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[delightfullycraftynut]

The Most Weird Video

I wish I wasn’t trying to use clickbait here, but that’s literally what this video is titled. More specifically, it’s called “The most WEIRD video all the time!”, but I couldn’t bring myself to make that the title of this blog post. But anyways, this bad boy was uploaded to the channel Zbav se toho - videoinzerce, which is a Czech Youtube channel that only has five videos on it. I’m not entirely sure if this video was made by them or not, but I can’t find it anywhere else as it’s only been viewed around five thousand times as of this review.

Our feature video opens with two hands holding a fork and knife above a regular and clean plate. Seems normal, right? Except there’s no food on the plate. But what you may not have expected is that the plate is cut in half, folded over, and then eaten by a clay animated man as one would eat a sandwich when they haven’t seen food in fifty years. Oh, and it doesn’t end there.

This guy decides that he wants to just straight up eat a chunk of his table once he’s done devouring his plate-wich, as you do, because eating just one plate won’t fill you up for the day. So he cuts out a slice of table and gnaws away before he ditches the cutlery and just bites into it like how tables are meant to be eaten. Next, he goes for a nice table leg and doesn’t seem to care that he broke the entire table by doing so, chomping into it like how a plebian would eat corn on the cob. Doesn’t he know that you eat tables surface first and then you get to the legs? What a silly idiot.

He then goes after his chair and gets a nice big slice of that, this time including the chair leg as he swallows it whole. But then he just takes the remaining pieces of the chair, crunches them up, and shoves it all into his mouth with one gulp. What I admire about him is that he somehow doesn’t get any splinters. You’re not a real man unless you eat an entire table and a whole chair without getting a single splinter, that’s what I think.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftZZY2kGbh4

[delightfullycraftynut]

The Spirit of Christmas

This video was originally uploaded in December of 2012 by the Youtube channel cyriak, whom you might remember as the creator of the terrifying video that is “Baaa”. In conclusion, this guy’s talent for creating some of the weirdest videos I’ve ever seen has been going on for a good long while. And he’s got over one million subscribers now, which I feel like he truly deserves because his videos deserve to be shared all around the internet. Who doesn’t want to feel terrified and freaked out when someone shares a video with them?

Our feature video opens with a nice, quiet seeming atmosphere of what I’m taking as either very late on Christmas Eve or the wee hours of Christmas Day. We zoom out to see a figure with a baby doll’s head on it sleeping peacefully in its room, a figure whom I’m going to dub as Baby Face. So everything’s nice and Baby Face sleeps while it’s snowing outside of his window and then suddenly this guy shows up out of nowhere.

Does that not look like the most interestingly tasting gummy worm ever? I thought so too. Which is why what happened next truly scarred me to the point where I don’t think I can appreciate the magic of Christmas anymore. Because what happens is that this little gummy worm knocks on the window and out pops this cute lil fella.

The more I hear this creature breathing, the more I feel like screaming and running for my life. It’s got red googly eyes and human teeth, for crying out loud. And I don’t know why Baby Face is only looking mildly confused at the demonic being trampling around outside of his window, but that’s cyriak logic for you. 

But don’t worry, the reindeer demon gives Baby Face a little bit of a frighten, B.F. pulls his trusty blanket up to shield his face, and then the demon disappears. Baby Face is safe. Except that only lasts for about two seconds because our favorite reindeer busts open his door and we see that he’s got legs like a spider as well as the breathing sounds of a man who warns you that smoking as a teenager will cause you to develop lung cancer at twenty five. It’s all okay though because our lovely reindeer friend decides to poop out the most amazing version of Santa Claus you’ll ever see in your life.

Still not Christmassy enough for you? Well don’t worry because good ol’ Santa manages to not only throw up an entire Christmas tree, but he also drills it straight into Baby Face’s head. It’s grotesque and I won’t be showing any images of that because I really don’t need that screenshot on my computer. After this review is done, I don’t want to remember this video. And it’s this scene wherein Baby Face’s baby face is replaced with a bloody mess that’s scarred me so much. Oh and it’s a nice touch when the reindeer demon spits up a present into the gaping hole of his that once was a baby face. Nothing says Christmas like nightmares!

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toe-8ykTUT8&t=0s&list=PLnKxJfb_UNLRABsL8vRmStZf1aIalf3K7&index=43

[delightfullycraftynut]

Real Ghost Footage

This video is a genuine video of ghosts that will make you believe in them. I promise, it is one hundred percent legit and ten thousand percent spooky. Just wanted to let you know of that before you read this review.

Our feature video was uploaded to Youtube in January of 2008 by the Youtube channel sailindude. Unfortunately, the last time that this channel was active was ten years ago and the three videos on it total to less than two minutes of content if you’re interested in seeing more of this dude’s work. It’s truly quite a shame because I feel that they’d be an excellent weird Youtuber if they decided to make content again. I mean, they discovered real ghosts and everything. You can’t just make that up.

Yes, the background music is the same from the “X-files” wherein I like to refer to it as the Illuminati theme song. And yes, the ghost may appear to be some teenager running around in a bedsheet and he’s not even in there for the majority of the video. But what matters is the preservation of the human spirit and how this eighteen second long video managed to get almost one million views despite how the ghost looks like this:

Ghosts are real, people. Open your eyes to the truth that sailindude has given us on this fine day. Let’s all take his advice and try to avoid getting “scaired”.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMcM2yEaW1E

[delightfullycraftynut]

Rebirth

Religion. It’s meant to teach us right from wrong, how to behave in society, and why things are the way that they are (or at least the way that it should be). Children’s television shows. They’re meant to teach lessons, have a charming sense of humor that gives people of all ages a smile and a laugh, and inspire children to do great things with their futures. When the two are combined, it’s pretty magical. 

