It was never my story

Indie Baby Doll

[adviitam]

                       “ The most dashing,

                                 panty snatching   

                                            – I will leave your diapers dripping !! “

[deirrealite]

canon-unot:

deirrealite:

                            I’m a survivor                                                                                                    I survive  ;                                                                                                                                                       not live.

Fuck this post. Of course you’re living. You’re privileged and you have a good life whether or not you realize this is your fault. Bad shit happens but you have to be strong enough to pick yourself up and help others to not encounter the same thing. Depressing posts like this will just make you feel even worse about yourself. You have survived many things in your life and yes that makes you a survivor. But you are fucking living. You have family and friends, a home, clearly a phone or computer to be online, you have so much and sometimes you just have to look at the bigger picture to realize that you are in fact living.

[ I feel the need to point out that this post began as a musing for the muse that I roleplay as. It’s not my fault if it became big or whatever, and there was really no need to say any of that. Besides -- if people connect to it, it probably makes them feel better that this is something that other people also relate to. ]

[deirrealite]

[ like this for a starter? ]

[deirrealite]

magictricksandcandlewicks:

His  foot found easy purchase on the dirtied cobblestones of the Wonderland streets. True to his name, the Cat was the  very  picture  of  grace  as he led her along, his mere presence enough to discourage any inquisitive  onlookers passing  them  on their way. He was accustomed to being Wonderland’s dirty little secret; his  existence  was  widely known  and  scarcely talked about. Those who did impose themselves on his good name often did so  with  a  sense of paranoia.

Funny how invisibility proved such a deterrent to gossip.

As  such, no one bothered them and no one risked eaves- -dropping,  either. Despite their very public circumstances, their conversation was nice and private.

“Because you lend yourself so easily to  the  helping.” His answer  came instinctively, almost  without thought. Paus- -ing to glance up into the darkness, he continued. “In Won- -derland, I’ve found there’s a  shortage  of  innocence. Or maybe innocence isn’t the word. Virtue, I think. It’s a rare flower in these parts, and it ought to be preserved.”

       It was near impossible

    to ignore the way that people simply seemed to stay away as they walked arm in arm down the street. this served only to add to her never-ending curiosity. her glance was cast all around before once again falling on the cat, eyebrows quirked in question. 

    she had to admit, his answer made sense, though she wasn’t proud to call herself one that ‘lends’ easily to helping. she’d always preferred fighting her own fights where she could, and the circumstance he had saved her from had simply been one she’d been unable to fight her way out of. nonetheless -- the dormouse almost appreciated how kind the words could seem -- how it made her seem more than she was.

     with a small smile she shook her head, allowing the smallest of laughs to tumble from painted lips.

          “ Oh, cat. You act as though this virtue is unique -- when i have simply developed it through circumstance. Any that lived as I have would likely have it. I do appreciate your kind words, and the ability to understand your actions. I just know --

                                 There are others far more virtuous than I. “

[deirrealite]

nimueries:

❝  You need not leave so soon -                     the Duchess is playing at her games with the Queen of Hearts today. ❞ 

                                  The White Queen smiled all the same - the eagerness of this girl was one of her greatest attributes and her loyalty was unmatched. She squeezed the hand in her own before standing from her throne. In uncertain times such as this it was important to keep such allies close at hand and to remind them that they were appreciated.

❝  It warms my heart to know that you feel that way, child. We would like to treat you for your loyalty to our crown - if you would allow us, of course? ❞ 

The mask hid her features, but her blue gaze was intense in the appraisal of the other blonde. This girl had been through much and that alone granted her a soft spot in the young Queen’s opinion.

❝ I would like to bestow upon you the Order of the Looking Glass - to give you a permanent residence in this castle and a new uniform befitting of your station. ❞

          at this --- a smile far brighter befell her face.

     she’d simply become curious as the white queen rose before. the dormouse had never expected such an offer to come her way. how could she? cloaked in an unfortunate past --- she had doubted that she could ever amount to much more than what she was: a messenger. and yet she had been proven wrong. though her face lay concealed behind a mask, the joy on her very being was plain as day. it took everything she had not to jump for joy.

