Exaltation (Another Venomous Installment)
Summary: You’re dealing with the weight of your past actions and making new discoveries along the way. Elias finds a way to distract you from your feelings 😏.
Warnings: Smut, Mostly proof read
Venomous, Remnant, previous part, next part
You didn't know how to fix this. You didn't know what to do. Your world was caving in. One secret exposed after another. One insecurity revealed after another. If you could, you'd kill that motherfucker yourself. This was all his fault. The Fan.
You drove home. You didn't care what speed you were going. It definitely wasn't legal. The cops on the Quantico streets could pull you over and they'd see a sad, helpless FBI agent on the verge of a psychotic break. Maybe they'd lock you up somewhere too. Somewhere away from whatever is going on around you. One can only hope.
You somehow made it to your apartment complex. Tears and mascara stained to your face. As you dragged your feet up the sidewalk, you noticed a man. His hair was gray, he was wearing a suit. Out of place for the hour of night it was. He smiled at you. "Rough night?" he asked. "Yeah. I'll say" you huffed. "Do you want to talk about it?". "Not with a stranger" you glared. "I wouldn't say I'm a stranger" he replied, grazing your elbow. You snatched your arm away from him. "Thanks man, but right now is not the time for pleasantries" you said, as you walked away from him. You turned back and gave him a weird look. He waved at you and smiled, sending a chill down your spine.
You stumbled into the front door. You hadn't notice until now just how much of a mess it had become. The side effects of poor mental heath and a chaotic life. As you sat in your bed, all you could do was think. You thought about all of your mistakes. You thought about Elias. You stared at the blue Polaroid camera on your dresser. "I hope they don't find those" you say out loud to yourself. "FUCK" you exclaim, as you forcefully lay down on your bed.
In the past, in times like this, you'd just text or call Elias's burner phone when he was in the hospital. Right now you can't do that, he doesn't have- you stopped your own train of thought. "OH MY GOD" you yelled like you had a eureka moment. "That video. Brian's wife. He has one" you were talking to yourself. You knew you had to go see him tomorrow to ask about it.
Then, your phone rang. It wasn't Elias, though. It was your best friend. "What are you doing calling me right now? Don't you have work tomorrow? Why are you up?" you asked. "I've had an uneasy feeling all night. I could ask you the same" she said. You were silent. The weight of everything finally started to settle. "(Y/N)? Is everything okay?" she asked after not hearing a response from you. Finally, something broke through the silence. Sniffles. Sniffles that turned into hiccups of tears. "Oh no, (Y/N). What's wrong?". "Penelope called me to come and meet with the BAU because Emily's annoying neighbor had some information on Elias" you took a deep breath. "When I got there everything was…okay. Brian played a video Elias gave to him on an SD card and when it was over, he brought up something about Elias's trial" you started to hyperventilate again. "Okay deep breaths" your best friend coached you. "What did he say?".
"He said that there was an agent who testified on Elias's behalf, but in the documents, their name was redacted" you continued. "This was a shock to the team. They didn't know anyone testified for him. So Rossi asked everyone on the team if they were the one who had done it" you said. "Well who did it?" she asked. "Who do you think?" you started sobbing in your hands. "Now Rossi is mad at me, and the whole team looks at me like I'm a freak". "Wow" is all she said. "I'm losing my mind" you whispered. "I have to figure out how to make this right". "It's too late for you to be brainstorming right now. Get some sleep and then think about it" she said. "Yeah you're right" you agreed.
"I'm actually off tomorrow, do you want to do something? Take your mind off of recent events maybe?" she asked. "Sure. I have to check on something for work later in the afternoon, but I'm free whenever you want to hangout" you said. "Great see you then!". "Wait!" you stopped her. "What?" she sounded startled. "What did you mean earlier when you said you had an uneasy feeling?" you asked. "Oh. When I was walking home from work, I thought there was a man following me. I couldn't make out anything distinct about him, and I eventually lost him, but I haven't been able to get comfortable. I thought calling you might have made me feel safer" she said. "Even though I cried the whole time, did I?" you laughed. "Yeah. You always do". That made you smile. It made you feel less like a bad person. "Good".