Our feature video of the day has been brought to us by the Youtube channel seinfeldspitstain, who is weirdly obsessed with the character Carl Wheezer from the television show “Jimmy Neutron”. Carl Wheezer has been granted immortality on the internet for his catchphrase “Are you going to finish that CROISSANT?” He’s also the protagonist of this video, and in my opinion, starring in this video was the greatest thing he’ll ever be a part of. I’d also like to point out that as of right now, this channel is absolutely obsessed with making videos about anything related to Jimmy Neutron. 

This masterpiece doesn’t even have a plotline. The background music is just a man’s voice narrating the beginning of the Bible/Old Testament (haters stay back, I’m just trying to write about weird videos) and about the birth of existence while some lady goes ham on singing that opera. If you took the sound out of context, it would just sound like some old video your religious school teacher is forcing you to watch instead of teaching something that’ll actually prepare you for the real world. It only gets interesting when you see the animated naked man slowly rising from a black backdrop with, you guessed it, Carl Wheezer’s head. You have not lived until you’ve seen such a magnificent sight. Or at least it’ll make you want to stop living because it’s way too weird and you’ve had just about enough life for today.

Truly, the only part of this video worth watching is the last fifteen seconds because you watch as Carl Wheezer rises up from wherever the hell he was lying down and suddenly he’s running up a grassy hill with music stolen from “The Lion King” as the new soundtrack. You’d expect this to be magical and dramatic, but no. Carl Wheezer just goes up and then he fades into the hill itself. Was this video secretly an homage to that incredible Disney movie, or is it all just meaningless and I can never regain the time that I’ve wasted while reviewing this video? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8MQMn-62y4

[delightfullycraftynut]

The Chuckle Hut

When someone smiles, normally that’s a good thing. A smile is a friendly gesture that almost never means that said facial expression will haunt you for the rest of your days. It’s supposed to represent a feeling of being happy, even if said smiling person isn’t for a multitude of reasons. (Yes, I’m looking right at your taste in music, you preteen emos.) But overall, smiles are meant to reflect positivity and good things into the world.

The only problem with this concept is that terrifying beings of all sorts can smile too, and that’s how this video wound up being written about on this blog.

Our feature video is officially known as “the chuckle hut” and was uploaded by the Youtube channel Chriddof Reupload in September of 2011. This channel is pretty active since their most recent video as of this review posting was uploaded only five years ago. Five years too many, I say. Let them return and grace the world with the horrific and shameful content that is what their channel produced all those years ago. 

The video opens with, remains as, and closes with the same animated face with the horrifying grin as it laughs in a mechanically evil manner. The camera is ever so slightly moving out of focus and there’s those little lines here and there that show the ways of old camerawork, so that’s always a fun time for the whole family. Wouldn’t you want this lovely fellow to be your best friend for the rest of time?

This poor fellow is the result of what happens when a character from the Sims and a Bratz doll have a child together. Don’t mix video games with dolls, kids! Or otherwise you’ll never sleep well again. That’s the moral of this story, I think.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=018f1iLqRbQ&t=1s

[delightfullycraftynut]

Potato Knishes

When you come across a music video, you’d expect to find a song that’s catchy with amazing visuals and a half-written story hidden in it somewhere. Or at least those are the thing that I look for when I’m forced to watch some VEVO ad that doesn’t have a skip button. But this video that I’m about to show you is something far beyond your wildest imaginations. You take a music video. You take Minecraft. You take a random pastry. Put it together and you get... this.

This video, and yes it is known as “Potato Knishes”, has been brought to us by the Youtuber ratboygenius, who is still pretty active since his newest video as of this blog post was uploaded about a week ago. But this video in particular was uploaded in May of 2013, so it’s going on five years. Why exactly there is a music video focused around potato knishes, the universe still may never know. And for those of you that don’t know, potato knishes are these little balls of dough that have potato in them and they’re pretty tasty. I mean, I wouldn’t waste money buying them because why would I buy a pastry with a vegetable in it, but if given one I’d eat it. They kind of look like this except they don’t drip all over the place.

Our video opens with a guy who looks like a bootleg pig king from “Peppa Pig” is standing in a Minecraft style room with redstone machines all around him containing various food items that look suspiciously like bread loaves and not potato knishes in the slightest. He sings about potato knishes for half of the entire thing while his neck shrinks and expands, and yet there still aren’t any signs of the pastry. The most credit I’ll give this guy is that it’s somewhat catchy in its own strange way. I still don’t understand how potato knishes are magical and mystical as this guy proclaims them to be, however.

My favorite part is when he suddenly starts singing about “little black squash balls” and how a machine turns potato pancakes into them. What the heck even are little black squash balls? Should I be concerned? And how exactly are potato pancakes being turned into little black squash balls? My guess is that the charcoal black ice cream trend went too far and now our vegetables are the color of our souls. What a world we live in.

