I'm a beginner in terms of fics, but I write exclusively for Eremika! Otherwise, I'm just a overthinking random girl and music rocks my daily life, I can't live without it, I love to sleep and play games, I'm a sucker for atmospheric universe when I can just imagine myself living inside.
✍︎ Currently working on :
♫︎ Inner Peace aka Pianist Mikasa Au
𑁍 Flower of You-th aka Florist Mikasa and Photographer Eren Au (One-Shot)
Our Moonlit Scars aka Creature Eren and Cabin Mikasa (one shot)
Hello everyone, well... I'm not really sure where to start. Sorry in advance, I think this is going to be pretty messy and long, but I need to write this for myself, to write all this down, and for those of you who want to be with me right now, thank you for reading already <3
This year has definitely been the worst year of my life, and it had started a little earlier, but I’d hoped it would stop, that this bad feeling was just that, just a feeling, but unfortunately every month that passed was worse. I don’t like to self-diagnose, but not really knowing my condition was even worse, and yes, for months now, I haven’t been myself. I lost a part of myself a long time ago, without really knowing when it started, and without really seeing an end or a solution. I was living without realizing I was sinking into something that left me empty. I felt everything without actually feeling anything, but it started with my hobbies, I wasn’t doing any of the things I used to love anymore, whether it was playing my games, watching media, founding gift for my family, or even, especially here, writing. I lost the joy, the desire, and I forced myself to believe it was temporary, because my mind was screaming to get better, but even when I wrote, I wasn’t proud of myself at all, and I made the mistake of comparing myself to others, but that only made things worse, and what followed was inevitable: guilt, regret, frustration, and self-loathing, and that cycle didn’t stop for a long time even now it persist like a parasite, because the worst part for me was that I didn’t have any specific reason why, so I hated myself even more for being that way.
A major reason that drown me was, first of all, my old apartment. I no longer felt comfortable there; it was cold, lacking identity, and devoid of “me,” so I no longer had that sense of security and happiness when I came home. As a result, I locked myself into a routine where I did nothing, I procrastinated, and above all, I slept a lot, it was the only time I felt good. Sleep was where my mind wasn’t noisy anymore, the only time I was happy to disconnect from myself, because my biggest problem is overthinking. I become my own worst enemy, negative thoughts that never stop, self-reproach, “why am I me” "why am I like this" or constantly questioning others’ feelings, "I’m a burden, I’m annoying," by trying to show my love and respect, I’m just showing my naivety and my fear that people will get tired of me, because why me? I’m not special, not funnier than anyone else; I’m ordinary. And when I give my love, it’s all-encompassing, and if it isn’t reciprocated, it hurts me terribly. That’s who I am. I don’t look for that kind of intensity in others, but sometimes, I’d like to be “seen,” to be understood, or just to be loved the way I love. I felt like no one understood me. I wasn’t looking for attention, or maybe I was; part of me was, but I think it was more of a cry for help against the loneliness that weighed on me, because I live alone, and finding yourself alone at home with just your thoughts, and crossing your fingers that your mood doesn’t change, that your mind stays on your side, it was sometimes unbearable. I could go out with my family and be happy, and then find myself crying when I got home without knowing why, and that’s the most heartbreaking feeling, not understanding yourself, and I felt too much about everything, overanalyzing everything, to the point where I wasn’t living at all.
Then I made the decision to move, because I knew it was a decision that, right off the bat, would do me a world of good, changing locations, finding a place where I truly felt better. It took a long time to find, but when I did, I knew it was the right place. Those were exhausting weeks, because I didn’t have the energy to even get around my own home, and I had to find the energy for the whole move, but it was for a good cause, and I wasn’t alone. Without my family, without my sister, my brother-in-law, and my aunt, I honestly don’t know if I’d still be here. Feeling like a constant burden, seeing myself change while they stayed, helping me, supporting me in my choices... I know I’m lucky to have them. The reason I smile and why my heart beats is for them. And for the past month, my home has become my little cocoon of happiness; I’m already feeling better, I have plans, I’ve decorated it to my taste, there’s a piece of “me” in this place, and I’m also close to the old town of my city, which is so, so pretty. Since the start of the year, this has been the most beautiful change in my life...
...Except that, on top of everything else, there’s my job. And that’s where the nightmare continues. Because my year followed the same pattern over and over: as soon as I felt a glimmer of hope or joy, it was snatched away in seconds, and my work was no exception. I had a wonderful year last year, but things only got worse, I lost the partner I’d been working with for years, and I quit my management role because of the pressure. I couldn’t manage a team if I couldn’t manage myself, because of my anxiety attacks and dissociation. And above all, if there’s one thing you need to know, it’s that I’m extremely, and physically phobic of conflict. As soon as someone yells at me, as soon as I’m in a conflict, I can’t handle it, it’s *physically* impossible because of my past with my mother. I prefer dialogue, communication, or just silence. My bosses, however, didn’t see it that way, and ever since I stopped being a manager, I’ve been literally targeted: constant criticism directed at me, a drastically different attitude toward me compared to my colleagues, and that only created paranoia and stress for me. I also learned that some of my colleagues, to whom I confided about how uncomfortable I felt in that situation, told my bosses about it to secure their own jobs. I was living in an environment of mistrust, a toxic atmosphere, with misogynistic and demeaning comments about my work and myself, and I wanted to focus first on my move and see later if I wanted to look for a job; I couldn’t afford to put myself in danger while I just move.
And a month ago, I received a warning about excessive phone use even though I was using it just like everyone else, so I decided to be a robot there, to say nothing, just do my job. I just wanted to be invisible and be left alone, but that’s not the kind of atmosphere I like. But for the past week, I’d felt like things were getting a little better, until last week, when I received an official letter at home summoning me for a potential termination. And that was too much for me.I had a massive panic attack, I couldn’t breathe. I was worried about the financial consequences and the fact that I’d just moved into a new apartment, and all these thoughts were weighing me down, even physically, to the point where my stomach was twisting in pain. I almost went to the hospital, until my brother-in-law came to pick me up. And for hours we talked about all the solution we can have, and after considering all the opportunities and possibilities, I realized that this was actually a chance for me to free myself from this job, because having worked for so long, I could live off my unemployment benefits for a while, use this time to get my life back on track, find a training program, maybe get my driver’s license, and above all, no longer be in this job.
And so on yesterday I had the meeting.... and I’ve been working with them for over two years, so it was time for them to tell me they no longer felt I was committed, and for me to tell them I’m no longer comfortable in their workplace, but that parting on good terms, since I’ve been loyal for years, was the best solution, without conflict, without drama.
And so. Next Monday. I’m officially leaving this job.
I’m terrified, afraid to realize that maybe I’ll really be free from all this daily stress and unhappiness. To be able to leave calmly, and that after getting my apartment, I now have the chance to just take a break. Because that’s what I’m going to do. A break. All summer long. Before I try to get anything back.
First, I’m going to focus on myself, rediscover to live, enjoy my family, spend time with them, I’m going to leave some weeks, I’m going to cook, I’m going to do nothing without feeling guilty, I’m going to slowly, little by little, try to find myself again, taking all the time I need, I want to write again, I want to rediscover my love for analyzing texts, movies, fanfics of those beautiful writers here, I want to sleep without hating myself. But I’m terrified at the thought of potentially being happy. I think I was too obsessed with the idea of wanting to be the person I used to be, but I also think it’s time for me to discover yet another new chapter, yet another new version of myself, and maybe this is an opportunity for me. On the darkest day, it might have also been a form of relief, and now I know that, I know it won’t just happen in a flash, but I want to slowly climb out of my depression, and taking this break is already the first step.So that’s where I am in my life.
I’ll be coming back here with you all little by little, because finally, I wanted to thank all of you who supported me, who wrote to me, all those beautiful, beautiful people with whom I discussed so many things, where I felt as if I belonged somewhere, as if I could finally find connections, shared passions, from casual conversations and ideas to deeper analyses, I loved every single one of these conversations, every person who took the time, you have no idea, literally no idea how much joy you’ve brought me this year, where those few moments were a bubble of sincere happiness, without fear. Thank you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, for your support and your friendship.