           “ You... I... Really? Thank you, my queen. I promise I won’t let you down. “

     and the dormouse meant her words. her affection for the queen was well known, and even before this moment, she would have done anything to protect her. even as she curtsied before her, a formal gesture, she could feel that warmth blossoming in her chest. 

                              “ Thank you. For everything. “

[deirrealite]

[ i totally disappeared but starting soon, i’ll be here once again ]

[nimarchive]

     ❝  A little of both, I should think. ❞ 

               The White Queen has nothing but smiles for the Dormouse. How could she not? Such a loyal creature and a diligent worker, was this Babydoll. Fortune had been smiling on them both despite the rather unfortunate events that had brought the poor girl to the boundaries of her territory. She held out a pale hand, offering it to the girl as a mother might beckon a daughter.

                               ❝  WE have heard that there are skirmishes at our border –                                                      I’d like you to travel to the home of the Duchess and                                                      ask her if she knows anything about this. ❞ 

She was uncertain whether the cretins at her walls were opposing her or searching for the girl - ALICE. Either way, the Queen was not one to stand for disobedience and if the rumors proved to be true, she would simply ride out and handle the matter herself. When cleaning house, it was necessary to dispose of the trash.

     ❝  BUT – I also wished to speak with you about other matters.                                                       Are you quite happy here, child?  ❞ 

[deirrealite]

      A smile had descended

                  as she reached for the outstretched hand, much like a child. After all the abuse in the heart court, any touch or kind word from her savior was something to be revered. So grateful, she was, for her kindness, the Dormouse would do nearly anything to please her. There was a great debt she felt she owed internally to her, and she would insure it be repaid.

“ Skirmishes at the border? That doesn’t sound good. I can leave as soon as possible, and make it before the night descends, if you like.” Of course, she was eager to please as ever, and in her excitement for such a mission, she almost missed the question entirely. And yet, when she finally did make notice, she gave a large nod, her smile growing slightly.

   “ Of course I am happy here. This court has welcomed me with open arms.

                And I would not wish to live under any other ruler. “

[deirrealite]

    “ No. I don’t understand.

             I did everything right! “

[deirrealite]

[ like this for a starter? ]

[ohnxmacht-blog]

–  deirrealite

           The arms of his clock stand still on a round face of impured eggshell white. It appears the man has lost himself somewhere in the last minutes – two and forty-one seconds to be exact. Call him paranoid, call him careful. Call him anything the capacity of fantasy of your rich mind could muster, while you reveled in the phantasm of a realm beyond anything a human soul could have ever imagined. Anything his creativity, defining new limits, could have ever conjured up.

          A furrow is creasing small wrinkles to appear on his forehead, eyes squint, as though he has troubles recognizing the shape of someone he faces with a broad physique. He can’t understand the words they have sounded. Everything is playing in front of his eyes with high speed. Another glance at his clock and the contradiction stirs irritation. Five minutes have passed, the arms of the clock moving in sync with his own heartbeat.

          He looks up, a neutral expression residing on his features underneath the imagined fluorescent lights of night, in a different world, underground. Wonderland, a place that has welcomed him with open arms to save him from the terror he faces in the monotone world above.

               “Would you mind repeating what you said? I’m afraid I couldn’t quite understand –”

[deirrealite]

     She had known he wasn’t paying attention.

                                    Thus, when the request to repeat her words came, there was no flicker of surprise, nor was there a hesitation. No, this was a problem she had commonly dealt with while delivering messages to the various people she was sent to. With a small, almost child-like appearance, it was easy to be over looked, and it wasn’t uncommon for people to not take her seriously. It was something she had grown to accept. Everyone had their own thoughts - their own problems- that could make the words of a stranger seem highly irrelevant, even if they did come from a queen.