Oh, and let’s not forget the centipedes or how King Peppa planks on top of his redstone machine while his arms elongate to the size of a giraffe’s neck as he sings. I suddenly don’t have a desire to live anymore.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFfLCuHSZ-U

[delightfullycraftynut]

Username:666

I’m normally not scared of anything demonic and/or consisting of Internet Explorer, but this video takes the cake for scaring the crap out of me. I’m not really sure how it did it, but somehow this video makes me want to hide under my blankets and scream out quotes from “Bee Movie” until whatever evil has gone away. And don’t give me that look. We all do weird shit when we get scared by something.

Our feature video has been brought to us by the Youtube channel nana825763 and was uploaded all the way back in February of 2008. This channel is actually still active to this date, contrary to most of the channels that have been discussed on this blog previously. Nana825763 mainly uploads a playthrough series of Minecraft because that’s the only way to attain subscribers in today’s day, but we can forgive that for now since at least back in ‘08 they made original content that gives one a lingering feeling that nothing will ever be alright in their lives again now that they know about “username:666″.

The background music in this video is mainly that one haunting soundtrack you hear in every horror videogame’s trailer right before the monster of the hour shows up for a jumpscare and you fall for it every single damn time. We’re given a nice red “username:666″ as an intro before we’re shown what Youtube used to look like back in 2008. To all you people who never got to see the older versions of Youtube, this might wind up being more terrifying than the actual video. Because yes, there actually used to be a “Videos being watched right now...” section. Imagine watching some sort of AMV Hentai Extravaganza flash under that section. Or really anything could pop up under that and I feel like that’s a pretty scary thing. I don’t want to know what the rest of the world is watching.

The person using the computer, whom I’m going to call Protagonist from here on out, clicks on the box with “www.youtube.com” in it and types in a “/666″ after it. Protagonist clicks the refresh button several times and so far the only thing that pops up is a message that the channel has been suspended while the “Videos being watched right now...” section keeps displaying new videos at varying lengths of time. It’s not until forty five seconds in when this section stops showing thumbnails and only displays a red “x” in a box next to the number 666. Exactly one minute in is when every section is labeled as “ddddddddddddddd...” instead of actual, normal labels. It only takes one click before the background white turns to a bright red color and another for black dots to start appearing. The entire background is flooded with black after the next refresh and stays this way until about fifteen seconds later, wherein the background appears to be some sort of bloodied swiss cheese.

It only takes a few more clicks before a Youtube channel called 666 appears with the recent video being titled by the same number. This channel has also apparently made 666 videos and has 666 subscribers. Which leads me to ask why there’s so few people who are subscribed to literal hell? I thought that hell would be a way more popular place than that, especially considering how there have been billions of people and there’s no way only six hundred and sixty six of them got into what is apparently the world’s most exclusive club. Go figure.

When we’re shown what this channel has to offer the world, I couldn’t help but notice that above a search bar with the number 666666 in it, there’s a link that reads “Subscribe to 666666666 videos”. But just seconds ago the channel had only made six hundred and sixty six videos. Either this guy is really fast at making crappy videos or they’re all clickbait. Don’t you hate it when your favorite Youtubers post those videos with catchy titles but it’s actually just a way to get views? Stupid Satan. I bet he couldn’t even name three of hell’s songs. He’s such a fake fan.

The rest of the video just involves a video being clicked on and despite the computer user’s best efforts to shut down the browser because it’s all just bright red and screaming and someone trying to crawl out of hell, there’s still a lovely jump scare just in case you weren’t already terrified enough. Hooray!

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iFXyLah2oQ

[delightfullycraftynut]

Baaa

While watching this video for the first time, I had a few accidental onlookers who were absolutely horrified by this bad boy. More specifically, I heard a few “I’m going to have nightmares now”s, some “What the hell are you watching?”s, and one or two “Oh God, that’s so disturbing”s. While that is the whole point of this blog, I think I’ve learned my lesson about watching videos for the first time with a live audience. The lesson, of course, being that I definitely need to keep freaking out people. Being weird is pretty great. And on that note, let’s talk about “Baaa”.

That is genuinely the title of this video, by the way. It’s just “Baaa”. Our lovely video creator/nightmare motivator, who goes by cyriak, already has 964k subscribers and is truly a blessing from whichever religion believes in screwing up whatever’s good on this planet via strange content that gives one feelings of dread and horror. The last time this channel was active was eleven months ago, which is something that is both pretty awesome and pretty crappy since we clearly need to have our lingering senses of humanity flushed out of us like the toxins that they are. So I bring you a review of “Baaa” as a type of cleanse that’ll scrub you clean of whatever happiness and joy you’ve kept in a little corner since childhood and were saving for sometime special. Or at least this could be a temporary feeling and you’ll feel better until my next post. :)

Our video solely features a nice little lamb, whom I will now dub as Lam🅱 because it is a Lame 🅱oi, and nothing bad can happen if there’s no dialogue, right? Everything is nice and dandy as this precious little angel prances to some janky jams and bounce its head around in a lovely, playful manner with its tongue out. And Lam🅱 really is cute, I’ll give it that. I mean come on, look at how cute it is!

It’s all very sweet and fun for a few seconds until you watch it elongate and three other lamb heads appear out of its back while the clownesque music goes bananas in the background. The heads just keep popping in and out until the body smushes back together and Lam🅱 has turned into one of those monsters with two heads and no rear end. This sucker is literally one of those pushmi-pullyu creatures from the “Dr. Dolittle” franchise. That is, up until its back reveals a wormhole and allows a grub-like creature to hop on out. It’s revealed that this is how this monster reproduces and it occurs within nanoseconds. Basically, we’d be screwed if these suckers existed in real life since they’re very demonic and very... lambish? 