To my moon, thank you for saving my life. This year gave me an angel, my hope, and a friendship that goes beyond words. You know what I think of you, I'm telling you everyday, but if one day I have the chance to hold you in my arms, I hope you’ll understand all the love and thanks I have to offer you. I love you mon amour
And finally, I hope that in the future, you’ll get to know a happier, more confident Del. I sincerely hope to get to know her too, and to introduce her to you, and I’ll do my best to live. I’ve never stopped fighting, despite the helplessness or the doubts. I’m still here <3
Thank you to those who read this and come to the end; it was very long sorryyy, but it’s also liberating to me ...<3
“Alright,” Mikasa begins, a little breathless as she whispers it. The light heartedness from earlier has dissipated, and she’s not entirely sure when that happened, how she got so close to him in the first place. “You’re very handsome and strong, Eren.”
His eyes flutter shut at the compliment. He means what he said earlier, he’s weak, oh so weak. It doesn’t matter that he practically begs for the compliment, it doesn’t change the way warmth spreads through him as it tumbles out of her lips.
We're friends, Eren tells himself as he opens his eyes back up and stares at her lips. We’re friends, his mind murmuring repeatedly as he leans a little closer, pausing to let her give him a sign that his advances weren’t welcomed.
Tags/contents: Modern settings, strangers to friends to lovers, denial of feelings (again I know, but it's not a slow burn), fluff so much fluff and smut, PWP, Cockblocking, heavy makeout
Through the Void ; Loving Him Forever | Introduction to the AU
Eremika au - Goddess Mikasa/ Dark Magic Eren
She knows she shouldn't feel this way, she knows she have to let him go, keep the precious memories of him and her in her heart, untainted. Live with the unbearable pain and crushing guilt that she couldn't save him, and die with it. Praying that her sole wish to see again his beloved smile and love-filled eyes will be fulfilled in heaven.
Because when she sees him now, in front of her, eyes darker than hell, screaming hatred and death, his face and body filled with rotten and unsightly scars, ready to destroy everything in his path, including her. The very body she'd trained to protect and keep warm lost souls. the very body that held her in his arms, whispering words of love that even now, echo every cold lonely night before she fell asleep. She knows. she knows beyond doubt that the man she immeasurably loved is no more. Gone. Dead. only the demon and chaos remain. she must use her magic, her strength to fight him, to protect her people, the innocents. She must seal her heart to protect thousand's. What she has in front of her is only the agonizing result of her failure to protect those she loves.
But, in each of her blows, each of her spells, each of her cries, only one prayer will be implored :
"Comeback, come back."
"Eren my love. Come back to me."
"Come home."
Synopsis :
Mikasa is a goddess of nature in a kingdom where she was raised and trained, and she has to become Eren's teacher as a role of guide and protector, teaching him pure magic. Eren was introductorily rebellious, fearless. desiring freedom. Despising the kingdom that rejected those who didn't have magic, or anything other than pure magic, like him who also had a powerful but uncontrolled power within him. and above all something darker within him...that no one wanted to name, just hiding it since he was a child. Their relationship was very cold at first ; Mikasa being ruthless to him, showing him no respite or mercy in her training. And Eren not taking any lessons seriously or, respecting who she was. being too proud to show weakness in front of her. wanting to challenge her immaturely, but at the end, always losing to her.
However, this attraction and unnamed desire was there. Slight but present from the beginning and only growing up, in Eren's side seeing a more human side of her, comprehending how good and honest her heart was., and of course a beauty that even the books and poems of the kingdom recount of. Mikasa, for her part, understood more his chaotic anger, realizing that it was justified, sincere, and most importantly, painful.
And so, their love blossomed over the months of their apprenticeship and travels... even though Mikasa tried desperately to remain distant because she had lost too many people she loved in the past, but Eren was determined tc break through her armor, to show her that he could protect her, be a better man and more responsible.
Then one night under the stars and beside a fire reflecting their truths, they finally gave themselves to each other. body and soul, becoming one, amid whispers of love and promises...
...Until the tragic day when Mikasa was almost killed by mercenaries with dark magic being stab in the back, and Eren, powerless and filled with such powerful and uncontrollable rage at seeing the woman he loved die before his eyes, succumbed to dark magic to save her. A forbidden magic he always had inside him since birth. The darkness taking possession of his entire being, and he completely disappeared afterwards.
After one year, he became a man who now lives only to take revenge on this world that rejects those with dark magic within them. All those hypocrites and cowards, wanting to destroy everything, creating an army of allies and people with the same thirst for rebellion and injustice...except that Mikasa will become his enemy.
But despite his unfathomable hatred and burning anger, his love for her became a unhinged obsession yet, an impossible desire. He can't forget her and thought about her constantly, even though others told him that she is now his enemy, that she must surely hate and being disgusted by him now that he had reveal his true nature.
And Mikasa, absolutely destroyed by this tragic event, thought at first that he has been dead for a year, try to live with her grief and void inside her heart, only to brutally realizing that he is alive and worst, leads this revolution that has been burning and condemning all the villages near the kingdom for months. She has her heart utterly broken, unable to realize that this man is the same person as her beloved, so gentle and who was her whole sun.
She must now face the dilemma of her duty to protect the kingdom and kill the source of this evil, or desperately try to bring him back to her, with the faint hope that the man she loved is still there.
Between love and hate, the line is thin. And the decisive choice for both of them is to choose their battle of their life : One to protect, the other to destroy everything, or to drown in a passionate, heartbreaking love, doomed to impossible...
Hi! I have been meaning to make this post for a while, but life kept getting in the way and time slipped by before I realised it. So, here it is at last!! This is the masterlist of what I like to call “everything you need to know about the X AU.” Since I have uploaded quite a few of them already, I wanted to gather them all in one place and organise them so they are easier to find. And, yes, before you start exploring, there are a few things I’d like to share with you:
Not the Final Version of ANY Outline: These posts exist as guides for upcoming fics that will later be published on AO3. They contain my first ideas, concepts, and the general essence of each AU, but they are NOT the final or definitive version of the story. Things can and will change as the writing process develops.
AO3 Is the Canon: While these guides are meant to share my ideas and build excitement, the final version of every AU will always be the one posted on AO3. If something differs between these posts and the fic itself, the AO3 version is the one to trust.
Purpose of These Posts: This masterlist is meant to create hype, give you a glimpse into my creative process, and share the foundations of each AU with you. It is not a complete outline, nor a promise that every detail mentioned here will appear exactly as written in the final fic.
Flexibility and Evolution: Writing is a fluid process. Characters, plots, and dynamics may shift, deepen, or change entirely between these initial concepts and the finished story. That evolution is intentional and part of how each AU comes to life.
Thank you so much for your interest and support. I love sharing these early ideas with you, and I hope you enjoy watching them grow into their final form on AO3!
──✦ “Everything you need to know about the: Knight Mikasa or King Eren” Or — Castles Crumbling
──✦ “Everything you need to know about Marquess Eren & Miss Mikasa” Or — Bed of Roses
──✦ “Everything you need to know about the: Mr General Eren & Princess of Hizuru Mikasa” Or — Green Meadows
──✦ “Everything you need to know about the: outlaw Eren” Or — Sweet Prairie
──✦ “Everything you need to know about the: doctor Eren & mountain girl Mikasa” Or — Little Forest
ok anon, I'm actually nervous because this au is so dear to me. i love it with the same intensity that i fear to write it lol i hope i can finally get my shit together and start to put the scattered pieces I've thrown of this au together. this happens after they go to a festival and eren is encouraged by a friend to experiment and have fun with girls. mikasa sees them and gets furious. she confronts him and they go to somewhere private to "talk" and she tells him that if he can kiss another girl, she can do the same with some random guy.
Fragment of Chapter 2: "17"
"You know I can't kiss you"
"Why?!" She yells. "Because we're 'family'?"
"YES" He yells back. "Yes, Mikasa, because we're supposed to be fucking family! At everyone's eyes here, you're my sister! And I should be taking care of you like my sister because that's what my parents told me to do, not kiss you!"
She wants to cry, she wants to throw a fit. she's hurt, enraged. He let some other girl kiss him, he let another girl touch his face with her unfamiliar hands, trying to erase Mikasa's touch off his skin. She's furious and she wants him to feel the same.
"Then I guess that leaves us at the starting point." She declares. "I'm going out there and I'll find a guy who'd like to kiss me, and you know it won't be so hard to find one. So get off my way, Eren."
She makes it two steps away from him before he grabs her forearm and drags her back inside. Their bodies collide with the force of his manhandling, her own body docile and weightless at the smallest touch of his hands, so it's easy for him to take her face into his big hands and kiss her.
She's paralyzed for two seconds, but her own urges demand her to do something before a third second passes, she leans into him and presses her lips into his as best as she can. Because she's never kissed anyone before him, and she hopes that her lips are warm enough to burn away the feeling of that stranger girl's mouth on his.
