Def_Not_A_Plant

I mostly post Humans Are Space Orcs stuff but also practice horror writing and poetry. Love Photography and anime too :)) Feel free to DM

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans Are Weird: Weather

Ok. This one is rough, I’m not gonna lie. But I’ve been in a funk and have missed yall so I’m forcing myself to post this lol. There r prob gonna be some grammatical errors but I did my best to research the sciency stuff

“What… What the hell” Xeno 549’s translator struggled to convey its shock and confusion upon landing upon the human’s main home called “earth”.

“What?” Asked Human Erica, already skipping off the ship onto the solid soil made up of water, dust, carbon, and other natural materials. The thing that she walked on so casually, that was so plentiful that humans lived their entire lives without thinking about it twice, was more rich in carbon based life than anywhere else 549 had known so far. 

Ignoring the obvious, saving the less pressing questions for later, 549 simply said “It’s… the water leaking from the sky. I’d heard of this phenomenon, but had thought it was just a children's tale. You mean to tell me it’s real?”

The human stopped her skipping, turning around and facing the alien, in its few weeks of exposure to humans, had not yet been able to interpret the expression on the human’s face

“Yeah? It rains diamonds on both Uranus and Neptune. What’s so spectacular about water?” she questioned innocently, clearly not understanding the scope and magnitude of what she was saying. 

While most creatures in the close enough galaxies to travel to had ammonia or methane based life, water was still a huge production factor in many countries of many planets. Hell, ammonia and methane are plentiful in many atmospheres, but raining in drops like this? And even less common, it being water? That was simply a miracle. 

In less than 2 seconds, a crashing sound rumbled around them and a blinding flash of white light screamed and threw itself at the carbon based soil. 549 barely had time to even scream before human Erica tilted her head back and laughed.

Later, after the terrified crew took cover in the ship and gathered the humans in one place, the questioning began.

“So, you’re telling me that humans can only survive in a range of 230 K to 323 K, a range of only 93 DEGREES, but LAUGH and welcome liquid life falling from the sky and electricity striking anything high and metal. The electricity being, in human terms, 300 million volts, which is the equivalent of 2 million, 5 hundred thousand of the most common electrical outlets?!”

“Yeah” said human Jake, not bothering to elaborate

“Oh… okay” said the alien, which, all the while, had been backing away with its comrades, not daring to take their eyes off the humans.

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are Weird: Scents

Sry again for not posting recently. I’ve been in a kinda rut and everything I wrote sounded stiff and wrong lol. Anyways, as penance, here’s an extra long story. As usual, any feedback would be greatly appreciated

ok, so anyways. Imagine that since all of our species independently evolved, we got different senses. How would we describe that? Anyways..

———————————-———————————- The ship was abuzz with questions on the day 234. New signs listing banned common items were posted on the walls of the common space on the ship Thera 222, in preparation of the human worker's arrival. The halls and cafeteria were buzzing with questions about the posters. After all, humans were a relatively new addition to the Orbita counsel, and with so many features and characteristics so different from every other species, it was no wonder that many alien species knew nothing about them. There were some self-diagnosed “Human Experts” on the ship who tried to explain what most of the things on the list were, like “Gasoline, cameras, fireworks, alcohol, and toasters”. All of those things were easy to explain. Gasoline was used to make fire, cameras to capture still moments, fireworks to create “pretty illusions” and so forth. But there was a certain category on the list that none of the “Human Experts” could explain. Things like “inscents, candles, air fresheners,” and “strong cologne” were all a mystery. Puzzled, the aliens eagerly awaited the human’s arrival, excited to be able to put their translators into “human” speech and ask them.

Later, as the humans walked aboard, their faces scrunched, folds of skin wrinkled around their mouths, eyes, and something else that was on their face. An almost triangle appendage between their eyes and mouths. Classes on human anatomy identified it as a “nose” that allowed them to “smell” the environment around them. As far as what was known, no other sentient and intelligent species developed this extra sense. However, this was a trade off, since humans had significantly worse hearing than the other creatures. 

