lighting ashes on fire

My name is A., and I am just a face in the crowd. Facing fears, holding back tears. Drinking coffee. "Il faut distinguer deux peines, mon petit: la souffrance physique et la souffrance morale." ____________-La dame rose Certainty seems essential. When we decide, we want to be right. But, certainty has a downside, expressed by the paradox: The more certain I am, the harder it is to find the truth. I do not promote eating disorders.

[kovaleri]

[botan]

[serpentemarinha]

[depressionmeal]

Depression meal 891

2 packs of instant coffee in a half cup of water

[just-shower-thoughts]

What if sleeping is our natural state, and we’re only awake to gather information for dreams?

[modellove]

[funkybug]

[f4tp1g]

How I manage to get out of bed

[bushidocaps]

[delicate-fire]

My dad punched me in the face this morning so I spat in his oatmeal. My spit was red from blood so I had to stir it so he won’t notice, lol

[delicate-fire]

Fighting ED/depression without support from family or friends?

Has anyone been able to recover from their eating disorder without help from family or friends? I don’t have any close friends, and my ‘family’ cut me off awhile back.

Loneliness seems to be my worst enemy. I don’t feel motivated to recover, and my wellness doesn’t seem to matter anymore. I don’t even care about myself- I don’t even see a future ahead. No one care about me anyways. 

[boundlessmelodies]

[baby-flo]

JK ─ Delilah Teaser (jp ver.)

[delicate-fire]

I am so lost.

I don’t know what to do with my life. 

Everyday is the same. Wake up, feel depressed, drift through work or class, feel depressed again, then go to bed.

I’ve lost contact with my friends, and my relationship with my family. If I don’t have work or class, I can go the whole day without talking to anyone. I can go weeks without receiving any text messages or phone calls.

I just want to die.

Alone.

[thelatestkate]

[delicate-fire]

Update

Forgive me about my inactiveness on Tumblr, but my life is too much of a mess right now.

My eating disorder condition is in shambles, and I haven’t been getting any support from my parents. In fact, quite the opposite. I’ve always had a bad relationship with them, so I wasn’t expecting much. I can’t believe that I’m 21, and they continue to physically and verbally abuse me. I wish I was able to move out, and start my own life, but I can’t afford to. I’m working 2 jobs right now to save up for it, and to pay for my education of my own desire. I’m in my last year of university, majoring in something I have no passion for, as for I was following my parents’ wishes. Hopefully by the time I graduate, I’ll be able to have enough money to continue my education in another faculty. I know my parents won’t pay for it, but I hope I’ll be able to support myself.

I’m depressed most of the time nowadays, and I struggle to get out of bed. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m living for. There is nothing to look forward to in life.

Sorry for the dull and depressing update, but there isn’t anything happy in my life.

[lostinmywinter-deactivated20181]

ambivalence of an eating disordered mind

[delicate-fire]

i want to get better but i want to get worse

i want to recover but i dont want to gain weight

i love food so much but i hate eating

i want to keep trying but i want to give up

i know i look terrible but i feel so fat

i know im sick but not sick enough

i want to care for my body but i want to destroy it

i want to be happy but i need to be sad

i want more but i need less

i want to be strong but i need to be frail

i want to live but i dont want to be alive

[fwooshhs]