When she starts to feel lightheaded by her own incapability to breath correctly and the tight hold his arm's force on her torso, he breaks the kiss. And it feels like being underwater for too long and coming out to the surface. She breathes again.
"This is what you want? What you were desperately wanting? What you're risking everything for?" He bites through his teeth, their faces are so close that they're practically breathing each other's air.
"Yes." She responds immediately, no trace of doubt or remorse in her voice.
And he kisses her again, violently, intense and unforgiving. Demanding, taking, not giving her some kind mercy for her lack of experience.
"Kiss me back properly." He groans into her mouth.
"I don't know how to." She whines, and she's never sounded more pathetic than now, he's probably laughing at her in his head. But instead, he grabs a chunk of her hair in one of his fists and inclines her head lower so he can have a total access to her mouth. And she lets him do whatever he wants with her.
"Then learn." He growls in a way that makes him sound like a wounded animal and she can't help but let a gasp out of her lips, not able to say anything else because he's attacking her mouth again.
She tries for a few seconds to match his rhythm, to hold on to what he's trying to take away from her. But is useless, more so because she will gladly let him take anything he needs from her. Her breath, her mouth, her blood. Anything. The best thing she can do, she figures out, is to give in. To let him take, to let herself give.
And that's what seems to do it for him, because now that she's a malleable dough in his hands, he moans against her lips and she thinks it's a good sign.
"Do you like it?" He dares to ask and now his voice sounds like velvet.
"Yes, I like it so much." She admits. "It feels... good. Very good." She sighs, hot air filling her head, her skin is tickling and she feels so warm inside. Something's happening to her body, the heat is concentrating, transforming into something she's never felt before. She wants to touch him, to be touched by him. More, because he's been touching her, she realizes now. His hands squeeze her waist and she feels him doubting to touch something else, to go further down. She won't have it, she doesn't need his doubt. She needs his touch, for him to make the suffocating heat to go away or else she'll combust.
"Do you like it? Does it feel better with me than with her?" She sighs against his hot mouth, and her insolent question earns her a groan. His beautiful green eyes open to scan every corner of her face, and the hot pool in her core grows wetter. His eyes are so intense and they're looking at her with so much intent right now. He doesn't look like just a boy when he's so close to her in this position, he looks more like a man, like something foreign to her. Something's consuming him, it must be the same thing that's consuming her too.
"It feels better than anything I've never experienced before."
"Good." She smiles and takes his face into her hands, bringing their mouths closer for another kiss.
They don't go back to the center of Shiganshina, where the whole town is buzzing with the ongoing celebration of the festival. That afternoon spend it in each other's arms, kissing and touching places they shouldn't be touching in each other's bodies. But is painful to think of stopping now that they've begun.
Based on Frankenstein, aka Creature Eren and Cabin Mikasa
☾︎ The story takes place five years after humanity's victory against the Titans who were outside the walls. The Survery Corps were aided by Titan shifters, more commonly known as "Giant-Humans" from experiments conducted using cerebrospinal fluid injected into the neck. It was a groundbreaking success. Legend has it that the "Attack Titan", the strongest and most death-defying giant, was the one who killed the last titan, which earned him this reputed name, but not without sacrifice.
☾︎ As this battle disastrously resulted in hundreds of soldiers dying in combat, some were even unrecognizable or strangely disappeared on the battlefield, causing grief and anger among many families and widows. Forwhy, the first few months after the end of the war were mainly controlled by rather...confidential affair. Scientists and those in high places insisted to hide these injections and experimentation as much as possible, on grounds of, the reality is much less heroic and thought out with a moral and humanitarian conscience; many experiments failed or ended in disaster, resulting in many disappearances who supposedly "fell on the battlefield" despite being promised and secuded by the title of "hero" or "guardian" to serve their country for the rest of their lives.
☾︎ And so, during those five years, everything related to cerebrospinal fluid, operations, and tests was burned and reduced to ashes in order to tell a more "chivalrous" tale and silence those who knew too much, accusing them of madness and post-traumatic symptoms.
☾︎ But there is one exception. Eren Kruger, an extremely renowned and talented scientist during the Last War who greatly assisted in successful research and experiments, never wanted to stop his research, precisely when there were apparently testimonies from rare survivors of giant-humans recounting a vague memory of "The Path", a deserted place in the night, with in the middle of this infinity of sand, a gigantic tree of light, controlling life, but also death, being the very heart of this sign connecting the soul and the afterlife. A sempiternal memory for their owners, but also a danger from others, that are now dismissed as hallucinations, seeking to censor the survivors by threats.
☾︎ And since then, Eren Kruger has been obsessively, pathologically driven by the appetency of being the first living being able to control death. Except that no one now wants to be intrinsically linked to the morbid past of the experiments. And so rumors spread, and Kruger is lastly described as a madman. He disappears into the shadows and for interminable months and dragging years, he secretly creates his own plans and researches alone in his basement, knowing that time is running out, having been diagnosed from an incurable disease. He desperately wants to succeed at all costs before he dies, but the hourglass of time keeps running, showing him no mercy or any divinely guided-help.
☾︎ And, after years of relentless efforts in coughing up blood and sweat...He succeeded. Caused by the cerebrospinal fluid through the injection that had to be more than precise; under the neck and spinal cord, without fully affecting the cerebral cortex, infusing the exact dose so as not to turn into a giant, and it worked out. For just a second, or perhaps hundreds of years, he was so blissful to have completed and succeeded that he wasn't even affected by the repercussions of time, but rather by what he had managed to achieve: The sand from The Path, the substance that allowed him to control Death, to defy fate, holding in the palm of his debilitated hand the secrets of immortality and eternal life. He laughed hysterically in front of this gigantic tree, mocking him. He won. He's a God.
☾︎ After that, he knew what he had to do : Create the perfect vessel that would confront Death. So, in the most delirious and senseless madness, he took the bodies of some diseased soldiers, even those of a few Giant-humans that he had stored in his basement for his test at the beginning of the post-war period, and extracted each of their limbs, organs, bones, to make one body. All that remained was to inject the liquid, but this time with the sand inside, and what had to happen horrendously happened:
☾︎ There was a dazzling flash, like a tree striking the body, where each root connected the blood vessels and nerves, circulating the blood, Kruger wasn't witnessing the gift of life in its most beautiful and rare form; it was a scene of unadulterated horror, where every sound of bone was heard as it tore apart raucously, blood spurted everywhere, covering the room. This wasn't life coming into the world no, it was the manifestation of Death in its most deformed and horrific form. Then, in the most agonizing and complete silence,
The Creature awoke.
☾︎ Not as tall as a titan, but over 2 meters tall, with limbs repugnantly sewn together everywhere that began to slowly move, blood-filled eyes that opened.
Green. Such were their colors.
☾︎ Contemplating his work, in admiration and terror, Eren Kruger was so possessed in the apotheosis of his masterpiece that his body finally gave out and he fell to the ground, his heart slowing with each beat, until the last one, lying pathetically, sprawled on the cold ground in front of his creation, reaching out his hand to him, completely standing now, facing him, as he uttered his last words, barely audible:
"It's me...I created you, that demon...now free... Let the world remember that it was me, me...Eren Kruger...Eren..."
And the room fell in silence.
☾︎ For the new-born creature, after opening his eyes, contemplating this human lying on the ground reaching out to him, he hadn't heard everything that this stranger said nor understanding his language or the reason why he was there, didn't even know who he is. But, he had heard a breath, a noise, a sound, coming from the mouth of this man that he oddly want to keep it with him, as if it were addressed to him..? Being the only thing that connects him to who he is, the only thing that keeps him moving forward.
In the dead man's last breath he heard :
"Eren."
Eren : Introducing his character
☾︎ A creature born in the morbid basement from the hands of the mad scientist, Eren Kruger. A failed but miraculous experiment, created from cerebrospinal fluid and sand that comes from "The Path"; a transcendental place only giant-humans could witness during their transformation. Seeing his creator die before his eyes, he is completely terrified, distraught, alone, not knowing who he is or where he is, not even being able to "communicate" with the man who decided to create him.
☾︎ Unable to control his breathing, torturous thoughts, or his hardwired and impulsive inhumane strength, he decides to go out and desperately ask for help, even though he cannot speak, but is only tragically greeted by the screams and shouts of fear from the villagers, who shoot him multiple times with shotguns and even try to burn him in Kruger's house, calling him a monster. Utterly scared and downhearted by this anger and hatred from humans, he decides to run away and realizes in the same time that he cannot die. He will never be able to die. Curse to live forever in endless pain and torment.