“Oh my god” said a human with short cropped brown hair, “this place smells of only antiseptic. God I wish we could light some candles in here”. The aliens' eyes widened. How had they known they used antiseptic? It was clear and dried on impact. Even the most seasoned Ghue could only tell things were sanitized after feeling the miniscule ridges left behind from the molecules landing on the metal. 

“I brought perfume with me” mumbled another human (this one with long, waist length hair) to the short haired male, clearly forgetting that other species could hear much better than any human.

An inspector stepped forward. “Excuse me miss. But you said you brought perfume? I’m sorry to inform you that you can't bring that on board. It’s a biohazard.” Her shoulders sank, and she handed the bottle away to a waiting alien

“Sorry. I brought it because it was a gift from my family. I didn’t realize it would be an issue as long as I didn’t spray it.” she said in a quavering voice, fear in her eyes as she looked at the alien that towered at least 10 pjok above her. 

An emotion stirring in its chest that could only be known as pity, it compromised. “Fine” it said, its hesitance coming through, even through its translator. “We’ll keep it on a shelf until your term is over. Ok?” 

She bared her teeth in what was supposed to be a friendly gesture “Thank you!” she “smiled”.

Later, the aliens crowded around the humans asking question after question, until eventually, the topic lead to the perfume. “So, what is perfume exactly?" a timid one-eyed alien asked, clearly nervous around the still unpredictable human

“It makes things smell good,” said the female who had originally brought it aboard. “Although, I guess that doesn't make sense to you guys since you don't smell anything. But, I guess it’s like tasting but not? I don't know, help me out here, guys.” She turned to her species-mates, clearly grappling with a way to better phrase it. 

“Nah, you’re pretty close,” said one of the male humans with short-cut black hair and small seeing assistant glassware on its face, “It's like tasting, but not. Like, it's a taste in the air? I don’t really know.”

“Oh!” Exclaimed a Gusk, its many eyes lighting up in recognition. “So it’s like fache! There's that extra thing in the air, but you guys have an almost taste sensation, while we have a hearing sensation?”

“Yes…?” one of the humans questioned, not quite understanding, but too tired to explain or question such abstract concepts.

At that, almost all of the species in the common room did their affirmative body language. Some nodding, some twitching their eyes, some making a small cracking sound from who knows where. The conversation devolved into more questions and answers, questions flying between humans and aliens, both learning from species they had only heard about on the news or in books. 

Meanwhile, a small group huddled in the corner, mouse-like ears bobbing among each other, trying to understand the former conversation topic, still as lost as they were when the discussion started. 

[definitlynotaplant]

Tumblr Blackout 2-26-26

Different from what I normally post, but I want to remind everyone who reads this of the protest blackout we’re doing tomorrow on 2-26. Essentially, people against generative ai art are doing a post blackout, meaning that we aren’t posting at all tomorrow (February 26th) so that Tumblr will see a drop in users and remove the shapes ai ads from their site. I encourage anyone against AI to join the blackout and stand up for artists :)

[stardewvalleychickencoop]

oh i thought none of us were gonna log in for that day, not just stop posting

[definitlynotaplant]

From what I saw, it was posting, but logging in honestly sounds like a better idea lol

[stardewvalleychickencoop]

yeah i did a quick search and the first posts that came up said logging out

[definitlynotaplant]

oh! Okee. I’ll update my post. Ty!