“My apologies if I was rambling, or speaking too quickly. It is a harsh tendency and one that can confuse others.” There was a pause as she tried to sum up the gist of the long winded explanation she had given. “ The White Queen has sent me to request your presence at her court in the following days, as a visitor. She wished me to insure you that there is nothing bad happening, and that she simply wishes to discuss some trivial manner with you.”

And again, she paused, as if to allow some time for her message to sink in before speaking to him once more, bowing her head down in a semi-respectful manner. “ She has also requested that I return with your answer, rather than you sending one later.

                             But if you don’t know, I can wait a while. “

[magictricksandcandlewicks-blog]

He could see her thinking. She was a practiced actress, certainly– that much came with the profession.  But the apprehension was still there,  the hesitation as she con- -sidered her options. As she considered him.

What did she see,  he  wondered?  A  predator,  surely– but even sharks had pretty teeth.

He smiled again as she agreed to his  offer,  extending his  arm.  This next part was where she probed him for information  while pretending not to probe him for infor- -mation;  and as for him,  he had the pleasure of enjoy- -ing a leisurely stroll with a pretty girl.  All  in  all, not a bad way to end a day’s work.

“Don’t worry, I’ll see you safely home.”

                                      And he shows them pearly white.

[deirrealite]

      Under the circumstance

                              of their uncommon past, the Dormouse should have been able to place trust upon his toothy smile. He had never done anything in the past to earn her distrust, but there would always be something behind his actions that would hint at some kind of ulterior motive; as if he were always hiding some sort of dangerous secret. She was certain that his help in the past would eventually require payment, and she was always nervous about when that would come.

And yet, it was almost too easy to loop her own arm in his own extended one; and it was also far too easy to return a smile. Within her mind, a million thoughts whirled, but all were placed on the back-burner as she focused on the situation at hand. She couldn’t lose herself in thoughts of the past, thoughts of repayment, when she was so pressed to find out what he was up to. No, she would live in this moment, play with it.

“I trust that you will, cat. I know you always stay true to your word.” The words, though casual, were true, at least to her knowledge. But with their ending, a silence far too obvious fell, and she felt it necessary to cover it up with more words. Perhaps even a question. “ It is a rather lovely night out, the kind that is filled with many different happenings. I find it surprising that you have nothing else going on now, it seems as if it would be your kind of realm.

                            Why are you so willing to help me? “

[deirrealite]

                                                  үεs                                                              I’ve changed. 

                                                 ραiи                                                        does that to people

[magictricksandcandlewicks-blog]

Too quick. Tsk, little Mouse– subtlety is key.

It was clear that she was trying to probe him,  however innocently she  posed  the  question.  In Wonderland information was a valu- -able commodity, and as a self-proclaimed dealer of considerable repute, he guarded his closely.

No, he wasn’t going to tell her anything. Not that easily.

“Admiring the view.” As he reached her he continued pacing, circ- -ling around her like a vulture.  “Admittedly,  most who come here are far more interested in the view inside–  and  while  I  have no doubt  that  it’s  far  preferable, I thought I’d switch things up a bit.”  He made no effort to conceal the  candid  gaze  that  slid  openly down  her  form,  but even he wasn’t sure whether he did it for ef- -fect or because he was actually looking. 

“And you? Looking for an escort home? The streets can be dang- -erous this time of night, even in the White Court.”

[deirrealite]

           Acutely aware 

                       of his glance over her body, and the fact that she had definitely jumped the gun with her question, a sense of disappointment and disgust came over her. And yet, as he paced around her, and her own icy hues stared unflinchingly back, another feeling arouse within her, one not often associated with her mouse-like characteristics: an overwhelming sense of curiosity. She wanted to know what he was up to, and outward questions were not what would get her to that point. She would have to play his game, and try to outwit him in the end, though she knew it would be hard.

               ---- After all, what else did she have to do?

    “ I’ll have you know, I can defend myself much better than most would think, however... I would not mind the company. If that was truly an honest offer.” Her small smile growing to be coy in nature. Of course, she knew not to be over the top, it would certainly trigger an understanding of what she was trying. “ After dancing all night, my senses can be dulled from the scent and sight of the smoke and alcohol of the patrons. “ 

                        She wouldn’t so easily become his prey.