☾︎ What follows is a long period outdoors, living in the forests, under waterfalls, discreetly watching humans from afar, living in agony, incomprehension, a multitude of emotions that constantly weigh him down, sadness, humiliation, anger, and rage but also rare moments of beauty when he discovers for himself the beauty of nature, distant conversations between people laughing and singing. Wishing he could live this with someone...
☾︎ ...Until one night at dusk, he arrives at this strange cabin isolated from the rest of the world...
Mikasa Ackerman : Introducing her character
☾︎ Mikasa, 22 years old, live in a cabin in the mountains far away from any big towns with her parents inside Wall Maria since she was a child. Growing up within the walls, she has never seen Titans in her life, initially believing them to be nothing more than a scary legend. After receiving letter's of humanity's victory five years ago, her parents, after a long discussion, decided to move to the central city of Mitras, wanting to live with civilization after the victory, celebrating this freedom to explore the world and discover other places and people.
☾︎ Mikasa, now eighteen, decided to stay here. Her place is with peaceful nature, animals, and mountains. She never aspire to travel, as the unknown scared her too much and the immensity of the world overwhelmed her. Even though curiosity is tempting. And since more than four years now, Mikasa has been taking care of daily tasks in her cabin. But she's not completely alone. Her parents come to visit her several times a month, worried that she is lonely and wanting her to find someone, but Mikasa is fine on her own, nothing ever happened before, so she felt safe. And she has her neighbors, close enough to where she lives ; Armin and his grandfather.
☾︎ Until, one evening, as she was preparing her fireplace with the wood she had gathered during the day, she heard a strange noise coming from outside at dusk...
here's a sneak peak of the very first scene i imagined for this au, is set in Mikasa’s parents home. they're having brunch at the Ackermans as Chiyo (Mikasa's mother) invited the jaegers to their residence to try to mend their fragile relationship (business wise). and then things happen lol
“The gallery was left spotless, Carla. Thank you so much for recommending that reformer to me.” Chiyo said, gesturing to a maid to bring the tea to the table. “We could make a tour after tea if you'd like to.”
“That would be lovely.” the brunette said with a warm smile. Mikasa couldn't help but notice how much alike she and Eren looked when they smiled. “But maybe just the two of us.” Carla said, giggling over the rim of her cup wine. “Our husbands and the kids don't seem so into the idea.”
Mikasa wanted to agree out loud, wanted to say that the only thing she wanted to do was to retire to her room where she couldn’t see Eren having lunch with her family as calm as ever, while she sat there containing a scream in the back of her throat.
And between his presence in front of her at the other side of the table; and Pieck's words that still resonated in her head since that morning, she wasn't in the mood to play the perfect host.
Her mother laughed at Carla’s comment. “Oh, let them be. We'll go after we finish here.”
“Actually,” everyone at the table turned to look at Eren, who pushed his still full glass of whiskey aside and got up from his chair. That gathered confused looks in everyone, thinking he would say he had to leave. “I'm not in the mood for some tea right now, and I'm curious about the renovations of the gallery. I'd like to go for a tour right now, if that's possible.”
Mikasa looked directly at him for the first time since the Jaegers arrived at her house. He was already looking at her when she looked up, and she knew that could only mean trouble.
And just as if he read her mind, he said: “Mikasa, would you care to show me the gallery?” She knew it, he was trying to get her alone.
At this, everyone seemed to freeze.
Mikasa’s heartbeat was thumping so hard against her ribcage that she was scared Pieck would hear it at her spot beside her. The entire room fell silent.
“Oh, Eren. Let me show you the way, I'm sure my sister is too tired to go all the way there.” Pieck broke the silence after seeing Mikasa’s lack of response. But her sister's interference only made her anger grow hotter.
“No need, Pieck.” She said, standing up too. “I'll be glad to give our guest a tour, it is only polite of me to do so after all.” She finished with a bite in her tone.
“No, it 's ok, Mikasa. I can perfectly take–”
“Pieck.” their mom cut her, she gave her eldest daughter a warning smile that made Pieck sit back down on her chair, as she was starting to rise from it to accompany Eren. Porco looked tense at her side. “Enjoy your tea with us and let Mikasa take Eren to the gallery, since she's not having tea with us either.” she finished with a satisfied smile, one she shared with Carla. Chiyo thought her intentions weren't obvious to anyone in that room.
Pieck forced a smile and nodded at her mother. She grabbed her cup of tea and didn't dare to argue further.
“Very well, have a nice tour, Eren.” Her father said before continuing the business conversation he was having with Grisha.
Mikasa started to walk out of the room without waiting for anyone else to say another word. She knew Eren would follow. Her heart was still punching her ribcage at the mere idea of him behind her, of seeing him after everything they said to each other a week ago in his apartment.
He was playing another one of his games but if he thought she didn't know how to play them, he was making a huge mistake.
They walked out of the main residence, past the garden to the white baroque building behind their house that her great grandfather had transformed into a gallery to hang the art he collected, amongst the frames of every important member of the Ackerman family. It was a bit far from where her family and the Jaegers were still having tea and whiskey. She wondered if Eren knew this and that was why he wanted her specifically to show him something he wouldn't be interested in otherwise.
“This way.” she said, passing through the threshold. The gallery's door was kept open during the day because when her family was not in the main residence, it was open to the public. It had white marble floors and white concrete pillars that went up to the ceiling. She loved this place, it was easy to get lost here if you weren't familiarized with its hallways. It was her favorite place to hide from the world.
The more she walked into the building, the closer she felt Eren's body behind her.
But the closer he got, the more enraged and frustrated she felt. How dare he come to her home, greet her mother and sister with a kiss on their cheeks while she stood there, waiting for her turn for something that never happened. Then he had the audacity to spend the rest of the morning staring at her as if that would change the fact that he ignored her, again.
She thought they were past that point. But she was wrong. And he was right again, about her caring too much about anything he said or did. While he was comfortable using her like some booty call he could discard whenever she was being too much to deal with.
“What is that place?” Eren asked, pointing at a mahogany door at the end of the first hallway.
“It’s a private studio. It was built 60 years ago with the purpose of having the family members portrayed there by the family’s trusted artist.” She responded with a flat voice.
Eren hummed. “I wanna go there.” He stated. Not like a petition but a demand that he was about to get done.
Mikasa rolled her eyes and just walked to the door, she didn't want to argue with him. Not today. She opened the studio and let Eren get in first. Mikasa left the door open behind her because she was sure they wouldn’t be there for too long.
“It’s a really nice place. The walls look thick, like they’re soundproofed.” He said with a smirk on his stupidly handsome face.
She frowned at his comment, but turned to take a better look at them. They looked like the rest of the white impeccable walls in the gallery.
But of course, sweet innocent Mikasa should have known better.
While she was staring at the wall like an idiot, Eren took the perfect opportunity to push her against it. She rested her hands on the wall with a yelp to prevent her collision, trying to turn around but it was too late. Eren had cornered her. The delicious heat of his body and the smell of his woody perfume were all over her. She should have known better.
He pressed his body hard against hers and used his arms to block her way out of the prison of his presence. “Not so brave now, huh?” He purred in her ear.
Mikasa let out an annoyed groan but it quickly turned into moan when his hands found their way past the hem of her summer dress to her panties. Both sighed at the touch of his fingers on her already wet core.
He didn’t give her any chance to process what was happening before he moved aside her white lacy underwear and put a finger inside her. It entered so fast and easy, that she was equally upset and delighted. It had been a rough week since they were this close to each other, since he touched her for the last time.
She was so wet and turned on that it was easy for him to put two more fingers in. She let out a loud whimper at the delicious stretch, he started to finger her so rough and fast, like he was desperate to make her cum. But it was never difficult for him to make her reach ecstasy. He was so tuned with her body that she would say he knew it better than herself.
A mix of emotions clouded her mind. She was furious at the betrayal of her body, at him for not being fair to her, for leading her to a path of self destruction; because if he gave her this every day, she would gladly lose herself just to have him. But there was also pleasure, so much pleasure. He was grinding his erection against her uncovered butt, wrinkling her pretty pink dress by groping her covered tits with his other hand; and he was having a feast with the skin of her neck and her shoulders, kissing her, biting her softly. Enjoying the free access that her hair pinned in a high bun provided. She whimpered when he started to rub her clit with his thumb in fast motions. It was too much. The pleasure, the heat, the resentment, the mess of her feelings, his fingers inside her, him groaning like a wounded man behind her.