[definitlynotaplant]

Tumblr Blackout 2-26-26

Different from what I normally post, but I want to remind everyone who reads this of the protest blackout we’re doing tomorrow on 2-26. Essentially, people against generative ai art are doing a post blackout, meaning that we aren’t posting at all tomorrow (February 26th) so that Tumblr will see a drop in users and remove the shapes ai ads from their site. I encourage anyone against AI to join the blackout and stand up for artists :)

[stardewvalleychickencoop]

oh i thought none of us were gonna log in for that day, not just stop posting

[definitlynotaplant]

From what I saw, it was posting, but logging in honestly sounds like a better idea lol

[definitlynotaplant]

Tumblr Blackout 2-26-26

Different from what I normally post, but I want to remind everyone who reads this of the protest blackout we’re doing tomorrow on 2-26. Essentially, people against generative ai art are doing a login blackout, meaning that we aren’t logging in or posting at all tomorrow (February 26th) so that Tumblr will see a drop in users and remove the shapes ai ads from their site. I encourage anyone against AI to join the blackout and stand up for artists :)

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans Are Weird: Art

As usual, any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Art is the window into a human’s soul

The crack in the mask by which we can see the artist’s true face

The true splinters behind their eyes

The fragments in their mind

Art is a foreign concept to most species 

Creating beauty from nothing?

Why would that even be fathimable?

What’s the point?

To look at it?

To create stories, which are their own works of art based off of it?

What’s the point? To see farther, farther, farther into the person’s psyche, that humans are so well known throughout the galaxy for doing

They hold their hearts so close to their chests

Swallow the key

Force them to give you the key only by gutting them. Slitting their body, peeling back the layers to reveal the oh so well hidden heart within

Art is a saw that allows them to bypass that painful, murderous process

Art is how the creatures unfamiliar with the human species can understand their true emotions

Which so few of the aliens possess in the first place

But they try

They look

They stare and ponder in front of the paintings and poetry and language for lunar cycles on end

Just to try to understand the puzzle that is humanities inner workings

They see the twisting shapes

The vibrating melodies

The melancholy in the most beautiful lyrics

And some of them understand

Some of them grieve with us

Some of them sing with us Because we showed them art

Showed them beauty

Showed them pain

Other’s minds break

Shatter

All for daring to comprehend the human psyche when they werent meant to

Paintings are a window into our specie’s souls

To our hearts 

To our lungs and bodies and faces hidden behind oh so many layers of flesh and bones and masks and mirrors

Lyrics are the key to a person’s inner workings

Twisting and tangling in the knots of their heart strings

Art is the portal to see our species truth 

And the aliens don’t disrupt that

They watch

And observe

Sometimes comprehend

Sometimes break

Never disturb

Never shatter the window

[definitlynotaplant]

The Music of Earth

Ok, sorry for not posting. I’ve been dealing with depression recently and really haven’t had the motivation to write. But I forced myself to go outside for a half hour and just listen to the world around me. But anyways, I found motivation to write and I honestly don’t hate it like some of the other things I write and wind up not posting

The cacophony of breath

The thrumming of heartbeats

The rushing of waves

The roaring of trucks on a highway

The rustling of leaves

Imagine another species were to listen to our planet. What would they hear? What if the vacuum of space and time didn’t exist and our noise traveled infinitely through the void? What would they discover?

They might hear a rushing sound

The combination of waves and breaths and trucks and leaves. 

They might listen closer and hear laughter

Whispers of stories some thought long forgotten

Tears of a man saying a final goodbye to his wife

They might listen closer still

And hear the tinkling of bells

The cries of a newborn

The unforgiving, cold gunshots that can so easily extinguish a life 

The sound of tears falling freely onto a freshly dug grave

And maybe they would bend ever so slightly closer

Straining to hear the intricacies of our lives

Maybe they’d hear the falling of snow

The rustling of grass

The sound of the breath that sustains us all

And then time might freeze

The moment suspended in mid air like a kite in the wind

A heart could be halfway through beating

A lung partially inflated

A tear hanging from the end of a nose

A smile preserved perfectly on a child mid laugh

The universe could ring out in silence then

The aliens might have even notice how much noise we take up in the galaxy

And who knows? Maybe they would even miss it. 

The aliens might come to Earth

Walking through our midst

Weaving through like we’re merely life sized statues

Some might wander to Ukraine, and see a hospital mid implosion.

Some might find themselves in Tokyo, standing in front of a tower of twinkling lights and hopes.