For the rest of the video, Lam🅱 continues to morph into creatures more horrible than the one before it and the list goes on to include a torso surrounded by two detachable heads with wings and legs moving in a chainsaw-like manner, a normal body save for the spinning circle of heads, and an abdomen with lambs’ tails as legs and a spinning head circle smack in the middle of its back. I’ll spare you from hearing about every single creature that Lam🅱 transforms into mainly because I want to not be permanently scarred for the rest of my life just from writing this review. To make you feel better after watching this video, here’s a gif of where Lam🅱 is now. 

There you go, now you leave this blog and be both horrified AND hungry! That’s truly the best combination of feelings. I’ve done some good work today. 

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQO-aOdJLiw

[delightfullycraftynut]

Hose Leg

We’ve got another lovely advertisement that I’ll be reviewing for you all today, and it’s pretty incredible. Or at the very least it’s something that will make you want to either vomit or keep coming back to read my blog to find more fun videos like this one. And yes, this is a shameless plug. An advertisement for a blog that reviews advertisements (among other weird videos) within an advertisement reviewing blog post. 

Our feature video has been brought to us by hecktorhunky, a magical man who has made five other videos besides this one all the way back in 2007. This guy stopped making videos, sadly enough, and I’m hoping that this blog post will bring him out of retirement. We need more people like hecktor to make videos because, as you’re about to see/read, this dude is pretty amazing. 

The video opens with a shot of a man without his left leg standing in front of a house in a nice neighborhood. This would be totally normal if only he didn’t have a hose instead of a left leg and said hose wasn’t expelling some sort of yellow liquid that may or may not be the world’s brightest urine. The most terrifying thing about this man is that he chooses to wear a sandal with a sock on his remaining foot. Shame on you, man. That’s just awful.

A boy rides up to the man on his bicycle and stops, getting off of it and calling out to him. The man lifts up his hose and sprays his urine with a question mark at the boy, who is holding a plastic cup with the appropriate phrase “WTF?” on it. The urine with a question mark gets all over the kid and fills up the cup, making me want to never go near an item of food ever again while the man sort of smiles as if this is a good time. Which it is not. The kid drinks his urine with a question mark and grins because apparently that kind of thing is delicious? Eughhh.

My favorite moment of this video is right at the end when we flash back to the man, who suddenly is eating a chicken leg. He just takes a bite from it in the way that you would if you hated being alive while a logo that says “Mac’s” with an owl next to it appears at the bottom of the screen. I did some sleuthing and discovered that Mac’s is a convenience store chain in Canada. Do they sell this kind of chicken? Are they known Canada-wide for their urine with a question mark? Is this why they have almost six thousand locations all across Canada?Man, and they say that Americans are weird.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Ohh8Tu8iY

[delightfullycraftynut]

Henry Eats

I want to write some witty introduction before I review this video, but I really and truly just can’t. This video is similar to “Crooked Rot” in the way that you can’t tell what horrendous creature is about to pop up next. It’s terrifying and makes me want to crawl under a blanket for the rest of my short existence so that these bad boys won’t find me via nightmares.

Our feature video was made by Ben Wheele in 2003, but he posted it ten years later for some reason. I also think that it’s notable how this animation was his very first one and yet it still has that power to scare the crap out of me every time I reminisce about watching it. Everything is meant to be weird and make you feel squeamish just from looking at the faces of these beings. To sum it all up as my friend aptly described it, the best thing to do would be to shut it off and turn it away because it’s too creepy.

The video opens with clownesque music and a nice fleshy ring around Ben Wheele’s name and title of this crapshow of a video. It’s almost soothing in a way until you see the half skull, half brain, one eyed and completely teethed head that hovers beside a conveyor belt. A plaster colored gummy bear slowly approaches the head, gets its own head bitten off, and falls into an abyss beyond the video. It’s revealed that more gummy bears just keep coming along the line and that they also have spinal bones that stick out from where their head once was. I really needed that image to permanently slap itself into my nightmares. Thanks, Ben!

As we slowly zoom away from the skeleton gummy bears and their headhunter guillotine, the noise that’s made reminds me of a helicopter being polluted by a white noise remix of some sort. And then of course we just have to randomly pull away to a picture of myself after I’ve done two all-nighters in a row and I’m only at Wednesday. A piece of pipe zooms up to the creature’s head and drains out what I can only describe as brain milk into a beige mug. This of course attracts a dentist’s worst nightmare as it busts through a wooden door on the floor and sucks up all that brain milk with the world’s longest straw. And did I mention how that ominous music both does and doesn’t fit this situation whatsoever? It’s pretty great.

When our beloved neurosurgeon/vampire with teeth the color of Donald Trump’s spray tan disappears back through the door it came through, we’re shown a clock that only has the numbers twelve and six. The sole hand of the clock is at twelve, but it’s ticking despite nothing moving on its surface. Don’t ask me how. Clocks are weird, and nothing from this video merits a logical explanation. We see the portrait of myself standing at the window of its home, which is in the middle of BFE and doesn’t even have clouds that move because that would make too much sense. At least the sky is somewhat blue?

The clock switches to six o’clock and everything around the little house is pitch black. It’s basically what my house is like the second I step outside to walk my dogs. Other than the bars on the windows and the lack of a door, this is pretty much how I live my life. And that includes the maggot infested suit the creature wears and the flesh-deprived face that it’s rocking. When the clock hits twelve o’clock again, everything goes back to being gray and creepy in a way that reminds one of the morning before the climax of a horror movie or the moment before some Shakespearean character is about to be killed. 