She hated him.
She loved him.
She came with a loud whine, throwing her head back against his shoulder. She was breathing hard and her legs were made of jelly. Mikasa let him carry the weight of her body while she recovered from her orgasm. She whimpered when he took his fingers out of her weeping cunt, but she felt too blissed out to care.
It was when her breathing stabilized a little when was able to move.
She turned around in Eren’s embrace and looked into his eyes for the first time that day. His green eyes were wild and darkened with the veil of lust she knew how to recognize so well. His hands were holding her waist so tight that it was starting to hurt. But he was also looking at her in that peculiar way that felt too close to adoration, a look that she hated because she was sure it was a thing from her imagination. Or maybe he was crueler than what she took him for and he had mastered that look just to keep her caught in his web. Because he felt entitled to demand things from her that she was too scared to ask back.
Angry tears were forming in her eyes and before she could help herself, she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the cheek that she was supposed to kiss in the morning as her greeting, she hit him so hard that it made him turn his head. The sound of her slap echoed throughout the room, her eyes were wide open and she heard herself gasp, but she was too focused on Eren’s face. On the red mark of her slender fingers on his cheek and his bewildered expression. He turned to look back at her and they shared an intense look before he took her lips in a furious kiss.
They devoured each other’s mouths like they were trying to suck each other’s souls.
Mikasa tangled her fingers in his hair and moaned in delight when he lifted her by her legs to slam her against the wall.
She helped him to take his cock out of his pants and gave it a few desperate pumps, but Eren slapped her hand away and took himself in his hand to line it up to her entrance. He entered her without any warning, with the intention of causing pain. But she could only whine in ecstasy at the feeling of finally having him inside after so many days.
He let out a shaky breath and buried his face in the crook of her neck, his body trembling as if he was in pain. But when he lifted his head to look at her, it was pleasure what she saw in those eyes. He started to fuck her without breaking their intense eye contact, but he was thrusting into her so good that she couldn’t stay sane for too long. She threw her head back again, relishing in the delicious ache of his cock hitting a sweet spot deep inside her. Her vision was turning blurry but she kept seeing him through the steam of their ragged breaths.
The way she felt while Eren was fucking her couldn’t be compared to anything else. She was being so shameless, moaning so loud, letting herself get lost in the euphoria of their intercourse, his hands were crushing her thighs but she was too high on pleasure to care if his fingers would let visible marks that her short dress wouldn't cover; her bun felt loose on top of her head and her bangs had long freed themselves from the tie and were wet with her sweat on her forehead. Eren didn’t look much better. His pristine white shirt was wrinkled by her fingers, his hair was a damp mess and his mouth was swollen with the harshness of their kisses. He was flushed and sweating, from the effort of holding her weight and the power of his hips stabbing his cock inside her.
How did they get to this point, she thought. Angrily fucking like animals against a wall after ignoring themselves for days because neither of them were mature enough to recognize their mistakes. In a place where anyone could see them, not too far from where their families were waiting for them to go back and play the cordial acquaintances they never were.
So caught up in the moment, they weren’t aware of the world that awaited them outside. And they didn’t notice the door of that secluded studio that was left open either.
It would have been hard to find them in such a scandalous position when the gallery was so large and full of confusing hallways and rooms that anyone could get lost in it.
But Pieck knew that place like the palm of her hand. And even if she didn’t, she had followed them here with a bad feeling in her guts.
She stood behind that mahogany door, unable to move despite her need to get out of there running; too shocked to even breathe properly. She heard them, she saw them. Saw Eren fucking her younger sister against the wall, the one girl he had rejected publicly over the years. She saw how instead of screaming at her in anger for disrespecting him like she did, Eren rewarded Mikasa with pleasure after she slapped him in the face.
There was so much intimacy in the way they touched each other, something that could only be sustained by an old flame. And those things do not happen in a spur of a heated moment. No. This thing between them has been brewed carefully, with time. And that thought made her stomach turn.
She made her way out of the gallery with clenched fists and impotence clawing its nails into her throat. She’s never felt more angry, frustrated.
Just this morning, she had laughed at her sister’s face for being ignored by the same man that was now fucking her. Pieck kept jabbing her with mean little comments throughout the morning, enjoying Mikasa’s irritated expressions, almost laughing at how hard she tried not to crumble in front of everyone because Eren didn’t greet her properly, not even in the name of politeness.
How could Mikasa hide this from her? How dare she sneak around with the man she supposedly hated so loudly?
Fucking hypocrite, that’s what she was. Calling Pieck out for wanting Eren while being engaged with Porco, calling her a slut—when she’s been fucking Eren this whole time behind everyone's back.
But if Mikasa thought that she would let this pass, she didn’t know her older sister at all.
Hellooo!! So it’s been long time since I have introduced a new fic and although I do have like 3 more aus I made last year to introduce but I wanted to introduce this one instead since I already have a name and a stated lore and ideas.
I have planned this AU to be either two chapter long or make two parts of this AU (one settled on the past and the other on the present/future) yet it’s still on a maybe lol.
First of all, I wanna talk about the meaning for this title. I’m not using Genesis for a name but as a word to represent the beginning of something so this title basically means a new beginning or a new era and we know Dawn it’s the first appearance of light which can represent a new hope.
Before start explaining all the lore I want to talk about the setting and location. I’m not an expert doing maps but for this AU Paradis doesn’t exist, instead used to live in Eldia (and btw, Ymir the founder doesn’t exist in this au and nothing that happened to Eldia never existed here). Before the apocalypse, Marley had a frontier to separate their territory from Eldia yet that frontier no longer exist after the apocalypse, now there’s walls surrounding a small area of each territory, protecting the affluent neighborhoods and the corporation building while everyone else are outdoors where walls are non-existent, leaving them to deal with the danger.
These are few ideas/information for this au:
A lethal virus spread over the world, attacking the brain causing aggressiveness and madness. The virus is contagious and can be transmitted through bites, scratches or through the contact (in this case a healthy open wound in contact with infected blood/wound). This virus has killed most of the humanization and scientists had been working on the cure by using some Ackermans’ blood who have immunity. In the beginning, the research for the cure was moral and safe but as the time passes by the scientists took drastic and immoral alternatives as draining a great quantity of blood from an ackerman causing weakness and in some cases death. For scientists these sacrifices are in not in vain yet this caused the decrease of the clan.
The lab department (aka Bionexus Corporation, just created this name for this lore lol) belongs to the Tybur family and controls every lab department around the territory. Marley is the main lab department which is under Willy Tybur’s control while and the other lab in Eldia is controlled by Lara Tybur although sometimes Willy goes there to check (there’s more departments but for this AU these two may be the main focus).
The lab counts with small compartments that each Ackerman owns as their own bedroom yet only 10 rooms are in use and one of these belongs to Mikasa (20 years old) who’s been living in the lab for almost a decade as a test-subject. She was captived at the age of 9 yet she doesn’t remember it since part of her memories were erased. She doesn’t know how she arrived to the corporation neither what exactly happened to her parents since the corporation manipulated her by telling her parents died due the virus.
Everything is mundane and a repetitive routine until everything changes at the arrival of scientist Eren (23 years old) who’s replacing his father’s position at the lab in Eldia while he’s outdoors working for the main lab building in Marley. When she sees him for the first time, she won’t be shy but curious to meet him since he’s someone she has never seen ever before, a new face she was curious to know about.
Eventually they will become closer and Eren will share with Mikasa his thoughts, any joyful memory he has in mind or just talk about anything. Talking is the only thing they both can do since Mikasa can’t abandon the room and there’s a glass wall separating both from contact. Of course, Eren wishes she could have some freedom but he knows this was part of the protocol and must be follow but one day he realizes everything is nothing but a facede, the methods to find the cure are nothing but inhumane and immoral, causing extreme draining od blood and plasma, weakening and harming Ackerman through the process and in past cases causing uncountable deaths. Finding out this infuriated Eren even more when he saw Mikasa in such weakened state as an amount of her blood was being drained, he attempted first to stop this yet security took him and the Tybur siblings threatened him to pretend he didn’t saw nothing and if he does something they will make sure he doesn’t have the opportunity to say it. However, this wasn’t going to stop Eren which he began to thinking on a way to help Mikasa to escape yet he had to kept the facade he was still an allie.