Some might discover they’ve ended up on the streets of LA, among crowds of protesters screaming for change with conviction and hope frozen on their upturned faces.

And yet even more might simply make their way to the country-side, gazing at their planet from our perspective. Just a miniscule star on the horizon.

And then, they might leave

And with that our time could resume

And we would never know what happened

But the galaxy could

Our sound would ring out through the darkness

An ever-present friend to the neighbors who live so many light years away

The neighbors we don’t even know we have

Our sound might be a soothing white noise

Like waves to a human

Our sound would ring out across the infinite void,

Bringing species and planets together while we hum absent-mindedly in pure bliss, because the aliens don’t want to risk disturbing that sound

Our sound would carry on,

Long after the sun extinguishes us in flame

Our sound would ricochet off the stars and planets of our galaxy

And earth wouldn’t be forgotten

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans Are Weird: Horror Movies

Alr, Finally back to my normal post type! Lmk any feedback yall have :)

Xeno 584 nearly jumped out of one of its layers of skin when it heard the humans scream coming from down the dark corridor. It was 2:33 in sol hours and the hallway lights turned off at 2:30, due to the need for power conservation, along with the assumption that any rational creature would be in their quarters by this time. While 584 was a rational creature, it wasn’t in its quarters, due its need to investigate the sounds of human “Laughter” emanating from down the hall. Although, it was beginning to regret it now. 

Steeling its nerves, it charged down the hall, ready to defend its human crewmates from whatever horrors awaited it at the quickly shrinking distance at the end of the hall. 

Rounding the corner it stopped dead in its tracks. In front of it was a sprawling mass of human sleeping bedding hung from chairs scattered around the room. Beneath the bedding laid 4 humans, giggling and apparently in no trouble at all. 584 glanced around furiously, its many eyes landing on each giggling body until landing on the horrifying sight that they were all staring at.

There, on the "television" was an image of a human. All species were mandated to take basic anatomy classes about humans, since they seemed to be the most unique out of most known, common creatures. Because of this, 584 recognized some of the things on the screen. Racking its brain furiously, it began taking inventory of everything it saw. The red stuff was the human blood, distinguished by its bright crimson hue, as opposed to every other known species off of their deathworld. The next thing it saw were the human "intestines" on the ground. They are not supposed to be on the ground. It then noticed the creature standing above it. A scythe in one hand (an ancient human tool used for farming that 584 had learned about in ancient history class back in its student days) and a piece of equipment humans often refer to as a “Baseball bat” in the other. 

With horror dawning on its face, it watched as the thing leering over the human raised the scythe and…

584 screamed, making a sound it didn’t even know it was capable of making. A mix of barbeling, hysteric wails, and shrieking emitted from the creature, causing the humans to in turn, cry out in fear with it.

The lights flicked on and swarms of aliens ran out of their chambers, alert and ready for an attack, just to see a terrified Xeno tangled in a tangle of blankets and humans scattered around rolling on the floor, laughing. 

After the commotion slowed down and the humans got ahold of themselves, the aliens demanded an explanation. The humans had none to give. Following the lack of explanation, over half of the aliens onboard the ship demanded immediate transfer, citing "imminent safety concerns”. Among them was Xeno 584, who swore to itself to never underestimate a human's complexity again and would avoid them whenever possible.

[definitlynotaplant]

An Aliens Ode to Fire

Alr, this so is another thing that I’m posting that’s different from my normal type of posts. I’ve been trying to expand my horizons recently so playing around with the type of story I make is my favorite way to do that. If you have any feedback, please let me know, since I love hearing people’s takes.