A new monster is introduced now and it has the make up skills of the Joker, the paleness of a mask from “The Purge”, and the tongue of Miley Cyrus. It lives in the plants and seems to summon up a creature that’s a ripoff of a plastic crocodile with the world’s worst set of dentures. It has no arms and wields feet that are half the size of its legs. When it starts moving to the right of the screen, it chomps at the air and emits gusts of the sound that occurs right when you realize that putting a fork inside of a toaster is a bad idea. 

It honestly freaked me out when I realized that this thing is headed straight for our little guy in its house. Our fan-favorite House Guy just keeps making its brain milk and feeding the neuro-vampire. This winds up being a fatal mistake because the demon crocodile enters the house via neuro-vampire’s door. Demon Crocodile easily chomps off neuro-vampire’s head just as the latter moves away from its cup of brain milk. And then when Demon Crocodile is about to kill House Guy, we’re brought back to that headhunter guillotine and its skeleton gummy bears. The last thing we see is the house with a headless corpse while the theme music plays and the video ends. Which reminds me of how I need to go grocery shopping sometime soon because I’m out of milk. And I could use some gummy bears. 

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, the link is right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok7kcGEI1oM

[delightfullycraftynut]

Parents Suck

For reasons beyond what I can understand, teenagers have this attitude of wanting things to happen without understanding the consequences or why they actually need the things in the first place. They also shouldn’t whine about student loans and buy some real estate when they get the chance, but that’s besides the point. There are many teenagers who complain about their parents- which in many cases is understandable- and sometimes they go a bit too far with their desire to be parentless. Did Harry Potter teach them nothing? Apparently so.

Our feature video has been brought to us by the Youtube channel OnYourComputer and its description tells us that this is Dave the Rapper’s new hit music video. Dave the Rapper is a black British nineteen year old who is an actual rapper. The two characters in this video are a melodramatic American white boy with a bad sense of “emo” fashion who has issues with authority figures and a white middle aged lady who dresses like she just escaped from prison and has the attitude to match. Did you find Dave or anything influenced by him anywhere in this video? If you did, you should take it easy and maybe get some professional help. 

Let’s refer to our two characters from now on as Emotions Suck and Hardcore McFightFace. Emotions Suck, our apparent protagonist, leads us through a song that genuinely starts with the words “Okay, shut up, I’m trying to record,” before he divulges into how he hates his parents. By the looks of things, he probably hates learning because it makes his brain hurt. At least he can make a nice beat to match his intelligence lacking lyrics. I could mosh to this.

This kid somehow seems to forget how he was created because at one point he says that he’d like it very much if his parents didn’t exist. Number one, he clearly lives in a pretty nice house and has his poor Schnauzer looking at him as if he’s a god. (Call your local ASPCA to help dogs like this one. They don’t deserve to be ignored like this.) Number two, how would he exist without his parents? The answer is that he wouldn’t. Pick up a textbook sometime. Number three, all he wants to do is sit in his room and choke his chicken. What I’d like to know is why that’s all he wants to do with his life. I mean seriously, he’s a teenager who just wants to isolate himself and play his bass guitar? Even stereotypical emo kids who just want to stay indoors all day have bigger dreams than this kid. At the very least they have better dancing skills.

Halfway into the video is when things get interesting because Emotions Suck decides it’s a good idea to give Hardcore McFightFace two middle fingers. She looks up from her computer and does the trick where she sits back in the way that indicates how you should know that you’re in big trouble. This is also when the beat dies because even the beat knows to not mess with Hardcore McFightFace. Emotions Suck starts to whine and freak out when his mom stands up from her chair and I honestly don’t blame him. Name a single person who wouldn’t be scared of an angry white lady who just got flipped off by her teenage son. Yeah, I’ll wait. 

All in all, this video teaches us to appreciate our parents and to never piss them off if they have short tempers/don’t tolerate swearing. You’d think that someone like your parents would teach you a life lesson like this first, but sometimes a random blog has to do it. Better late than never. Isn’t that right, Emotions Suck? (The kid is screaming by the end of this video and his mom wasn’t even in it for more than thirty seconds. Don’t fight with moms, kids.)

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDxa2tmbhSg

[delightfullycraftynut]

Hungry Chicken

Our feature video of the day is brought to us by the infamous Youtuber known as vwcrack, who has posted several videos of their cute cat Orange and I highly recommend that you watch more of their content when you’ve finished reading my post. They posted “hungry chicken” in August 2009 under the “Pets & Animals” category, which is pretty hilarious since the only animal is a rubber chicken.

This video is basically comprised of the first half of the movie “Chicken Run” except in a real life setting, without the chicken pot pies, and there isn’t a single terrifyingly made out of clay human meandering about the place. And the only character is a rubber chicken, but we can ignore that since we at least have a character to deem as Chicksey from here on out. 

Chicksey is the first thing we see when the video starts and lets out these cheerful clucks as it moves towards a kitchen cabinet. As the title tells us, it must be hungry. The video maker just casually moves past a nice stack of dirty dishes in both sides of a sink in order to bring Chicksey to open the cabinet door with its beak. It looks through the cabinet’s contents- which are only a variety of cans of Campbells soup- and stops in its tracks when it sees a can of Campbells chicken noodle soup.