The ending for this first chapter might be quite predictable but the second chapter will show more obstacles and conflicts for them such as the infected, the dystopian/apocalyptic world with the shortage of nutrients, gangs and the tybur sibling searching for them and this second part can occur anything either good or bad but I rather kept this second part as secret (and also because it’s still on progress and I’m debating certain ideas for the lore)
And this is everything I have about the lore JSKSKKS, I have to mention there will be other AOT characters into this story too but most of them will be part of the second part probably. I hope this new AU has caught an interest in you and if I can, I hope I can share the first chapter of this AU this year!! I’ll work on that and I hope this can be published for 2026!!
Where Eren and Mikasa are both heirs to their family's empires. And in a very old fashioned way to strengthen their control on the system, they make an alliance through an arranged marriage between Eren, the remaining heir of the Jaegers and one of the Ackerman sisters. The bride was supposed to be Pieck, the oldest Ackerman girl. But she was already engaged with another powerful family. So Mikasa took her place. This made her happy as she had a childish crush on the Jaeger boy growing up; whilst Eren, older and unbothered by duty, never gave it too much of a thought to the swap of brides.
Things change when Mikasa is sixteen and she listens to a private conversation between Eren and his friends at her sister's Coming of Age Celebration, where he told them that he found his young fiance dull and uninteresting; that he couldn't imagine a future with a girl like her. Mikasa, guided by blind rage and hurt pride, decided to end the engagement immediately, claiming that she and her fiance were completely incompatible and that she was not willing to enter unprepared into a marriage that would be determinant for the future of their families. Eren complied without a word.
But things changed after that day. An irrational rivalry grew between them, fed by resentment and pride. They couldn't stand each other, but would somehow seek the other's attention for reasons they couldn't name. It was becoming an obsession and it went both ways. It became public knowledge that to name them in the same sentence out loud was scandalous. And even when no member of the elite fully understood the petty truth behind the breaking of their engagement, the speculations made their public appearances the hot topic of every event. This only fueled the intensity of what was growing between them, twisted and dangerous as it appeared to be.
On Mikasa's own Coming of Age Celebration, they discovered that they were walking on thin ice. Eren felt a consuming rage every time some boy danced with her. And Mikasa felt something ugly inside every time she let disappointment cut through her when Eren never asked her to dance with her, not even at her own party. If this insignificant layer of ice were to break beneath Mikasa's feet, she was bound to drown.
So when she turned 19, she decided it was time to leave her obsession with her ex fiance behind. She started seeing boys her age, searching in them things she could never find. Something to feed the hunger inside her but she's always left starved. This is what finally makes Eren break. He would never have it. Some insignificant boy could never have her, he needed to make her understand that. It's the start of an addicting no–good–thing. An affair so dangerous, much more threatening than the simple contractual marriage they broke years ago. And it's something that not only puts the both of them in the line of fire, but the alliance of their families too.
For You, My Blood Soothes (My Heart Aches) Snippet
Vampire Princess Mikasa x Human Knight Eren
Words - 875
The ending for this snippet is very abrupt, sorry for that! Also I wanted to do the cute bracket name thingy that everyone does lmk if it sounds cute or ass
I also apologize if there's any mistakes
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1819, Koryx, Venolara
The halls of the manor were filled with a certain amount of warmth and chatter unbeknownst to the Ackerman family. Their ballroom was filled with the noisy audience of all those with the familiar fangs and blood-lust. Families with whom they have went years without.
The beautiful scent of blood carried its way along the castle, the fumes spreading from the wine glasses all the way to the princess' bedroom upstairs.
And, gods, was her mind swirling.
For years they had gone without visitors, locking their doors out to any outsiders, it was safe that way—easy.
But now, their doors have been opened, welcoming others into their home. It was… intimate, unfamiliar.
Mikasa didn't know what to make of it.
She stood in her room, with her maids running their hands over her ruffled blood red dress, ensuring it was all perfect. Her hair was curled, so different from her natural pin straight locks. It was pinned away from her face, allowing everyone to gaze upon her beautiful pale skin and her dark, red lips. She wishes she had something to do with her hands, to grasp onto something other than the delicate fabric of her skirt. Her palms were getting increasingly sweaty, the nerves rushing through her veins.
Hera—one of her maids, her favorite—comes up to her front, her eyes crinkling at the corners as her smile lines stretched.
"Oh, my dear," she says, fondness dripping through her words. "You look gorgeous—just utterly divine."
Mikasa smiles at her, her red lips parting for her white teeth as she flashes her tiny fangs for show.
"Thank you," she says, her voice only a whisper. She only wishes she could see for herself.
Hera clasps her calloused hands onto Mikasa's arms, rubbing them up and down in a soothing motion before stepping away from her, and all the other maids follow after. They stare at her in awe and a profound sense of pride.
Their princess, their soon-to-be queen, all dressed up and pretty in red. Her dress' collar is cut just low enough to expose the round curve of her bust, her waist is cinched tight, courtesy of her lovingly devoted maids. The skirt was bunched up on her right hip, with an extra layer of fabric underneath, showing her curves. Looking down upon herself, she realizes she certainly feels pretty, but she can only really take the words of others.
Though she's sure they would compliment her no matter what.
Her gloved fingers trail the sharp skin of her collarbone, before falling right before the dip of her chest. Her eyes follow.
She flattens her palm against it, feeling her heartbeat. It sends a rush of pride through her lungs.
There, she would be marked. Their crest would lay on her chest within the year, and she would then be crowned Queen of Venolara for all to see. People will bow down to her and she won't live such a private life no longer. It's funny, it feels as if it was only yesterday that she was running along the halls, searching for her mother in their many games of hide and seek.
She always had a habit of letting her win.
Mikasa exhaled sharply as the memories flooded her mind. Her hand started to shake against her chest as she tried to take in another breath.
The feeling always overtook her in the most inconvenient situations. Her maids started to wrap around her, chiding the same affirmations she has gotten so accustomed to. They always knew the procedure.
A soft knock broke her out of it, the familiar rhythm that she had told him to use since she was six filled her ears. She turned towards the door just quick enough for him to open it, hiding her hands behind her so that he wouldn't take notice.
"Father," she breathed, her lips shaping into a small, unsure smile.
Killian Ackerman smiled at her, so proud and lovingly. His once demanding and intimidating presence faltering at the sight of her. His little girl, dressed in the finest silk in all of Venolara. He nodded towards the maids that stood in the room, bowing at his entrance, and allowed them to leave.
"Mikasa, my girl," he coons, his voice dripping with adoration, "you look beautiful." He steps towards her, taking in his only daughter's beauty.
Mikasa's hands stay pressed against her back, "thank you, father."
Silence encompassed them, the sounds of their breathing enveloped their ears as a substitute. The sweat gathering in Mikasa's palms were getting increasingly difficult to ignore, so she sat down on her bed, her palms flat underneath her behind.
"Mikasa," her father says, ever so kindly, coming over to look her in the eyes as he sits down beside her, "show me your hands." He hold out his own, palms facing the ceiling.
Mikasa shakes her head, eyes glued to the carpet, looking as frail and innocent as she had years ago. Killian laughs softly, looking into his daughter's eyes. All that he could see was the young girl who had taken shelter in his arms after a nightmare, the one who always relied on him so much.
The conversation was taking place in a peaceful climate. Carla and Sasha were engaged in passionate discussions, varying between the latest episode of their favorite slushy romantic show or Sasha telling how she had a huge crush on her new yoga master, that she described in words she would have liked to cover her ears and forget, while Mikasa participated more in comfortable silence as usual, with little nods and quiet giggles. Looking at them, she thought how she appreciates these kinds of moments more than she realized, perhaps because she had never really had them before, enjoying the gentleness of a conversation without judgment, laughter that was not hypocritical or forced. For some people, this was normal, but for her, she knows that she cherishes these moments even more. She felt like she had finally found her place among people she could truly feel safe and loved. She hoped for that with all her heart.
Wandering between the exchange and her own thoughts, she was quietly sipping her tea when this sweet atmosphere was interrupted by loud laughs coming from the garden. She turned her head discreetly to see what was happening.
What a mistake. What a terrible, incorrigible, bad idea.
May God help her.
He was out of the pool, walking casually towards the table where few beers and cigarettes lay. But that wasn't the most important thing, oh no. Eren was shirtless. Shirtless. His khaki swimsuit shorts pulled down just far enough so you could see his V-shape body going down to- She'll never finish this line.