Fire burns

Fire breathes

Fire breeds

Fire consumes the essence of life itself

Evaporates the building blocks that make it possible

Fire burns away water until the only things left are dry,

Which it then consumes in its red-hot wrath

Fire exists to spread itself

To cover as much ground as possible

To eat and chip away at whatever it can-

Destruction

It leaves the earth's floor blackened and burned

Snuffs out the life that bred there

Starves the air of oxygen that the humans need so desperately to survive

Drowns their world in heat

Fire melts their skin

Turns their bones to ash

And leaves nothing of itself behind except traces of destruction and thirst

Fire creates light by pulling out the color around it

And when it’s extinguished, so is the color and the light, leaving only varying shades of brown, grey, and black in its wake

Fire dances

Fire spits

Fire cries and begs for just one more spark, which it then sets ablaze

Fire eats

And eats

And eats

Devouring all that the humans have tried to build

Fire spreads

And spreads

And spreads

Concealing any hope they have

Fire melts their skin

Warping and twisting the supple material until it’s unrecognizable

Fire devours their sense of beauty

The sense of beauty they have taught us

Because their lives aren't enough to claim

They try to put it out when it spreads too much

But it always comes back

And they need it too much to extinguish forever

Humanity thinks they’ve tamed fire

They use it to cook their food

Heat their homes

Light the darkness when it becomes too much

But the truth is that fire has tamed humanity

Hooked them with its claws of dependence

It tamed them

Feeds off of them if they turn their backs for just a moment

Smothers them; melts them when they’ve let their guard down around it for just a split second

They haven't tamed fire

Because you can’t tame something that can’t break

Fire is the reason they live

The reason they thrive

But they are nothing more than fuel to its wrath

And they can’t fight it, no matter how hard they try

Earth is the only planet with sentient life known so far to have oxygen 

Thus, they are the only ones to have fire

Us foreigners have tried so hard to understand it

So hard to comprehend its dancing and spitting image

But we cant

We won’t

But humans don’t know better

They’re mesmerized by the flames

By the dance

So we have no choice but to sit back

And watch them be consumed by the fire they’ve created.

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans Are Weird: Grief

TW: Grief, unhealthy coping, death, manic depression, catatonia.

Ok. I’m just going to say this now. This is VERY different from what I usually post. I usually write comedy, but something about this pulled me along. I was originally going to write about how tears are unique to the human species, but this took a drastically different turn. I also want to make a note that I don’t plan on writing these kind of things often. I just felt really compelled to write this and did my best to write this in the most respectful way possible. If this feels disrespectful to anyone, PLEASE let me know. If I get enough feedback telling me this is disrespectful, I will absolutely take this down.

Also, this was of coping is NOT ok. This is an incredibly unhealthy way of coping with anything in your life, so if you or anyone you know is feeling this way, please reach out to someone.

—————————————————————- Something clear was leaking out of the human’s eyes. They were shaking and its breathing was uneven. Its face was pink and splotchy and its eyes were rimmed in red

Xeno #545 didn’t mean to interrupt the human. But it hadn’t left its bed in many sun cycles. It had a sign on its door displaying the words “PRIVATE. DO NOT ENTER” but when 545 asked around, none of the other creatures aboard the ship had seen the human leave their chambers recently either. Every sun cycle, the alien would knock on the human’s door, and every sun cycle, there would be no response except a muffled “I’m ok”. All of the human’s work was done in accordance to normal regulations, but still. Normally the human was known for its curiosity and sociableness. Hell, even the pamphlet that came with it had said that they need 5 hours of socialization every 2 days BARE MINIMUM. It hadn't even left to eat its food at the cafeteria, which was extra alarming because the pamphlet had also said that humans normally eat 3 meals a day, and lighter food in between. 545 tried to bring the human food, but the human always just murmured “I’m not hungry” and refused to open their door to receive the tray. So, when 545 went to knock on the humans door yet again, swearing today was the day it would convince the human to come out, and heard a noise unlike any it had been instructed on, 545 frantically punched in the admin code and entered the room. 

