIS MESS, YOU WILL HELP US GET OUT OF IT.
"You Didn't Vote for This" Now prove it!!! You must urge your representatives to undo the choice you made! TELL THEM YOU REGRET! TELL THEM YOU ARE ASHAMED! TELL THEM HOW THEY HAVE RUINED YOU SOCIALLY THROUGH ALL THEIR CRIMINAL ACTIONS!!!!
There is No Other Work you could possibly do to undo the Harm You Chose to Put Into Power. You will likely never be forgiven by some people. But forgiveness is not externally validated. Forgiveness is personal action. To earn forgiveness demands you change. Forgiveness starts with harm reduction. The quickest way you can start to forgive your part in all this shit is to Demand your representatives to Impeach Trump with Democrats.
I’m a totally neurotypical person. No oddities in this brain, no sir.
Oh this? This is a cool t-shirt folding tool I just got. Look at how satisfying all the shirts being folded to the same dimensions and stack perfectly!