His hair was wet and pressed against the nape of his neck, water drops falling slowly down his upper torso, the sun's rays reflecting off his hair, projecting some lighter brown strands onto his water-darkened hair, as if the sun too were participating in giving him the most magnetic aura possible.
She was about to faint.
She knew she should look away now, right now, that she should immediately return to the conversation. But she couldn't. No, she didn't want to. She could feel her cheeks warming and her heart racing, trying with all her might to control her breathing, and, even though she don't want to admit it, she try as best she could, which meant miserably, not to think about the quivering ache and sensitive heat between her legs.
She followed him bringing his beer to his lips, his adam's apple moving with each sip.
It's not fair, being so ravishing like that.
Just like this, the outside world had disappeared, there was only her and her mind, starting to engage in a heated debate, agonizing over how she wanted to die of shame that she could look at him so...wrongfully and unrefined. Besides, she had already seen him shirtless, she was ridiculous!! Well, in her poor defense, she had only seen him like this on family photos at Carla's house; the reality was much more...appealing.
It's not just "Oh wow, what a handsome young man." No, if her shaking legs and her mind would let her, she'd want burningly to join him now, swimming with him, intertwine her arms behind his neck and lose herself in the infinitely green color of his eyes and the melody of his laugh, so alive and powerful that always made her miss a heartbeat...
Except that every dream comes to an end. And while she was lost in her reverie, Eren glanced quickly into the living room and was about to resume his conversation with Armin when he noticed Mikasa's eyes on him.
She could have reacted calmly, could have simply waved at him, but of course. Mikasa decided his gaze and the fact he caught her staring was from now on the end of the world. And in two seconds, everything happened:
She turn around as quickly as possible to get back to the conversation, except that her knee hit the head of the wooden table, causing all the teacups and cutlery to spill onto the floor.
"Oh god!"
"Shit, Mikasa-!!"
Sasha had tea all over her shirt, and Carla was already starting to pick up the bits of glass on the floor while casting worried glances at Mikasa:
"My dear are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself? What happened?" Mikasa was as red as a tomato and answered breathlessly: "I'm terribly sorry, I-I don't know what happened I'm so sorry, I'm fine, let me help you wait please-"
If Mikasa could bury her head in the ground, she'd do it now. She's a mess, and for a second, she thought this was her punishment for looking at him.
Never again. She vows to herself she'd never do it again.
"Hey...Are you three okay? Do you need any help?"
She wanted to vanish. The deep voice belongs to someone she knows very well, certainly not the person who is partly responsible for her foolishness. She slowly raised her face and saw Eren not even two meters from her. Oh, her apologies, Eren and his six-pack abs, tanned and freshly brilliant from the water.
He was everything and nothing at the same time. He felt everything: smells, touch, the sound of birds singing above the trees, the echo of water from the river flowing toward an unknown destination, just like him. Overwhelmed by the life around him, by the smallest things that didn't matter, like the reflection of the sky on a puddle of water, by the glint of the sunshine passing through his fingers, by the smell of the earth after the rain.
But as soon as he closed his eyes, as silence enshrouded his mind, he would fall...fall...fall. Into the void that was his own existence, sinking tearingly into the abyss, where his memory reminded him that he was nothing, that he was everything. A beating heart that wasn't his own, a mind that dreamed and desired that did not belong to him, mutilated arms to reach a destination whose purpose he did not know, tears to cry for a past he cannot remember, and for a unreality future in sheer agony. Love, beauty, joy, fear, betrayal, he understood what these unique feelings were the moment his eyes opened for the first time, just as he grasped at the same time that it was not him, that there was no him.
He was more it than him.
He wanted warmth, he longed to feel the embrace of a body against him, gently reassuring him that he was safe, wanting affection, compassion, and empathy from a human, just one person, to know what it felt like to be seen in the eyes of another, to walk side by side with goodness and find this him that he couldn't find himself. He cried every night, desperately calling for help in the silence of his wailing, since his voice only resulted in screams and shouts of terror from passersby, and blood, blood all the time, and so much pain, the doors of death always cruelly closing just before deliverance to him. But, there was a darker part of him that thirsted for destruction too, wanting to scream out his suffering so that others could understand, feel even a fraction of the perpetual torture that served as his body and soul, giving way to the beast and the monster that he is, embracing his fate, giving up the fight for a path of peace and acceptance, letting himself go for his rage and enactment of the devil on earth.
He was exhausted from breathing, an abominable reminder that he was alive, and those, for eternity. An eternity wondering why he had been created in this world if the world itself was horrified by him, what his purpose was if his hands were made for evil and slaughtering? Whereas the flowers or tiny animals he held on sweet afternoons near the fields, so delicate and weak in his hands, seemed so soft and fragile. A feeling he wanted, if he could, to call protecting.
Sleeping was nothing but a nightmare, living was nothing but torment, a perpetual cycle that would never end. So he walked. He walked and walked; he doesn't know how many days or how many nights he wandered, like a ghost, like a soulless shell, avoiding neighborhoods and big cities; he preferred forests, nature, and the company of birds...
...Until one day, at the top of a mountain, he saw in the distance an isolated cabin, which seemed at first forsaken, but laundry was hanging outside, an axe was stuck in the middle of a log, the windows were open, smoke was coming out of the roof of the cabin, and most importantly, he saw a young girl yonder. Her skirt and shirt were completely covered in dust and mud, she was holding pieces of wood in her arms as best she could, her long, dark ponytail swinging with every step she took, and the last thing he saw was the scarf around her neck, red, which seemed to dance around her face due to the strong wind coming from the hills, and she gently closed the door with her foot.
She seemed to live here alone. How was that possible? Wasn't she cold? Wasn't she afraid? Didn't she feel...lonely?
Like him.
He waited a long time at the top of the hill, dusk falling over the plain, the last red-orange rays of the sun falling ethereally on the cabin, and him, disappeared into the darkness, his long, tangled, and dirty dark-brown hair moving in the last breezes of the rising night, hiding his face until it stopped completely, highlighting his bright green eyes, filled with blood, illuminating the space.
Eren.
That was the name the creator had given him, the first thing he heard after his birth, or rebirth. A name that meant everything and nothing at the same time. A blessing and a curse. But at that moment, for just one little, inestimable second, he knew. That name was calling him to that cabin. To that girl. For the first time, it was meaningful.
So he slowly lifted his head and walked. He walked down the hill.
He was everything and nothing at the same time. He felt everything: smells, touch, the sound of birds singing above the trees, the echo of water from the river flowing toward an unknown destination, just like him. Overwhelmed by the life around him, by the smallest things that didn't matter, like the reflection of the sky on a puddle of water, by the glint of the sunshine passing through his fingers, by the smell of the earth after the rain.
But as soon as he closed his eyes, as silence enshrouded his mind, he would fall...fall...fall. Into the void that was his own existence, sinking tearingly into the abyss, where his memory reminded him that he was nothing, that he was everything. A beating heart that wasn't his own, a mind that dreamed and desired that did not belong to him, mutilated arms to reach a destination whose purpose he did not know, tears to cry for a past he cannot remember, and for a unreality future in sheer agony. Love, beauty, joy, fear, betrayal, he understood what these unique feelings were the moment his eyes opened for the first time, just as he grasped at the same time that it was not him, that there was no him.
He was more it than him.
He wanted warmth, he longed to feel the embrace of a body against him, gently reassuring him that he was safe, wanting affection, compassion, and empathy from a human, just one person, to know what it felt like to be seen in the eyes of another, to walk side by side with goodness and find this him that he couldn't find himself. He cried every night, desperately calling for help in the silence of his wailing, since his voice only resulted in screams and shouts of terror from passersby, and blood, blood all the time, and so much pain, the doors of death always cruelly closing just before deliverance to him. But, there was a darker part of him that thirsted for destruction too, wanting to scream out his suffering so that others could understand, feel even a fraction of the perpetual torture that served as his body and soul, giving way to the beast and the monster that he is, embracing his fate, giving up the fight for a path of peace and acceptance, letting himself go for his rage and enactment of the devil on earth.
He was exhausted from breathing, an abominable reminder that he was alive, and those, for eternity. An eternity wondering why he had been created in this world if the world itself was horrified by him, what his purpose was if his hands were made for evil and slaughtering? Whereas the flowers or tiny animals he held on sweet afternoons near the fields, so delicate and weak in his hands, seemed so soft and fragile. A feeling he wanted, if he could, to call protecting.