As it oozed one tentacle, then another through the nearly too short door, it halted suddenly. In the darkness, 545 could see the human was sitting “Cross legged” on the bed, which in of itself wouldn’t be all that odd. However, as it lifted its head, 545 let out a strangled noise. The first thing 545 noticed was that the human’s eyes were dull. Once so full of life, brimming with joy and confidence, they were now empty. Lifeless. Devoid of a single spark that humanity was so famous for possessing. The next thing it noticed was the human’s hair. Once healthy and shiny, it was now cut in ragged strips with some spots gone all together, with what was left frizzy and dead looking. 545’s many eyes then moved onto the human’s face next. The only way to explain it was hollow. Like its eyes had caved in and its cheeks been dug out. Empty. 

They stayed like that. Alien and human. Staring. Except the human didn’t seem to really see 545. The human was looking behind it. Looking miles and miles away. Across lightyears and galaxies. Beyond life and time and space itself. Not wondering. Not expectant. Devoid.

545 came back to its senses and turned and fled, calling for a medic all the way. Something was wrong. Something in the once wonder rich human had been stolen, leaving it empty. Hollow. Scooped out of the thing that made it classified as human. 

Rushing to the infirmary, 545 wrapped a tentacle around the most experienced medic, who also happened to be human, and started dragging the confused earthling behind it. At this point, the humans on the ship knew better than to question 545’s whims, but as they rounded another corner, the medic started to understand. Instead of being simply dragged behind the alien, it was now running with it, the pieces of the aliens' franticness falling into place piece by piece. Until the truth came crashing down. A tsunami of salty water like they had back on earth. A tidal wave of understanding crushing the medic. The human wing. That's where they were heading to. The human wing that should have been empty due to all of the humans being out working for the day. The human wing that housed one of the newest recruits, whose partner had just died several weeks ago. One of the newest recruits who the medic hadn’t come across for several weeks. The human wing, with air heavy with grief and sorrow. 

Rounding the final corner, they arrived. The door was still slightly open, just as 545 had left it. All the lights were still off, as as the door creaked open, the shape of a broken human took form. Not physically broken. No blood as far as the alien could see, but broken nonetheless. The human seemingly hadn't moved an inch since 545 last saw it. Its eyes were still fixed straight ahead. Its hair was still hacked off as if torn out and broken strand by strand. And its head was down. As if it couldn't bear the weight of it anymore. As if it were still carrying the weight of the world on its shoulders and couldn't bear the weight of its own head on top of it. 

The engineer gasped and 545 stared. Incapable of making all the thoughts that ran through its head process through the translator.

Things started rushing around them. Medics started walking in, approaching the human as if it was a Friegs from the planet Yasala. Dangerous. Broken. Desperate and cornered. Covered in spikes and thorns. Words like “catatonic” and "grief" and “manic depression” were thrown around as the human was eventually taken away. Its eyes never leaving the space right in front of it. 

And just like that, the human was gone. Died from unknown causes a day and a half later. But the humans knew the cause. One that couldn't be shown by an autopsy or screening. The human died from a broken heart. After that, the aliens learned about grief. About depression. About humans’ reliance on each other. Most didn't believe it. How could they? A human dying of a broken heart while their exterior and physical health were otherwise unharmed? Proposterous. 

But the humans knew. 545 knew. The medic who ran alongside the desperate Xeno knew. Those who have lost someone so close to them knew. Grief can swallow a human. Can chew them up and spit them out. Grief can break a person in ways one would think unimaginable. 

And there are stories of survivors. Stories of people who aren't swallowed by it. Who build instead of break. It doesn't make them stronger or weaker. It makes them human. Humans feel grief. Humans feel pain where they don’t have any nerves. Humans are Human. 

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are Weird: Resting Our Heads

Alr. So I was sitting and watching TV some family members and had my head propped up on my hand. I looked around and everyone else was either doing that, or leaning their heads on something. Like, how do we explain that aliens? 

Like imagine a group of humans sitting and watching TV in the common room of the ship and an alien walks in

Day 3 onboard of the human’s ship as an intern.

“Today, I decided to join the humans in the common room for some team bonding, since the stories of their fucked-uppedness seem to be largely over-exaggerated. 