This is understandably traumatising for Chicksey because apparently it can read as well as open cabinets and push aside cans with its neck. It turns towards the camera with the world’s most permanent shocked expression on its face and lets out horrified screams as it stares at the can. My favorite moment is when it stops screaming and gets closer to the can as if hoping that it had disappeared, but it hasn’t stopped existing and Chicksey continues to flip its crap until the video ends. The moral of this story is to not let chickens know that we eat them.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ai6RbzC-zFM&list=PLqpupSlkT50GrrE4RKRFccX7L-pGOfgMZ&index=114

[delightfullycraftynut]

You’re Correct Horse

When an animal is able to play an instrument, it’s usually either a fluke or good editing of a video. However, this isn’t the case. We only see five things throughout this entire video: a horse, his saxophone, a pair of sunglasses, a barn landscape, and various phrases in bubble letter comic sans. The colors occasionally pop in and out of a nice gray color, but other than that it’s pretty nicely animated. Disney and Pixar animators, take notes.

Our video is titled “You’re Correct Horse” and it was brought to us by Isaiah Salindong, someone who I have great respect for as he made this incredible video. He showed this bad boy off to the rest of the world in April of 2013, and it’s really a shame that this is his only video. How he’s acquired eleven hundred subscribers in this time is a mystery to me.

There really isn’t that much to say about this video, which pains me greatly to admit. There’s a rather pixelated horse that looks super rad as it bops around with its killer shades and girlfriend-snatching saxophone playing skills, but what’s great about it is that the word “CORRECT!” literally shoots straight out of the saxophone in various neon colors. At one point the saxophone is literally edited so that it becomes way larger than the horse while said being is flipping through space, time, and its own torso to reach it and play it again. 

 The last thing that appears before the video ends is the horse turning away from its saxophone and looking directly at the viewer as the words “YUO ARE SMART” pop up in bright blue underneath its head. Gotta love it when your horses suddenly can’t be animated anatomically correct, right?

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3_lVSrPB6w

[delightfullycraftynut]

You Could Stop At Five or Six Stores

I’d like to write a funny little intro about how wacky and wild this next video’s about to be, but I don’t think I’m able to for this one. I can’t even put it into a category. When I first watched it, I thought it was an advertisement. After watching it a few more times, I’ve realized that there isn’t even a glimpse of a product or service being advertised here. It’s not telling a story and if it is, I’m really not sure how it works, who’s relevant, and why it’s being told. There isn’t a fear factor and I feel more of a connection to the “Emoji Movie” cast of characters than I do with these people, and that’s saying something considering how I haven’t even seen that thing. 

This video is called “you could stop at five or six stores” and it was published by “josh” in February of 2014, but it looks and sounds like it was made back in the 90s. I bet that I could arrange all of these people together in one shot looking like they’re all best buds and slap on the name of a TV show and somebody’s going to start reminiscing about it. All of these people have their own little gimmick and thing to say, so I feel like I should be addressing each of their comments individually since I actually have a cast of characters to work with here. I even have a couple of names that the video makers provided me with so I wouldn’t have to rename everyone. It’s almost like they dedicated this thing just for this blog to make fun of. And now without further adieu, I give you the weirdest almost advertisement in history.

Carla Shaw: This girl will take nobody’s crap. She’s got her leather trenchcoat and that’s the only friend she needs in life. And I mean this literally since she genuinely, after stating the catchphrase “You could stop at five or six stores, or just ONE,”, announces that she doesn’t need friends because they disappoint her. She then feels the need to perform what I can only describe as the prehistoric whip, and it’s truly beautiful.

Todd La Rue: This guy is the definition of a passion that’s only kind of there and it’s really hard to find it. The same goes for his hair, his outfit choice, other things I’d rather not mention, and his dance moves. He says that he feels like “a deer in the headlights of love” before twisting his butt and extending his arms. Does that mean somebody’s trying to fall in love with him? Bad idea. Go after literally anybody else. And don’t hit people with your car if you love them. If you love someone, keep them in your car next to you instead of directly in front of your headlights.

Stormy Grammy™️: I want to leave this woman alone, I really do. But she’s in this video and therefore I have to critique her. Also, since when do people snap when they whip? This is a new addition to the dance move that everyone should do for the rest of time. Plus, she really steps into it and does the most enthusiastic whip I’ve ever seen- which is quite the accomplishment, considering how I’m surrounded by outgoing and hormone lacking preteens.

Teenager Whose Mom Works Here: She makes this whole video seem casual and says the slogan with just enough enthusiasm, but what gets me is how she asks if she can ask kind of a weird question and we never actually know what it is. This girl even does that little head tilt to indicate that we should definitely be interested in what she’s about to say next. But the question isn’t addressed at all for the rest of the video and now we won’t ever know the question or the answer. Did she ask how to use a condom? Why she found hairs in her meatloaf? What the purpose of this video is? How come they made her say a phrase and give the audience absolutely no explanation as to why she did so? And despite how much it pains me to admit this, I have to say that finger guns are finally not the answer that always works. 

Hipster Mom/Teenager’s Mom Who Works Here: This woman is waaay too excited about stating the slogan, and I could swear that I see her fingernails sparkling when she says the word “one”. And then she does a little swinging of the arms and a sort of pivot. I can almost hear the teenager exclaiming in frustration that her mother is embarrassing her again. 