You and your best friend took the train into DC, wanting to have a girl's day in the city. She wanted to do some shopping. You really just wanted to sit in your bed and cry, but she wasn't going to let that happen. She found the perfect skirt for something you were both going to. You were previously excited for it, but your brain couldn't focus on choosing an outfit at this very moment. However, you needed new mascara, so you did buy some more while you were out.
The two of you decided to grab lunch and eat it in the park area outside of Union Station before heading back home. You sat on a bench together, admiring the birds and foliage. "It's really beautiful here when the weirdos aren't out" your best friend said, causing you to laugh. "Yeah. You're right" you leaned back as you placed your arm on the arm rest. "Except the mosquitoes are a bitch in the spring and summer". "And the fall" she added. "Ma'am watch out!" you heard a man say.
You snapped your head to the left to see the same man from the night before pointing in the direction of your arm. "There's a spider" he said. At the speed of light, you moved your arm away from it. Your memory flashed back to that day when you watched Sicarius spiders and blood pile out of a hostage's mouth. You started to breathe heavy. Your friend knew exactly what was going on. "Is everything okay?" the still unnamed man asked. "She'll be fine, thanks" she said. You turned your head towards him and once again gave him a weird look. He walked off, but not before he smiled and waved. "Who was that guy?" she asked. "I don't know. But I saw him outside of my apartment last night too. Weird coincidence" you said. "Yeah. Lets go home".
As soon as you made it back home, you drove to the prison. You had to talk to Elias. When You got there, the guards seemed to be more strict with you. They lead you to the library, not his cell. You sat down and waited for him. He walked through the door with an annoyed look on his face, until he saw you. "Hi" he said, smiling. "Hi" your somber expression stayed the same. "What's wrong?" he asked. "I feel like I'm being punished" you said, looking around the room. He smirked. "Not like that" you rolled your eyes. "For what?". "The team found out about me testifying for you" you looked at your hands. "Now Rossi is mad at me and everyone else is awkward around me, and I guess I'm being punished because they brought me in here" you pouted. "I'm sorry" he frowned. "If it makes you feel any better this is me being punished" he said, moving his fingers in a circle around the room. "I'm only allowed a certain select visitors". "I'm surprised I'm on that list" you said. "Yeah. Me too" he agreed. "Maybe they haven't thought about that yet" you said. "I have to mostly talk to my victims families though" he scoffed.
You looked around the room. "What?" he asked. You leaned forward. "I know about the burner phone" you whispered. "We all do". "I guess it's a little obvious now" he gulped. "Why haven't you contacted me? Why just Brian's ex?" you asked. He looked confused, which made you confused. "I did" he said. "When?". "A couple days ago" he said. "What'd you say?" you furrowed your brows. "I said 'Everything will figure itself out with time' among other things" he answered. "That was you? Oh thank god" you sighed with relief. "I thought that was The Fan and he was somehow listening to us". "No" he laughed at you. "Hopefully The Fan will leave you alone after my message".
A silence fell over the two of you. However, you didn't like silence, so you had to fill it. "I don't know how I'm going to fix this with the team" you wanted to cry again. "This is all so emotionally draining. And on top of that I had this PTSD incident in DC". "What happened?" he asked. "I was in the park having lunch with my best friend before our train arrived, and this guy, who I saw the day before weirdly enough, yelled for me to watch out because a spider was about to crawl on me" you chewed on your lip. "I started to breathe really heavy and tear up. I had a flashback to that day. In that moment, I wish I could've talked to you to help me through it".
He grabbed your hand. "No touching" one of the officers said. Elias rolled his eyes. "You can now" he whispered. "The burner phone?" you mouthed. He nodded his head. You smirked. "I have to meet with a family member of a victim soon, but call me later tonight, okay?" he winked. "Ok" you said. He grabbed your hand. "What did I say?" the same officer said. Elias didn't move his hand away.