Upon walking in, I observed the humans all resting their heads on either their hands or the back of their chairs!! The TV was on in the background but all the humans seemed lifeless! I started to scream, but as I did, all the humans sat up and appeared startled. 

The humans became slightly angered and asked me why I was screaming, so I tried to ask them why their heads were too heavy for their necks. Upon further conversation, it was revealed that they do that when tired? I’m still not quite sure why that means that their heads aren’t too heavy for their necks, since they often struggle to hold them up without conscious effort when sitting, but I’m too concerned to ask them. 

Requesting immediate transfer to a human free ship.”

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are Weird: Thanksgiving

Alr I know I’m posting this early, but I haven’t posted in a while and I’ve had some stuff going on but I’ve missed yall and feel bad for not posting, but hope I can start to write more as things start to (hopefully) calm down so here’s this!

Fire!

Yelling!

Laughter?

     These were all things that the alien known as X223 took in. Fire flared up. He let out a mangled scream that he didn't know his 5 lungs could create. A pot clanged to the floor and that indestructible species that proclaimed itself “Humans” jumped simultaneously before turning to face the now slightly glowing alien

“Humans? What…” the creature began, clearly fearful of whatever situation it had created

Human Claude dropped another pot in a moment of distraction and human Amy screamed. Causing humans Flynn, Tess, and John to whip their heads around in a freakish display of just how many joints they have. 

     “Nevermind” it rushed hurriedly, its translator not doing nearly enough justice to the panic in its voice before it turned and fled

“What were they doing in there?” a small group of mis-matched aliens were clustered around the door to the “Kitchen”. All at once, they ambushed the panicking alien, asking question after question. X223 

“Why is there clanging?”

“Why is there heat?”

“Why are they both cursing and laughing?”

And then the Humans emerged, carrying the sustenance that the aliens whispered about laid in a “Pretty?” pattern on the plate. Humans made weird whooshed of air leave their lungs 

The group of aliens were about to ask when the humans went completely barbaric over the ‘Food”.  Ripping off its legs and dipping them in something that looked like pure grease and flour. All things the humans had brought from “earth”.

Just as 223 was about to ask, one of the humans thrust a grubby hand towards the creature, clutching one of the barbarically ripped off legs in its grasp. Grinning with a food stuffed smile.

“Happy Thanksgiving! Want some?”

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are Weird: Beauty

What if we were the species that showed the rest of the universe beauty. Imagine if the ancient civilizations didn’t find beauty in anything and didn’t make it such a huge part of our culture

Imagine if we never thought twice about a bud on a flower, the deep red and orange hues that melt together  in valleys and canyons, the single drop of water on a silk spun spiderweb. 

Imagine if we didn’t have art or photography or architecture or poetry or music. 

What if this is what all the other species in the universe experienced? What if the other species grew up empty and devoid of the ability to appreciate the beauty in their moon rises or their orange dust that wavered in the setting sun. Didn’t notice how the spikes on their plants were geometrical and perfect. Didn’t care that even in its supposed absence, beauty sparked all around them. 

And then humans came

With their poetry and writing

With their architecture and stained glass windows

With their history of wars fought over art and beauty

With the tears they shed when something is just so perfect

With the music that sparked through their worlds like a flame in a snow laden wasteland

With their humanity

And the aliens start to learn

Start to see like we see

Build like we build

Dream like we dream

And sing like we sing

But in their own way

Haunting

Imperfect

Wonderful

They heard the music

Saw the shadows

Smelled the food we prepare out of joy, not necessity

And finally. Finally saw the beauty we were graced with seeing since our creation

We weren't the best

Weren’t the worst

Not the strongest

Or smartest 

Or most agile

We were simply first

In the best way imaginable 

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are Weird: Sarcasm

Aight. Pulling this outta my ass and throwing onto the table. But sarcasm

Like sometimes we say the opposite of what we mean but only sometimes. Some people get offended by it. Some find it funny. Sometimes it’s meant as a joke, but it can sometimes be meant to be meant as rude or hurtful. Sometimes there are dire facts that need to be stated but humans use sarcasm. Most humans can’t even tell if another one is being sarcastic.