[deirrealite]

&& konigrex

      Travelling to the foreign kingdoms

                               was something required of the Dormouse, in accordance with her job; and since her entrance into the court of White, she had done so on many occasions. And despite a familiarity that should have bloomed at this point at the thought of speaking to different rulers, it was still an idea that filled her with a certain amount of dread that she fought to keep at bay.

 Such was the reason for her sudden silence in front of the King, as she fought for the words that she had been sent to deliver. Aqua hues made their way to his face and a sigh pushed silently from within.

             “ I have a message from the White Queen. “

[magictricksandcandlewicks-blog]

If you want something done right–                                                          do it yourself.

The mortal  expression echoed like a mantra in his head as he perched gingerly on the edge of the  roof,  peering out  over  the  murky   landscape   of   the   underground. Really, the lengths that he went through to acquire his in- -formation, and people had the nerve to think his job was easy.

The  clatter  of a door somewhere below startled him out of his reverie;  there wasn’t much more he could find out tonight.  He  let  himself  fall  from  the  roof  down  to the ground some distance below,  landing  lightly  on his feet just as the Dormouse rounded the corner.

Pretty little thing, and it all struck him as deliciously ironic: the Cat and the Mouse crossing paths in a dark  alley.  It was the setup to a fairytale.

“Hullo Mouse,” he greeted with a cheshire grin, sauntering toward her. “I take it the show’s over for tonight? Pity I mis- -sed it– I imagine it was really something.”

[deirrealite]

       There was a time 

                           when a cross of cat and mouse would have sent shivers down her spine; when she was considered the prey, so ripe for the picking. Now, she found it far easier to stand tall, even if she did find herself frightened. Living under slave-like conditions had only nurtured an uncanny ability to keep herself like stone, to betray no fear. People liked fear far too much within others to make it a suitable thing to express. 

It was almost painfully obvious that he was up to something; there was no warmth hidden within his toothy grin, nor did she ever find the capability to trust it. Despite a lack of evidence, everything within her pointed in the direction of trouble, and yet she kept that small smile placed on her face, urging herself not to step away as he neared her.

        “ Not surprising to find the cat hidden in the alley; Hello. “ She said with the lightest of laughs before she would continue. “ Yes it is, well, at least, my part is done with. I’m certain there’s someone else up there now. And as for it’s being something - It was, but that does not mean there will never be a dance like it, for you to see. “ A pause, as she calculated her next words.

                        “ What are you doing here, anyways? “

[deirrealite]

&& nimueries

     It was always exciting,

                        being summoned by the queen. As a messenger, it was something that she should have perhaps become used to, but even so, the Dormouse could not help the slight bounce in her step as she bounded up to where she sat. Ever since her acceptance into the White court, the amount of respect she held for the queen had grown to be astronomical. In a way, she was her savior, and she was not keen to forget that.

Finally standing before her, the blonde bowed her head, just another sign of her deep respect. With the moment of silence between them, she finally looked up with icy blue hues and took a deep breath before speaking.

          “ Is there a message for me to deliver,

                     or do you require something else, my queen? “

[deirrealite]

&& magictricksandcandlewicks

    There was something 

                                   to be said about the feeling of dancing free; free of worry and commitment. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing that she could stop and go when she wanted, and would never again be forced into such sinuous behavior. The Dormouse knew that while dancing in the court of the color white, she could relish this freedom. She made her own decisions.

And that decision was to stop now. In the past, this decision would be met with jarring boos or even the occasional slap. Now; all she had to deal with was a few good-natured groans of dismay, which could only bring a coy smile to her face. Exiting the dwellings of exotic dancers, she simply paused a moment, still as a statue, as some sort of sound resonated within her ears. With light steps, she crept around the building, aqua hues narrowed slightly in concentration until they fell on the form of a familiar being. Unable to tell what he was doing, or why, she cleared her throat softly before speaking.

            “ Anything I can help you with? “