You got up and blew him a kiss before exiting the room. "Voit you're popular today" the guard at the door said. The smile from your face dropped when you noticed the man waiting by the door. It was the same man from Union Station. The same man from outside of your apartment. "Twice in one day. What a pleasure" he smiled. Your heart fell to your stomach. You nearly ran out of the building.
The next day you had a therapy appointment. She suggested you go back to the coffee shop where those two women were whispering about you as a form of exposure therapy. You walked in and ordered your usual that you'd get before you stopped going. You sat down in a booth in the corner and scrolled on your phone. The anxiety was becoming a little bit too much for you. You tried to stay there as long as you could, but it wasn't as long as you wanted. After around five minutes, you jumped up and rushed out. You were so disappointed in yourself.
You pushed through the door, nearly running into a tall man. "Oh sorry" you apologized, without looking at him. "It's fine, Ms. (L/N)" the man said. You slowly looked up. It was the man you've seen everyday, all week. "It's Agent (L/N)" you corrected him. You normally don't care, but he was making you uncomfortable so you felt the need to remind him you were an FBI agent. "How do you know my last name?" you asked. "Sicarius" he said. You gulped. "The podcast? Everyone knows you at this point". "Right" your breath shook. "I have to go" you said, turning around. You didn't wait for a response.
As you quickly walked away from the man, you thought about texting Elias's burner phone, but you were scared. What if it was The Fan tricking you? What if the BAU finds out and they become even more mad at you? Just then, as if he read your mind, Elias texted you.
You made it to the prison and as you were walking into the library, the man was walking out. You didn't know why, but something about him made you feel sick. Elias noticed. "What's wrong?" he asked. You ignored the question. "Who's that guy?" you asked instead. "A family member of one of my victims" he answered. "Hm" is all you said. Still staring in the direction of the door, the man long gone.
You sat down in front of him and clasped your fingers together. You put on as genuine of a smile as you could. "What's up?" you asked. "Why haven't I heard from you?" he didn't answer. You sighed. "I've been a little on edge and too scared to…ya know… in case maybe The Fan intercepts it or the BAU finds out. I'm a little paranoid nowadays" you frowned. "It's okay. I'd be too" he said. "Maybe I can use a code phrase to let you know it's me". "Like what?" you asked. "What if I call you My Girl when we talk? I know how that makes you blush. It's happening right now" he suggested. "Sure" you agreed, nodding your head.
"Why did you look so upset when you walked through the door? You seemed uncomfortable" he asked. You didn't want to tell him about the man yet. It was kind of mandatory at this point he talk to him. There was nothing either of you could do about him so you just decided to leave it be for now. "I had therapy this morning and my therapist told me I should try to go back to that cafe where those girls were whispering about me" you said. "Well did you?". "Yeah" you continued. "I sat down for MAYBE five minutes, but the anxiety of it became too much, and I had to leave". You sighed, "It used to be one of my favorite spots, now I can't even stay five minutes in it. I'm so pathetic".
Pathetic. You didn't even realize your choice of wording. "Pathetic?" Elias questioned. 'You're not pathetic" he said. "Don't let anything like that get into your head". Tears formed in your eyes. You nodded your head, trying to convince yourself. "How is talking to victim's families?" you asked, changing the subject. "Boring as ever" he lied. You were too distracted by your own emotions to realize. "It's actually just one guy so far. Joshua Ryan". "Joshua Ryan" you repeated, taking note. "I killed his cousin. He came on behalf of her dad. He's a little…socially awkward" Elias added. "Hm" is all you said.
"Anything new about that weird guy you saw?" he asked. That caught you off guard. "oh…uh, no" you lied. "I still feel like I'm seeing him everywhere though" you shivered. "I know the feeling" Elias said. He was talking about Rossi. You didn't know about the visions. You know you should, but you didn't ask. You've decided against a lot of things you should do recently. You looked at your lap and sighed. "I wish we weren't in this stupid library" you whispered. "I know" he agreed. You noticed the time and realized visiting hours were soon up. "It's my time to leave" you frowned, pointing at the clock. He looked at it and frowned in response. "Promise me you'll call?" he whispered. "How does 9 sound?" you asked. He nodded, "That's my girl". You blushed and left the room.