“no. The giant thing with teeth dripping corrosive venom and claws as big as a humans forearm are meant to be snuggled. You just gotta jump up behind it!”

“the poisonous gas cloud is perfectly safe! It kills everyone and everything, but you’re immune! Go ahead and try!”

Now tell me how an alien would interpret that.

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans Are Weird: Laughter

ok. So I’ve been dealing with stuff and haven’t had the mental capacity or ability to write or post much, so I’m on some new medication and am trying to fix that now. I’m working on a couple of things slowly, but here’s just a prompt for rn

Laughter I mean, when amused, the human’s lungs (the big flappy things humans need to breathe) spasm while they vibrate their vocal cords and scrunch up their faces. Things that cause humans to laugh vary specimen to specimen. Some find tragedies funny while others find dogs wearing sunglasses funny, while others think humans falling down the stairs and being potentially injured is funny, while still more find humor in the most random things. Along with this, trying to cause a laugh can often offend or upset other humans. A person’s laugh is a big part of what makes them unique and as a species, we find it so alluring. There’s also different types of laughs like the genuine, mocking, and bittersweet laugh. Yet for almost all of these we make our breathing apparatuses spasm and vibrate our vocal cords while showing teeth, scrunching our eyes, and flaring our noses.

[definitlynotaplant]

ok. I know most of this stuff is funny and please feel free to tell me to delete this if it doesn’t fit the vibe, but it’s been a while since I posted and I figured I’d post this while finishing up another couple stories I’m writing. But essentially, what if aliens saw us and instead of being awed by our determination, they fed off of it? Intergalactic energy vampires

—————-

We thought that they would come at us from above with laser beams and flying saucers like in the movies. Thought that they would be a threat that we could fight off with guns, pitchforks, and torches.

But they didn't, and they cant

The scary part is that we don't even know where they came from. Don't know what they look like, or even who their leader is. But we do know what they want. They’ve made that abundantly clear. 

They took over our radios, TVs and phones months ago and filled them with a repeating message about what they wanted. They wanted us. They wanted our life forces to feed their dying planet. They wanted our will and determination, because they knew we had it. Knew we’d fight and fight and fight until our bodies gave out or our minds broke, and our minds don't break. 

We never saw them coming. Never saw them leave with the planes that they plucked out of the air or the ships they picked out of the sea. We never saw them hurt anyone. Hell, even when they took over our electronics, they let the hospital equipment go. After all, what's the point of killing us? If we die without the planet taking out lives, that death will be in vain. We wouldn't feed the dying planet. Wouldn't fill their starving stomachs. Wouldn't satiate that unending hunger and need that they take and take and take, because they can't replenish it themselves. 

Yeah, we try to fight it. We send decoy planes and ships with sacrifices carrying bombs. We plead, we pray, we cry and scream at the losses of those we thought would be there forever. And yet we never back down. Never bend. They wouldn't believe us subservient anyways. And that's what they want. What they came for. Our hatred, our fire. Our fear and our wrath. At ourselves, at each other. At them. 

We feed them. And we can't stop it. We won't stop it. 

[definitlynotaplant]

Alien Reaction to Gay Pride (edited)

ok. So I went to a Pride festival today and collect buttons, so I got a shit ton of buttons. (Maybe I’ll write abt buttons future on, but…) I got this one and it reminded me of aliens and then I wondered how aliens would react to gay pride. Like, what if it was so normalized to them that they didn’t even think about it, and are horrified about transphobia and homophobia. Anyways…. There’s that

*Also- slight addition*

A: *lands on earth* "take me to your leader"

H: "trust me. You don't want that"

A: "why?"

H: "he's a homophobic. Narcissistic, transphobic dick head among other things"

A: "what?"

H: (several long minutes of conversation later)

A: "so... you guys make a big deal about gay here?"

H: (more explanation)

A: "TAKE ME TO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LEADER”