The Weird Aunt: There’s no slogan in this segment. There’s just this lady talking about how she’s apparently the queen of the universe and warm waters are drowning her. Did the video makers accidentally slide this clip in by mistake? Is this the answer to the kind of weird question that was never asked by the teenager two people ago?

He Will Protec, He Will Attac: I kid you not, this guy looks almost identical to Vladimir Putin when he isn’t wearing his glasses. And yet somehow he can see the Statue of Liberty just because he’s looking directly into a camera. The best part about this man is his dancing skills because oh man, he could get all the girls at the roller rink diner to be all over him with those. He does these punches and throws in a kick before turning around and thrusting his chest towards the sky. Now this is a man you can take home to your parents and you’ll only get a few odd glances.

The Definitely Straight: She says the slogan and all seems fine until she says “I can’t stand when she touches me.” Who’s the she? Why is she touching you? Why would you even say something like that in this video? What’s going on and why is anything even happening? If someone can answer these questions for me, I’d be very grateful.

The Makeup Artist: This woman doesn’t even say the slogan. She just says that time heals all wounds before jumping out and throwing her hands out in a way that makes you think she’s trying to add some extra pep and jazz to a logo or slogan that wasn’t animated. Better luck next time, advertisers! Maybe on this next time we’ll know what the product is.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCeQLeQiRP4&index=4&list=PLqpupSlkT50GrrE4RKRFccX7L-pGOfgMZ

[delightfullycraftynut]

Sea Bear

What I’m about to show you is a hidden gem of the weird video world. Both the publisher and this video are quite extraordinary and I felt that today was the right time to introduce both to you all just to make your lives a little more fun. And of course by fun I mean absolutely wild and never the same as they used to be. This Youtuber will bring new meaning into your life.

Our feature video has been brought to us by the Youtuber Pamtri, who I’ve linked here so that you can check out any more videos just like this one. “Sea Bear” is a timeless classic and I’m not referring to the Sponge Bob episode. No no, I’m talking about a video based off of said episode which I’d argue is far superior than the original edition. This beauty was posted in May of this year, meaning that we’re thankfully still able to produce content that I can fuel this blog with.

We’re first shown Squidward’s home and then we see the man, the myth, and the legend himself: our favorite tentacle monster proclaiming that he can finally get some sleep because Sponge Bob and Patrick have gone camping. If you ignore the way his head cracks when it turns and how his abdomen stretches across the Mississippi River with every other word, it almost feels like a real episode. There’s some lovely white noise in the background that prevents him from sleeping, so he just has to go and check this out like the soon-to-be horror movie victim that he is.

The door flies off into the void in order to give him a proper dramatic entrance. Squidward discovers that it’s Sponge Bob and Patrick screaming out the white noise and heads outside to check in on them, finding out that they wanted to go camping outside of the former’s house instead of going far away. When Sponge Bob tells him to go have fun inside, Squidward goes into a temporary demon state before announcing that he too wants to join the camping party. So naturally he has to be clicked on and dragged over to the campers in the most beautiful way ever.

After a little while of Sponge Bob singing a song and Squidward trying his hardest to not murder him, Mr. Tentacles decides that he absolutely must whip out the clarinet and play a very classy song while his face transforms into possessed melted wax. Sponge Bob warns him about something called a SEA BEAR, which is definitely a very real thing that everyone should be wary of. SEA BEARS are nothing to be trifled with. Look at how dangerous and threatening this SEA BEAR can be.

(The butthole face adds for extra threat levels.)

Our boy Squidward feels no need to heed Sponge Bob’s warning and continues to play so intensely that he’s suddenly donning a very crappy sombrero. After being instructed to do so, Patrick draws a circle around himself and his best friend as a means of protecting them against whatever evil being Squidward is summoning. 

Just as Mr. Tentacles announces that he was right about there being no such thing as sea bears, we actually see one with a human face- eyeballs rolled up into the skull and everything- twice the size of its body. The sea bear emits a single SANTIAGO and then promptly swallows Squidward, the sombrero, and his clarinet. The rest of the video is Squidward playing “Smash Mouth” on his clarinet inside of some dark void. There’s also a side plot involving Missus Puff shooting Sponge Bob and announcing that she always wins while Patrick zooms off into the sunset, but that’s not as important.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, this is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shrcT1EN4Sc

[delightfullycraftynut]

“The Lion King” in 3D

This is a video to which requires no introduction because, frankly, it’s too short and too magnificent for any little attempt at being humorous or summarizing the broad topic that it’s under. If you look away too fast, it’ll be over since it’s only twenty five seconds long. 

My favorite thing about this video is that even the uploader doesn’t know who made this. I kid you not when I say that HXBF literally wrote in the description that they found this bad boy right here on Tumblr. It’s a rogue “Lion King” animation with no owner that came into existence back in 2013. Why is it that this video gets to live on and “The Office” doesn’t? 

The audio and voices seem to be copied straight from the movie along with a nice, subtle splash of bootleg in the background. What really wins me over is the animation because wow, I didn’t know that the artwork from an Academy Award winning movie could be easily defeated by a Tumblr based video that somehow came into this world nineteen years after the original. 

Our feature video opens with Mufasa stretching towards the top of the screen in a way that only glitched out Sims characters can portray. He calls out to a demon faced Scar to help him, teleports a bit lower and then back up, makes his abdomen turn into shrimpy noodles, the usual shebang. Instead of rocks falling from underneath his claws, the video maker made a smart decision to focus on that damaged torso and eerily symmetrical wildebeests. 