When you got to your car, Joshua Ryan was standing there. You jumped at the sight. "Ms. (L/N)" he exclaimed with a smile. "Agent (L/N)" you corrected, again. "What the fuck are you doing at my car?". "Feisty. Elias must like that in his women" he chuckled. You rolled your eyes. "Look Joshua I don't want to talk to you" you snapped. "How do you know my name?" he asked. "Two can play at that game" you crossed your arms. You tried to push past him, but he wouldn't let you. "I just have a question for you". "You already asked me one" you said, still trying to move past him. "Why did he decide to have positive feelings for you?" he asked. "A lot of people ask me that question. It's not an answer for me to have" you said. "I answered your question, can I go?" you asked.
"You two still have something going on" he said, causing you to stop moving. "I don't know what you're talking about". "I can see it in your eyes. Your body language. His too" he said, stepping closer to you. You stepped back. "I can tell you two are still in love. I can tell you want the perfect life. A family. For him to be free and all of this to be over" he said. You swallowed hard and started to sweat. "Well let me tell you something Agent (L/N), I don't think that's going to happen" he said, bending down to meet your gaze. "Have you even met his kids? What do you think they think about some FBI agent sneaking off to see their murderer dad?" he whispered. "THAT'S ENOUGH" you yelled. You heard your words echo off of your surroundings. It caught him off guard. Enough for you to make a break for your car. You jumped in and didn’t look back.
You were shaken up by the interaction, but didn't want to alarm Elias when you called him. 9PM came around and you paced your room. You finally clicked call on the number, still paranoid of what may be on the other end. "Hello?" you heard what sounded like Elias's voice say. "H-hi" you stuttered. "(Y/N)? How's my girl doing?" he asked. You sighed with relief at the code phrase. "I'm fine. Better now that I'm talking to you" you said, laying in your bed. "I've missed you so much". "I've missed you too" he said. "No. Like really missed you" you emphasized. He went quiet. "It sucks being stuck in that library every time I want to see you" you pouted. "I can't say what I really want to say. I can't do what I really want to do". "What is it that you want to do?" he asked. "You".
You heard him groan. A smirk formed on your face. "I miss when you could touch me without the guards yelling at you" you said. "Me too" he agreed. "Where would you touch me?" you asked, feigning shyness. "First, I'd touch that beautiful face of yours" he said. "Yeah?". "Then I"d touch those pretty tits you have" he continued. You followed his words with your free hand. "Then I'd finally stop my hand and perfect pussy" he said, causing you to moan. "Are you doing the same right now?" he asked. "Mhm" you nodded, even if he couldn't see. "Good. I want you to touch yourself like I would if I were there". "I wish you were" you whined. "Me too" he agreed.
You finished with a whimper into the phone, something Elias thought was so beautiful. "I never thought I'd be capable of love like this, until I met you. I'm so sorry for putting you through all of this, but I love you" he said. "I love you too. We will eventually catch this guy and it'll be all over" you replied. "Yeah".
Elias knew how to help catch this guy, but he was keeping it from you and the team. Little did he know he might regret that sooner than later.
Joshua was seated across from him with a folder. "It feels as if my whole life has been building up to this" he said with an excited smile on his face. He opened up the folder and pulled out two pictures. One, was a picture of Elias's daughters. They were in front of a couple trees, smiling together. The other, was a picture of you. You were looking over your shoulder and laughing. In any other context, both of the photos would bring him joy, but right now he only felt fear.
"Where'd you get those?" Elias asked. Joshua ignored the question. "Wouldn't it be just lovely if all three of your girls finally met?" he smirked. "Don't fucking touch them" Elias snapped. "Or what?" Joshua asked. Elias was silent. He was panicking.
He went back to his cell and tried contacting you on his burner phone.
Ring Ring Ring *Voicemail*
Ring Ring *Voicemail* "FUCK!"
a/n: i tried my best i hope this was good lol. we’re so close to the ending of the season im scared