Sleeping was nothing but a nightmare, living was nothing but torment, a perpetual cycle that would never end. So he walked. He walked and walked; he doesn't know how many days or how many nights he wandered, like a ghost, like a soulless shell, avoiding neighborhoods and big cities; he preferred forests, nature, and the company of birds...
...Until one day, at the top of a mountain, he saw in the distance an isolated cabin, which seemed at first forsaken, but laundry was hanging outside, an axe was stuck in the middle of a log, the windows were open, smoke was coming out of the roof of the cabin, and most importantly, he saw a young girl yonder. Her skirt and shirt were completely covered in dust and mud, she was holding pieces of wood in her arms as best she could, her long, dark ponytail swinging with every step she took, and the last thing he saw was the scarf around her neck, red, which seemed to dance around her face due to the strong wind coming from the hills, and she gently closed the door with her foot.
She seemed to live here alone. How was that possible? Wasn't she cold? Wasn't she afraid? Didn't she feel...lonely?
Like him.
He waited a long time at the top of the hill, dusk falling over the plain, the last red-orange rays of the sun falling ethereally on the cabin, and him, disappeared into the darkness, his long, tangled, and dirty dark-brown hair moving in the last breezes of the rising night, hiding his face until it stopped completely, highlighting his bright green eyes, filled with blood, illuminating the space.
Eren.
That was the name the creator had given him, the first thing he heard after his birth, or rebirth. A name that meant everything and nothing at the same time. A blessing and a curse. But at that moment, for just one little, inestimable second, he knew. That name was calling him to that cabin. To that girl. For the first time, it was meaningful.
So he slowly lifted his head and walked. He walked down the hill.
If I want to convey a general message in my fic, it's to express, to depict a love where you won't make the person essentially "better" but to meet for the very first time "our self" thanks to the other. It's to realize that the individual that you are, when you are with the person you loves, is the most complete, intrinsic version of yourself, the most beautiful human, a you that you have never discovered before or longingly seek for, but that was there, waiting for the right person to bring it out as naturally, and as bewitchingly as possible.
It's not being better, because you will be yourself. With your ugly, sensitive, flawed parts of you, but it will be you. And you can show her this because she will too. A proof of love in unconditional confidence and spontaneity, where your conscience won't this time conform to the standards and values of others for the sake of identification, but where you will be able just to be yourself. Just being you thanks to their existence.
Where your "you" takes its most revealing and fundamental meaning by their side, because feeling like yourself, seen and found, is too meet your other half and completing each other so that you feel fully alive.
this is long overdue for @reinantoinette, one of the tpp girlies i love the absolute most 🤍 happy new year, my love. i hope this year brings us even more moments, laughs, late talks, books, and many things done side by side. i am so grateful for you, always, and i truly hope you like this, it comes with all my love ✨(and once again, i am so sorry it took me this long to finally write this 😢)
Winter came at dawn, and Lucerys came with it.
The snow began before sunrise, falling in slow, patient flakes that drifted rather than fell, as if the sky itself took care not to disturb the world below. By the time the eastern bells rang, the roofs of Shiganshina lay white and hushed, courtyards softened beneath a clean, unbroken cover. Stone edges blurred. Footprints vanished almost as soon as they were made. This was not the fleeting dust of autumn nor the teasing chill that came and went. This was the first true breath of winter, settled and certain of itself, a snow that promised to stay.
In the rookery, a white crow arrived.
Its wings beat once, twice, scattering frost from the parapet before it settled, bearing word to the realm that winter had come at last. Those who glimpsed it crossing the pale morning sky would speak of the timing for years to come. Of how the bird rose just as the bells below began to ring for a birth. Men would call it an omen. Women would name it a blessing. The old would only nod, as though something long awaited had finally stepped into its proper place.
Ares stood at the window of the Lord’s Solar and watched the snow gather along the stone ledge, unmoving. He had not slept. Few within the city of stone had. The longest night had stretched itself thin and finally broken under the strain of Princess Mikasa’s labour.
Now it was over.
The fire behind him burnt low, its warmth steady but subdued, as though it too were waiting. Ares rested his hand against the cold stone of the window frame and felt the contrast keenly. Outside, winter claimed the world in white silence. Inside, life had answered.
He had heard it just before dawn: the first cry, sharp and sudden, cutting clean through the tension that had bound the halls all night. Not long after, his father had been summoned and gone at once, leaving the solar with a final, unreadable look and a hand briefly resting on Ares’s shoulder.
That had been hours ago. Since then, Ares had done nothing but wait.
“A boy,” a servant had whispered in the corridor.
“A strong one,” another had answered.
At the news, Ares felt neither anger nor disappointment, neither the sharp pang of displacement nor the fear of being set aside. Instead, anticipation stirred beneath his calm. A brother. He had a brother now. The thought kindled a warmth no hearth could rival. After long years as the only son, there was now a small life bound to his own, a fragile thing that would grow alongside him A boy to shield, to guide, to stand before if the world ever turned cruel. The realisation set his chest aching with it. The want of a sibling was something he had carried inside him, never spoken aloud, as private and persistent as breath. And now it had come to him, unasked and undeniable.
A little brother.
At last, footsteps sounded in the corridor.
Finally, footsteps approached.
Ares turned as the door opened and Lord Eren stepped inside. Fatigue lined his father’s face, unmistakable and deep, yet beneath it something gentler shone through, something Ares had never quite seen there before. Relief, perhaps. Or awe.
“You may come now,” his father said.
Ares did not trust his voice to follow, so he only nodded.
They walked together through the waking keep. Fires were being fed along the walls, embers coaxed back to life. Servants moved with purpose now, no longer whispering. Smiles slipped free where worry had lived only hours before. The keep exhaled.
“A boy?” Ares asked quietly, unable to keep it in.
Eren glanced at him. “A son,” he confirmed. “Loud enough to announce himself to the stones.”
Ares smiled, wide and unguarded. “Good.”
Eren huffed softly. “I thought you might say that.”
“And Mikasa?” Ares pressed.
“Tired,” his father said, then added, “But content. She has asked for you.”
That startled him. “She did?”
“She said the babe ought to learn your voice early.” The lord smiled. “And I am certain she is eager for you both to meet.”
Ares found no words to reply. Too many feelings rose at once. Pride. Relief. Something perilously close to gratitude. They gathered in his chest like a sudden tide, leaving him silent before them all. He could only smile back.
The birthing chamber lay deep within the princess’s apartments, where the walls were thickest and the cold could not intrude. Warmth wrapped around Ares the moment he stepped inside. The scent of clean linen, beeswax, and woodsmoke filled the air. Candles burnt low, their light pooling softly against grey stone.
Princess Mikasa lay propped against pillows, wrapped in furs, her dark hair braided back from her face. She looked exhausted, yes, but there was a calm to her that anchored the room.
When she saw Ares, her lips curved into a tired smile.
“So,” she said softly, “you survived the waiting.”
“Barely,” Ares replied, bowing his head. “I would not recommend it.”
She laughed, then winced, and Eren stiffened at once. Mikasa waved his concern away and beckoned Ares closer. “Come,” she said. “You may meet Lucerys.”
Lucerys.
The babe slept in her arms, swaddled thickly against the cold world he had entered. His face was flushed, his mouth slack with sleep, and one tiny hand curled against his chest.
Ares stopped short, breath catching.
“He is… small,” he said.
“For now,” Mikasa answered. “He seems determined to grow.”
“He arrived with the snow,” Ares murmured, reverent.
“Yes,” she said. “As though winter wished to greet him properly.”
Eren stepped closer, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Or guard him.”
Mikasa looked to Ares. “Would you like to hold him?”
The question struck deeper than he expected. “I would,” he said at once, then more carefully, “If you trust me.”
“I would not have asked otherwise.”
She guided him to sit, her movements precise despite her weariness. “Support his head. Yes, like that.”
Lucerys was warmer than Ares had imagined, heavier too, solid in a way that surprised him. The weight of him settled into Ares’s arms as though it belonged there.
“Well met, little brother,” Ares whispered.
Lucerys stirred, fingers curling weakly into the fabric of Ares’s sleeve.
“He holds fast,” Eren observed.
“He knows his brother,” Mikasa said.
Ares laughed softly. “I waited all night for you,” he told the child. “I would do it again.”
Lucerys slept on, untroubled.
Outside, the snow continued to fall. Winter closed its hand around the Seven Kingdoms. Within the chamber, by fire and candlelight, Ares held his brother for the first time and swore in silence that though the child had come with winter, the cold would never be allowed to reach him.