When Scar grabs Mufasa’s front paws and leans forward, it’s as if his neck has been turned into a putty-like substance because that’s the only part of him that grows to meet his brother’s face. So the both of them are completely stretched straight through the boundaries between normal and not okay. That’s always fun. 

The way that Mufasa is thrown off of the cliff is also incredible because he just tumbles backwards in the same standing position. He doesn’t flail around, blink, or move in any other way. He just somersaults backwards into the wildebeests while Simba’s wide eyes and wider mouth are locked open. And speaking of our main man cub, can someone explain why he’s able to stand on a pixelated slope and not fall down? He’s not exactly a mountain goat or a Minecraft character sneaking around here.

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmPmpUTr22c

[delightfullycraftynut]

Late for Meeting

This video gives us, the audience members that most likely are wondering what in the hell their friends just linked them to, another kind of perspective as to what goes on in someone’s head when they think of being late for a meeting. My reaction to being late anywhere is something along these lines:

But as you can probably tell by the content that this blog produces, we’re not going to be seeing a normal reaction to being in a meeting or anything resembling a meeting. The only meeting that will be taking place is the meeting between my lack of productivity and my constant need to find more of these videos before I remind myself that I actually do have to get some sleep.

Our feature video is brought to us by the Youtube channel David Lewandowski, who I’ve linked here just in case you’d like to view more of his content- which I highly recommend that you don’t do if you’re like me and have seventeen things to get done by the end of the week. This video came out in October of 2013, which was a time where the noticeably odd animations of the early 2000′s manifested itself into much more terrifying things via better sound and visual recordings. “late for meeting” is truly a work of art in its perky yet off-putting mark that it has left on the internet.

The first ten seconds seem to be pretty innocent: there’s the sound of wind chimes as leaves blow gently in the wind before we see a supermarket called “Superior”. I like how there’s only an entrance and not an exit to the supermarket, meaning that it’s essentially just like the Hotel California wherein you can enter any time you’d like but you can never leave. (credits go to the song “Hotel California” by the Eagles, please don’t shut my blog down because of copyright issues) We’re shown the interior of the store and a few of the aisles, but it’s at the tenth second when things get funky.

You can hear the noise of someone tap dancing with shoes made out of butter on a recently cleaned floor before you actually see the man, the myth, and the legend making these squeaky sounds. There’s a pale figure dancing and dropping a few cans as it heads towards the camera with some typical supermarket music in the background- normalized and calm in contrast to the creature that we’re about to see in the next few seconds.

When the doors slide open and we finally see our protagonist, the music jumps from casual supermarket jams to the oH YEAH LET’S GET HYPED AS HECK soundtrack that it’s been holding back somewhat unsuccessfully. It reminds me of a video game that’s on a bonus winning coins level and there’s no possible way to lose, so the music throws itself a party while your character has fallen into a coin-induced sugar rush. Let’s call our main man Loney (short for Lone Ranger) from now on since he’s the main focus of this video and he doesn’t have any kind of interactions with any of the living beings throughout the almost two minute timespan. 

Loney exits the supermarket with a full paper bag in each hand and stands in a vaguely angelic pose for a few seconds before throwing them into the heavens and starting to walk down a suburban neighborhood street. When I say walk, I mean flailing his arms in front of himself and jutting his knees up in a rag doll fashion for reasons that are beyond me. And why he needs to be constantly naked is also an issue because I’d rather this blog not get flagged for nudity just because there’s a possessed rubber mannequin that wants to show way too much leg. He casually bobbles his way down the sidewalk, teleports into a park, and then appears back onto a different sidewalk while waving his hands in a funkadelic manner. 

The dancing isn’t entirely unwelcome until Loney speeds up and is suddenly walking with his butt pushed out and his arms perched high above his head in front of a building that displays a massage sign in the window. He continues to move about across a street, into a parking lot, and towards a car that has the words “MY CAR” spray-painted onto the passenger side and “me side” on the driver’s side. Just to make sure that you don’t forget which side is his, of course. 

What happens next is my favorite part of the video because Loney gets into this car, peels out of the parking lot in a lovely loop, and proceeds to screech his way in messy pirouettes across an empty highway. It’s apparent that he doesn’t quite know how to car when he zooms past a stop sign while sitting on top of the bottom of his flipped upside down and still spinning car. He’s a perfect Renaissance man: he can make paper bags disappear, teleport, dance ever so gracefully, and is definitely a Jedi according to his secret talent of doing yoga atop a moving car. 

Loney finally parks his car beside a streetlight and a few seagulls and performs reverse ballet all the way to a sign that advertises a book sale. But our perfect man decides that he’s more interested in the four balloons attached to the sign and toodles away whilst holding them. This winds up to be a bad idea since he apparently weighs less than four balloons. Loney finally ascends up to heaven thanks to his balloon stealing abilities and judging by how he thrashes his head about every so often, I’d say that he’s pretty excited to get on up there. All I can do for now is just watch as he rises higher into the air while wind chimes lead me to the end of the video.

Overall, this video isn’t frightening- at most it’s unsettling and at best it brings a smile or a good laugh at Loney’s shenanigans. My only problem is that he’s most likely going to be late for his meeting if he decides that doing yoga on top of his car and ascending to heaven are better things to do than go to work. 

If you’d like to watch this video for yourself, here’s the link for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBqM2ytqHY4